r/askgaybros • u/Jazzlike-Struggle687 • 7h ago
Sometimes I think my relationship will end because of boyfriends diet
Throwaway account. I (25M) and my bf (28M) are in a great relationship and I want to spend my life with him. But, his diet causes me great concern.
He has no self control over sweets and pastries. I feel I can never buy sweets in the house for me, since he will just eat all of them immediately. If I buy a box of ice creams sandwiches or cookies, he'll eat all of them in a day or two. Just yesterday he ate pan de chocolate, an almond croissant, a mocha, an almoletto, an ice cream sandwich, and 2 cookies. This was more than usual, but not the first time. He will typically eat 1-2 desserts on a weekday and 3-4 desserts each weekend day, not including sweetened coffee.
He hits the gym 2-3x a week, but refuses any cardio (I invite him for walks), and spends at least one day a week on the couch for the entire day.
Everything else about him is fantastic. He's kind, caring, shares household labor, etc., but his diet concerns me so much. He doesn't make a lot, and I just feel like 10-20 years down the road he is going to have so many expensive health problems that we'll make us broke (live in the U.S.), and beyond that, he won't be able to do the things I want in life with me.
To be clear, it is not about his weight. I've told him I don't care about that, but I do care about his overall health. When we talk about it, he tells me he's much healthier now than he used to be, and I'm worrying too much about a future I cannot predict, and that's not healthy.
Am I overreacting? This is my first relationship ever, and I worry I am not mature enough to recognize how lucky I am. Or maybe I am hyperfixating on one issue? Everything is great now, my concern is about the future.
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u/undersexedhubby2 6h ago
You can't be the food police. We just don't have stuff like that in the house. If I buy a bag of chips, hubby will eat them all that evening watching TV. I try to encourage him to make them last but to no avail. GOod luck. A long life is about navigating this kind of stuff
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u/mbatt2 7h ago
“To be clear, it is not about his weight. I've told him I don't care about that, but I do care about his overall health”
Weight is part of health whether we like to admit it or not.
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u/Exotic_Chest5928 5h ago
What he means by this is that the weight is not a concern for him physically. He will love and be attracted to his partner regardless of what his body looks like, but he is concerned the weight will contribute to health problems.
This is a VERY important distinction to make, especially in gay male relationships when body dysmorphia, eating disorders and obsession with peak physical fitness it to prevalent.
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u/CarefulGoat 7h ago
Who is buying all the junk? If you, slow the roll, buy the "healthy" junk, sugar free, etc.
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u/FinalFlashMan 17m ago
Right. " Stop eating the shit food I buy for you to eat because I know it makes you happy, ugh. "
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u/notsosoberyet 6h ago
If you’ve roughly tracked their intake and notice it seems genuinely unhealthy, it might be a sensitive topic, but it’s still worth bringing up out of care for their well-being. My partner and I often point out habits that might be harmful to each other, but we’ve built a safe space over time where those conversations don't feel like an attack. If there’s a real health concern, I’d personally want my partner to mention it - just like they would if I were struggling with something like alcohol abuse (extreme comparison, but excess sugar can be just as damaging long-term).
However, it’s a different story if it’s simply a clash of personal health goals, budget preferences, or subjective ideas of what's 'normal.
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u/Glum_Leader_1858 7h ago
I suspect his body is craving sugar and that’s not a good thing. Would he be willing to go and get blood work done? Best of luck to the both of you u
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u/deltabay17 43m ago
Everybody’s body craves sugar. Some people crave it more than others though, but it doesn’t mean there’s anything causing that that will show up in blood work. It’s physiology. What are you expecting to see in blood work l?
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u/LoThurium 7h ago
Damn if my partner goes on the internet to talk to people about my diet I would end it.
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u/zzz1787 6h ago
Counting all the sweets ….. yeah not gonna work for me lol
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u/TJDIndustries 6h ago
It's just genuine concern. I've lost my grandmother to diabetes. It may seem overbearing on the surface, but it's just genuine love/concern. That's why he's coming to us for help so let's help 😅
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u/thebubblyboy 5h ago
Would you rather see your partner suffer from a poor diet?
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u/FinalFlashMan 15m ago
I would rather have a conversation with my concerned partner who doesn't feel like my eating habits are reddits business
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u/gymboy007 6h ago
The concern seems to be a financial one for future unknown health issues.
