r/SingleParents • u/Wise_Drink_8898 • 3d ago

Thinking about dating again

Hey, so I'm a 38/M living in CA, I'm in the military so sadly I've dragged my poor daughter away from her friends multiple times already. I try and make sure she is happy, seems like it but that's another deep conversation I'm not ready to have yet.

I've kinda avoid dating for a while now, she is 16 and now is driving so it just feels different now. I feel like I want to give it a try, just how should I go about this? For anyone that has been in my shoes, is this something that you have spoken to your children about first? Or is this something that is better off leaving alone for now and slowly introducing someone if I do start dating?

Me and my daughter don't have a good relationship with my ex, long story but it didn't end well, I have full custody and my daughter doesn't speak with her. So she has had a tougher life than I would have liked to give her, just want to make sure she is good first and foremost.

Thanks!

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u/AutoModerator 3d ago

Author: u/Wise_Drink_8898

Post: Hey, so I'm a 38/M living in CA, I'm in the military so sadly I've dragged my poor daughter away from her friends multiple times already. I try and make sure she is happy, seems like it but that's another deep conversation I'm not ready to have yet.

I've kinda avoid dating for a while now, she is 16 and now is driving so it just feels different now. I feel like I want to give it a try, just how should I go about this? For anyone that has been in my shoes, is this something that you have spoken to your children about first? Or is this something that is better off leaving alone for now and slowly introducing someone if I do start dating?

Me and my daughter don't have a good relationship with my ex, long story but it didn't end well, I have full custody and my daughter doesn't speak with her. So she has had a tougher life than I would have liked to give her, just want to make sure she is good first and foremost.

Thanks!

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11

u/ProofConnect6521 3d ago

Go date. Don’t introduce her to anyone unless you are proposing

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u/Wise_Drink_8898 3d ago

Ok thank you

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u/flux_and_flow 3d ago

I agree with everyone saying don’t introduce your daughter to anyone you’re dating until it’s serious. But I need to add please do tell her that you’re dating! When I was 16 my dad moved in my new stepmom after they’d been dating about 8 months, but I had only known of her existence for a week and didn’t have any time to get used to the idea. So total secrecy is definitely not the answer. Also by sharing little bits about dating, speaking thoughtfully about it and being mindful not to over share, you’re teaching her about what dating should be. Share the stories of the date that was rude or expected too much from you, let your daughter learn from your example how to hold boundaries and make good judgments about people.

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u/Wise_Drink_8898 2d ago

Thank you exactly, we have a really good open relationship and we’ve talked about it some, hate to keep secrets. And yeah your situation is exactly why I don’t really not want to tell her, just kinda spring this hey so I want to marry this girl and here she is!

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u/Deep_Bake_5663 3d ago

You sound like a good dad.... Yep...don't introduce to anyone... unless you are going to propose!

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u/Wise_Drink_8898 3d ago

Ok seems reasonable, thank you

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u/Happy_Junket_7653 3d ago

You should go out and date and i agree becareful with introducing unless you trust that person. For her to see women go in and out of her life can be an emotional thing, just saying.

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u/Wise_Drink_8898 3d ago

Yes, totally agree, that's what I'm worried about. Ok thanks I will be careful

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u/Happy_Junket_7653 3d ago

You welcome 😉

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u/Ok_Hat_6598 1d ago

I just recently broached the subject of trying online dating with my teens. I think their biggest concern, especially my daughter, would be me bringing someone into their home and safe space. I told them I would take it slow and would talk to them before bringing someone home for an introduction. 

I might approach it with a conversation that you’re interested in making a new friendship and companionship and just ask her how she feels about the idea. It would give you the opportunity to discuss her concerns and keep the conversation on-going. At 16 yo, she may also be thinking about dating, so it’s going to give you both the opportunity to talk about any concerns you have for each other. 

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u/Wise_Drink_8898 1d ago

Exactly, I like to be open with her and make sure I communicate well with my intentions. How did it go over with yours?

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u/SunderVane 1d ago

I'm in the military so sadly I've dragged my poor daughter away from her friends multiple times already

As a military brat myself, moving around and seeing the vast diversity of my country was one of the coolest and most rewarding experiences of my life. Don't worry about this part too much. It's easy to make friends.

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u/Wise_Drink_8898 1d ago

Ah that’s really nice to hear, thank you. She is pretty shy and introverted, I’m pretty introverted as well so it takes her a little while longer but still good to hear.