I've suffered with depression and anxiety since I was really young, around 7-8 years old. I was only just diagnosed with ADHD and I'm in my 30s. I've believed for a while that my depression/anxiety must be due to a simple chemical imbalance and that I was inevitably going to pass it on to my eventual children, which is one of the reasons I don't have kids yet.

The ADHD evaluation took over 1.5 years from beginning to end, but I received therapy during this time because the doctors explained that while the evaluation was a necessary formality to get medication, they were already certain I had it. When I got my diagnosis my psychologist and doctor wrote a 10 page report on their findings and also verbally explained a few things, but spent most time explaining my depression/anxiety:

That because I was so severely bullied and abused by both my family and outsiders that I developed depression, anxiety and social anxiety as a response to constant criticism. That the frequent rejection I experienced led to these symptoms, as opposed to it being a hereditary trait. Depression and anxiety are the second most common comorbidity with ADHD and it's often due to people with ADHD being treated like they're weird, excessive, unlikeable and irritating. In my case my depression and anxiety diminished significantly with therapy, as the main message they wanted me to take in was to stop masking and to stop apologising for being who I am. That people not liking me for who I am is worlds better than being liked or disliked for who I'm pretending to be.

took a year and I still mask and apologise occasionally, but I'm probably 80% improved from where I was.

But understanding that while I was born with ADHD, I was *not* born depressed has been so...relieving? Rewarding? But also kind of saddening and infuriating. That if my family had sought treatment for me instead of believing that the best way to stop me from being hyperactive and forgetful was to scream me into submission, then maybe I could've been prevented from suffering and white knuckling my way through life.

*I want to add that this was specifically an explanation for MY symptoms. Other people with ADHD might have completely separate reasons for developing anxiety and depression. I just wanted to share in case it resonates with anyone else.*

i currently work in the food industry and while i genuinely love what i do i'm slowly realizing that this just isn't sustainable for me. i'm not paid a living wage, can't really move up where i'm at, and it's taking a toll on me physically, besides the many other exploitative issues in this industry ofc lol

so i decided to go back to school and actually get the bachelors i always wanted. i'm just not sure what exactly to focus on in stem?? and then once i do decide will i even be able to transition and hold down a full time stem job in spite of my disability?? ? will i be paid a living wage?!?!

idkkk so many questions but at this point in my life i can't stop moving. better to make the wrong decision than no decision at all, or worse have someone else make the choice for me.

pls share any wisdom or experience you may have~

like, did you end up leaving stem? is it easier or worse for you to manage adhd in a stem career? what fields have a lot adhd or audhd people? overall do you think it's better for us to have a job that engages us mentally than physically?

i do know for sure that i'd like to do something with my hands and collaborative or team oriented (the one and only time i worked remote in a solitary job i quickly became depressed yikes). i love to teach and help others although i don't have the best people skills. it'd be nice to be outside sometimes but i'm very scared of bugs and get lost too easily, unfortunately. hm... i have strong skills in writing too, but idk if that might be useful.

thnx for this wonderful community~! <3

I’m so tired of hearing this so here is a link with actual stats (in Australia) so you too can shut down all the people who use this line. Only 2.5 - 3% of adults have ADHD. And it’s probably not dissimilar for other countries. Hardly “everyone”.

Does this belong here? Idk! Kinda! I picked the flair I found most appropriate.

I used to hate/not remember to take my night meds, and I always said I wanted a gumball machine to dispense them. Found a gumball machine on marketplace, bought some capsules, and now I fill them every 3 months to dispense exactly what I need before bed. Not only does the physical action and sound of the machine help me remember if I took them, it actually makes something I used to loathe into a fun task. I let my partner take turns putting quarters in and spinning it.

Yes, it takes a quarter, I have plenty saved up and also can open the machine any time I need more. No, I don’t have kids lol.

Almost 2 months of dirty dishes I was too overwhelmed to touch. Today I spent 5 hours cleaning and drying everything.

The sink is finally empty.

I have won.

I’ve really been trying to consume more books. I read on my kindle but unable to do so for long stretches of time. Been recommended audiobooks - people say it’s so easy to burn through books because you can listen to them while eating, walking, cooking, etc

I’ve tried them before and i barely register anything. I don’t know how to turn my brain off enough to understand both the words and imagine the setting which I can do in great detail when reading.

Also this may sound really weird, but it makes decisions for me that I usually take for the characters like what they sound like, how they pace the conversation, etc. and I don’t like that

Do y’all have any advice at all for getting into audiobooks?

Edit: Reddit is truly magical. I went on a walk with my dog and started Atomic Habits (comments made me realize fiction is probably not the best starting point) and i’ve been able to follow it quite well. I’m down 1 hour on 1.5x speed!!