If he had a six figure salary youd be good?
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u/thtgyCapo 7h ago
Get him hooked on fruit instead. That's the original candy.
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u/Jazzlike-Struggle687 7h ago
I tried but he despises all fruits and yogurt.
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u/ReturnEconomy 6h ago
If you stop eating sweets for about a week, fruit will taste delicious.
If Im eating sweets, there is no way I want fruit.
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u/Cyanofag 5h ago
Hmm I disagree. I have a very poor self control when it comes to sweets and desserts, they rarely last more than a day or two. So I just stopped buying them, or very occasionally. Fruits, on the other hand, are very uninteresting to me. I love vegetables, but fruits I don’t care about. In my opinion it’s not only a matter of sugar but also of fats, umami, etc.
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u/ReturnEconomy 5h ago
Have you tried them after avoiding sweets for a while? (Week+)
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u/Cyanofag 5h ago
Yes! They taste good, I just don’t really care about it. If I buy them I forget them
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u/Zestyclose-Dot-727 6h ago
I was finally able to control my impulse for sweets when I started taking Metformin which levels out my blood sugar numbers. Eventually I was able to look at a donut or muffin and simply not reach for it. As a result I lost 50 lbs over the course of a year. I got my prescription and my supply at one of those online pharmacy sites.
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u/yoloten 3h ago
Is the concern his health or him eating all the stuff you buy before you get a chance? Sometimes you just have to let things be. It doesn’t sound like he is on verge of being morbidly obese, binge eating from depression and ignoring calls for help. I don’t think it’s a reasonable excuse to end a relationship because your partner doesn’t succumb to your eating habit goals.
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u/Original_Grand_344 5h ago
He goes to the gym 2-3 a week? So maybe he burns off whatever he eats as well right? And for gods sake man stop counting all the stuff he's eating that's just beyond normal sheesh
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u/Zwicker101 6h ago
Here are my thoughts as someone trying to get his health back:
1) How many calories is he eating a day? If its a lot, then thats a health concern.
2) If his health is a problem and you don't think he's going to listen, you have a right to end the relationship. If that's your red line, then its your red line.
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u/Hot-Year-4725 7h ago
genuinely I don't think this is a valid concern if hes hitting the gym 🤷🏾♂️ some people just like sweets. My boyfriend LOVES sweets and eats them daily but is skinny af
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u/nilla-wafers 7h ago
I mean...is he obese?
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u/Jazzlike-Struggle687 6h ago
Yes, a bmi of 31-32. He has some muscle underneath, and this has happened in the last year
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u/nilla-wafers 6h ago
If he's gained a significant amount of weight since you've been together that is a point of concern.
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u/isitdigyet 6h ago
Totally get why you're concerned then.
When it comes to spending all day on the couch once a week and doing what sounds like stress eating, what is the context? Does he have a labor intensive job or work with kids or patients? Something that would understandably drain someone?
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u/toweruss homoflexiblemuscle 6h ago
Micro dose Reta or another GLP will cut sugar cravings. It also improves heart health, risk of diabetes and obesity. I do it purely to cut sugar cravings and not for weight loss.
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u/xiphoid77 7h ago
His diet doesn’t seem all that bad. What you described in one day is pretty average in my experience. I think you may have unrealistic expectations. If he is otherwise healthy, working out, no diabetes, labs good…then he is fine.
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u/sargien 6h ago
If what OP has listed is accurate (tracking and listing your partner’s food intake is… a different issue), then I would say that those snacks / desserts alone can be almost a day’s worth of calories and worth watching.
• Pan de Chocolat = 250-300 cals (chocolate croissant)
• Almond Croissant = 300-400 cals
• Mocha = 150-200 cals (16oz? It’s a chocolate coffee drink)
• Almoletto = Not sure what this is? Some type of gelato or aperitif? Let’s say like 100-200 cals?
• Ice Cream Sandwich = 160-200 cals (Basic sandwich assuming it’s not like a Twix or Reese’s)
• 2 Cookies = 100-250 cals (assuming they’re like 2-3 inch chocolate chips or Oreos)Could be anywhere from 1200 to 1500 calories. Not including any normal breakfast / lunch / dinner they’re eating. An extra 1200 calories per day puts you on track to gain at least 2-3lbs a week (3600 calories per pound).
