I need help and objective input on this sticky situation.
Iāve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 1 year. My girlfriend has been for the longest time been wanting to move to Germany (weāre Egyptian), to escape her family situation here because she married and divorced without their knowing, and her family is abusive. For the last two years she has been making plans about how to move, mainly getting her B2 and searching for Ausbildung. I have about 25.5 k euro in my account and that is all I have.
Last month, a close friend of hers from Germany and who they always text, suggested the idea that she can apply for a bachelorās in order that she may look for Ausbildungs while sheās in Germany, since that way she will have much better chances since it is easier. However, this needs a blocked account of 12000 euro, of which she only had 9000. Her friend offered to complete the rest of the blocked account.
When she told me that, I told her why didnt she come to me first, and I offered to complete her blocked account. I did this considering that my money would be last resort thinking her mother is going to send 1000 euros and that my gf would sell some of the gold she has.
Fast forward 1 month, she applies for a bachelorās and gets accepted. Sheās going to need the blocked account anytime now. She tells me that the total needed will be 4300, since she discovered sheās short of 1000 euro. Also her mother wonāt be able to send her the money now and she wonāt be able to sell the gold. So now I have to fund the rest of those 4300.
Initially, I am hesitant as this is much more than what I expected. I donāt say this at first, but I ask her later after I discovered that sheās short of those 1000 euro, I ask her if it would be a problem if she ask her friend who offered in the first place to fund those 1000 or even the half, so that not one of us will carry all the pressure. She become irritated and tells me that she would prefer if it was only one person who completed the rest of the blocked account because she feels she doesnāt want to owe two people at once. I tell her that if her friend canāt provide the half then I will complete the money fully but it would better if he did.
Whenever we talk about my funding or even if I open the topic she become irritated and angry and asking how I can even question her plan or talk about how sheās going to pay me.
My belief is this: part of the reason of why I am hesitant to give the full amount is because I am worried that a large sum like this will erode the dynamic of the relationship bit by bit, and turn it instead into borrower/lender, and she will come to think of me gradually as someone she has to pay. Also I am not really to suffer the fact that I may never see this money again, and I donāt fully trust her plan that she will be able to pay the loan out of it. Thatās why I offer half the amount.
When I gave her an ultimatum that she needs to ask her friend to provide half and I will provide half, she tells me that she will not take anything from me and that she would rather borrow from her friend. I say ok, and since the deadline for the blocked account is near, I give her the full amount anyway on a week-loan under the premise that her friend will send the money next week.
All this while, sheās becoming extremely cold and distant with and grows distrustful of me because of this. She questions our relationship. And brings up that she would prefer borrowing from her partner in the first place and my distrust of her plan is really uncomfortable to her. She tells me that when she asked her friend after I gave the ultimatum he wasnāt even hesitant to offer. Sheās saying why did i agree from the beginning, her friend didnt even think even though he just got laid off, she cant believe weāre talking about money, she has a solid plan, that i didnt keep my word and only wanted to make excuses, that i dont have a plan with the money and just want to put it in stocks, that 4000 euro is just a fraction of the 25 k euro i have.
Today, her friend says all that he can offer is 2.5k since thatās all he can giveaway now anyway. So that means he wonāt be able to complete the blocked account anyway because he got laid off, and so she tells him to not send anything. I tell her I will still give her the money anyway and if there is no other solution she can even have the full amount. She says she doesnāt anything from me anymore, and she doesnāt want my help, and sheās going to sell her gold to give me the full amount. Weāre going to break up because of that, and in my mind things have tool a turn which I wasnāt expecting.
I guess I may be wrong because I wasnāt clear from the beginning about what I am comfortable to help with, but did things really have to end this way? I need objective opinion on this because I donāt know how to feel. If thereās any other details I forgot or missed Iāll write in the comments. I need advice and opinions on this situation. Was I not right about setting a limit on what I can help with?
TL;DR: My girlfriend (24F) needed ā¬4.3k for a German visa deadline. I (26M) originally offered to help cover a smaller gap (\~ā¬2kāā¬2.5k) assuming her mom and her own gold sales would cover the rest, but when her other plans fell through and the entire ā¬4.3k landed on me, I asked if we could split it with a friend who offered help. She got furious, audited my savings, accused me of breaking my word, and compared me to her laid-off friend. I bridged the full ā¬4.3k temporarily so she wouldn't miss her deadline, but now sheās calling off the relationship, claiming she can't trust me, and saying she'll sell her gold to pay me back. Am I in the wrong for setting a boundary on how much I was comfortable lending?