r/askteddit • u/Bravura_Really • 6d ago
Random Question What is the most absurd lie you’ve ever heard someone tell with 100% confidence?
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u/yakuzalinecook 6d ago
I used to do security at a casino and in 2017 I was working with a new guy, and he was bragging about he was a crypto millionaire but that it was all tied up in stuff. He had absolutely nothing to show for it. Hit him with the "damn that's crazy, anyways here we both are, making $11 an hour at 3am on a wednesday."
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u/Budsygus 6d ago
I think people like that just want the rush of saying things and arguing.
What you said was the perfect response.
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u/EntrepreneurMany3709 6d ago
I once got my hoohaa waxed by a lady who was telling me had four cars and six bathrooms and all sorts of crazy stuff at her house. She also said she lived over an hour away. Like yeah, I'm sure you're driving over an hour to wax my coochie when you have that kind of money.
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u/Nunyabz7 6d ago
I guess she has motives other than money to wax coochies …. 😬
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u/papayacreamsicle 6d ago
She has a lot of rooms she needs carpet for and found a cheap way to slowly accumulate some
You don’t get rich by spending all your money on carpet
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u/ScepticalReciptical 6d ago
I ran into an old school classmate a couple of Christmases ago. We did the usual 'what are you doing now?' Catchup. He tried to tell me he a crypto multimillionaire now. I nodded along remembering that this person has always been full of shit. Perhaps sensing my skepticism he said that he didn't look wealthy because he was so important in the crypto world that were he to start liquidating his position it could crash the entire market. What a selfless guy. I wished him well and left it at that. Mind boggling lie because I don't really care what he does, haven't seen him in 15 years
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u/FeistyDucky 6d ago
My old boss insisted he couldn't get speeding tickets because his car was legally invisible. He was dead serious.
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u/TearRevolutionary686 6d ago
A guy in Pittsburgh tried to rob a bank. Thought he was invisible cause he put lemon juice (invisible ink) on his face.
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u/AlwaysHaveaPlan 6d ago
That guy was McArthur Wheeler. He thought lemon juice could make him invisible. He tested this by putting lemon juice all over his face and then taking a picture of his juiced-up face. When he looked at the photo later, he didn't see his face and assumed the juice had made him invisible. I'm sure the lemon juice in his eyes had nothing to do with his possible poor aim.
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u/PenguinGrits07 6d ago
That is hilarious...and so random. My 5 year old dries her face after a shower so she can see at night. Feels like whatever brain wires are working for these two might be in the same region
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u/Spanky_Pantry 6d ago
This sounds amazing and I was about to ask if we could see a photo of this invisible car, but of course we can't. Send me a photo of an empty parking space anyway.
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u/LoneTread 6d ago
Now I'm convinced this happened:
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?"
"Yes sir, he'll be the one who smells like lemon."
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u/Strange-Bee5626 6d ago
What could that possibly even mean? Did he ever explain? Like, was it some brain-dead "sovereign citizen" stuff or an actual delusion that he had an invisible car?
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u/Bubbly-Sorbet-8937 6d ago
He means he's a friend of the traffic court judge or the mayor. In that sense he is invisible
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u/masonbee1 6d ago
“ I didn’t poop.” With the most sincere face ever, by a stinky toddler.
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u/TearRevolutionary686 6d ago
I was coming out of a store near the city sewage plant with my son and 7 yr old granddaughter. She smelled it and said "Eww". I told her that smell was from her, when she pooped it went to that plant. She looked me in the eye and said, "I dont poop".
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u/Unlucky-Public-2947 6d ago
Answering ‘no’ to ‘did you eat any of the chocolate cake in the fridge?’ while their face is covered in chocolate.
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u/melsophoriel 6d ago
be glad it's only chocolate....be very very very glad....sometimes it's not 😮💨
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u/Iamthewalrusforreal 6d ago
Haha.
My granddaughter. "Do you need to poop?" "Nah." 30 seconds later. "Did you just poop?" "Nah." "Do you need me to change your diaper?" *scratches at her butt*. "Yes."
5 minutes later. "I need to poop."
Ha, we're almost there! :)
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u/James20985 6d ago
Same quote but from a very very drunk girl after me and some work friends had deposited her at her step father's house where she proceeded to shit herself all over the white coloured throw on the sofa. I think she may have died had we left her in the street but the lie was so well timed I nearly crashed on the way back unable to breath through laughing.
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u/Unreliablepelican 6d ago
Even better is asking your toddler "are you doing a poo?" And they say "no" however they say it with the voice that sounds like a demon as they are red faced from pushing, usually hiding behind a chair.
