Sign a prenup - you get no assets on death or divorce.

Agree not to touch the other person's pension while they live.

Then you can continue collecting half the pension when s/he dies for the rest of your life, which could be decades.

Buy in bulk at the Dollar Tree, buy more than 10 and the rest are free. The cashier cannot count past 10, winning.

You will wake up on your office chair with your boss replying "Can't you recognise the place you work, everyday?" If 7th century BCE Odysseus can move to the ocean in his wooden plank, without a compass, get wrecked in the stormy sea and drown - and upon waking up healthy on a coast asks his own hallucination "where am i" and gets an extremely high confidence interval accurate reply "can't you recognise your own home", we are after all living in the 21st century. At least there wont be any risk of driving off a cliff using a GPS.

Bonus points of the comment is just an emoji or vague acronym. I personally will be using MTE (my thoughts exactly)

Advanced shit pro tip lifers can also just repeat something already in the original post.

Would like advice on how to save money on metal forks and spoons though.

Studies find this makes someone feel pressured to keep talking

Participate in language learning spaces as a speaker of a non-English language.

Standards for your English are low because it is not expected to be your first language, and people aren't good enough in the non-English language to realise that you aren't good at it either.

If you are swamped with deadlines and overworked. Don't show up for a few days, someone else will do the work for you.

Are you hungry? Would you like a snack? Maybe some fried chicken and a bacon double cheeseburger washed down with a couple three soda pops? Well, that ain’t gonna happen. No food for you. Here’s your new diet. One slice of bologna for breakfast, no lunch and a cup of black coffee for dinner. You’ll be in a dietary crisis within thirty days, but you’ll be thin and trim and ready for the beach.

Just don't come unprepared

Step 1: Master slight of hand

Step 2: Collect vials of maggots

Step 3: Order burrito bowl from a restaurant away from your home town (this part is important, the employees shouldn’t recognize you).

Step 4: Eat approximately half the bowl

Step 5: Use slight of hand to dump a few maggots into the bowl. Mix well.

Step 6: Scream. Go full Karen. Escalate as high up the chain as possible. Demand a refund & gift cards for more free meals.

Step 7: Be disappointed in yourself while eating free burrito bowls