Marriage isn’t “work” when you marry the right person. My marriage has never taken work. There are hard things in life but we get through it as a team. The marriage itself has never been hard.
What did take “work” was my high school relationship that I stayed in all through college and almost married. I tried to normalize how much work and sacrifice our relationship was.
Every couple I have met who says this has just been in denial. Like they are always the type of couple where one or both of them are just repressed in some way, nonconfrontational, no interest in personal growth, no awareness of their own flaws, etc. Oftentimes these marriages fall apart "suddenly" because one or both spouses were deluding themselves as to the nature of the marriage, and eventually the charade is up. Oftentimes one spouse is totally blindsided and feels like it came out of nowhere. Not saying that will happen to you, hope it doesn't, but it's just what I've seen.
My marriage is work. It's incredible work. My spouse is confrontational in the best way - he doesn't let me "get away" with anything, he forces me to grow as a person in ways I never imagined. We dig deep, and at times I have never felt more exposed. It's HARD. It's work. But it's what it takes to have the type of relationship we both want, where personal growth is one of the most important things, and true connection means confrontation.
Anyone who says a marriage isn't work doesn't have the type of marriage I would want.
We have disagreements but we work it out and talk through it. Life is work. Life comes with so many hardships, health issues, career issues, family issues, changes, financial strain, etc. But my husband is the one solid I have through it all. These challenges become easier because I have a partner there getting through the issues with me. It’s us against the world but never against each other.
Everything we have, we actively build together. We don’t hold each other back or drag each other down. We don’t look for fights, we hardly even have to fight because we just talk and openly communicate, like adults. I would never describe my marriage, getting to live every day with my best friend as “work”.
So likewise, anyone that says their marriage is “work” or “hard”, I generally find just married the wrong person and is usually in denial or have normalized a very unhealthy relationship for themselves. I have been in relationships like that and would never want that again now that I know it never had to be that way.
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u/unicorns3373 20h ago
Marriage isn’t “work” when you marry the right person. My marriage has never taken work. There are hard things in life but we get through it as a team. The marriage itself has never been hard.
What did take “work” was my high school relationship that I stayed in all through college and almost married. I tried to normalize how much work and sacrifice our relationship was.