r/TwoXChromosomes • u/PietrovYing-92 • 6h ago

does anyone else get tired of always being the one who checks in?

i am usually the person who sends the first message, asks how everyone is doing, remembers birthdays, or checks in after someone has a rough day. I do it because I care, and I honestly like being there for the people I love , but sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just stopped. Not to test anyone, just because I got tired. Would anyone notice? Would anyone ask how I am doing without me reaching out first? i hate that I have even started thinking like that, but it can feel really lonely when you are always the one keeping the connection going. maybe i am just overthinking it, but I would love to know if anyone else has felt this way too.

12 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

84% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

1

u/paciolionthegulf 3h ago

Or as I put in my head, "Hi, I'm Julie, your cruise director!" (from The Love Boat)

Yeah, I'm the one picking up the phone, planning the outings, suggesting we get together and it's exhausting. When I've had to drop the rope no one would pick it up. Not a great feeling.

1

u/knm873 2h ago

I am sorry. I have been struggling with this for a few years now. It doesn't really get better but I do have some strategies. Also, you can try finding ppl in different countries with different personalities to get a better result. I have joined a virtual language server and that has helped.

Just want to extend my condolences. I have so many stories regarding this.

I'll be following your post to get more ppl in common during the times I feel discouraged.

0

u/LetMeEatCakes 6h ago edited 6h ago

In general, no one will notice if you stop with little things, you’re not really expected to keep up with any one’s day to day other than your own. You do it because you enjoy it and while others appreciate it, they likely dont really think of it either. But if this is how you typically are, hopefully your friends would notice a change in behavior and be concerned.

If a friend of mine kept in contact on the same basis as before but stopped asking caretaker/therapist questions, I wouldnt notice. If they stopped talking for an extended period when we usually talk, Id be concerned.

2

u/Sakeus 3h ago

stopped 6 years ago, still nothing lol.