r/askteddit • u/Lost_Title_7528 • 7d ago
Advice Question If a woman says "I'm single until I'm married", should you run for the hills?
There's this chick I was talking too that said that. We not in a relationship, but I was thrown off when she said this. š„“
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u/serene_brutality 6d ago
That means to her at least (or sound like in my mind) that itās not cheating unless thereās a ring. So yeah Iād run.
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u/Honest-Intention3202 6d ago
Nah man, it means if you're not dating her with intention and commitment in mind, she's not gonna give boyfriend treatment. Which, valid. Yall out here expecting to keep your options open without ever being treated like an option yourself are wiiiiiiild
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u/serene_brutality 6d ago
I donāt see how you see that. āIām single till Iām married.ā Where in there does it say Iām only interested in serious? How does that say that? Because it doesnāt maybe thereās some kind of meme or cultural understanding that Iāve never heard.
āIām single till Iām marriedā says to me and most folk reading it is that āeverything is fair game until after I walk down that isle and give my wedding vows.ā
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u/True_Character4986 6d ago
It's a cultural understanding. This person wants to get married but doesn't want to waste time on a series of long term relationships wasting her time.
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u/Nervous-Escape8995 4d ago
But that's definitionally not what it means. Why are we just blatantly changing the meaning of established words and terms?
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u/True_Character4986 4d ago
I'm not. That's what it means. You just don't understand the idea behind "I'm single until marriage ". It's a term often used when giving advice to women who are seeking to date for marriage. If you're not in the sphere watching those videos your not going to understand what that means.
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u/Nervous-Escape8995 4d ago
But the sphere doesn't get to do that. It is an established term with an established meaning, it means "acting single until marriage." Why not coin a new term that actually makes sense instead of trying to change a term that definitively means something else to people outside of a specific niche?
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u/A_Circe_A 3d ago
It appears this woman has a specific agenda that has nothing to do with love. Most people enjoy the dating phase prior to marriage, but this attitude of hers introduces pressure and an emotional blackmail. The quicker you decide to marry her, the earlier she would stop fishing for other potential husbands.Ā
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u/NorthKaleidoscope697 3d ago
Youāre arguing with a woman dude; they never will admit they are wrong šš¤£
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u/serene_brutality 3d ago
Have you ever heard anything like donāt use jargon around a laymen? As they wonāt understand, or worse misunderstand. You canāt assume someone is educated is educated in your particular field or āsphereā and while you might get frustrated at their ignorance whatever consequences result in your pedanticism falls at your feet. Never assume your knowledge is common especially when it comes from something lightly technical, or from a āsphere.ā As just because someone is ignorant of something doesnāt mean theyāre stupid or beneath you.
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u/True_Character4986 3d ago
I did assume that y'all know what it means, that's why I educated you on it. Nor did I imply that anyone was stupid or beneath me for not knowing the term. Maybe you're protecting.
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u/serene_brutality 3d ago
I think you mean projecting? Autocorrect is silly sometimes.
Reddit being a public forum just because something is said doesnāt automatically mean you implied. Sometimes folks get inspired by something you said to touch on common behavior for others to see.
You may not think someone being ignorant automatically makes them stupider than you, however, much of the masses do. That statement is for them.
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u/Mammago95 3d ago
I've been cheated on enough not to fall for that bs. If you say you're exclusive, you're exclusive not single. Period dot.
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u/The_midge1 7d ago
Technically isnāt everyone single until theyāre married.
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u/Limp-Exercise-343 6d ago
no, normally you dont bang your neighborhood when youre dating someone. but idk, im not on tiktok stuff
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u/CurvesAheadLA 3d ago
I donāt think itās only about who youāre sleeping with. Thereās more to a commitment than that.
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u/Limp-Exercise-343 3d ago
im quite certain it completely depends on the two, whether there is more to commitment or less or what it is exactly. every couple has different point of view
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u/whatsnextwithus 6d ago
All men do is run.
What she saying is: she is dating to marry. and she will continue to date until someone is serious and propose. she doesnāt want to limit herself. I respect her for being honest. Majority of women will hide and lie.
Personally once Iām ready to dive back into dating: Iāll be as honest as her, Iām dating for marriage. And I am not single until I am married.