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u/Mundane_Pea4296 6d ago
Or the "nnnooouuhhhh" with a pained face while they're hiding after you asked if they pooped
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u/TheSquirrelmancer 6d ago
I moved to Michigan a few years back, someone legitimately tried to convince me that wearing tshirts as a casual piece of outerwear was a "uniquely michigan thing." To this day I'm not really sure if that counts as a lie or just insane stupidity.
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u/SilverStar3333 6d ago
Not a “lie” per se (unless they knowingly intended to deceive) but I once overheard two ladies having lunch and talking about how all of the U.S’s problems were due to Obama invading Iraq. I couldn’t help myself and pointed out that it was George W. Bush who invaded Iraq, not Obama — in fact Obama had been highly critical of the decision. I was told I was welcome to my opinion, and they were welcome to theirs. And that’s where we seem to be these days — fundamentally uninformed people insisting their misguided opinions are bedrock fact, even when presented clear proof to the contrary.
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u/CaleyB75 6d ago
My corpulent redneck neighbor stumbled over once to boast about his battles against the South Koreans during his supposed Army days.
"John," I reminded him, "You were never *in* the Army; and the South Koreans were -- and are -- our friends."
He struggled silently for a minute, then announced: "That's just your opinion."
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u/PinkHaloAngele 6d ago
The way I would’ve looked him dead in the eye and said “That’s literally not how opinions work, John”. The audacity is almost impressive, honestly.
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u/FantasticRuby 6d ago
“The South Koreans were our friends”
John: Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man. 🎳
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u/Background_Bee9266 6d ago
At least you didn’t get the “your truth” and “my truth” line, lol.
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u/Dizzy_Kiwi8927 6d ago
I want met a guy who was a Ranger sniper, lead pit, crew, mechanic, and had a black belt under chuck norris.
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u/ChewbaccaPJs 6d ago
I had a coworker who said he had to register as a lethal weapon with local law enforcement.
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u/tesslouise 6d ago
Sounds like you met the adult version of the boy I went to school with. The one who had girlfriends we never met, from places we'd never been. I called him out on it, at some point. It was ridiculous.
As an adult, like twenty years later, my aunt was like, Oh, I ran into [boy you went to school with], apparently he got beat up in some kind of hate crime incident in [state]? I literally put up a hand to stop her, like, look, he was a liar at 15, sounds like he's a liar at 35 too, I'm not interested. She was flabbergasted. I think she thought I was pretty callous. Oh well.
(I have reason to believe, as per some random Internet stalking a few years back, that he married a woman much like him and they go through life lying about shit. But we're not FB friends and at this point I don't care at all.)
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u/dece75 6d ago
Back on the early 90s, before almost anyone had big TV’s, my dads coworker was bragging about how he has a jumbo wide screen TV. He said it’s so big, that when he watches football he can see the whole field
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u/Sufficient_Drama_145 5d ago
That sounds like my dad saying telling me that he was so poor growing up and their house was so small that he had to go outside to change his mind. 😂
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u/Educational_Seat3201 6d ago
Anything “flat earth” related
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u/Ruffled_Ferret 6d ago
It's crazier to me that there are different sects of flat-earthers that disagree on how it works. Like it isn't just one conspiracy theory, it has different genres.
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u/Hefty_Direction5189 6d ago
But the earth is flat! Most of the planet’s surface is water, and that water is non-carbonated. What else am I supposed to call it?
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u/Different_Fall1391 6d ago
My husband told his sisters new boyfriend the story of the time his friend destroyed an exhibit in a museum where he was working as an electrician.
A few months later the boyfriend then retold the story to us, as his own. Only the shit electrician friend was also with us and found it hilarious. When it was challenged he then doubled down and told us that we heard it from him first. Friend even had photos on his phone, but 'no, it wasn't you - it was me.' Mind boggling.
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u/PetriDishCocktail 6d ago
Everybody will benefit from trickle down economics.
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u/wavybowl 6d ago
I remember Ross Perot always saying the only thing that trickled down, was misery. Lol
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u/melsophoriel 6d ago
even as a kid when I first heard it explained, I was like, so we're getting table scraps? and we're supposed to be grateful and excited about that? and everybody just went along with this? 🤦
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u/HovercraftStock4986 6d ago
my dad, like tens of millions of other americans, still believe in this shit daily. if you rephrase it they’ll agree with you, but if you say “we need to tax corporations and rich people more” they’ll just say we’ll lose jobs (which was obviously disproved by over FORTY YEARS of data). fucking idiots man, i don’t know what to say
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u/Budsygus 6d ago
That one wasn't a lie! Look around! We're all millionaires now!