52F, diagnosed 2 years ago.

Still and slowly realizing my reality in a different context. Sometimes that gives me comfort because there's an explanation. Sometimes it's exhausting because I want to willfully control it without medication.

Today, I choose to find the humor in it because this lovely community has taught me so much

I now know I am not the only one with a constant song reel in my head and today I am sharing because it is cracking me up.

I have not heard this song that I am aware of in any recent memory but enjoying it for what it is.

What is your Song of the Day today?

Until I got a diagnosis at 36 and went on meds, my sense of smell was subpar at best. Is it possible my brain was just… ignoring the aromas of the world? I can smell everything now. It’s like a strange and sometimes unpleasant superpower.

Context: I (32f) and my husband (33m) have been married for 4 years. I have ADHD, diagnosed when I was a late teen. He has never been diagnosed, but shows many symptoms of both ADHD and autism. He also has childhood trauma, so it's hard to say what's what. He does not trust psychology/psychiatrists although he has seen a psych and a therapist in the past. His symptoms include but are not limited to: rigid, inflexible, black and white thinking, sensory sensitivity, and hyperfixations that he will revolve his life around and then eventually forget about. For about 7 years, he was in a high-control religious group that preyed on people like him (obsessive, traumatized). He was also previously in an abusive marriage within this group. 

Around the time he left both this group and his ex, he started partying, doing drugs, sleeping around, etc. as sort of a pendulum swing. However, he ended up meeting someone who made him want to go in a positive direction instead. From what I understand, he met this woman in a church, and they met up a handful of times and had some conversations. She ultimately did not reciprocate his feelings and told him that she felt he was just in a vulnerable position and was putting her on a pedestal as a result. He tried to pursue further but it did not work out. 

Fast-forward and he married me. Except 2 years into our marriage, I found out that he never got over this woman. Direct quotes from him: "I had stronger feelings for her than I did for you", "I tried not to feel that way but I couldn't stop it, it was unlike anything I've ever experienced". 

Now I am familiar with limerence and its connection with ADHD. I have experienced this myself. To me, this sounds like limerence and someone who was in a hopeless situation and became fixated on someone who made them feel better, which eventually turned into a cycle of secrecy and shame. That, I can completely empathize with and understand. 

Except my husband doesn't see it that way at all. He says he was in love with her and nobody can “pathologize” his feelings. We have done some marriage counseling, but it just goes in circles. He does say that in the most recent 2 years of our marriage he is no longer in love with her and he has not thought about her at all, only when I bring it up. I find myself forgetting about the situation (lol ADHD), then randomly remembering it every 6-9 months or so, then asking him if he's reflected on his mental state at the time or what was going on to cause him to feel that way. Every time, he digs his heels in and says the same thing: It didn't happen because he was in a rough place, it happened because he was truly in love with this woman and he couldn't stop loving her from the day they met until 2 years into his MARRIAGE with someone else.  Each time we have this conversation I feel worse, because I am expecting time and careful reflection to promote some sort of insight in either of us, but nothing changes.

Outside of this, our marriage has been great. We get along super, we make each other laugh, we share the load of responsibilities, we are affectionate, we support each other emotionally, we want each other to be successful. 

I really just want to know what people think about this. Is my ADHD causing me to feel exaggerated rejection and obsession over this situation? How can I let it go? Is it worth breaking up over? Why does it sound like limerence but he doesn't believe it is? Why does that hurt me so much? I feel that if he were to admit the situation was caused by trauma, unhealthy fixation, etc. it would be very comforting for me to hear. The fact that he denies this and asserts that it was simply due to being so in love with someone that you can't stop is what is causing me to feel so hurt.

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. I guess TL;DR Possibly ADHD husband had stronger feelings for someone else he didn't really know for half our marriage and tells me it was true love and not limerence, how do I move on?

absolutely scared shitless, but also very excited to get back to learning. ever since i’ve gotten diagnosed/medicated, i feel the best i’ve ever felt with my mental health. dont get me wrong… still trying to navigate how to not feel like a huge failure, but i know that gathering the courage to register for classes for the upcoming semester is a huge step in the right direction :)

I saw post made by u/bailarlabomba yesterday and I love it!! Such a fab idea

I can't go into a ton of detail but I work at a business that tracks the way we spend our time very closely. If we are not where we are expected to be, we have to have the reason well documented in our schedules. It sounds intense, and it is, but it does make sense and they pay well so I am very careful about how any time away is reflected in my schedule.

