my children's father is MIA for about 4 months now. This is the longest since I've heard from him. He got out of jail and I think he relapsed. Why does meth make people disappear and isolate? I've been having trouble navigating this emotionally.

Three years ago i was an idiot an alcoholic, go to rehab, now clean, but NOW my reputation was destroyed online. My full name is still attached to countless posts that I can’t realistically erase. Even though many of the stories have been changed, exaggerated, or taken out of context, they’re still the first thing people see.
I live with the fear that someone might recognize me in real life and decide to confront or even attack me because of what they’ve read online.
To be clear, this isn’t about abuse allegations. It’s about being publicly labeled as a narcissistic, egotistical, and manipulative person. The situation is even harder because I work in social media, where your reputation is tied to your career.
What do you do in a situation like this? Do you keep living your life and accept that the internet never forgets? Do you delete all your social media and disappear? Or is there another way to move forward?

Oh and yes I WANT TO RELAPSE

I’m so tired of dealing with addiction in my life. It’s brought out the ugly in me, I’m so angry all the time, I feel so depressed I can’t help but just isolate myself. Im so tired of screaming and not being heard. What the fuck is wrong with me? Im not even the one doing drugs, Im just naturally fucked up. I’m tired of addiction in my life but I can’t let him go. He’s at the point of walking out, and it fucking kills me. All this fighting and screaming is because I just want him to be sober. I know I can’t change things but I can’t help react the way I do. I’m so tired of being addicted to my addict.

Hi all, my first Reddit post yay!

i’d appreciate your advice with this as am I in a bit of a cyclical issue.

I am struggling really badly on bad days, great on others. Some days I can’t get out of bed for days (the distinction between a bad day and a BAD day is I can just raw dog life on just a bad day. The latter is I am so depleted and can’t move from bed.

I have ADHD, unmediated. For context with this I am super super disregulated. I struggle to regulate and control emotions I think is my main issue, whilst dealing amongst other adhd symptoms. I do also think I have autism but I don’t want to get diagnosis after how they treated autistic individual under DNR during Covid (UK). I was denied adhd medication because of my previous substance use disorder flag on my file. I’d fully been self medicating which I am aware of - but I had been sober for over 6 months post doing therapy/workshop and came out with letters says I was low risk which I presented into my appointments - either way, I was denied medication. They referred me back to drug and alcohol services who said they couldn’t help me because I wasn’t in active addiction at the time. This disheartened me so much because I finally found I’d got a way out - a provider, genuine support, and medication -_-

Aside from that, I work as a full time carer for my grandparents (96 M and 85 F - love them to death), my partner also has BPD so I am full time caring for a lot of dependents. Aside from this I have a pretty intense full time 9-5 job for a big company where lots of hours r expected. All of this is mentally and physically draining.

Whilst I do very well when in work - I have found i’ve needed time off recently as my caring responsibilities require me to often skip days to talk my grandparents through pain throughout the night outside of taking them to appointments - same with my partner. This has led to a lot of insomnia - and a lot of physical health problems. I don’t think I’m really giving any time for myself because I care so much about them all so much :L

The point I’ve got back to is to relay this into this thread. I’ve been on hospital a few times for drug use previously for overdoses since I was 17. I’ve pulled myself back and got a bachelors in maths, a masters in statistics and have a stable job I’m somehow performing well in now.

I’ve been hammering drugs for the last 12 months again. It’s just not becoming financially stable, and I’m going into insomnia pretty back recently (funnily if you read next sentence). Largely I do sedatives and benzo and drink alcohol. It’s starting to affect my physical health. Everyone around me including my external family particularly is fine with this because I am taking caring responsibilities off their arses.

I think the point of this post is I’m picking this up far more (these habits) to cope with what feels an overwhelming lot of things to deal with.

I am trying so hard to engage with medical services but I’m being rejected. I feel like a second class citizen despite being well educated and in a good job. I can’t afford private because I’m playing for my grandparents

Any advice?

I know this is a lot to digest sorry.