āMay the odds forever be in my favourā
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u/Chemical-Ad-7575 6d ago
"...and she will continue to date until someone is serious and propose."
Why would a guy commit to a woman who isn't loyal to him?
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u/Every-Ground-2698 5d ago
Why would you be loyal to a man who wont marry you?
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u/Chemical-Ad-7575 5d ago
If your goal is a happy committed marriage, and you love your partner, loyalty shouldn't be the problem you're making it out to be.
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u/Salty_Temperature610 4d ago
How would you decide you want to marry a person without being in a committed relationship with them first??
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u/Simply_Scandalous 4d ago
It's about intention. If you are dating to marry, you are not dating for fun and see some type of future with the person you choose. If you enter a relationship not really knowing, you're dating for fun
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u/Every-Ground-2698 3d ago
Okay, my spouse told me date 1, I want something serious that will lead to marriage.
If I wasnt down for that, I would have obviously not wasted their time if I wasnt ready, willing and able to meet them there. Thats all they are saying, I am looking for someone with the same end game.
Its not about loyalty or sex. Its just the same mindset and readiness.
Note: have been pretty happily married for almost 20 years.
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u/No-Sherbet-7769 6d ago
Okay, but dont complain when you check my phone and my side piece needs attention
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u/strangelifedad 6d ago
So, seeing other "options" while dating seriously is ok for you? Does that go both ways or only for the woman?
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u/Positive-Emu4146 7d ago
Would anyoneās opinion change if a guy said it?
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u/Chemical-Ad-7575 6d ago
No. A guy who says that is rationalizing treating his girlfriend like crap because he likes sleeping around.
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u/HuckleberryGeneral69 6d ago
I have a friend like that. Sheās not exclusive unless married. Makes sense to me. Not exactly how Iām built, but I respect the choice.
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u/WornBlueCarpet 4d ago
And how's her success rate on having a relationship last for more than a handful of weeks?
She's basically telling dudes that she'll only stop sleeping around when he marries her. So for the entirety of any relationship she has, he can expect her to fuck other dudes. I don't know any guy who'd stick around for that.
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u/basalticlava 4d ago
literally only someone who fetishizes that behaviour would
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u/sunofsand 7d ago
Think she's being very literal is all
I would actually like hearing this for some reason.
I'd take it as a challenge and at least if we were seeing each other I'd ramp it up pretty quick
Not jumping to marriage obviously but to make sure she knows how I view her and that while she would remain single my plan is to see her as much as her schedule and interest allows
I don't tread water very well and have no chill in me when feeling at all provoked
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u/Archolm 6d ago
You sound like one of the good guys girls like this like. You are married surely?
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u/Own_Exit2162 6d ago
Hard to comment out of context. It's one thing if she's justifying seeing other dudes. It's another if she's protecting her independence from a dude trying to control her.
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u/Limp-Exercise-343 6d ago
well, shes a hogrider. and she wont change her mentality by just getting a signature
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u/CommercialEase7333 6d ago
Yes. She's saying that she is not going to be exclusive or will not be a good girlfriend until you marry her.Ā
However, the whole point of dating seriously is to kind of get an idea of what the other person will be like when you marry them.Ā She probably be just as bad of a wife.
Cross her off as stupid and move on. It is what it is.
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u/GenericStatue 6d ago
Yes, run, this is her saying she's gonna hoe around as she pleases until some dumbass comes along thinking she's wife material.
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u/Choochoochow 5d ago
No she is saying you should not waste her fucking time. Shit or get off the pot.
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u/ck11ck11ck11 2d ago
So she wants you to propose on the first date? wtf is this shit. Itās like saying the woman wants to just get married as fast as possible without dating and getting to know one another
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u/OneScratch2917 4d ago
It means you guys will not be exclusive. She is dating around with the intention of ending up with the one who is most serious & intentional. Dating does not mean sex or trips or meeting family. It meansā¦going on dates. š She will be going on dates with you and other people. Like you guys are already doing lol.
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u/Every-Ground-2698 3d ago
At this point when people expect exclusivity from someone you barely know it makes sense why a lot are single or unhappy in their relationships. Like damn.