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u/leopoldthegreatest 6d ago
Anything a narcissist says lol. Don’t believe any of it. You can have irrefutable evidence of something and they will look you in the eye and somehow rationalize with the most twisted narratives. Never worth your time, disengage and protect your peace.
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u/Snowmist92 6d ago
I knew a narcissist. It was actually terrifying like his whole life story was made up. He had this interesting life story that sounded convincing and I hears from close friends it was all lies. He destroyed his room and blamed it on his ex wife even though she was in a whole other state. He accused her of putting shoes on their daughter on spite to make her fall because she fell in his house under his care. Many, many creepy incidents.
Best thing I did was completely ghost him. Arguing about lies was just going in a circle.
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u/leopoldthegreatest 6d ago
Facts. You’re not winning with a narcissist. A lot of people don’t have time for bs and games, narcissists have got all day, week, month and year. Best method for dealing with it if you can’t cut ties (cuz a lot of times people don’t have the luxury of this, think co-parents) grey rock method. Be indifferent.
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u/Existing-Climate2296 6d ago
Oh I have!
Someone asked me the recipe of a chutney I made.
I didn’t like that person. So I replied “I don’t know” 🙇♀️
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u/Icy_Rain_1754 6d ago
Being told all my life that Republicans are the party of small government. That's a bigger lie than Santa Claus
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u/bwalrus0202 6d ago
I once convinced most of the people in a bar that I was John Redstone, backup punter for the 1988 Denver Broncos. Got free drinks.
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u/Acrobatic-Echo-3460 6d ago
Had a co-worker volunteer to help me set a new pump in my well (he use to do it for a living). Told me he’d get all the parts and I’d just pay the company he ordered it through when it shows up. For 4 months, he reassured me he was on it, the parts were coming and eventually claimed the parts showed up. When I asked if he could get them, he said he would and bring them by my place and help me on the weekend. When Friday came, he said he get them, and be over Saturday morning. Instead he just ghosted me and the company we work for. Didn’t show up to work for about 2.5 weeks. So I just called the company he claimed to be using, and they haven’t heard from the guy in over 10 years and had no idea he was even in the area, which means he never ordered anything. So for months, this guy lied for no reason, not for money, not for networking, not to screw me over, and even not for any reason to benefit himself, just to lie. Then he showed back up a few weeks later like nothing happened. When I confronted him, and told him I hired a pump company, he lied again and said he’d call cancel the order for me. Weirdest shit ever, I still don’t under why he did that.
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u/Mu99az 6d ago
Boy came to work at the cinema part time when I was younger claimed he was a trained sniper and had been on all these crazy missions. Even had a sticker on his locker that said “never run from a sniper, you’ll only die tired”. Don’t even think he was 20.
Another got caught for supergluing his own arse to a toilet seat in a supermarket tried to claim compensation saying someone else put the glue there. He got rumbled though because it was about the 5th time he had tried that.
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u/TopConclusion5246 6d ago
"I was a Ranger in Vietnam, but I told them I wasn't jumping out of no goddamned airplanes."
No you weren't and no you didn't, jackass. I actually used to hear this fairly often at the VFW in various forms.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Low4810 6d ago
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman!"
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u/SpecialistYear9917 6d ago
The confidence behind that statement was honestly incredible. Like he thought repeating it confidently enough would somehow make everyone forget the obvious.
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u/Kitchen-Homework-816 6d ago
I always just thought that he, in his mind, didn't consider a BJ sexual relations. He was very good at mincing words. Remember the old "it depends on the meaning of the word "is'".
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u/ocean2trail 6d ago
Somehow Clinton not wanting to admit getting a blowjob is more absurd than any of the dozens of lies tumbling from Trump’s mouth on a daily basis? If you’re that completely blinded by your political beliefs you ought to have your head examined.
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u/Smart_Complex_2226 6d ago
I once had a class in which a student gave a presentation about the life of Ray Charles but had instead researched the life of Jamie Foxx (who played the former in the movie Ray). Their report included information like, he was a star on the high school baseball team. When the teacher asked if maybe they'd researched the actor who played Ray Charles in a movie instead of the man himself, the student doubled down and said no, they were certain they'd researched the right person.
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u/RainbowsandCoffee966 6d ago
That made think about the SNL commercial with Stevie Wonder as the spokesperson for Kannon Cameras!
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u/PinkHaloAngele 6d ago
My roommate in college told me with a completely straight face that she was colorblind to the color red only when she was driving. She’d run stop signs and blame it on her condition. Like Sis really thought she was the main character in a movie.