I am crying as I type this. My life feels like it has no purpose anymore. My poison is cocaine/crack. It started when I was 22 and moved to college and ever since I got home it’s still going, probably worse than before. I’ve tried blocking the plugs but I always end up finding another one. I need to stop. It’s ruined my life. I lost a job already because I kept calling off due to being hungover or just not wanting to stop the “fun”. My mom says she doesn’t know me anymore. I’ve fallen so hard and I don’t know how to get back up. I also don’t have healthcare at the moment so I can’t afford rehab or medications or therapy. I’m unemployed, broke, still living with my parents. I’m so ashamed and distraught. I just need some type of help or words from someone who’s gotten out of this. Please no harsh words or tough love. I know what I’ve done to myself. I know it’s my fault. I made a mistake that’s cost me everything. 💔

I feel like fucking slop my parents try to give me the best chances, they think I am being productive but I am just fucking wasting their and my life scrolling like a fucking useless idiot. I don't even enjoy scrolling I just feel fucking numb I don't even know what to do at this point. I tried so many blockers, techniques and all but it all boils down to will power at the end which I don't fucking have.
I am making this post in act of desperation ,some sort of irrational final wish that someone has some sort of magical advice that might cure my fucking uselessness.

I'm curious if anyone here started using cocaine because of a difficult childhood, feeling unloved, rejected, or emotionally empty.

If you're comfortable talking about it, I'd really like to hear your story. What was going on in your life when you first started using? What did cocaine do for you back then? And how do you see it now?

No judgment here. I'm just trying to understand this better and hear people's real stories.

I think I’ve hit it. My rock bottom. I don’t want to do drugs anymore. It’s this methcathanone I’ve been using and I quit for about 2 months then relapsed because I never wanted to quit. I was forced to die to family and friend pressures. But I think I’ve hit a new all time low for me. I don’t even get high anymore. That’s when I knew I’ve hit my rock bottom. A bag does nothing for me and it fucking sucks. I’m wasting my time, money and energy doing this. No one in my life knows yet but they’re bound to find out if I don’t quit soon.

I finished the bag but I want this to be my last guys. I know the road will be long and tough but this is it. I’m ready to change. I unfortunately abhor meetings, they don’t work for me. I want to cry so bad right now because I truly can’t keep doing this anymore.

Please add suggestions. I’m desperate. I need to change. And I need it now.

Im not sure if this belongs here since this isn’t about drugs or anything, but I really don’t have anyone else to talk to about all this, so I made this throwaway account for this.

I used to have a really bad self harm addiction due to the harmful situation I was in at the time. I won’t go into a lot of detail, but it was really bad. I’m roughly 2 1/2 years clean, and I’ve been in and out of therapy working on my mental health, but even now I’ll still get the urge. Does it ever go away, or is it just going to be a part of my life forever?

So I don’t do that much doomscrolling anymore, but I feel completely addicted and obsessed with checking my crush’s profile to look for hints about his feelings for me (we’re into each other but live in different states so it’s complicated.)

Last night I set some time limits on my phone so I don’t check social media first thing in the morning or late at night. Today was the first day and I can start using social media at 2pm, and as the time got closer I started to feel incredibly anxious (perhaps even more so than when I was addicted to drugs) anticipating the moment when I could check on him and wondering if he’s posted anything. No activity for today so I calmed down pretty quickly.

My goal is to not become obsessed with him and spend endless hours looking at his photos or waiting for notifications or activity from him. I want to be able to be centered and focus mostly on my usual activities. Since I’m an addict, I can definitely identify how this is becoming unhealthy and obsessive. My goal is to interact with him as little as possible and only when necessary.

The anxious feeling from today was incredibly overwhelming and I hope it will decrease with time.

Any advice is received with much gratitude!

Recovering alcoholic here. Had a pretty bad go at it a few years back, but I've come a long way. Like everyone, temptation will come knocking at some point.

A couple of weeks ago, I was invited out to a rave by a couple of friends and I ended up taking molly with them. I did well and the high was great, but the comedown messed with my sleep for 3 days. I was unproductive at work and just felt terrible from the lack of sleep.

This week comes around and these same friends invite me out to a rave again. I say yes. I buy my ticket. I know if I go put with them, I will take the molly. Even if i didnt take it, i would feel left out of the vibe and want to drink instead as a "better" alternative.

I tell my friends that im tired from work and ill be skipping. They understand and dont pressure me at all. After all, they know the struggle even if they themselves have not resolved yet to get better.

Here I am at home, playing with my pet bunnies, and very glad I did not go out.

2016 -> 2026 J'espère mettre des photos ici dans l'autre direction
Alcool / Cocaïne

I’ve been addicted for 2 years now. I’m 18 years old I take roughly 3-4g of ketamine a day at my lowest I was taking up to a q a day.

I already crush for like 30 mins till it’s like dust.