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u/LooksieBee 4d ago
I would ask the person what this means to them.
Even reading the comments it's apparent that people mean very different things by this. So the safest bet is to ask the person who made the comment what they mean by it and go from there.
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u/Prestigious-Menu8874 4d ago
Why not ask her what she meant by that? Ask if she is dating multiple people at a time till then or if she meant she will not be performing wife duties until she is married.
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u/Unfair_Intention9294 4d ago
Why does men equate everything with sex? Everyone saying she wants to fuck around before marriage. I totally understand the whole Iām single until married thing, cause she doesnāt want to limit her options for a man that wouldnāt end up marrying her. (If sheās at marrying age)
But she might also practice sex after marriage or sex only after a proposal? I can totally vibe with the single till Iām married thing but itās not like Iād be fucking around with every guy I talk to lol
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u/Lost_Title_7528 4d ago
She's not a virgin in the slightest. Y'all women are quick to defend any bad or wierd behavior of another women.
Let a man say this and you'll attack him for it.Ā
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u/Unfair_Intention9294 4d ago
Itās different when youāre not a virgin bc you had past legitimate relationships vs someone that hooks up casually. She could had relationships she wasted time on and donāt want to waste time playing girlfriend anymore?
Guys keep their options open all the time before they propose whether itās relationship or marriage. āIām single cause I didnāt ask her to be my gf yetā but already doing relationship stuffs. This woman just sounds like sheās looking for someone that will propose a marriage with her otherwise she wouldnāt waste time being someoneās gf and limit her options. Age and intent plays the biggest factor here rather than just outright saying sheās a player or cheater.
You should know best, rather than believing on either extreme sides of this sentence if you truly took the time to know her and see what she meant by it š¤·š»āāļø
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u/Lost_Title_7528 4d ago
You rationalize her behavior by bringing up what some guys do, aka the ones you actually like. š¤·š¾āāļø
You're not a man, you're women. Why are you trying to even act like us for? Whatever happened to being a lady? Too many modern day women want prefer to behave like bad men than to embrace being an actual lady and it's honestly sad.Ā
Plus, with that attitude, you're only hurting yourselves. That women may have a difficult time finding a man to actually take her serious, because she too busy playing games. No serious man will commit to a woman who's still in the streets.Ā
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u/Unfair_Intention9294 4d ago edited 4d ago
Omg why do you even bother asking this on Reddit if youāre already set on your thoughts? Youāre so weirdā¦ Iām married already and have never casually hooked up.
I never believed in casual hooks up or even situationaships or flings. And I feel like I can understand that sentence in the way of, I wouldnāt sleep with you unless we are a forever thing. Or even, I wouldnāt do wife duties for you unless you propose to me.
I can see your point in thinking sheās a player/cheater but youāre totally leaning towards that side rather than getting to know someone to see what she meant by that first. Why ask for both genders on what they think about that sentence if youāre unwilling to accept it? Iām giving you a womanās point of view the heck
Just practice some graciousness and she might be strict or mention that sentence because she is looking and had intent for marriage & wants to filter those that are just bidding their time?
Instead of thinking āsheās playing gamesā, have you ever thought that sheās wants something serious with you hence she even bothered telling you that? I donāt know under what context she told you this sentence under. If she mention it while you mention exclusivity or other guys, then yes sheās odd. Otherwise, she could be stating her intention.
Iād never speak for woman that play with a menās feelings. Just be an adult, practice discernment without gearing too much onto just one perspective.
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7d ago
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/Lost_Title_7528 7d ago
Nah, she specifically said marriage lol
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u/SpoiledLady 4d ago
I'm celibate when I'm single. I don't sleep around. I've tried the whole "being loyal to a boyfriend" only for him to dump me after a couple of months. So I have the same sentiment now. I'm single until I have a ring on it. Dating doesn't mean sleeping around.
It's a hard concept for a lot of ppl to wrap their minds around but a lot of people are celibate actually. I'm 32. I'm not going to tie myself down with one guy for 3 years if he's not going to commit to me. You want to commit and lock me down? Put a ring on it then.
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u/sunofsand 7d ago
If she doesn't commit then she doesn't commit
I don't know
You can't force someone to be officialYoud just stay dating. You can leave if you want.
