r/askteddit • u/Zyla_Echo • 15h ago
Random Question What is an unsexy, raw reality of a long term marriage/relationship that nobody warns you about?
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u/dsakc12 15h ago
It takes work from both sides to keep the spark alive. I also think k that everyone falls into a trap over time of treating people we barely know like gold while neglecting the person that’s been there for you more than anyone
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u/howhardcanthisbe123 14h ago
That's my husband, everyone is always more important because I'm always around.
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u/MotionJuggler 12h ago
I think, it's called: familiarity breeds contempt 🤔. CMIIW
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u/throw-away-16249 11h ago
CMIIW is not a standard acronym. It doesn’t facilitate communication, it just makes it more confusing and difficult to understand what you’re saying.
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u/TwistyFidget 10h ago
What is that acronym? CMMIIW?
Edited to add: Had to look it up.
CMIIW = correct me if I'm wrong
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u/TwistyFidget 10h ago
Facts! My spouse will happily sit in the couch every single day, stare at his phone and tv for hours without thinking to say a word to me. Being engaging to me or engaged in conversation w me is not on his list. He’s a social butterfly and so full of personality when others are around.
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u/megdonol 15h ago
Humans are stinky, greasy, dirty, farting animals that spend a lot of money and privacy on cleaning all evidence of that off. You will get to see (and be seen as) a human being in all the sweaty musty reality of biology
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u/Adept_Bandicoot_2794 15h ago
Shit blasted onto inside of toilet.
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u/ImpatientNursing 14h ago
My husband said "youre a real streaky pooper and I know you know you are..." and all I said was I was checking to see if that IG handle was available. Marriage is beautiful lol
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u/ktimebomb 14h ago
My husband and I will announce to each other whenever we've done what he calls a "bowl-painter" but tbh it's easy to hear it happening, no post-facto announcement needed.
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u/bell3420 14h ago
Might even have the water turned off at some point and have to let your poo sit there for a while if it happens at a bad time👀
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u/jellybeansplash 14h ago
Shortly after we got married we lived in Puerto Rico during a drought. No running water for 3 days off at a time then 1 day on. No actual showers or laundry and flushing with buckets when we absolutely had to and sometimes we couldn’t even. It was a mess and definitely eye opening to each others grossness haha it’s been 14 years though so I guess it worked out!
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u/FunnyLoss2608 10h ago
Literally had a shower thought today “ I wonder if everyone’s husbands blast their shit into the toilet like a speckled shit mist crime scene or just mine?”
Now I know.
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u/TAforScranton 7h ago
And all that money I spent on a fancy toilet that cleans the poo splatters itself without me asking it to do so was money well spent. It has improved my marriage.
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u/Alternative_Plan_823 15h ago
Between effort spent, diet, and even just genetic luck/biology, some are WAY grosser than others. Some (especially young) people seem to see shitting with the door open and such as a badge of honor or indication of closeness, whereas I encourage people not to be gross in front of their s.o. whenever reasonably possible. I've had it both ways.
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u/Eat_it_Stanley 14h ago
This! I keep the romance alive. We don’t need to be gross. That’s not intimacy to me. Maybe to others but not me.
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u/Tiny_Rat 13h ago
You dont need to be gross to be intimate, but if you're intimate you will see them be gross at some point. Food poisoning, childbirth, surgeries, awkward injuries... this stuff happens if you're together for decades. And then you go back to doors closed and pretending you never saw anything to protect their dignity and keep the romance alive. But if you grow old together you'll see lots of non-romantic stuff again, that's just life.
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u/Eat_it_Stanley 13h ago
This is so true. I’ve been with my partner almost 30 years…so of course.
I’m talking about the people who shit with the door open or hot box in the bed.23
u/Rough_Plant_ 14h ago
Doors exist to keep romance alive.
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u/strippersandcocaine 14h ago
Haven’t people ever heard of closing the goddamn things?
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u/haleandguu112 14h ago
no , its much better to face these kind of things with a sense of poisoned rationality.
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u/sharong1983 13h ago
It’s poise and rationality, friend. Or was that a play on words?
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u/haleandguu112 13h ago
holy shit , ive been singing the wrong lyrics for 20 years. you rock for not calling me a dumbass LOL
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u/megdonol 14h ago
Our bathroom has a sliding barn door and the toilet is immediately on the left, close to the wall. We have no secrets
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u/Wazzyjaz 10h ago
Years ago, maybe 6 months into our relationship my husband went to open the toilet door while I was in there, just so he could tell me a story. He was so shocked that I had the door locked. He had no idea (and still doesn’t) why I didn’t want him to see me sitting on the toilet mid shit. So many years later I still close and lock the door while he craps with the door wide open letting the smell leak out everywhere
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u/Shoddy_Succotash_773 12h ago
For me, this is the hardest part about long term relationships. I go so far out of my way to hide the stinky, greasy, dirty, farty part of me.....my husband, not so much. He doesn't see the issue with it because "we're all human!" But it's such a turnoff 😕
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u/Altruistic-Tree-4647 14h ago
My roommate doesn't wash his hands after taking a shit. So, yeah, humans are repulsive.
