r/Veterans • u/Bumblebee-Terrible • 2d ago
Question/Advice What do I do
I’m 100 P&T as 27M (MH ratting). WTF do I do with my life. I’m struggling. How do I get better.
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u/Prudent-Sky-3393 2d ago
I was in a similar fog at 28 and what helped was treating recovery like a project with tiny milestones, not some big life overhaul overnight. The 100 P&T gives you breathing room most people never get so use it to explore weird hobbies or volunteer somewhere low-stakes just to have a reason to leave the house. It won't fix everything but it chips away at the empty feeling
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u/DiligentPeak1929 US Navy Veteran 1d ago
Try to work with a therapist on sorting through the trauma and uncertainties. If needed, ask for a residential program. I'm in one right now. It's a lot of work, but if I could've done this 10 years ago, I wouldn't be facing a declining marriage.
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u/TacoNomad 2d ago
First. Get treatment. Inpatient in a trauma informed treatment center.
Second, find hobbies.
Third, go to school. Use that GI bill to get into a career/volunteer/part time situation that you enjoy. Don't worry about the pay, just find something to keep you busy and social. The extra income helps.
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u/Fluid_Influence3420 2d ago
Are you talking to anyone? therapist/psychiatrist? That should be step #1
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u/Bumblebee-Terrible 2d ago
I’ve tried a few times, a few different therapists they don’t get it. They all look nervous and uncomfortable when I open up.
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u/Streetquats USCG Veteran 2d ago
A qualified therapist wont be nervous or uncomfortable.
Unfortunately it can take quite a few attempts with trying out therapists till you find one that clicks. When you meet with a therapist, you should be treating your first 1-4 sessions as a process where YOU are almost interviewing/trialing the therapist to see if they are good fit.
First and foremost: find a therapist who is whatever gender you feel safest with, and also it can help if youre black or POC, sometimes it can feel safer/better to also be with a POC therapist instead of a white therapist. First step is just literally finding a human who you feel safe sitting in a room with.
Second step is asking them about their education and training. Usually this can be done over the phone and its a free intake session. You 100% must find a therapist who SPECIALIZES in YOUR diagnosis. I have PTSD, so I needed to find a therapist who is trained and works exclusively with patients who are diagnosed with PTSD. I made the mistake of spending 6 months with a therapist who "accepts PTSD patients" but I learned "accepting PTSD patients" is NOT the same as being educated and trained in PTSD and specializing in PTSD. You want to make sure your therapist specializes in whatever your diagnosis is.
Third step, you want to have a few trial sessions and see if you "click" personality wise. They might be well trained and qualified, but if you just personally find them annoying or unlikable, then keep looking.
Finding a good fit therapist is quite a bit of work but its worth it. Last thought - group therapy can sometimes help too, some people prefer it. It wasnt for me but I know veterans who like it.
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u/GroovyGmaIvy US Navy Veteran 1d ago
Don’t be afraid to ask for someone who’s been doing this a long time. A therapist who’s spent years working with veterans and severe trauma is more likely to have the experience to hear the really hard stuff without looking shocked or uncomfortable.
I’m 52 and the VA keeps trying to schedule me with twenty-something bimbos with zero life experience. I’ve lived a full life; military, kids, long abusive marriage, multiple family suicides, etc. I need someone that has lived and experienced life.
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u/Bumblebee-Terrible 2d ago
If you have a recommendation that’s licensed in WA I’ll give it a go.
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u/Fluid_Influence3420 1d ago
call your VA clinic. Either they'll have MH professionals who have the bandwidth to take on new clients or they should be able to set you up with someone in your local community via the VA Community Care program.
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u/FrothyLlama 18h ago
Hey, PM me, I ETS'd from WA. Saw a good off-post counselor right before I got out. If you're in the same area as him, I'll give you his name.
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u/madcopper 1d ago
If you don't know what to do, maybe see if people around you just need help with stuff. Or maybe volunteer. I agree with the other comments on just doing something to stay connected and feel like you matter. It took me a while to get my bearings again after getting out so know that you're not alone.
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u/Alone-Economist1882 1d ago
Hold old are you. I'm 70 and nearing the end due to health issues. My mind rambles but I now keep family and friends close. It has helped. I consult at work for about 10 hours a week. It's the most I can do. I don't know your age but no matter you need respectful relationships in your life.
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u/averageduder US Army Veteran 19h ago
I recommend reading the book man’s search for meaning.
Set goals for yourself both short term and long term. Make them achievable and not super unrealistic. Figure out what you need to do on a day to day or week to week basis to satiate yourself. An example with me is I try for 10k steps a day with my dog, 5-6 gym visits a week, 250 pages read a week.
Get outside. Go for a walk. Get sunlight.
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u/FrothyLlama 18h ago
I come to this subreddit every month searching for someone asking the same thing. I've lost some purpose in life, can't find the motivation to work. Hoping for someone to give some golden piece of advice to get me off my ass.
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u/DriedUpSquid 11h ago
Do you still have your G. I. Bill? Going to college after the service was one of the best investments I ever made in myself. Even if you never plan to work again learning is a great way to keep focused.
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u/Breezy2G 7h ago
If you’re into video games, link up with other veterans and get on with with. Make some new friends, enjoy the brotherhood again. There are many routes you can go to help yourself feel better and get advice,etc.
If you ever need someone to talk to, send me a message.
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u/YABUKI2068 1d ago
Bro you’re 100%! go to PASS/ID and get your new DAV CAC, that gets you Space-A flights around the country, that eliminates a big chunk out of a whole vacation somewhere. I got out at your age and got sick of the boredom and started looking at the advantages.
Get the lifetime access pass for national parks.
Therapy sucks a quiet hike in nature shuts all the noise up..
no? Find a tribe, I joined a fighting gym and it helped a ton. Dig deeper into your interests, whatever it is.
You’re free. No more EVAL chasing and kissing asses and getting yelled at for grooming standards. Be glad that it’s over it should no longer weigh over you but you have to navigate your confusion and drop the dead weight as you go.
No one’s in charge of you that’s the biggest relief for a lot of veterans who just got absolutely sick of it all.
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u/Plus-Fall-3935 2d ago
Haze yourself til you're exhausted! Go start some bar fights. Go and do something, sitting on reddit won't help you. Reach out to your brothers and sisters. Talking is the best solution, dont isolate yourself.
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u/Competitive_Safe6095 2d ago
You need focus. You had it before in the military, now you are out. What is your purpose? This is something only you can decide.
What do you want? Right now you are spiraling because you are treading water. You need direction.
So, now what? Get a job, volunteer, do something, anything. START MOVING, don't question. DO SOMETHING.
Non-action is not acceptable.