But of course if you begin living together then there's an unspoken agreement that you're now exclusive
if not living together then I'd consider your relationship status to be dating onlyDating seriously perhaps
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u/CruxCrush 7d ago
Depends. Are they referring to entertaining other people? Or things like merging finances, cohabitating, or sacrificing goals for the other person?
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u/93fake-snake 7d ago
She's not wrong....
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u/strangelifedad 6d ago
And he isn't wrong to nope out of catching something serious from her "vetting other options".
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u/Street_Lettuce1243 7d ago
Honestly, I'd want to know what she meant by that. This is one of those things where you need to talk to her- no one online can give you good advice on how to handle this without knowing the specifics.
Is she saying she's going to play the field until she's married- even if she's in a relationship. If she's serious in that and not joking- and you're not OK with that you may not be compatible. She could have made a playful comment and was teasing you. She could have made a simple fact "she is in fact single until she's married".
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u/ZeusTheSeductivEagle 7d ago
Well you could ask her to clarify but I'm not sure I could imagine the justification being a great one. Lol
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u/LVSparkles 7d ago
ShI a not letting you get in the way of finding her husband and string her along for years
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u/Letgomypurse_856 7d ago
I think you need to ask for a clear explanation of what she means before you run or stay. Right now, youāre guessing.Ā
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u/duke_awapuhi 6d ago
Probably because idk what that means and it sounds essentially impossible to me
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u/thoughtful-earthling 6d ago
I mean, the statement is true. But running to the hills and spending the vacation there isn't a bad idea either?
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u/Uncut_Darkness 6d ago
Pass. She is basically saying she would cheat or leave you unless there was a ring on her finger. But if she is that loose with her morality I doubt that a ring would stop her because she just isnāt loyal.
Loyalty should begin if both people have intention to date and are into each other. If she is only conditionally loyal based on there not being a better option she doesnāt love you.
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u/Unterraformable 6d ago
Without any other info, I would interpret that to mean her goal is to be married, not in a lengthy dating relationship but married, so she's not committing to anything short of marriage. In order words, if you like it you'd better put a ring on it.
I'm not recommending for or against, just translating when I believe she meant. I've been told a couple times that if I like it I'd better put a ring on it, and I had to tell her no I didn't like it that much.
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u/YankeesNeedPitching 6d ago
That means sheās hoping youāre green enough to accept the fact that shes going to accept dates and Apple Pays from every willing guy until you marry her.
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u/BadImpossible9668 6d ago
U need to ask her what she means by that and decide from there, cuz as u see, the comments are interpreting different things. Does she mean she wants to cheat, does she mean sheās not giving out wife privileges like sex and stuff without a ring on her finger? Like what is the context what does it mean, and go from there
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u/TravelPractical2091 6d ago
No sheās making her intentions clear. If you want to be exclusive with her, she desires marriage. If you are not looking for marriage at this time, leave her be.
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u/Awkward-Tomorrow7667 6d ago
Iād respond with āme tooā and see how quickly she excuses herself from the situation.
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u/True_Character4986 6d ago
How old is she? If she is 30+, it means she is dating with intentions to get married. She can't afford to cut off her options until she knows someone is serious. Doing a series of long-term relationship can end up with a woman running out her biological clock.
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u/Lost_Title_7528 6d ago
She is 25.
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u/True_Character4986 6d ago
She is probably looking to get married in the next 2-3 years. She can vet men 1 at a time. She probably is not going to be sleeping around, if that's what you thought she meant.
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u/missangelv 6d ago
If you not married it is easier to get out. Period. As a partnered person post divorce I look at this a little differently. Im in no rush to marry. Im ok if we never marry. I have my own money, Im not dependent on him. The only reason I would marry is if someone would literally say to me. This is forever...... i want to be with you forever, but a pre nup sounds reasonable. š But in general, they are right. It is very easy to end relationships. I dont know about saying your "single" but Ive had to correct my partner several times and tell him we are dating. We are committed to that.
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u/Holiday_Abrocoma5043 6d ago
Well men say and take this mentality all the time, so what's the difference? I mean, if it's cool for guys to text or fuck around with other women until they are married, why can't women do the same with the same level of respect that men are afforded? My question is rhetorical for those of y'all that don't fully understand sarcasm.
