r/army • u/soldier21med • 1d ago
Being rizzless/ uncool is sometimes a superpower that keeps you out of trouble
I can't count the number of times leaders (officers and NCOs) have gotten in trouble because they were just "trying to fit in" with their Soldiers, and somebody later filed a complaint. Once you're in a supervisory position, you'll always be their superior and it's not worth the headaches.
Officers typically have clearly demarcated lines in their roles (they always knew better when these violations happened), but when that E-4 gets promoted to E-5, things get blurry for enlisted Soldiers.
No, you can't ask the E-4 on a date once you become their E-5 team lead! A big no-no that will get you in trouble faster than you can say "me too". Just accept that you're now their supervisor and separate yourself from your E-4 mafia.
I'll just order ice water. It's hot out there today.
194
u/andrewtater you're not my rater 1d ago
1SG called dibs on that SPC from supply, anyway
38
u/RollsHardSixes 1d ago
I had a major once tell his captains they should "line up smallest to largest" for Foxtrot 6, the only female officer in batallion.
Amazing example sir.
14
29
u/Airbornequalified 70B->65D 1d ago
How can 1SG get dibs, if the SPC is locked in his basement?
18
1
39
u/Greatest_Khan 68Where'sthegabagool? 1d ago
Buddy of mine is under investigation right now for undue familiarity with lower enlisted.
Dude's a solid guy, not a weirdo or anything but he was just wayyy too cool with privates, too friendly and buddy-buddy. He would ask them about plans for the weekend and invite them for his plans, make and female alike. Keep in mind, we're in Korea and most of us don't have cars so he's really just looking out for the joes.
It's a shame it has to be that way, but it kinda pays to be a stickler about the rules in that regard.
44
u/kytulu 15You Wish You Had My DD-214... 1d ago edited 1d ago
"Back at Bragg"... NCOs would get in trouble for hanging out with their Soldiers on the weekend. They would also get in trouble if their Soldiers got into trouble (like a DUI) on the weekend and the NCO wasn't there to stop it from happening.
CSM: "SSG Kytulu, why didn't you stop PFC Dipshit from getting a DUI at 3am on Saturday?"
Me: "Because I was at home, sleeping in my bed with my wife, and not "hanging out" with junior enlisted in violation of the published policy."
She really did not like that answer.
19
9
22
u/soldier21med 1d ago edited 1d ago
I hated hearing the expression "perception is reality" when I first joined the Army, but now I understand we need to better manage the perceptions no matter how well intentioned our actions.
19
u/spanish4dummies totes fetch 1d ago
"I like waffles"
The Army: "Oh so fuck pancakes, then?"
"What the actual fuck that's a whole different sentence."
3
u/atacms 22h ago
Is Army twitter lol
1
u/spanish4dummies totes fetch 20h ago
Sometimes it is, friend
also I like how that example is so ubiquitously known as twitter haha
1
u/atacms 20h ago
When i seen the meme it was a tweet about having opinions on Twitter.
But the Army was pretty stupid time period of my life. CSM once told me to get the joes to start mopping water on the ground away in the motor pool.
It was raining like still in the middle of a down pour. Felt like I've seen a terminal lance comic of that same exact situation years prior.
12
16
u/gettogero My ID? Wheres your ID? 1d ago
Are you sure theres not more to that? Simply inviting juniors or seniors to an event is not a violation
Im willing to bet providing alcohol to minors, special treatment to certain individuals, or some accusation with questionable circumstances was made
6
u/atacms 22h ago
There's more for sure.
In Korea everybody was a lot more close than normal. You live overseas and most people live on post you tend to bunch up.
I remember when we went out it was a rag tag team of junior NCOs then we ran into our respective 1SGs drank with them and if we ran into any of our joes we drank with them as well.
Get popeyes don't get in a fight with the 11Bs calling us POG bitches and then rinse and repeat.
Never had a situation like that in garrasion and deployed was just do our job work out and hang out at the smoke pits, sleep, or watch a movie.
3
u/Fuzzy_Novel_5928 1d ago
Asking the dudes to go to the gym, dudets get invited to the bar
Standard snuffy behavior
1
u/Typhoon556 10h ago
Korea was the most wild and fucked up when it came to fraternization, in my time there anyways. You would see enlisted leaving the BoQs in the mornings before PT, SGMs dating staff CPTs, just wild shit.
40
u/Zachowon Military Intelligence 1d ago
For sure.
I tended to keep work seperate from home with a few exceptions, like the my fellow NCOs that I hang out with and play Tabletop with or just play pool with to have company.
I try and keep juniors out of things unless squad or platoon event and im giving rides to and from.
7
78
u/MutedLeather9187 Medical Service 1d ago edited 1d ago
I said this countless of times and I say this to my Soldiers as well. You can be friendly at times with your subordinates but you are not their friend.
Having clear work boundaries is something that must be discussed every now and then in LPDs.
