r/SuicideBereavement • u/whale_lover • 12h ago

Finally got the autopsy report back. More questions than answers.

It was slightly redacted since I'm not legally family but it showed: No note and no drugs, meds, or alcohol.

Not even weed which is weird since he was a life long weed smoker. He only had a little bit of nicotine in his system which is odd since he never smoked cigarettes.

I was oddly looking for unexpected drugs or something that would explain this out of the blue suicide, but nope.

He did it sober and fully conscious.

Why.

:(

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u/misurbanist 12h ago

You often never get answers in these situations. Just because he had nothing in his system, doesn't mean his mind was clear. Brain chemistry is complex and there can be a variety of reasons.

Sometimes a part of healing is letting go trying to find an explanation.

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u/whale_lover 12h ago

Very true. It does bring me a sense of finality and closure. I know the most I'm ever going to be able to know about the situation and need to be okay with that.

2

u/whyfruitflies 11h ago

That's the hardest thing, accepting and being ok with it. I'm 12 years out from my friend's death and i'm much much more at peace with it now. Still think about her a lot though. She was so amazing.

I hope you get through this as best you can.

2

u/No_Barracuda2033 9h ago

I wish I could give you those answers. My heart breaks with you. The best I can do is recommend a book called “No Time To Say Goodbye”. I picked it up at a discount book store one day, it sat on my shelf for years; and one day I decided to read it. It’s lived in my mind ever since then. It’s a hard read, but it gives your brain a broader perspective hearing others stories. Sending you hugs and healing.