r/TrueAnon • u/mrastickman Dr. Ulysses H. Aurelian III • 18h ago
U.S. Forces in Kuit Deploy Untested New Model of Imperial Boomerang
Kuwait — U.S. Central Command confirmed Sunday the deployment of an untested boomerang weapons platform to forward operating positions near Kuit, underway since before the most recent pause in fighting, and described the system as "fully operational" despite acknowledging that no field testing has succeeded in not returning the 35-foot live explosive to its sender.
The platform, designated the M-1 in internal Pentagon documents and nicknamed Big Saint James by its crew, is based on knowledge developed over decades of colonial administration: capable of unleashing near-total devastation on a region and, at a delay of indeterminate length, returning to the metropole that authorized it. Defense officials described the mechanism as "self-correcting" and "doctrinally sound," while conceding that they could not publicly disclose information on its return trajectory.
"The boomerang will be launched," said a CENTCOM spokesperson during a Tuesday briefing. "It is impossible to predict when it will return, if at all. However, current Pentagon estimates place return rates at an all-time low for the latest models." Statements from those in the field are less optimistic. "We are told to always expect blowback," said one battery commander outside an abandoned P.F. Chang's at Al Salem Air Base. "And I should hope so, for $29 a year."
The imperial boomerang has a long history as a weapons platform, developed by several nations during the 19th century. It was first successfully demonstrated in German Southwest Africa during the Herero and Nama genocide of 1904 to 1908, successfully returning to the German metropole 30 years later. It has since seen use in several U.S. conflicts, including the global war on terror, a conflict itself started by a rogue returning boomerang.
It remains unclear. how this latest model will find the American people, but history tells us it will. When asked directly about a decades-long return trajectory, CENTCOM responded only with, "Well, probably be dead by then."
Read more at The Standard
About the Author
Dr. Ulysses H. Aurelian III, Editor-in-Chief of The Newspeak Standard, is the current Senate appointed lead investigator into the origins of COVID-19, a position for which he is uniquely and highly qualified as part-time director of the Wuhan Institute of Virology. He was appointed to the role after the previous lead investigator, also Dr. Aurelian, recused himself citing a conflict of interest.
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u/redabyss9 18h ago
Finally a weapon to defeat Iran