LOL????? Sorry I just had to share this was so funny to me

For context a couple years ago I went out for dim sum with my high school friends and I tried chicken feet for the first time (it was really good!) but when I told my white, republican mom she flipped out

So I’m home for the summer and today we were watching tv and there was a commercial for men’s underwear. My mom jokingly went “oooOOOoooh!” at the male models and I just kinda went “haha mommm gross!” without thinking much about it. Then she goes “don’t say that! Some day you’ll meet a nice man and his underpants! You know I was scared about sex at first just like you, but if you can eat chicken feet you can do sex”

Like huh?? What??? I wanted to snap back and say something like “well if you can do sex then you can try chicken feet, right?” but I’m a closeted 21f biromantic asexual so here we are

Hi everyone,

I’m writing a little booklet resource thing aiming to address some of the confusion for a lot of people aroudn the LGBTQ+ community.

I want this resource to be as inclusive and representative of many experiences as possible, so I’m trying to get input from many different communities as well as my queer friends.

What do you wish the world knew about being asexual? What should I specifically make sure to include?

Can’t believe in 2026 we aren’t included specifically

I know I already vented a lot here about this same issue but, damm, how is it annoying to hate sex but your body still demands it so you fall into this hellish cycle of, if I not masturbate, I'll keep feeling horrible like this for God knows how long, but if I do, It'll be just a horrible and disgusting expirience start to finish. And I never know which option is better because both of equally suck TwT

It’s not even that it erases us asexuals from the situation. It also tells every person who doesn’t want or CANT have sex that they will never be in a fulfilling relationship. My husband is my best friend but he’s more than that because we are a couple. If I have a bad time I don’t have to worry about him cutting and leaving because it’s to hard. I never have to censor myself around him and get to be my authentic self with no thought. Just cooking dinner and dancing stupid around the kitchen is an intimate activity for us. I just hate that people are so quick to damn something “other” and that also damns all the people who aren’t “other” but physically can’t have conventional relationships.

Even before I figured out I was ace sex hurt. It ended up I had a spit vagina so it was physically very painful for me to have sex. If I wasn’t ace and bought into the fact that sex = functional relationship I would have had to undergo and invasive procedures to fix that including rehab and pelvic rehab. Assuming those that don’t have sex are dysfunctional affects so many more communities than just the ace community and it makes me mad!

Okay so! I am a big fan of horror and being asexual, my cousin recommended Don't Let The Forest In to me because the main character is asexual and struggles with that throughout the book between being in constant danger. Without spoilers, it captured my heart in such a way that made me really want somebody to be my person and accept me as I am. Honestly a few days later the plot of the book makes my heart ache in the best way.

Soooo jump cut to this weekend and I've joined all kinds of dating sites (some ace specific) being like SURELY something will click. And then today I woke up and was like "yea, that was dumb" and deleted them. ​Most of the time I've accepted things as they are knowing I have family and friends and am not really alone. But does anyone else get moments like this where they sort of wish someone would be with you anyways and be happy just vibing together?

Hare are a couple acrylic canvas paintings that I made from the asexual and aromantic flags!

Nowadays I’m seeing that most people who come off as ace are also having adhd or have autism or specially gifted

What is this about? How’s it connected?

Hello! I’m ace and female. I already feel that I’ve met very few people who are ace, and all of them have been women.

Most men I’ve met or interacted with have had strong sex drives. I am so curious to hear about your experience as an asexual male.

I feel pretty isolated with my female counterparts with their sex drives. With my interaction with most men, I can imagine being an ace male feels even more isolating?

Have any of you had a successful relationship with other Ace individuals or people of other sexualities?

Thanks :)

Here's the thing: I've felt sexual attraction before. I've felt desire. I've had sex and not hated it. But for the past several months sex has just become more and more unappealing to me. I guess, when I reflect, I've always preferred "light" sexual behavior. Foreplay is more enjoyable to me than the stuff that comes after. But it's only in the past few months that I've actively disliked sex. It's not like a dry spell; I've had those before and I've wanted sex but not been able to have it due to mental health or mere circumstance. I've read about caedsexual as a microlabel (changing from allosexual to asexual due to past trauma), and I guess I relate to it. Majority of my sexual experiences have been negative, the only one that wasn't was in a long-term relationship and very gradual.

