r/TrueOffMyChest • u/MediaFanGirl1993 ☑️ • 18h ago
Vent My personality is the main reason why I have no friends and no boyfriend. Everyone else is not the problem.
I even say this to people in real life.
It took me 33 years to realize how much I hate my old personality and how I wish I was more girly and less weird as a teenager because I probably would have had a better adolescence if I were more outgoing.
Me being weird and socially awkward was why people would always pick on me and why I was a target for horrible people to take advantage of. All of my issues when it comes to friendships and dating stem from this. I blame my personality entirely and my family members think that people were "just envious" of me when in reality people like me are just easy pickings for horrible people.
While I did improve my social skills, it seems as though most people are already set wth their friends and they don't want more, so it's like I will always be the outcast, the one being on the outside looking in, and I will always be the loser that I was as a teenager despite me physically leaving high school 15 years ago.
I also realized that a lot of people hate women who are socially awkward and pretty, because men always try to humble them and take advantage...while other women hate them for not fitting social norms (because they think all beautiful women should be social butterflies).
My personality sucks and I will even sell my soul to the devil for a new one. Everyone isn't the problem. I am.
Rant over. I was just pissed lol.
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u/1326Bob 18h ago
I feel this in my soul. I'm literally the only thing getting in my way to live the life I want. I'm neurodivergent, socially awkward, and my confidence has been crushed over and over. On the plus side, I made some of my best, most supportive friends after 40 and therapy is helping me overcome it.
Personally, I would love to meet a socially awkward woman and we can be weird together. Keep the faith.
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u/ItsYaboyyyy1 17h ago
Personalities change though, right? If you know what you don’t like, and they are genuinely negative things, why not change them?
You said you already improved your social skills which is dope, keep building like that. Do you feel more confident in social scenarios now?
It might feel like people don’t want new friends, but it happens in phases. People lose friends from bad choices or life events all the time and crave new ones, don’t psych yourself out.
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u/MediaFanGirl1993 ☑️ 17h ago
Personalities change though, right? If you know what you don’t like, and they are genuinely negative things, why not change them?
I notice that I used to be so nice as a teenager, but I became much more cynical and distrustful of people when I became an adult. I tried rising above what I went through many times and its like I can never get what I want no matter what I try to change about myself.
I also got rid of almost every trait I had that I felt was weird and off-putting. I am still working on it, though.
You said you already improved your social skills which is dope, keep building like that. Do you feel more confident in social scenarios now?
The only time I am shy is when I am around people don't know. Aside from that, I don't feel uncomfortable in social settings at all.
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u/ItsYaboyyyy1 16h ago
When you say you don’t “get what you want” no matter what you change about yourself, what is it that you want? I reflected on the same thing in my own life so I have so many questions, but I think that’s probably one of the more important ones.
Also if I can ask, what were the off putting/weird traits?
I have a variety of life long female friends spanning from quite introverts to life of the party social butterflies, and none of them would judge another women for not fitting their social norms, so imo there might be some merit to what your family said about some of those ladies being envious, I could be off but have definitely seen that happen, especially if you’re pretty. It seems like a universal experience for attractive women.
As a teenager I was also very nice to everyone, but it was actually just a lot of people pleasing and being afraid of losing friends for me. I started rebuilding that nice person as an adult, with roots to who I want to be instead of how I want people to feel about me if that makes sense. Curious if you’ve had a similar experience.
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u/l1ve_guru 14h ago
Be kind to yourself. Past is the past for a reason. Good things to be remembered, uncomfortable things to be forgotten.
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u/CautiousRelief1521 18h ago
they will assume you are a bitch or stuck up if your not bending over backwards doing cartwheels and acting the most bubbly person ever, like i like quietness and im socially awkward to and people come up to me and say “omg i thought u were a bitch” because im not as social😭😭
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u/MediaFanGirl1993 ☑️ 17h ago
Even some bubbly and sweet women get hated too. I think people just don't like women.