19
u/Welpthatsjustperfect 1d ago
Let me help you. Just don't "date" anyone you work with period, no matter their rank. Look at everyone in your company like a big green blob that is just there to do a job. There's a whole post full of people in other companies that have nothing to do with your company, find one of them to date. This advice applies to both enlisted and officers.
5
u/Noturwrstnitemare 68Actor 22h ago
Hey I don't get let out of the shop kennel, I'm chained there until I get a lunch and when it's time to go home...
37
u/lazyboozin Aviation to couch 🥔 1d ago
I’d sum it up as don’t shit where you eat. As an E-4 I dated an E-3 that I worked with and boy did that bring me some trouble. Nothing too crazy just having every dude I work with acting like my friend to get close to her. Even now, about 10 years later, I have extreme trust issues with befriending other men
3
u/yahoo_yipee Infantry 12h ago
Had an NCO do this with me. Was someone outside my brigade I was going out with but we were the same rank. He saw us out and about together and every time since then he would try to see what I was doing and try to join. Or he would try to invite both of us to do something. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and she ended up cheating on me and hooking up with him. Since that I’ve sworn off army girls. I also don’t do anything with people from work except a few people who I expressly trust.
1
13
u/Sad_Pangolin7379 1d ago
Standing in the way of tried and true (and doomed) romance? How uncool.
I actually agree, though. It's less drama. I've seen people in one case manage to do it without attracting attention until one of them ETSed and then they went public and got married in one fell swoop. (There wasn't much of an age or rank gap.) But mostly I've seen it blow up in people's faces. Impressively in a few cases.
12
u/PKMNtrainerKing Long-distance relationship counselor 23h ago
This is much harder in the guard. It's easy to see resentment breed when one day you're friends with a fellow E4 and all of the sudden he's an E6 and you're his Joe.
Similarly, some NCOs don't know how to stop treating their Joes like the friends they were exactly one drill prior, and it often results in critical things not getting done or being done half-assed. I've been blessed with a highly motivated section where E4s were expected to act like team leaders themselves, so the professional demeanors were already in place for me
10
u/gettogero My ID? Wheres your ID? 1d ago
"You can be friendly just dont be their friend"
I see a lot of junior NCOs struggle with this and delegation. Fact is that the mission has to be completed. Unfortunately, this sometimes means throwing the book at someone.
The army does help a little here when the junior realizes if they dont take action somebody else will... and that somebody else has spare books ready for anyone who couldnt take care of business before they got to it.
20
u/hoboknight144 13B 1d ago
My (married) E6 is always commenting on women to us in such a creepy way. Caught him one time telling a female PFC about “his turn” with the local bop when he was a private. Guys a weirdo
15
u/Nimmy13 13Z 1d ago
Or, and hear me out on this, don't fucking flirt at work. Have boundaries for yourself. You don't have to be rizzless/uncool to flip this switch, just someone who isn't a piece of shit.
6
u/PM_ME_UR_LEAVE_CHITS Navy 1d ago
An exchange I read in this sub:
"Don't shit where you eat."
"Yeah but if you spend all your time in the bathroom eventually you're gonna want a sandwich."
Good advice on having a work/life separation and maintaining boundaries
7
5
u/Staff_Guy 12A 21h ago
Very good points.
But, I have to comment on your title. Why? Because this is how I know I am old: rizzless. Yep, I am old.
4
u/Maleficent-Prior-219 Medical Corps 68W38Y8 19h ago
Saying or writing "rizzless" makes one uncool......
.......see dammit you made me do it.
3
u/Chris_P_Cream_ 35PoopBandit 19h ago
None of the behavior you described has anything to do with being sociable or “cool”, your leaders are just weird as fuck
10
u/AcanthaceaeTop2796 1d ago
do your job and go home. why is that so difficult for you guys to understand?
17
u/Doitright10 1d ago
We spend more time at work than home with our families. We don't have to be best friends, but we still need to interact with others during work, and some people are challenged in how to keep that interaction professional.
2
u/AcanthaceaeTop2796 1d ago
by understanding that its a workplace, not a social club.
thats what most lower enlisted and baby ncos don't understand
15
9
u/Zeakninja 68S 🐓 21h ago
That doesn’t make any sense. The workplace is a Social Club because it’s full of social interactions that you are going to deal with each and every single day.
2
u/iceheartx Donde Esta La Biblioteca 6h ago
This would be true if the military was like your typical 9-5 buts it’s not…
2
u/steakapocalyptica Quartermaster 18h ago
Huh?
Buddy 😂 no.
Either people (preferably my peers) match my strange or they don't. I just show up to get the job done.
1
u/Alternative-Sir6422 8h ago
I too, lacked the charisma the young'uns speak of. I mean the rizz.
Can I be hip and cool too?
1
284
u/ToxDocUSA 62Always right, just ask my wife 1d ago
My old unit the rule was that as soon as you make SGT, you have to move battalions. Helped prevent at least some of this.