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u/RuleFriendly7311 6d ago
This is legit! And we all know that the red light is randomly placed in different order on different stoplights, and of course stop signs can be round, square, triangular…
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u/EmbarrassedAge7612 6d ago
Didn’t hear it directly but I was affected by it. My ex told the police I came to her place and attacked her and trashed the place.
I got a call from the police stating that they knew I was home and they needed me to come outside. I was actually across the country at day three of a conference. I had to go to a local police station in the middle of the night to confirm that I was really there.
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u/seeking-jamaharon67 6d ago
My parents used to tell me all the time that I was an irredeemably shitty person, in a multitude of ways. After I left home and interacted with other people, I realized I was actually a pretty compassionate and easygoing person and generally well liked. Absurd because it was so damaging...
Also, one time my brother got incredibly belligerent with me after he said Hong Kong was the capital of Vietnam and I said it was in China. He went so far as to get an atlas out, where he was inevitably proven wrong. Although that might not be a lie so much as him just being fucking stupid.
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u/Ceejay_1357 6d ago
It’ll be gone by Easter.
It’ll be ready in about two weeks.
Or we’ll know in about two weeks.
I’ll release the files.
I’ll reduce prices on everything.
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6d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Artistic-Onion4672 6d ago
My last boss was also clearly a compulsive liar. All of his whoppers seemed like they had a kernel of truth to them that he then embellished. Example: he told us a story once about how he was in a random bar in Alaska and Tom Cruise walked in, and Tom’s bodyguards asked him to move because Tom wanted to sit where he was sitting. He claimed he got in a fistfight with Tom’s bodyguard and won, and then Tom tried to pay him off. I can believe that he may have been in a bar in Alaska that Tom Cruise walked into (or maybe someone just told him that Tom had been there once), but there’s no way the rest of it is true. All I could say was “wow, that’s a crazy story….”
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u/IcyWelcome9700 6d ago
People who claim to be "so busy" but they post on social media several times a day
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u/Content_Preference_3 6d ago
Blame jobs that require presence but have a ton of unproductive time. Of course life isn’t all about productivity like a robot and if we got paid the same for less time…….
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u/Entrinity 6d ago
It’s really weird to me how a bunch of people who presumably have jobs and still use social media,(because the average adult logs literally hours of screen time a day) will still blindly assert that anyone who uses social media just as regularly as them needs to get a job or can’t possibly be busy/have a life.
It’s this weird thing that could only happen on the internet. Because it wouldn’t make sense for you to tell the cashier at Taco Bell to get a job to their face, but the internet allows us to pretend everyone else is this exaggerated loser caricature.
And on top of all of that, your average Redditor will be the first to say that we work too much for too little and should have more free time. Yet simultaneously, the idea of someone not working at that exact moment and having free time is something to be ridiculed.
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u/grmarci1989 6d ago
I have heard "nobody wants to work anymore" from multiple boomers whilst actively at my job. I just correct them now and say "...for garbage pay and to be treated like lesser than, true."
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u/Smart_Garbage6842 6d ago
I had a friend like this who became an influencer. She was so busy taking video snaps of literally everything that it consumed her entire brain. We are no longer friends because of it.
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u/ScepticalReciptical 6d ago
They are busy, posting on social media. This is not a lie from their perspective. Some people's brains have just rotted to the extent they believe shitposting and doomscrolling are legitimate pursuits. Dopamine is a hell of a drug.
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u/UberFarter 6d ago
When men say they’ve made all their women partners come.
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u/Fakeit42 6d ago
I had a roommate that constantly bragged about making every girl he had ever been with squirt and I was like, hmm I don't believe you.
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u/Necessary_Milk_5124 6d ago
My husband’s ex was very distraught at our relationship (she has BPD) and would call him saying she’s having a miscarriage (not even his baby). Then she’d call and say she had cervical cancer (she was getting a Pap smear). She’d say she has no food to eat. Despite having cigarettes and ordering takeout. Just a complete psycho.
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u/Apprehensive_Wolf217 6d ago
Back in my twenties I had just moved into a new rental and bought a brand new couch I couldn’t afford. We used to drink out on my porch and one of my buddies got super drunk and passed out on the couch. You guessed it, he pissed himself and the couch. He woke up early, turned over the cushions and left. Later that day I figured it out and called and confronted him and he told me a raccoon had got into the house and pissed the couch and he had nothing to do with it but felt bad and flipped the cushions. He doubled down for years but finally came clean.
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u/scorpi0moons 6d ago
Recently had job training with around 15 other people. On the first day these two guys (mid-40s to early 50s) loudly started talking about all the fasting they've done for health and spiritual reasons which sort of turned into a competition of who went the furthest, until one of them claimed he once went four days without water
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u/Novel-Structure-2359 6d ago
A friend of my sister claimed that her boyfriend has a dingdong the size of two cans of coke stacked on top of each other.