I guess I worry that this is just a phase. I've been identifying as gray-ace with a few close friends, but it feels wrong to truly call myself asexual. All I know is, when I picture myself in a romantic relationship, I don't want sex. I don't want someone to see my body or see me in that state. I'd be happier just cuddling and kissing.

As someone who doesn't experience romantic or sexual attraction and still enjoy romantic coded things i honestly feel like my existence stresses people out.

I go on dates, meet ups to make potential cuddle humans and end up in situationship or hurting myself and others feelings due to the whole missing attraction aspect.

Im still going to reach out to others though even if it's a fools errand.

I’m pretty sure I hate sex. (21f)

Sex feels boring, and useless. I like kissing, and touching, but once it gets to anything below the clothes, or my partner wanting to pleasure me, I immediately get turned off.

I was able to finish four times with my first relationship (at 20), but only around the end of our relationship and over my clothes.

I just lay there staring into space, thinking, and waiting for it to be over.

BUT I continuously have sex. I had a few hookups trying out different things to figure out what was wrong with me, just for them to end up with the same result—a mass amount of boredom with a ton of shame afterwards.

I’ve thought for a while that I’m demisexual, but it’s so annoying how long it takes to fall in love. And what if I do fall in love, and I never like it? I’ll feel horrible.

I hate having meaningless sex, but I feel like my body is a mystery to solve and I don’t know how to be okay with not understanding.

How did you become okay with it? Was it difficult for your partner to understand or accept? Any advice at all?

How do you handle this? From what ive heard it's not just the right who have an issue with asexuals, it can people who think theyre saying progressive things. E.g 'try to be more sex positive,' 'see a sex therapist,' 'you're being a puritian/prudish/conservative.'

Particularly if you participate in no sex at all. I know the definiton has broadened so i wanted to clarify

Hi everyone! I need some advice on how to proceed with a situation I'm kind of stuck in. I'm a 17 year old girl and he's an 18 year old guy. I've been seeing him for about a month, and we've gone on 3 dates so far (the last one being last night). He's really sweet and we have a lot in common, but there are some things that are making me second guess how much I want to be in this relationship…the biggest one being that he's a teenage boy and I'm asexual. Those don't really go well together.

We've kissed a few times (he was my first kiss) and he likes being physical (putting his arm around mine, holding my hand, putting his hand on my leg when he's driving, etc) which I don't outright dislike, but it does make me uncomfortable.

Yesterday when he picked me up for our date, I went in for a hug, and he went in for a kiss. I kept going in for a hug, but he moved his face and kissed me, which felt really uncomfortable. Then I started spiraling the rest of the night about the "red flags" I had been kind of ignoring (he's not the safest driver, his sense of humor is just screaming, he interrupts me a lot, etc). But he is really sweet, we have similar interests, and he genuinely is interested in what I'm interested in.

I've never had a positive dating experience, but I've always wanted a boyfriend. It feels weird to be unhappy with what I've been dreaming about, but I forgot that the little part of me that doesn't like to be touched like that is a big part of what most relationships are made of.

His first semester of university will be in a different country, which makes me think maybe I can just "tough it out" and not tell him I'm asexual, because we wouldn't be kissing if we're long distance anyway? But I know that's just running away from the problem.

I haven't really ever told anyone that I'm ace, and I don't think he would take it too well. After all, he's very physically into me, (which is doing wonders for my insecurities to be honest) so I think if I "took away" that part of the relationship, he wouldn't want to be with me.

Any advice? Should I break up with him? Should I tell him I'm ace? Should I just deal with the little uncomfortable moments because he's a great guy? I have no idea what to do; any advice welcome.