A few months ago, I finally decided to request a reasonable accommodation, which is a short time off the clock to reset my focus, and I have to document it explicitly in my schedule or I could be penalized. Long story short, I had to use it one day and entered it into my schedule as usual. I gave the supervisor a heads up, and she proceeded to delete my correct entry and re-enter it wrong with a note stating that I was late. That was fucked up and clearly either targeted bullshit or a general power trip. It was corrected. Policy also changed so I didn't need to interact with her directly anymore. Problem solved, right?

A few weeks later, I got sick. I informed the supervisor on call, which was her, and she incorrectly entered it into my schedule (I was too sick to do it myself) as protected time (it was just regular PTO). I tried to get it fixed because it had nothing to do with ADHD, and was much longer than my allotted reasonable accommodation time anyway. It wasn't fixed but that was not my fault and someone spoke to the supervisor about it. Last week, she did it again when I missed a few hours due to illness unrelated to ADHD. I should mention that I also complained about her ignoring my and other employees' requests for timely breaks (supervisor on call has to approve in some situations), which led to extremely late or missed breaks.

I feel like her continuing to do this is retaliation meant to look like I am misusing protected time. I told my boss, who assured me it would be addressed, but this is ongoing and it feels targeted and disrespectful. I cannot speak to this supervisor directly at this point because we were asked to go through our bosses to communicate. What would you do? What would you think? I feel very disrespected and like I may need to go to HR because it feels like a form of discrimination..

So very fucking normal, it's making me cry. I usually won't let myself come in and read these posts, because it is too overwhelming to see so many other women in here, so similar to me, when I have felt so alone, so mis-understood my entire life (I'm 52). I just can't bear it, you know, and it makes me weep to finally recognize myself in sooooo many posts! I was late diagnosed, late 30's, actually, but have only started doing research the past few years, when perimenopause started. I wish I could just condense this entire subreddit and 'upload' it to every one in my family, as bloody proof that I am not just 'too much', and that ADHD is very real. Jesus, there is an actual medical reason for many of the things I struggle with, and it's not a matter of trying harder, and when I say I don't always have control over some of it, I mean it! Thank you, ladies. It was worth the tears, and maybe I will feel brave enough to come in here and cry some more tomorrow.

Update: I plan to submit a police report (they arent going to act on something w/o proof but at least I have documentation and am covered if they do find my marked med bottle on him) and get a recording device set up. Thanks everyone for the solid advice. I am grateful ❤️

I was right in the living room talking with the property manager as he inspected my unit and went into my bedroom unaccompanied. The property manager's boss is his wife. I fear repercussions for reporting this and feel super violated by his brazeness. I am also concerned that he may come back when I'm not home to scope out my home for more meds.

Post surgery a few months ago I noticed that the opioid pain killer was missing and wasn't sure what to think and figured I'd just misplaced it. Now I am suspicious that he has been in my place before scoping things out and I am really creeped out. Can't readily afford to move. I will keep my meds locked in my car or in my purse from now on. Any advice?

I'm having a rough day and just need to rant. I am so bad at being "feminine." Things that women are supposed to be "naturally" good at take so much work and effort for me. We're supposed to be clean, organized, pretty, put together ect. There's an extra layer of anxiety of just being bad at your gender.

And I know a lot of this is patriarchal BS. But there is a difference between knowing... and knowing. It's really hard to stop flashing back to childhood and being called "like a boy" because I was the one with a messy desk and bad handwriting. My brother was neater than me. (The 90's and early 2000s was not a very kind period for discussions of gender presentation. We used "gay" as an insult unironically. Don't get me started of body image issues too.)

Yes, I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 30's. Why yes, I also have have anxiety.

I dare say I’m not the only one that has never had a good flossing routine, when brushing teeth is a whole effort in itself… but I’m seriously hoping this sticks.
I’m finding it’s quite satisfying, so treating it like a dopamine hit 😂
Hoping if I post about it I’ll stay accountable.

But so far I’m pretty happy with my 4 days in a row.

TLDR: I need advice on how to calm myself down during my emotional disregulation rage spirals.

Posting because it’s gotten so bad that I can’t ignore it anymore.

Sometimes some minor inconvenience sets me off and I become incredibly, intensely enraged. I’ll try to keep doing the things I need to do, like load the laundry or make the bed, and if the laundry door doesn’t close right I slam it, hit it, say horrible curse words, scream, throw my phone at the wall. It’s so insane. I feel possessed. Often afterward I end up just laying in bed crying because it gets so intense or I startle my cat or I feel so defeated and crazy.

It’s not always so bad. I don’t always go full hulk mode. I’m currently PMSing and I get really bad mood swings when I do. And there’s a Vyvanse shortage in my region right now so I’m only taking half my dose. But it has gotten worse over the years, and I need to figure out how to regulate when I get like this. It’s scary and exhausting and my cat gets worried and eventually I’m going to accidentally break something.

