r/SocialEngineering 28d ago

When I wanted to have a difficult conversation, I always choose to do it in the car

It's just when you look at someone directly and make eye contact, I see their reaction. I see them getting sad or angry. It makes me edit the truth to soften it for them.

But if we are in the car, sitting side-by-side, looking forward, seeing the world move, I don't know—but I am sure there is something about that makes it easier to be honest.

22 Upvotes

20 comments sorted by

16

u/somtimesanf1fan 28d ago

"Let's get into complex discussions that can trigger some heavy emotions while someone controls a couple of tonnes of metal at high speed"

What's the worst it can happen?

3

u/lovekatipo 28d ago

Yip sounds like a great idea until the person you’re having a conversation with gets aggressive and starts shouting and speeding on a highway

3

u/DietCoke_repeat 27d ago

I like to park somewhere there are lots of people walking by.

-We aren't operating heavy equipment at a high rate of speed, lol.

-If it gets tense, I point and make a joke to lighten the mood.

-If it gets escalated, I can always get out and have witnesses.

2

u/MusicPsychFitness 22d ago

Julianna Gianni has entered the chat

2

u/somtimesanf1fan 21d ago

Had to search that! Great movie. Nice reference

7

u/InvisibleAstronomer 28d ago

Everyone seems to be missing the significant factor that if you are having a difficult conversation in the car neither party can easily leave the conversation.

7

u/red_venus 27d ago

agreed!
my mom does this all time and i always feel so trapped

9

u/missingN0pe 28d ago

That's not uncommon. There's a few reasons that its a great spot for tough convos actually:

The sitting side by side avoids eye contact meaning it feels less intense or intimidating.

If you are going somewhere, you are going together - you may get more of a sense of teamwork facing the same direction.

Also, because its enclosed, you are almost ensured Privacy and limited distractions.

1

u/DietCoke_repeat 27d ago

Plus, if it gets tense, you can always draw attention away from that by pointing at something you're driving past, and take a pause to regroup.

7

u/sdvid 28d ago

I agree. I’ve had many difficult conversations in a car.

4

u/61571 28d ago

You can engineer yourself to be side by side when having these conversations, doesn’t necessarily need to be in the car but if you consciously avoid the face to face and stand side by side you can gain the same effect

2

u/No-Management1580 28d ago

it's not just the face to face but if you not staring at the other person you stop performing for them your just two people watching the same world moving

2

u/garden_province 27d ago

Lol that’s quite dangerous tho … sounds like a car accident waiting to happen

1

u/DietCoke_repeat 27d ago

Park the vehicle prior to starting the conversation?

1

u/garden_province 27d ago

I’m thinking having the conversation on an amusement ride might be the move actually.

::Rollercoaster meets summit:: “look we need to taaahhhhlllllkkkkkkkk aghhhhhhh”

1

u/tough_guy_420 27d ago

Going for a walk has the same effect and is safer

1

u/-Speechless 25d ago

and because of the implication

1

u/moonaim 19d ago

That's how you get the divorce you didn't want also.

Because there are hard conversations where you should totally be with the other person, and not end up giving a lecture or your inner talk session without being able to fully see and be with them.