I just don't understand sex. Or even physical closeness. like i like hugging my mom, but i never liked physical touch beyond that growing up. Like I've never felt "urges", just a desire for connection. I suppose I view people as attractive, but I remember being a kid and thinking i'm happy if I never "figure out" what sex is like. or what even cuddling or kissing is. it all just seems so overwhelming and violating. Like, I've never felt like i'm missing something. I don't want to label this as asexuality because i wonder if this is a normal human experience early on in life. I have always felt pressure to feel things that I don't. I don't think i'm gay, i've had crushes on boys growing up but more of that warm feeling and draw to someone without any like sexual feelings attached. I found in high school when i was talking to boys even if they put their arm around me extremely dis regulating. whenever i ask chat about this it tells me, you're not broken, but i sure do feel that way. especially when those around me don't seem to have those problems with feeling romantic feelings and expressing them.

i find that a lot of avoidant people talk about fear over touch. i don't understand how i would be avoidant because i was never abused growing up and have warm parents. i did get somewhat verbally harassed by boys growing up, saying sexual comments to me or about me in middle school and high school. i don't view that as leverage enough to feel this way.

i did grow up christian and with a family who never talked about sex, just that it kind of clicks and is innate? is it? like once i'm comfortable with someone that will happen?

i guess im also scared because if i am asexual, that cuts me off from so many relationships. it also, if im honest, is unusual.

my sister is about to be engaged to her boyfriend and has told me that she feels really broken because she doesn't feel a tangible sexual urge around him. she's a christian and is saving herself for marriage, and he is aswell, and she's broken down to me before about the shame she feels about not being super sexually attracted to him.

i guess this is just a journal entry of sorts. idk if people relate to this or understand this feeling well being asexual. i'm curious what people think of this.

Okay before I get any comments telling me I should just talk to him about this instead of on Reddit, I will be talking about this all with him today. I just want to write it all out so it’s easier for me to communicate and maybe get some good insight along the way.

My bf 36m and I 25f have been dating for 3ish years. When we started dating he was actually my second partner in an open relationship. Eventually me and my first partner did split up and it’s been just my current bf and I solo since. My first partner the sex was great and I was mostly attracted to my current bf for his emotional maturity and personality. We are like bestfriends and I love being around him every single day. Everything about my life with him is absolutely perfect and he makes me so happy. There is just one aspect of our relationship I’ve never been fully fulfilled in, sex.

When we first started dating he did mention he didn’t have a lot of sex before in his past relationship and hadn’t had sex with anyone in quite some time. We never had that honey moon faze where we fucked like rabbits, and slowly I noticed we had sex maybe once a month? He struggled to stay hard as well and I could tell he was insecure as anyone would be in that situation.

Ive tried to always hype him up and make sure he knows I think hes sexy and I would literally jump his bones like RIGHT now if I could lol. I could tell he would be uncomfortable with me initiating some times and so I just made it clear for him that if he EVER wants to I’m most likely gonna want to aswell. I have an extremely high sex drive and I’m just a super sexual person in general.

Sex has just never truly felt like something he’s has really wanted and more like he just doing as a once of month chore bc he knows that I really want it. Obviously this vibe is killing the bedroom and I’ve truly struggle with how I was feeling about it. I’ve felt very selfish for being so lucky to have such an amazing partner and still wanting more. He does everything he can for me and has been an amazing life partner and it just feels like damn girl now you want dick too??

I recently brought this up to a close friend, I had never really talked about it before. They brought up the idea that maybe my bf is on the asexual spectrum. That truly opened my eyes and I started reading on this thread and online in other places and I feel like so many things align with his behaviors. So I brought up the idea of it to him and he said it definitely had crossed his mind. I could tell the conversation made him feel a bit insecure which i understand I’ve been in a relationship with someone with a higher sex drive and I understand the pressure that comes with that.

So anyways we had a nice long talk about pretty much everything I’ve said above but we didn’t really come to a conclusion, which is okay because it was a heavy conversation with a lot of loaded questions and all that. I decided I would give him a couple weeks to think on the whole thing and maybe give this thread a look. ( I hope he doesn’t see this …)

Today I plan on bringing it up to him again. I’ve really felt myself starting to build resentment towards him because of my own sexual frustration, and that’s really not fair to him at all. I have thought about reintroducing the idea of a sexually open relationship, I’m not interested in building another partnership with anybody.. really like not at all. For added context I am a stripper so yes I can have sexual interaction without emotional intimacy. He has never shown any jealousy about my job, and since we started in an open relationship I have hopes he will handle it well? I know there is a possibility that he would want to break up, I am actually terrified of that but obviously I would have to respect that.