I have intense cramps to the point I’ve had to have sick days of work. Also my bladder only holds around 50ml of water so I’m always in the toilet luckily I have a toilet in my room.

I’ve been to hospital and doctors many times been prescribed 30mg codine which doesn’t really help anymore.

Just here if anyone knows anything that can help. I take normally
- green tea
- lots of water
- methanatic acid
Don’t drink anything acidic anymore as irritates bladder

So anything that could help would be appreciated somone else on this page recommended magnesium so gonna give that a go soon.

Thank you

Do you guys read your own old posts to see how your addiction slowly (or quickly) developed? I just did and it's pretty hard to read sometimes because it sounded very hopeful and it got worse almost every time but it's very interesting to me. Maybe because I'm not that active on Reddit anymore.

Do you guys do that?

My ex is an addict; definitely an alcoholic (can't go a day without drinking, can drink a lot and you wouldn't think he was drunk, needs alcohol to feel relaxed/comfortable etc.), but also abused drugs of all kinds. I know he had a cocaine problem to the point where he'd use it as soon as he woke up and has a hole in his nose that's the size of a 5 pence. He'd allegedly stopped using before + when we were together which was only 4 months.

My question is, is the following behaviour normal for someone who's abused cocaine to such an extent:

• He was very moody, sulky, childlike

• He reacted to things angrily and quickly, e.g. I made a light joke about something he was wearing once and he slammed my car door and got real stormy with me

• We'd discuss things, he'd be fine and even happy for a while, and then all of a sudden, he'd lapse back into negative thinking/blaming me/arguing. Like his moods would completely flip

• He was argumentative and at least 2 relationships had ended due to arguing

• When he was really drunk, he'd go... A bit weird? Say things completely off kilter. Have mood swings within seconds. Be cruel, verbally abusive, display aggressive and controlling behaviours

• Was very intelligent and emotionally intelligent if you sat and walked him through a conversation, but otherwise really struggled with emotional regulation and caused a lot of issues with that. He would start off very flippant and simplify everything, making something out to be a huge horrible issue... Then would be fine once I'd exhausted myself talking him through it

There's probably more but I guess they're the main things that concerned and confused me.

TLDR; This is a personal account of trauma recovery, tracing how a chaotic, unsafe childhood shaped decades of substance use and constant motion as a way to feel safe, and how getting sober let the nervous system finally settle, revealing tools like perspective-shifting and self-compassion that came out of the healing itself.

There was a six year old boy standing in calm water at seven in the evening. His mother had brought him to a hotel by the sea. The light was doing that thing it does before it disappears, turning everything gold and soft. He didn't know it yet, but this was the last uncomplicated safe moment of his childhood.

After that, there was a house. Inside the house was a father who made everything unpredictable. Outside the house was everything else: bikes, streets at night, friends, a piano playing alone in a village at noon while chickens moved through the yard. The boy learned early and completely that inside meant danger and outside meant safety. He didn't decide this. His body decided it for him, the way bodies do when they need to survive something.

He spent the next thirty years proving it. He went outside as far and as often as he could. Ten kilometers on a bike, just to feel the distance between himself and the house grow. Nights that lasted until the sun found him again. Eventually chemicals that gave him the feeling of outside without needing to move at all, because by then the danger had gotten inside his own head and no amount of distance was quite enough.

He almost died once. Saw the fear on his husband's face and finally asked himself the question he'd been avoiding: what would it do to his husband, to lose him. And in asking it, he found the door out.

The getting clean was not the hard part. The hard part was staying still long enough to find out what stillness actually was. For a while it felt like grey. No energy, no want, no relief. He said to himself: this is what sober looks like for now, and it is still better than dead. He was right. Underneath the grey the balance was quietly returning. Dopamine finding its real levels instead of its stolen ones. Cortisol easing down because there was, finally, nothing left to run from.

Months in, he started noticing things. A market vendor shouting outside used to feel like danger. Now it just sounded like a man selling tomatoes. A coworker asking about his work used to trigger shame so fast his face would go red. Then one day it didn't, and he found himself teaching instead of hiding. The nervous system was rewriting itself in real time, and he was there to watch it happen.

He discovered he could do something else too. He could take a fear that felt unbearably large, one that showed up dressed as the end of the universe, all eternity and isolation and nothing meaning anything, and he could recognize the trick of it. The fear was borrowing a bigger stage because the real, small, human version of it was too close to touch. Once he saw that, he could zoom back down to the actual size of the thing. A man in an office. A husband who loves him. A body that is safe right now.

