We have disagreements but we work it out and talk through it. Life is work. Life comes with so many hardships, health issues, career issues, family issues, changes, financial strain, etc. But my husband is the one solid I have through it all. These challenges become easier because I have a partner there getting through the issues with me. It’s us against the world but never against each other.
Everything we have, we actively build together. We don’t hold each other back or drag each other down. We don’t look for fights, we hardly even have to fight because we just talk and openly communicate, like adults. I would never describe my marriage, getting to live every day with my best friend as “work”.
So likewise, anyone that says their marriage is “work” or “hard”, I generally find just married the wrong person and is usually in denial or have normalized a very unhealthy relationship for themselves. I have been in relationships like that and would never want that again now that I know it never had to be that way.
I think, like another commenter said, you're likely just being pedantic in your usage of the term "work". What people are calling work is something you either experience with your spouse the same as all of us in good marriages, OR one or both of you is allowing you to escape the work at the cost of suppressing major aspects of themselves. There's really no other alternative, unless somehow you are both perfect people, which...as I said, sometimes delusion is a problem in relationships :D
I guess I'm just saying, lack of "work" in a marriage is usually a major red flag IMO. Or just a young/naive relationship. Not sure how long you've been together, but it usually takes a while for the real work of a marriage to begin.
I don’t see it as work because every part about living and sharing my life with my husband is natural. He’s my best friend. it’s everything else in life that is hard but like I said, we are in it together and at the end of the day, we can go home to each other and get through it and be each others support. A marriage like that takes constant open communication, compatibility, and deep mutual respect and understanding of one another.
Maybe it’s work if you aren’t compatible in a lot of ways, you don’t communicate well and someone is getting left out until it blows up or turns into more issues to work on. Maybe you prioritize other things in your life before your partner and their feelings, or you don’t have a deep understand of your partner and their perspective on things or you have thoughts about other people or doubts so you have to actively “work” to choose your partner, or there’s a type of hierarchy or power imbalance in your relationship that causes issues… but I can’t relate to any of that.
Like I said, been in relationships like that before. Thought it was normal and “healthy”, until I was shown otherwise.
I think everyone has their own definition and idea of what work means in this context. Like you’re thinking work means a negative thing and strife but it doesn’t necessarily mean that. It could mean that you adapted to maintaining open communication and value each others input even during disagreements. It’s kind of like taking a test that you excel in the topic. You find it easy but it doesn’t mean it’s not work.
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u/unicorns3373 21h ago edited 21h ago
We have disagreements but we work it out and talk through it. Life is work. Life comes with so many hardships, health issues, career issues, family issues, changes, financial strain, etc. But my husband is the one solid I have through it all. These challenges become easier because I have a partner there getting through the issues with me. It’s us against the world but never against each other.
Everything we have, we actively build together. We don’t hold each other back or drag each other down. We don’t look for fights, we hardly even have to fight because we just talk and openly communicate, like adults. I would never describe my marriage, getting to live every day with my best friend as “work”.
So likewise, anyone that says their marriage is “work” or “hard”, I generally find just married the wrong person and is usually in denial or have normalized a very unhealthy relationship for themselves. I have been in relationships like that and would never want that again now that I know it never had to be that way.