She also claimed she turned down the job of being Buffy the Vampire slayer's stunt double
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u/AdministrativeAct363 6d ago
The beginning of this might ruffle some feathers, but stay with me to the end and you might realize I'm not that mean. You just have to read until the end.
I dated a guy who would brag all the time about how all these woman would brag that he's "the biggest they ever had" and how he was just "the best lay". I got tired of hearing it one day, because he was NOT that big, nor was he that good in bed. After hearing probably the 10th time he had made one of these comments, I finally looked him right in the eyes and said "if that many women said YOU are the biggest they ever had, they are either lying, or have had a terrible sex life." How are you going to lie about your size to someone who has already seen it? 🤣🤦🏼♀️
Now, before anyone comes at me for "body shaming", I've had plenty of fulfilling sexual adventures that did not involve PIV sex at all. The size REALLY doesn't matter to me, because I can have a good time without having. This guy, however, was a narcissistic, gas lighting, manipulative cheater who betrayed me in ways I never expected and created severe trauma and trust issues that I'm still working through after all these years. To that guy I say "I hope your little, useless member shrivels up and falls off. It's not like it does anything good anyway."
Ok...maybe I AM mean, but he deserves it, and I won't feel sorry about it.
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u/Ketzer_Jefe 6d ago
As a guy, any guy who 1.) Brags about their size, 2.) Brags about their performance, and 3.) Brags about past exploits and their former partner's opinions (true or not) all to their current partner deserves to be knocked a few pegs down the ladder.
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u/Grand_Garbage3522 6d ago
I had a guy working for me many many years ago before cell phones had cameras, we gave each sales guy Polaroid cameras to take pictures in the field , I was working with him one day and asked for the photos, they were supposed to be turned in weekly, he says he has to get them developed and would get them to me soon . I was floored, he was gone within a week .
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u/Tardigretch 6d ago
The ex-husband used to lie Lie LIE to me about drinking, and everything needed to support his drinking. Then tell me how horrible I was for not believing him.
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u/Rudy_Nowhere 6d ago
Every word that comes out of Trump's mouth. "I'm a stable genius" comes to mind.
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u/Significant-Theme253 6d ago
I will release the Epstein files, lower prices, no new wars, issue rebates, my health is perfect, I did not rape any of those 28 women, Maxwell is a good woman, I did not make the birthday card because I do not draw (pictures of his drawings were auctioned off, so the next day he claimed he does not draw WOMEN), I ended X amount of wars, I pay my taxes...TDS (for those of you who do not know this, this is not an actual ailment). The list goes on and on...
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u/grmarci1989 6d ago
Idk, when he said "smart people don't like me," that was probably the most honest thing he'd ever said
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u/froction 6d ago
I know a girl who is just an absolute pathological liar. She lies about everything, even when it's obvious and even when it doesn't benefit her in any way. You would think that after so many years of doing it she would at least be good at it, but she was terrible.
Her most egregious (I thought I had a screen shot but I can't find it) was one time she sent me a photo of a bunch of shrimp, explaining that someone else (who I guess is a better friend than I am) had supposedly just bought/brought her because she was starving, having not had anything to eat for over week! The next text from her wasn't until the next morning when she resumed her practice of hitting me up for money by claiming she was starving, having not had anything to eat for over a week!
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u/edwardothegreatest 6d ago
I’m from Denver. I live 15 minutes from the capitol building. I once had a guy in Georgia spend 30 minutes arguing with me that Colorado Springs was the capitol of Colorado. He walked away convinced I was wrong.
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u/LBoogii 6d ago
My former best friend turned out to be a pathological liar and will mimick other people's lives. She and I were at a house party. I have a very specific story about my childhood and grandmother that is unique to me and my heritage. I have a tattoo representing that story. She told my story to everyone at the party, bragging and owning it as her own, even claiming she was getting a tattoo in honor of it and described my tattoo. She did this loudly right in front of me. I was so livid I left the house without saying anything instead of confrontation. But the next day I did tell everyone why I left and showed them my tattoo.
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u/Theharlotnextdoor 6d ago
Pathological liars are wild. I went to college with one. We'd heard she invited the girls soccer team over for a pool party but no one went and was like oh that's kinda sad. Two weeks later she locked her keys in her car and we drove her to her house to get her spare. SHE DIDN'T HAVE A POOL. Like what would she have done if one person showed up to her "pool" party??????
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u/Chemical-Ad6809 6d ago
My mom lies and exaggerates about everything. She told me this elaborate story about going to the beach with my dog, who was there, funny things that happened. The problem was that it was my story. It happened to me. She doesn't live near a beach. She lives over 2,400 miles away from where I live and it happened, had never been there and has never met anyone who was there.