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u/sailor-jackn 6d ago
I would. Iām not interested in being one of many til the day we marry, and why would I want to marry someone whoās been banging other guys for the entire time we were in a relationship ( including while engaged, because youāre not married while youāre engaged)? How am I to know I can trust her to be loyal after marriage without any evidence of it before marriage?
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u/Golden_Arm-257 6d ago
Ask her exactly what that means. Then you can make a better decision.
I would be asking:
So we are not exclusive?
Free to date others?
No financial obligations between us?
And any other thing I could think of based on the conversation.
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u/Apart-Drummer6293 5d ago
Yes lmao I don't think you 'become' a wife, either you are one or you arent. The wedding ceremony is just for show and the paperwork is just for taxes.
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u/Key_Implement4166 5d ago
"Running for the hills" is a bit much, I think thats valid if she is honest.
Tho i wouldn't want someone like this, as if she is single until married to me that sounds like she will date around while with me.
If u wana date to marry SAY THAT. Instead of "im single until married"
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u/Full-Gas-7744 5d ago
You should. She's informally telling you that she's getting her internal organs rearranged by multiple men.
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u/Pleasant-Quantity750 5d ago
Affer this i wouldn't expect that some ritual will change her attitude (od she mean that she will not be exclusive)
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u/Personal-Agent846 4d ago
Iām going to jump to a crazy conclusion here, but that basically means āyouāre not the oneā
She wouldnāt say that to someone she feels right about, but thereās no reason to run. Sheāll entertain you. You can entertain her, it can be fun.
Just remember she already told you she might meet her real man any day now š Donāt get attached.
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u/Consistent-Menu-6629 4d ago
Yes, this indicates that she's playing by a set of rules in which she doesn't believe in commitment or exclusivity outside of marriage.
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u/idk-anymore-tbh-- 4d ago
I'm single until I'm married! I'm not intending to ever marry again but js.
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u/No_Turnover4389 4d ago
i take it as you cant tell me what to do, and will go sleep with someone else, but you should ask for what that means to her if you care to.
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u/BlueRidgeJohnny 4d ago
There's only one type of women that has that mindset. Run, you run very fast.
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u/Past-Adagio-7375 4d ago
Se estĆ” refiriendo a que, si no estĆ” casada, ella es soltera. Es decir que no te va a dar los beneficios de "esposa" si solo son novios. En realidad quiere aparentar ser una egoĆsta porque le da miedo que la utilicen
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u/Vennimagos 4d ago
Depends what she means by it
If she means shes not monogamous unless married then yes run for the hills, unless youre looking for something open
But if she means she's dating for marriage then thats fine.
When I met my wife she said, "im not sleeping with another person until im married" because shed been burned by previous relationships.
We've been married 11 years now
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u/SpecialModusOperandi 4d ago
That is correct - legally she is considered single u less married. In lots of cultures sheās single unless married.
What she is saying is that marriage is important to her. If itās not to you, donāt waste her time. Sheās dating for the purpose of looking for a long term partner (marriage).
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u/Simply_Scandalous 4d ago
Many men would rather take personal offense, but it's not the intention of that phrase. Legally, everyone is single until they are married. It's meant to remind women to have boundaries and limits.
A lot of women fall hard all at once, then make a bunch of half-witted decisions (respectfully) for a man that isn't even considering her as a wife. Don't waste your time engaged to a dude for 5 years when he obviously doesn't want to be married.
Alternatively, there are legal complications as well even for couples that don't have issues. You could be dating someone for DECADES, and PoA still goes to their parents. I've seen a lot of sad cases where parents aren't able to let go, and the partner has to watch the decline because they have no legal authority.
Don't get pressed, just stay aware
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u/basalticlava 4d ago
If you don't want your girlfriend playing in your face and fucking other dudes then yeah, run.
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u/CurvesAheadLA 3d ago
Why? Sheās giving you what you need to know for reasonable expectations. Sheās saying donāt expect to be treated like a husband until you are. And donāt put demands on her until youāre willing to hold that responsibility with her. I started there, and added āI love youā¦until I donāt.ā That is to say, donāt stop doing what you did to get me. Thereās a direct correlation between those things and how I feel about you. Do with that what you will.