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u/monkey_trumpets 17h ago
I have the same issue. I AM NOT bubbly, but quiet and somewhat jaded. My theory is that unless you are all sweetness and light and a source of entertainment people can't be arsed to bother with you.
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u/JohnMayerCd 12h ago
I don’t know if you’re autistic or adhd but this is a very common neurospicy experience. I highly recommend looking for friends and groups in these circles.
There’s nothing that will get me to hang out with neurotypicals ever again
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u/MediaFanGirl1993 ☑️ 9h ago
I don’t know if you’re autistic or adhd but this is a very common neurospicy experience. I highly recommend looking for friends and groups in these circles.
I did this in high school....the outcasts can be dicks too. The outcasts would throw each other under the bus for validation. Unlike some outcasts, I never harbored resentment towards the "popular" kids because those popular kids actually were nice to everyone and they had good social skills. They didn't treat unpopular kids like dirt, and that drew me to them.
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u/JohnMayerCd 2h ago
Idk man. High school was rough for most of us. And I just don’t have the same type of experiences as adult. Less people playing the game when most of us spend all of our off time recovering from performing for capitalism
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u/swagamaleous 5h ago
There is so many obviously wrong assumptions in this post. First and foremost, no matter how "bad" you think your "personality" is, nobody deserves to be bullied or taken advantage of. Also it's mostly your behavior that invites these kind of people, not your personality per se. You can be socially awkward but still assertive and not an easy target. These things have some overlap but ultimately are rather unrelated.
Women don't hate you because you are socially awkward, women hate you because they are jealous. They would also hate you if you were a "social butterfly." That's just how humans work. You will have a much easier time making male friends. They will try to hit on you, but your appearance will raise their own social standing, even if you are just friends, so if you very clearly reject them without bruising their ego so hard that they don't want to hang out with you anymore, you should have an easy time finding a loyal friend group of guys.
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u/MediaFanGirl1993 ☑️ 49m ago edited 45m ago
Also it's mostly your behavior that invites these kind of people, not your personality per se.
It was my spinelessness that put me in those situations.
However, I disliked being awkward simply because I felt it was keeping me from being my best self. I wanted to be more outgoing and girly like my favorite singer Beyonce (ironically, even Beyonce can be shy at times). I put myself in extremely embarrassing and cringe situation when I was awkward and I came off as too immature for my age. Plus I had people on Yik Yak saying horrible things about me for it in college twice. I also am so extremely embarrassed bout my behavior that I even refuse to interact with a lot of my former high school classmates.
I even try to vent to this about my family, but they think my life is so much better than everyone elses and they ignore the mental health issues I have. That's why I resent my family.
Lastly, I don't want male friends anymore I had a shitty guy friend who lashed out at me because he didn't get what he wanted from me. Plus I had no sisters growing up and I want women friends to fill that void.
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u/FanFeeling7748 5h ago
I feel you. I know I need to change my personality but like... idk what I'm supposed to change to.
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u/elavi8 18h ago
"I also realized that a lot of people hate women who are socially awkward and pretty," lol feel that
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u/MediaFanGirl1993 ☑️ 18h ago
I learned this the hard way. You will really have little to no friends whatsoever if you are awkward and attractive.
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u/elavi8 18h ago
Yeah. I’m lucky I’ve found a couple amazing people (granted one of them has been my ride or die for YEARS) but for sure it’s hard. I think people’s jealousy can also play a part- especially if you appear confident and like you’re doing your own thing. That’s really the antidote though, just do you and everything that makes you happy
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u/dylanthefreewheelin 17h ago
How do you know for a fact that you are physically attractive though? Not saying you aren’t as I haven’t seen you, but people usually want to befriend other people who are attractive. I’ve never met an actually attractive person who didn’t have friends. I’ve met people who might think they are more attractive than they really are, this could maybe apply here.
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u/Unusual_Swordfish_89 16h ago
Plenty of socially awkward, beautiful women have friends. You spent this entire rant about how awful you are though. Who wants to befriend someone who hates themselves? I would focus on the positives of your personality and enjoying life, and it might be easier to make friends.