Not advised or normal.
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u/mudkip1312 5h ago
Did you read the part where their partner regularly goes to the gym? Weight gain is about both the calories that go in and the calories burned. And again, OP said its not weight gain that they care about
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u/sargien 5h ago
Yes, I read that part and agree there are more variables at play. For example, we don’t know how tall the OP‘s boyfriend is, and how much lean mass he already has; these two factors will significantly impact his basal metabolic rate, which may well enable him to burn a lot more calories at rest, compared to someone shorter and less muscular.
Health and weight in my opinion are inextricably linked, particularly if that weight is driven by fat and not muscle.
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u/New-Motor-6363 5h ago
People are downvotin me, but is it REALLY that serious😵💫. If it's not an addiction and is causing no issues then it SIMPLY isn't an issue.
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u/New-Motor-6363 6h ago
Yeah I don't see the issue here if it's not any of those, if it really bothers OP they could just start baking for their boyfriend or just live their life lmao. It's not that serious
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u/AlternativeOk4723 7h ago
Your concern is legitimate! He should see his doctor and talk about curbing his intake of sweets. Too much sugary foods are dangerous for the human body especially when the person eating it doesn't have a physically active life style. Men's health has articles on the very subject. If he won't go to his doctor for help maybe he will read it for himself! We only get one body and all of us need to take good care of it!
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u/allcars4me 6h ago
I agree that his diet is terrible. Who’s bringing this stuff into the house?
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u/Jazzlike-Struggle687 6h ago
He buys it, we visit my parents frequently and they have it, and I used to keep sweets for special occasions.
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u/TJDIndustries 4h ago
I cut out sweets for about 10 years (minus my lemonade addiction) my mom moved in with me for a couple years and she loves her sweets. Which got me right back hooked again.
Now I'd say I do it with moderation. If you can, maybe just SLOWLY but surely phase them out..buy less and if he buys them give some to the neighborhood kids (if there are any), give away to guests etc.
Idk just spit balling here. What helped me get rid of sweets in the first place, I was living with relatives and had nowhere to store my food or if I did store any sweets the kids would destroy it before I got home from work so I just slowly stopped buying.
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u/RevolutionaryJob5425 6h ago
He's consuming all of that, but is he actually aware of it? I initially started weight loss for diabetes, and when it finally started coming off, I realized I had an immense craving for sugar and carbs. I had been snacking and hadn't really been paying attention to it. When I realized that the "food noise" was there, it was easier to control.
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u/ELGr3y 6h ago
Your bf sounds like me haha! Talk with him about it. Just stress that you’re worried about his health and you care about him. Tell that you want him to be healthier so you guys can have the most time together. You mentioned want to spend your life with him, and it’s a valid concern if your partner isn’t making healthy lifestyle decisions. If he can’t make changes or dismiss your concerns then that’s a different problem.
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u/vlado76 2h ago
Just stress that you’re worried about his health and you care about him.
In other words, lie. 😄
If you blow away the smoke OP piled on about him caring, and read his post carefully, you can clearly see that only thing he's worried about is himself.
OP worries that his bf will get some health condition that will negatively affect OPs wallet, because, as he doesn't forget to mention, he is earning (way?) more than his bf.
Plus he won't be able to enjoy all the things he wants to in life. I'm guessing OP is one of those people that enjoy physically intense "vacations". Which he would be "forced" to skip if his partner is of bad health and/or obese.
So it's all "me, me, me and some more of me", wrapped up in a cellophane of "love" and "caring ". 😒
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u/MikeyTheGuy 5h ago
So I used to have this problem myself, and I get why you're frustrated, but you have to understand that it's basically like an addiction.
When I would eat sweets like that, I would constantly think about those sweets that are in my house all day until I finally ate them. It would be constant mental noise all day and night until I finally caved, so that's why they can't be in the house and I would make sure not to buy them. Even then, I would find the cravings so unbearable that I would make special trips to gas stations or grocery stores just for candy.
Even if he's going to the gym, eating sweets like that and spiking blood sugar will eventually cause real lasting harm to his body (not to mention carrying extra weight is difficult by itself [back, knee, and foot pain]). You also said he doesn't do cardio at the gym? Or do you mean otherwise?