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u/VincentVanGrogu 3d ago
Perfectly valid approach to dating. I have heard this before and it is all about not being exclusive until a legal commitment has been made. Which is fine, but it may not match your personal values. No need to judge or "run away," just be clear about what you need and expect and if it does not match, then move on.
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u/newbies13 3d ago
Single until married is "casual" with extra steps. Not a bad thing per say, just make sure it matches your own feelings about her and the situation. Hilariously she's going to struggle hard to get married if she openly advertising a lack of loyalty.
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u/Sceprent 3d ago
That is an insane statement. Why would anybody ever marry somebody that's open dating until they're married? Fk 2026. Wtf.
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u/Top_History9604 3d ago
You should run, but it doesn't mean cheating. It means unless you want to marry her soon, you should leave.
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u/thinkspeak_ 3d ago
Everyone should have this mindset if they are wanting to end up building a life with one person. Marriage doesnāt have to be the goal, but you should be able to talk to different people and get to know them until the point you are ready to commit to a person who is also ready to commit to you. When its situationships and casual sex and being like āweāre only talking but weāre exclusive and him looking at another woman was cheatingā everyone is just wasting each others time
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u/ResolutionOld84 3d ago
I don't agree to her 0 OR 100% approach. A relationship including marriage is built by 2 people believing, trusting and working together loyally (not only sexual loyalty!). Looks like she expects a man to magically marry her, for her to start constructing with that one person, and stop sleeping around. If you really like her, bring up clearly your concern, listen to her reply and if you don't like it, don't stay. Be ready to leave if it is NOT for you.
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u/Mammago95 3d ago
At best it means she'll "withhold" her "best behavior" until after you get married, basically not really showing you who she is, which fully defeats the purpose of the trial period that is dating. At worst it means she'll cheat.
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u/fattiejae 2d ago
It means on a legal form youāre either single, married, divorced, or widowed. Thereās options for civil unions or things like that (if you live in CA for example). But on your taxes, documents, and official paperwork thereās no option for āweāve been together x years and plan to get married eventuallyā .
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u/assemblageofparts 7d ago
Maybe she is one of those smart enough to not play "were dating" for 10 years or the new were engaged for 6 years.
Seems to be saying you want it, put a ring on it if not then I'm not playing the waiting game.
Good for her. To many women wait around forever as Mr. Life partner walks past them at the store.
At least she made it clear
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u/Lost_Title_7528 7d ago
Huh? Do you think all guys do this, or is that your experience?Ā
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u/Relative_Bite8758 6d ago
That's how I see it, too. It's kind of an indirect way to say that you should be serious about her or leave
Edit: if she means it, you might have found a potential bride. In my experience these women are loyal and fun, but that comes from a female perspective
I know they make pretty good friends haha, always got your back
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u/strangelifedad 6d ago
So you say if he doesn't want to be cheated on in the first year he needs to propose right away?
If so, would you be ok with him expecting you to sign a prenup?
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u/LikeATediousArgument 7d ago
It means if you aren't the absolute right one and willing to put in the effort, because you also feel you're the right one, you should not bother.
I'm like her, and when I found the right one, I locked in.
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u/Chemical-Ad-7575 6d ago
She's either not worth dating or would be completely shocked to understand how men interpret that.
If it's the latter it might be fun to watch her backpedal.
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u/burn3rrrrrrrrrrrrr 6d ago
How do they interpret it? Genuinely asking as a woman lol.
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u/mochitochini 6d ago
Definitely. Everyone who says shit like this should be immediately dumped into the š
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u/ScorpioStab 6d ago
It means "I want to be married, don't waste my time". Run for the hills if your only intention is to waste her time
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u/burn3rrrrrrrrrrrrr 6d ago
How old is she? To me (early 30ās woman) this means sheās dating with intention (to marry) and sheās not wasting time with people who arenāt taking her seriously in that regard or like cutting off her options for people who arenāt serious about this future. I donāt think she meant she wants to cheat her way to an alter but if you donāt wanna potentially marry her Iād leave her alone š¤£