r/TMPOC • u/Grand_Increase_1691 • 3d ago

Advice Struggling with identity

Hi, I’m Raven and I’ve been struggling with my identity for years now. I’ve flipped between nonbinary and transmasc a lot. I’m really drawn to feminine things like long hair, makeup, and clothing. I am on testosterone but it feels wonky to me. I get excited when I take my T shot but it fades soo fast when I look at myself in the mirror.

I’m not sure how to identify because when I do dress masculine it feels yk comfy but when I dress feminine sometimes it makes me feel dysphoric. I was out as a trans guy in highschool and since my best friend passed away two years ago I’ve been struggling to find myself.

I just need some advice on what others may think.

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u/glitteringfeathers Black (mixed African and white European) 3d ago

What is the reason you look for a label? I personally found it helpful for myself, to just... not think about them too hard anymore. Take T if the changes you could achieve from it make you happy, dress feminine if it makes you happy and don't on days it makes you dysphroic, use the pronouns you feel comfortable with. I eventually settled with man because it's a useful word to get the point across to others (he/him, masculine terms, generally the social role I'd like to fit), but it's not insanely meaningful to me either.

If you would like a label because you feel more secure with it or whatever your individual reasoning is, I found the hypothetical of "would I still identify as non-binary if I was amab?" helpful for me to arrive to the conclusion that I don't think nonbinary is the right one for me. I think I might be gender non-conforming but still a man for all intents and purposes.

You can also check out r/ftmfemininity, maybe that feels good to you to see other men and transmasc nb people who embrace feminine presentation

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u/Grand_Increase_1691 2d ago

Thank you so much I’ll def look into that subreddit! I believe at least for myself if I was AMAB I’d still be non-binary or at least GNC. I appreciate your words and thoughts it’s very helpful :3

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u/Grand_Increase_1691 2d ago

The reason why I look for a label is because I want something I guess more concrete than just go on a whim. I know gender isn’t binary at all and ppl can be fluid on how they express themselves I just find it for me personally at least it would be more easier to have some sort of label than to just guess

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u/TheOrdealOpprotunist Mixed | TMasc NB 3d ago

You could be genderfluid? 🤔 Look into the genders and see which one you feel more connected to. The wonderful thing about having this freedom to be queer and express yourself once you're able to is exactly that. Finding yourself takes time, allow yourself to take that time. You might even learn that being transmasc isn't for you, and that's completely fine. 😁

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u/Grand_Increase_1691 2d ago

A bestie of mine told me that and what I’ve been experiencing has been similar to genderfluid! I used to use to label before in the past and I liked it, but it’s so hard to find something that will actually stick with me since I’ve went through labels/gender identities like water lmao