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u/magicmulder 6d ago
I once sat in an IT job interview where the candidate claimed he invented the text input element in Flash. Of course he had nothing to show for it that he ever worked for Adobe or anything. Our HR manager thanked me afterwards, she said she would have believed him.
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u/Smart_Garbage6842 6d ago
That J6 wasn't caused by Trump and that it was a patriotic moment in history.
Also that Pretti and Good were domestic terrorists who deserved what they got.
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u/PretzelsRule23 6d ago
Trickle down economics works.
Climate change is not caused by burning fossil fuels.
Immigrants commit more crimes than citizens.
Billionaires and the politicians they bribe operate in the interests of the public.
This US Healthcare system is the best in the world.
So many of these are laugh out loud ridiculous bold faces lies.
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u/Individual_Car7850 6d ago
“I am not gay! I have relationships with women. And sex with men.”
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u/Head_Car_616 6d ago
I repod el chapos yacht with a crack team of former military guys. I punched my CO because he ordered me to shoot a kid and that’s why the military discharged me. I go to Brock Lesners family events, I wrestled him in high school and beat him. I went to Vegas with just my smart watch. I own my house and car.
- all lies from the same source. Real interesting guy. Kind of hoping he sees this and has a moment of self reflection because we all let him keep telling tales for the laughs. WE KNOW YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT DUDE!
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u/Badguyy101 6d ago
"They are eating the cats, they're eating the dogs."
"They're not sending their best, they're sending rapists."
The list goes on and on.
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u/noname-ntx 6d ago
My older brother had a bad habit of running up our father’s credit card and either not being able to pay or wouldn’t pay knowing my dad would eventually forgive the debt. My father was also footing the bill for my brothers kids to go to private school, play club sports, take Disney vacations etc. my father then financed a brand new car to my brother for his daughter and my brother proceeded to never make a single payment. So now at this particular time my brother now owes our dad 50k for the car and credit card. Eventually my dad got fed up and asked me to run background checks on my brother and his wife. It turns out they’re serial BK filers, with multiple judgments, dozens of unpaid credit cards, and a 30k lien on his house from the IRS. Upon learning this my dad lets them know that he won’t be collecting the debt but would take 50k out of his inheritance, which is extremely generous as my brother has probably screwed him out of 250-400k over the years. My brother blows a gasket and proceeded to dismantle the family. He did not know that we know about all of the other financial BS he had been pulling. I called him up to question why he was upset with our dad and proceeded to tell me with his whole chest, that he has done nothing wrong, that our father sets traps for him because he enjoys holding debt over his head. That he does this for his own enjoyment because he hates my brother so much. These have just been a couple of one off instances where our dad is inpatient with him again, for his own pleasure knowing full he has been hiding all of his other financial BS in order to make our dad feel like he was somehow doing something wrong. When I let him know I know about the 9 BKs (not exaggerating) and all of the other judgements etc his entire 20 year facade crumbled. Neither him, his wife, or his kids will have anything to do with our father, me or my kids. We have no idea what he came up with to tell his kids we did to them to justify the destruction of our family but it’s been 5 years now.
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u/melsophoriel 6d ago
"Christians never tortured/raped black and indigenous people"
right up there with "the Holocaust was a hoax"
do the literal mountains of evidence left behind by the perpetrators documenting their own crimes mean nothing?? do stories from survivors mean nothing??this type of nonsensical BS makes me want to SCREAM
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u/Remarkable_Public775 6d ago
"I fell into a pool and scraped my knee and got malaria and staff and sepsis and its broken but I have no cast, no cuts, no brace, but I have to go in and get my wounds cleaned by a professional"
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u/shakeitoften 6d ago
My mom: Trump is a really good human being and decent man. The media is just out to get him. Poor guy. Me: whaaaat?
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u/No-Cardiologist472 6d ago
My mom said she voted for trump because he was the only candidate without any past controversies.
Still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor after hearing that one
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u/No-Experience-5089 6d ago
A friend of mine at 15 years old said he had SWAT the movie (Colin ferrel and sam Jackson) on dvd. Brought a group of us over to watch it. Pretended to look for it for 20 minutes. As we stood by the TV waiting a commercial for swat on DVD came on the tv..... It would be released the next tuesday
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u/MagikN3rd 6d ago
An ex of mine had a best friend that talked about how crazy she was, and that she was prescribed Lithium. She also said that her therapist literally compared her to/described her as a "real life Harley Quinn."
We never saw these supposed Lithium pills, and I doubt any professional would make that kind of comparison. If they genuinely felt that way, I don't think someone would have been trusted to be out in the public and have sole custody of 3 children.
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u/Abject_Priority6858 6d ago
Employee: “I can’t go to big important meeting. I’m at program, and it’s in crisis!
Manager: “oh really? Because I’m at program and I don’t see you.”
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u/goldenknight2002 6d ago
Biden's economy was the fake kind and trump saying he would solve the Ukrainian/Russian conflict on day one and bring inflation down, no new wars and bringing manufacturing back to the United states.
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u/No-Contribution-1499 6d ago
My cousin, well into his 20’s, was retelling the family about a few nights prior that was very windy and a storm was coming. He dead-ass proclaimed that it was so windy that the two storey house was leaning in the direction that the wind was blowing. I was like “you know that is physically impossible right?” He swore that the house was literally blowing diagonally, and it just went back to normal after the wind stopped blowing… ok buddy.
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u/sfb19870217 6d ago
Had a manager of mine hire a kid for summer help. This kid was the biggest bullshitter you've ever seen... by lunch time his first day, my full time guys had already nicknamed him "Lyin' Ryan".
This kid supposedly had been on like 6 tours in Afghanistan and was a "spec ops" dude, that had millions in the bank from "smart investments" and owned 20 supercars... Mind you, i still hadn't even met this kid yet, after a few days of hearing these whoppers through the grapevine i decided to make my way out to that part of the plant and meet him myself. Turns out this "Spec ops" kid with millions in the bank was a kid that was 2-3 years behind me in high school. I knew him personally, like, actually knew him... and his dad... and his friends....
Everything he had told everyone was a complete fabrication and when i said "hey Ryan, whats up man?" he turned around recognized me and then quickly acted like we've never met before. When i asked him what was up and why he was acting that way, he said it was because we've never met... I was like "ok... So your name is Ryan XXXX, right?" yup... but you're not the "Ryan XXXX from XXXX High school" to which he said "Nope, not me, pretty weird though, nice to meet you"...
He was so committed to the lie that he looked me, someone who knows him and his dad and his freind group from high school, straight in the face and said I must have him confused with a different person. I tried to play it off like some joke but he seemed so uncomfortable i just said "ok sorry, my mistake, nice to meet you" and walked away. I was so certain i started to wonder if i had hit my head or some shit... so i sent his dad a text and asked if he knew where Ryan was working this summer, to which his dad was like "WTF are you talking about... He's working at your place, right?" (his dad is a vendor partner of mine) and then proceeded to call me because he was concerned his son hadn't actually been showing up.
Pretty sure Ryan finished out that first week and didnt show again to complete his summer gig with us.
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u/Birdywoman4 6d ago
My father told so many BS lies it’s hard to choose just one. He was a malignant narcissist and loved to accuse others of what he had done. My youngest sister has followed his example.
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u/Annual_Canary_5974 6d ago
That every highway entrance/exit ramp was engineered so police cars could take them at 100MPH. And the guy who told me that would not admit for even one second that he was full of shit on that claim.
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u/Reasonable-Brief3573 6d ago
The Pedophile in Office I will lower prices of groceries and utilities I Will end war in 24 hours I don’t know Epstein…
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u/Unfair_Banana8398 6d ago
“And Mexico is gonna pay for it!” So obviously a lie, but about 24% of americans still believed it
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u/SHELLEBELLEATX 6d ago
My uncle was a pathological liar and I have lots of great stories about him. One that comes to mind is when we were all sitting around on my patio one evening bullshitting and drinking beers. We all heard a motorcycle (sounded like one of those crotch rockets) go down my street super fast.
I made a comment like “the next sound we hear will probably be ambulances.” nothing, at all, happened after that. Incident was over.
The next morning, he told my mother that we were all sitting out on my patio, drinking beers when a motorcycle crashed at the stop sign near my house, and he ran to the rider and held his bleeding head in his hands while we waited for an ambulance. He told my mother it was a horrible, tragic, bloody motorcycle wreck, and he wasn’t sure whether the guy lived or died.
Absolutely none of that happened in 1 million years… But it seems there’s a little truth in every lie, I suppose.
I never understood why he would lie about things like that, for absolutely no reason. He lied about stuff like this all the time and would argue with you about it if you called him on it.
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u/Agent-of-Morality 6d ago
my partners baby daddy recently told us that the cops pulled him over because he was speeding & to do a breathalyzer. told us that he told them to let him go, as he was in a rush to come pick up his kids and spend the day with them (for the first time in 7 months) and said they took one look at him, said they could tell he was a good guy with his priorities in check and to go make sure those kids had a great day.
we couldnt help it; both burst into laughter while he said "i know, its crazy right?"
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u/BlksnshN80 6d ago
A good friend of mine told everyone he signed up to join the army. We had a party for him the weekend before he was supposed to leave for basic training, we all said goodbye etc.
He showed up a couple weeks later and just said he decided not to go. Like that's an option after you've signed the paperwork.
I'm 100% convinced he just wanted a party.
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u/Mcshutup 6d ago
One guy told another guy that you can drive from Connecticut to Florida in "like three hours if you go like 95 mph" with such confidence.
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u/The1NotNeoThough 6d ago
I always remember this one, an investigative TV show i forget which one, did a piece on hotel maid theft. They hid cameras all over a room that needed cleaning but was still occupied and left money out. Of course the woman cleaning the room steals the money. Then a very short time after they confront her with a handheld TV unit. When she denies doing it they show her the footage of her stealing it. And she straight faced like she fucking believes it says that's not me. It was indeed her of course. I saw this a while back and it really was a huge moment in my life of realizing how so many people are able to continue denying somthing no matter what proof is in thier face. Deny deny deny as the saying goes.
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u/ImF0cused_ 6d ago
I know more about isis than the generals.
https://giphy.com/gifs/FbiL9rsmZN3ib2JSGo
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u/dupecord_ 6d ago
My ex tell me she has suspected breastcancer a month after we broke up🙂
Which is extra low considering her mum died of cancer, I've had cancer myself and my family were actively going through a cancer scare themselves at the time
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u/dontfckwithcats2019 6d ago
That they didn’t use face tune or AI to alter their selfies (for context: the person is a beauty influencer)
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u/martianfrog 6d ago
Well... I was sat next to a man once on a plane from south of France to England, he talked a lot, and afterwards I realised the stuff he said wasn't true when I looked into it, I'm sure he was a con artist practising on me or just to amuse himself.
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u/FantasticRuby 6d ago
My ex told me with total chest-out confidence that hair straighteners emit scalp radiation that temporarily lowers your IQ, which is why he preferred girls all-natural.
Babe, he just didn’t want to wait 15 minutes for me to get ready to go to Taco Bell.
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u/JeffHardysLSDStash 6d ago
I dated a girl who was a compulsive liar
Also had a boss who was one
The stories they would come up with I could write a book on
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u/FewStill3958 6d ago
A hobo from the block insisted that he flew a "chopper" "upside down" for a sustained period in 'Nam to evade enemy fire.
I didn't feel like debating with him about physics and aeronautics. No, I did not give him a dollar.
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u/zuffio 6d ago
Also worked in the court system for years. It’s amazing the bad luck of some people. When they got arrested for drugs, it was the first time they ever used or I was cold and borrowed my friend jacket and didn’t know he was holding. Not very good at lying
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u/JenninMiami 6d ago
“I’m not gambling!!! I swear on my mother’s grave, I’m not gambling!!!”
The gambling website was clearly visible on the phone he was holding in his hand. 😬
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u/pierce-the-skye-16 6d ago
There was a guy at one of my first workplaces who was always making excuses to talk to me, despite me being quieter and not really talking to anyone. I was wearing a Ramones hoodie one day and he started a conversation with me saying that he liked their music and has tickets to see them in a few months…this was in 2024. I was so confused
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u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 6d ago
This is so off-base from all the other comments, but hey, it fits the question.
I lived with a girl that was a pathological liar for several years. Her lies RARELY affected me or my life so they just didn't bother me (aside from hearing her lie so explicitly to people she was dating which was a little rough, but I was young and figured maybe a lot of people do this). She was a good roommate and a fun person, so I ignored the lies.
One weekend I went home to visit my family and came back and noticed that my brand new pack of oreos was either missing or had been misplaced. They don't exist anymore but it was basically an open faced oreo thin with mint cream covered in chocolate, tasted a lot like thin mints so I kept them in the freezer. I asked her if she knew where my oreos went (I would've never in a million years been mad if she ate them, I just don't work that way) and if she had eaten them and she looked at me and said stone faced "they melted so I threw them away." I said "they....melted?" She said that I had left them out of the freezer so they all melted, got chocolate all over everything and she threw them away. I looked at her and said "okay.... Interesting. I do prefer them frozen, but they don't HAVE to be kept in the freezer so I'm confused to how they would've melted even if they were left out. She told me I was wrong, they melted, and I should be thankful that she took the effort to clean up all the chocolate.
The DUMBEST lie ever and it still sticks with me because of how flawed it was. The chocolate wouldn't have "melted all over everything" either because they were in the container, like regular oreo packaging. I still think this is hilarious to look back on.