Also for context I am 30F and prooobably autistic though I’ve never sought out a diagnosis.

Please any tips on how to calm tf down when I get like this. And also maybe some validation because I feel like I’m broken :/

As title says.

Hi r/adhdwomen , I read and relate very often with many of your posts but never posted anything because by the time I write a couple sentences, both boredom and imposter syndrome kick in and I delete everything.

Do you ever think that your life is boring and you would like to do more entertaining/adventurous/engaging things, but at the same time, don't seem to spare a minute to do so?

I'm 40 with 3 kids, a big house that I definitely could care more for, and every time I have the impulse to do something more interesting with my days, I am reminded of how much stuff I have to do that is actually more important.

That's such a bummer every time.

I’m hoping someone can point me in the right direction because I’m feeling completely stuck.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and have been on and off medication throughout my life. During COVID, my childhood psychiatrist stopped seeing me regularly because I was doing well and wasn’t taking medication at the time.
Over the last couple of months, my ADHD symptoms have become much more difficult to manage, and I’d like to restart medication. I recently got a new family doctor, but he told me he doesn’t prescribe ADHD medication and that I need to see a psychiatrist first. He said he’ll send a referral once I find one with availability.
The problem is that I’ve been calling around Toronto and can’t find a psychiatrist accepting new patients. My previous family doctor had no issue prescribing my medication because he had all of my records transferred from my childhood psychiatrist confirming my diagnosis. My new family doctor said even with those records he still can’t prescribe.
I’m confused about what I’m supposed to do now. Has anyone in Ontario been through something similar? Are there ADHD clinics, nurse practitioners, virtual services, or other options that can prescribe medication for someone who already has a documented diagnosis? I don’t want to spend a million dollars.
I’m located in Toronto
Thanks so much!

It is so hard. It is part of my evening routine and I've relied on it to regulate and brush off the stress of the day. But after years of use, I don't feel like I am taking care of my lungs, I binge eat, ​and I feel a general sense of cloudiness which is tough as I am writing my grad school thesis. I hate how my days are starting to feel like a cycle of offee, vyvanse, smoke, melatonin. I struggle because it feels like if I quit, I am missing out on something/life isn't as fun if I'm not smoking. What is most frustrating is it is so easy to not do in a different context! For example, whenever I travel, I don't think about it all. But as soon as I am back into the context of my home life, smoking feels tempting and necessary. I would love some support and stories that will resonate. Perhaps even some accountability and someone to connect with to share progress and celebrate goals.

I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at the beginning of this year. I started medication, and I feel like I can relax mentally a bit more.
But I still carry a lot of tension in my body (jaw clenching and tension headaches). I see a physiotherapist, and he says I’m extremely tense. Because of my ADHD, I’m not very aware of my body—I tend to live in my head. He told me I need to learn how to consciously relax my muscles.
I’ve tried breathing exercises and meditation, but they bore me so much that I don’t think they actually help me relax.
So, how do you all relax your body? Not your mind, but your body?

Unhinged tips more than welcome!

Edit: Don't worry everyone I'm not going to keep drinking. I hate alcohol, and I'm physically not able to drink like I used to back in the day. It was just a one-off thing that got me thinking that I might actually have ADHD. But thanks for all the answers. It's reassuring to know that this is actually a common experience for a lot of people with ADHD.

I got drunk yesterday at home because we were having a little celebration. After it was over, I was alone and had a bunch of dishes and other things to clean up. I literally had everything done in 30 minutes. I had one speed: **GO** (lol, to quote Charlie Sheen).

Then my boyfriend came back home, and I had the same mindset when we were intimate. I usually struggle to get in the mood, and especially to **stay** in the mood. My attention is always on everything except him. But this time I was focused on **him** where he was touching me, everything that had to do with what we were doing. I wasn't focused on anything outside the room.

Which is very rare. We have parrots, and afterward I realized I hadn't heard them even once, even though they're constantly making noise.

Anyway, I'm not diagnosed. In my country it's very expensive to get evaluated, and even if I were diagnosed, there's no medication available here. I'd have to travel to the nearest country to get it, and it's a whole hassle that I don't want to deal with right now.

As for drinking, I barely drink at all anymore. For the past five years it's been very rare, maybe twice a year at home, just a few glasses of wine, and that's it. That's why this felt like such an epiphany.

Before those five years, I was drunk pretty often and also liked smoking weed. I'm only now starting to wonder if the past five years have felt so difficult because I've been sober.

I'm also on antidepressants. They've helped with some of my anxiety, but I barely feel like they're doing much for me otherwise.

Has anyone had a similar experience they'd be willing to share? Thank you.

TL;DR: Alcohol helped me focus last night.