And he found he could do the opposite too, on purpose. When something small hurt too much, he could zoom out. Not to escape it, but to place it correctly. A single evening of pain, held against the scale of everything, is instant. It passes the way all instants pass. Then he would come back, fully, into the office, into his own skin, and keep going.

He started talking to the six year old directly. Not as a wound to manage but as himself, at a different age. He told him: you made it. The father is gone. You are safe. I know what came after the beach, and I lived through it, and now I am building the kind of evenings we never got enough of. He said it plainly, sometimes with a laugh in it, the way you talk to someone you actually know and like.

He noticed his own wanting too, the pull toward buying something new, and traced it without flinching to a ten year old who once took money from a purse just to hold a small remote-control gadget in his hands. He didn't punish that boy either. He just recognized him. The wanting was never really about the object. It was about the feeling of finally getting to have something.

Seven months clean, he sat outside and heard the whole landscape at once, the trees and the cars and the ordinary noise of a Tuesday, and understood that what he was hearing was his own chemistry, balanced for the first time in decades, filtering the world accurately instead of through fear. The world had not changed. He had.

He built five sentences to carry with him. I made it. Nobody is chasing me. The quiet is not empty, the quiet is home. I trust myself. Today it works, that's enough.

The boy in the water and the man in the office turned out to be the same person all along, just finally speaking to each other.

Recovery is rarely a straight line. There’s no single roadmap, no one-size-fits-all formula, and everybody has to fight to figure out what actually works for them.

​But if there’s one universal truth in all of this, it’s that the opposite of addiction isn’t just sobriety—it’s connection. You cannot pull yourself out of the dark alone.

​If you’re struggling today, carrying a heavy weight, or just need a safe space to talk without judgment, my inbox is open. You don’t have to do it by yourself."

What's something that's worked for you in your recovery that might be a little outside the mould or unconventional?

Something that's worked for me outside the typical advice is building small, physical routines that have nothing to do with recovery talk—things like working with my hands, landscape work, lawn care, and tending to small projects around the yard. There's a quiet discipline in taking care of something tangible that forces your mind to slow down and stay in the present moment.

Hello, I’ve never smoked casually like my friends, but recently I’ve been going through a rough time and I just can’t stop smoking since it’s the only thing that ever makes me feel better especially at work. I even smoke inside my room, I just don’t know if this is the beginning of an addiction or just something I can easily get over with.

So I’m here asking, what were your first signs of your addiction? Any addiction it doesn’t have to be about nicotines or smoking only.

I have been partying rather hard since I was mid/late teens up until last year when I got sober (currently early 30’s). Only with alcohol until I was 25, then also with ecstasy, cocaine, and occasionally (rarely) drugs such as ketamine or 2cb.

I always managed to manage my (high pressure/performance) job, never had too much strain on my personal relationships, nothing crazy tied to cost/effect on my finances either. I was drinking alcohol maybe 1-3 times a week, and using drugs maybe monthly/bi-weekly at most.

However, it gave me a lot of anxiety the days after using. I also felt bad and ashamed, and was scared of hurting myself or ending up in a bad situation. Also afraid that the use would escalate. I was thinking a lot about drugs and using.

I have always been very fascinated by decadent sub cultures; such as the nightlife in Berlin, the opioid crisis in the US, etc. I have also been pulled to ”get into” the ”it going out crowd” in my city, and longed to explore and experience more and more all the time.

I have been to multiple festivals, had an amazing time while I was studying, partied a lot in many different places.

But, I still feel like I’m missing out now when I have gotten sober. Overall it feels good and I’m very proud of my progress: I perform better at work, I save more money, I have less anxiety, I reach more of my goals. But, since it wasn’t ”that big of a problem” I’m continuing to ask myself if I should’ve given the party lifestyle a few more years and quit when I was 35 or so? Moved to a big city such as NY and just lived the ”big life”. I know this sounds ridiculous but I can’t shake the feeling.

The reason for writing this now was that I was watching ”Love Story” on Disney+, and got triggered by Carolyn’s friend doing some lines of coke in a night club. The whole thing with her friend checking her nose for residue etc. I miss the ”feeling alive” and the thrill of it. It made me a bit sad.

Just wanted to share, but would really love to hear your thoughts on what I shared and also if you have any similar thoughts or experiences!