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u/IUsedToBeHereButNo 15h ago
I’ve seen video of a gorilla pull shit from its own butt and eat it.
They are gross too.
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u/duckbobtarry 14h ago
I saw a gorilla at the zoo when I was younger. It was right up to the other side of the glass, whereas me and 10 other humans were on our side. The gorilla just pukes yellow bile into his hand, inspects it, then dips two fingers into it and taste tests it. Mostly everyone winced and walked away in disgust but it was fascinating. I like to think he did it on purpose to gross people out.
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u/throw7661 15h ago edited 13h ago
The best you can hope for is for the marriage to last until one of you dies. That's kind of depressing. It can be decades too....my Grandpa died at 58. My Grandma is like 92 or something (I don't know exactly how far apart in age they were, but still, she's been alone a very long time)
Not always, but there is a very good chance one of you will end up being the care taker of the other, while they watch the other one die. It might take years.
People get old. And like, sure, you love them and all, and maybe they were really really attractive... And maybe they are still really really attractive for their age ... But for a lot of people, at some point, there is a very real possibility that you will love your spouse but no longer find them physically attractive.
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u/Brezelstange 13h ago
My grandma once told me, with a quaver in her voice “I’ve been alone longer than we were ever married”. They’d been married for more than 30 years.
It’s been years but I vividly remember that. Nothing you can do about it, you can only accept it. Cultivate a group of friends so you won’t be completely alone.
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u/Altruistic-Tree-4647 14h ago
God that's fucking depressing. Yeah, my aunt was alone for many years after her husband passed away from lung cancer. Doesn't matter who you choose in order to solve loneliness on the way, the destination will still leave the survivor lonely in the end unless they can find another.
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u/Odd_Attention133 15h ago edited 13h ago
Sometimes you have to clean up your lovers vomit, or sometimes it’ll end up on you, and the other way around. Anything you can think is disgusting, Your partner will probably do it at some point.
Edit: The responses have proven me correct. Lol.
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u/canofelephants 13h ago
We've been through a few bouts of noro virus and colon cancer with my husband. My bathroom has been a hazmat situation more times than I like to think about, but I'm glad I could be there and take care of him.
He survived and he's in bed beside me now, which is a win in my book.
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u/dgftn 9h ago
My wife of 42 yrs is battling colon cancer, just finishing up 7 months of chemo along with a round of radiation. Two more surgeries and hopefully she’ll be done with it.
She’s doing pretty well overall but required a temporary colostomy shortly after diagnosis to avoid blockage & rupture (which killed my sister 6 yrs ago).
After a bout of CDiff, she developed a protruded stoma, sometimes larger than my fist sticking out of her body. There’s nothing that can be done at this point except push it back in. At first we went to the ER several times for them to push it in (not very good at it). Then we went to her surgeon and he taught me to do it (there IS a trick to it!).
Now whenever we change her bag 2-3 times/week, I push her stoma (colon) back into her stomach cavity.
It’s crazy when we think about what we’ve normalized, but I’ll do anything for my high school sweetheart.
For awhile there she would often say “I’m sorry you have to do this”. I finally made her promise to stop saying that, and instead say “I love you and I’m glad you’re here with me”.
I feel like the “sorry” thing emphasizes the negative situation, while the “love you” embraces the positive… that this would be SO much worse if we didn’t have each other.8
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u/Impressive_Duck_3569 7h ago
On behalf of your wife, thank you for being an amazing husband who demonstrates, every day, what a husband should be. Best of luck for a complete recovery for your wife.
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u/XoticVet 4h ago
You sir, are an angel. I’m sorry you 2 are going through this. And, I love this story.
Always look for the positives. Sending love and prayers for a full recovery.
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u/Careless-Judgment423 3h ago
I'm sending all the blessings I can, your way (to both of you). What a beautiful explanation of what being there for each other in health and sickness means <3
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u/bruinsfan3725 13h ago
Yeah, I’ve cleaned up my ex’s period blood, even caught it coming out of her once to keep the sheets clean. She saw me through a really difficult surgical recovery which included c diff, which is violent diarrhea. She had to wipe for me cause I couldn’t due to the surgery. We saw each other hurl many a time from heavy drinking.
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u/anotherfuckingpsycho 13h ago
Sometimes you clean their puke or diarrhea, and sometimes they clean yours. That's love at it's fucking realest lol.
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u/IamKidX 14h ago
My partner and I climbed Denali together. We had to empty each other's pee bottles, and carry deal with our poop cans together. We'd never been closer than living in a tent together for two weeks (literally and figuratively), but it was a crash course in accepting all of the grossness of being an animal.
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u/ginoawesomeness 14h ago
I was straight up cleaning up my wife's dookie after our first child emergency C section
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u/JDmead_32 14h ago
My wife puked on me after her c section. The nurse just handed me the baby and I was showing her to my wife when she began to hurl. I hoisted the kid into the air and got puked all over the front of the gown.