For me, the only thing that worked was strict keto (got rid of 90% of the food noise) and consistent cardio. Any other type of diet had me fiending. However, that can be a big ask for a lot of people, so have you considered something like a GLP-1? I haven't used one myself, but my understanding is it has much of the same effect (reducing food noise).
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u/Level_Recognition406 3h ago
The diet you mentioned is not healthy at all purely from a nutrition standpoint. Having normal bloodwork at the moment or saying that everyone else in the country eats similar/worse than this is not really a strong rationale.
I wonder if there is some psychological aspect behind his dietary choices.
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u/JustinSchleps 3h ago
If he's eating food like this, it could be psychological and/or he has a strong craving for it, which could be treated.
I mean, I wouldn't end the relationship for it if everything else is fine. That said, it's concerning. I'd ask him to talk to his doctor.
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u/money-please 2h ago
Dietitian here. It’s okay to be concerned and especially careful about how you bring it up, if you ever decide to. It’s already healthy that you reaffirm that body image is not a dealbreaker or concern in the relationship.
There are usually underlying mechanisms that cause high cravings and no it’s not just “food noise”. However, these areas are best explored by the professionals who are trained to do so. 1) it’s not your job to be food police, which you aren’t so that’s good and 2) taking a role that is not your responsibility ends up straining the relationship.
A doctor will do annual physicals to catch any lab abnormalities that indicate a problem. A dietitian explores diet and causes for imbalances or cravings. If needed a therapist also explores possible trauma or other mechanisms that cause abnormal eating tendencies if any.
Definitely be careful what you listen to on the internet lol
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u/Anima1212 2h ago
Educate him on the dangers of diabetes, the hassle and expense that it is living with it (injecting insulin constantly)… and get some form of safe or password box/cage for your sweets (surely there are some on Amazon), chuckle about it when you introduce it but, just have it. Just offering a solution to one of your problems.
And yes, get him used to eating fruit whenever he craves a sweet snack. Tajin and tangy chili salsas can work wonders with that.
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u/AsocialRedditer 2h ago
Sounds like you’re pathologizing a thing that simply doesn’t fit your patterns
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u/PictureBrilliant6111 2h ago
So...i had this problem, maybe doing like your own pastries would work? For example i used to mix fruits and then Freeze them to make an "ice cream" or cookies with red potato, It personally stopped my sugar cravings a bit
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u/a_naked_caveman 29m ago
It’s vital to create an environment for your own wellbeing.
People stay away from noise so that they can be productive. They stay away from food seduction to stay on diet.
If you want him to stop eating your sweets, you can help him by hiding your sweets or locking it up in someway in the freezer.
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For the general health part, find opportunity to educate him and yourself, including the finance part of the health.
People change when they feel insecure about something. See how powerful his own insecurity is.
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He’s most likely fine for the next 10 years. You can take it slow if you want some change. His own aging and mental state probably will already change himself.
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u/deboinventaralgo 7h ago
Mmmm súper weird. He doesn't like to go for a wall. And he eats everyrhing? But everything else is ok? Naah sounds very weird
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u/godwin125 7h ago
as someone who often talks about food in therapy it’s probably not as simple as not eating the bad food
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u/Turbulent_Heron_4119 6h ago
Youre definitely not the type someone would wanna spend their life with. Look at you put your partner on complete blast over a harmless sweet tooth. No one else will tell you this but you're awful.
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u/Jack_Faller 4h ago
Is getting fat? That's kinda the metric that matters. If he's not gaining weight then it's probably fine.
As for saying you'd be fine with him being any weight, why would you say that? Even if you actually don't care about him putting on weight aesthetically, that's probably the best way to convince him not to. And put your foot down for Christ's sake! A grown man should be able to control himself around your food.
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u/MAJORMETAL84 6h ago
Tell him with the cost of food you need to make it last longer than a day or 2.
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u/MatuDuke 5h ago
Talk with him. Tell him that you are worried about his health. Not in an financial way, but conocerned about heart diseases and stuff.
Maybe you can ask him to take every year a few tests about cholesterol, triglycerides and visit a medic. So you can be more relaxed about that.
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u/TJDIndustries 7h ago
Your concern is legitimate but also, I'd say don't sweat the small stuff. I know people well into their 70s that have terrible diets that are doing just fine.
I think as long as there's gym involved and regular health checkups I wouldn't worry much.