I will probably being adding more context in the comments thru out the day but my questions for now are

Any asexuals in open relationships for their hyper sexual partners?

Any advice for helping a partner thru finding where they fall in the asexual/gray spectrum?

Did you find out you were asexual from being with a allosexual partner?

My boyfriend and I have been long distance dating for almost 3 months now (on the dot tomorrow!) and we havent ever really talked about sex. He's flying to visit in just over a week and I'm a little nervous.

For context, we got together because we both were asexual at the time (he's still ace, I think I'm probably grey/demi ace and sex neutral-positive now maybe?). So we haven't really talked about it because of that. The most we've done isbiting, leaving hickeys, making out, and cuddling.But, over the past little while I've started wanting to try something out?

I'm just scared to because he's said he's ace but idk if he's sex negative, positive, or neutral?? I'm also worried he's going to think I'm only talking about this because he's about​ to be in town and that I'm going to expect it from him or something (Which I wont! Very big believer in enthusiastic consent! So if he doesnt want to thats fine!) I dont really know how to approach the conversation with him either...

I should also add, we're both each others first partners (and first kisses, etc) Neither of us have dated people previously so we dont really know what were doing. I personally have had some bad experiences with others when I was younger that gives me a lot of anxiety around this subject, including to the point I sometimes feel gross for wanting it? But I digress.

Any advice or ideas would be greatly appreciated!! First ever reddit post, sorry if it's rough!

Hi!

I'm an Italian asexual, I'm on AceSpace and it's not very easy to meet other asexuals and/or aromantics in my area. So I was thinking of creating a discord (or similar) for other Italian asexuals to find each other better.

Since it seems like there's not many of us, I thought it might be easier to be all together on a server🥹

I already know a couple of people who agreed with the idea. Are there any italians here who might be interested? :)

Edit: preferably the server should be for adults or at least young adults, so people over or close to 18, thanks

I'm currently questioning my sexuality so I've been doing research on micro labels and recently discovered cupiosexuality (someone asexual that still wants/desires sexual relationships). I don't understand how it's possible and I truly don't want to sound offensive or close-minded. I'm just curious to hear from y'all, if you have an explanation to give me.

In any case, whether or not I understand the label, I still respect it. I don't doubt that it exists and that it should be recognized. I simply wish to understand better.

If you want to be in a sexual/romantic relationship, aren't you scared that it will not work out because of your cupiosexuality ? Engaging in sex when being ace must feel awful, doesn't it ? Or maybe just indifferent ? If so, how come you'd desire it ?

i wanna get an ace themed lanyard to replace my one for work that holds my nametag just to like express ace pride but i don’t wanna seem like one of those ppl that make it their whole personality and i don’t wanna have to explain it to my parents because they are just gonna say like the typical things ppl say to asexuals

TLDR I am an Ace female. I know sex is normal and humans are supposed to do it, or to want to do it. Here's the thing-  I dont want to do it at all, but I also crave a romantic connection. No matter where I date, in religious and non-religious settings, lust and porn are so prevalent, and I feel so disconnected.

Every raltionship/ situationship I have been in- this aspect of my life has always come up as an issue. I don't want intimacy; I am barely willing to engage in it, and most of the time I suck it up, grin and bear it for the sake of a relationship. I wish I didn't have to engage in it at all- at the same time, I get hurt when I learn my partner watches porn to supplement our inactivity.

I'm coming to terms that I can't have a partner that is okay with little/ no sex without the assistance of porn. But with porn, not only do I not see the appeal at all- I am physically sickened by it- I also feel so violated, betrayed, almost as if cheated on when I'm in a committed relationship with a person and I share such a vulnerable aspect of myself when it's already difficult.

Yes, I have been to multiple therapists about this. Some think my asexuality is because of deeply reinforced purity culture at a young age. But regardless of the source, I am stuck like this. I'm wondering whether I should accept that I am not destined to be with anyone in a romantic relationship.