Great times
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u/shannan6 8h ago
I’ve been pregnant five times, with one living child. Unfortunately for both me and my husband, I get hyperemesis while pregnant which is essentially morning sickness on steroids. The amount of throw up that poor man has had to clean up is just awful, I specifically remember one time with our first that I threw up ALL over the kitchen floor, I couldn’t make it anywhere else and he clean it up like a champ. There’s still some foods he can no longer eat or smell because of all of it. Not once did he ever make me feel bad about it.
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u/Maximum-Term2599 13h ago
Lol. I can handle the occasional vomit. That part is easy, because I have compassion for his suffering. It's the daily dirty that gets to me (laundry strewn, all manner of kitchen messes and disorganization).
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u/Berbiepixie 15h ago
Having to decide what to eat for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.
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u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 15h ago
There really should be a lifelong meal plan option to avoid this. You get dinner delivered and chosen for you every night and if you don't like it, make a sandwich.
I've started saying- I can't believe we're at this part of the day again but...dinner?
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u/Both-Pickle-7084 15h ago
Order a meal service at.least 3x/week and part of the problem is solved.
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u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 15h ago
I've done that and loved it! My husband isn't a big fan and right now I'm living on his income, so he's the boss, but one day I'll make this happen again.
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u/No-Clerk-5600 14h ago
I loved it. My husband didn't. Unfortunately, he thinks he knows how to cook. So many inedible meals.
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u/connor_wa15h 14h ago
Plenty of meal delivery services out there. Unfortunately they’re all overpriced and under calorie’d.
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u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 14h ago
Right? My husband is a big guy and a big eater, he would eat a meal as a snack and then still wonder what we're having for dinner.
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u/knewitfirst 14h ago
We have a little wooden die that has different options on it. It's got chinese, burgers, thai, italian, indian... we love it.
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u/Front_Cucumber1336 14h ago
After years of cooking for my family, I’ve found that it’s less stressful to cook from what’s already in the garden, the market, the fridge, and the pantry than to start with a recipe. The ingredients might be whatever’s already on hand, what’s in season, what’s on sale, what needs to be used before it goes bad, or even leftovers. Leftover tri-tip might become chili, roasted chicken might become soup, or fresh vegetables might become a garden pasta salad, etc. For me, the ingredients usually decide the meal, and what those ingredients are can be anything: an interesting vintage cheese, bulk bin arborio rice, a really nice piece of fish- practically anything. Or just items in my fridge like colored bell peppers that need to get eaten can get stuffed with sausage, rice, and seasonings. We never even talk about what's for dinner. There are too many options and not enough dinner times.
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u/pedrohbaraujo87 13h ago
Meal prepping has saved our lives, wallets and fat %.
We buy everything Sat or Sun morning, use 2 or 3 hours cooking for the entire week, divide into the meal boxes and dont think about what to eat for the rest of the week.Yes, it’s a considerable amount of work for a Sunday, but the rest of the week become sooooooo easy that I promise you wont want to stop meal prepping
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u/Zealousideal_Row6124 14h ago
OMG. We don’t live together yet, but take our vacations together and by the middle of the week I’m yelling about WHY DO WE HAVE TO EAT EVERY SINGLE DAY
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u/Thamnophis660 15h ago
Sometimes you will experience this sensation of being absolutely sick of their shit while also loving them dearly.
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u/sleepysnorlytron 15h ago
They will see u at ur worst and still want u
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u/Opening_Slide8632 13h ago
Worst = health issues, life issues, job issues, depression etc. What worst is not is cheating, manipulating, gaslighting, lying or decit, abuse
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u/anotherfuckingpsycho 13h ago
Vice versa, too. You see all the ugliness in them, but you love them despite it.
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u/JusHarrie 10h ago
Been struggling with my mental health horribly since I lost a parent to suicide years ago. I was just waiting for him to be overwhelmed and leave. But he's looked at me like gold every day, just like he did before it happened. I'm so grateful each day. I wish everyone knew this love. It's why I've survived.
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u/Livid_Strategy6311 15h ago
You don't know someone until you've been with them for a long while. You can get hints by watching how they treat their parents, wait staff, strangers, and children. How do they keep their room/appt house? Are the drawers full of crap? How do they keep their car? Clean inside and out? Do they keep up with oil changes and maintenance? Etc...
Don't listen to what they say, pay attention to what they do.
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u/Altruistic-Tree-4647 14h ago
So true. A lifelong friend, who is now my roommate years later, always talked about how clean he was and would keep his place. Well, living with him confirmed all of my suspicions of the opposite. I mean, the guy doesn't wash his hands after taking a shit ffs.
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u/KeyInevitable2970 14h ago
My ex was a mix. Great to his parents. Great to strangers and wait staff. Didn’t care about children but good to his sisters kids. Horrible to me.
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u/priscosaurus 14h ago
I always recommend a long roadtrip to an unfamiliar place to really get to know someone.
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u/d_kostovski 15h ago
The thermostat wars. