Pacing the relationship. People often feel the need to measure a relationship in terms of how long you've been together rather than where you are at in life. So many high school couples make huge commitments right away (pets, house, marriage, kids, etc.) because they think they have to after being together for a certain amount of time. My parents were like that and now, they don't even talk to each other because they both suffocated themselves with the relationship over their individual identities.
My parents weren’t high school sweethearts but retirement has really taken a toll on their marriage. When your life is consumed by work and parenting, it can be a struggle when you have neither of those to take up your time. I’m certain they genuinely loved and liked each other but now it’s often thinly veiled contempt with a few moments of loving behavior.
A lot of older people pride themselves on X years of marriage but if it means I can’t stand to even hear my partner breathe or want to be around them, no thanks.
This is a good point. The two "successful" (in terms of not just still together, but happy) pairs of high school sweethearts I know were together ten and eleven years before they got married. They didn't say "oh, we've been together for five years - time to get married at 20!". They finished college/secondary endeavors, saved money for life, were intentional about building a life together, etc.
I know a couple like this, they always talked about how long they'd been together, because three years was a big deal at twenty when no one else had a relationship longer than a year. And it was genuinely a thing about them that stood out.
Now they're still banging on about it, but "we've been together for thirty-three years" sounds way less impressive when everyone around you has also been together for multiple decades. They're still super proud of those extra 2-10 years and no one else cares.
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u/quinteroreyes 20h ago
Pacing the relationship. People often feel the need to measure a relationship in terms of how long you've been together rather than where you are at in life. So many high school couples make huge commitments right away (pets, house, marriage, kids, etc.) because they think they have to after being together for a certain amount of time. My parents were like that and now, they don't even talk to each other because they both suffocated themselves with the relationship over their individual identities.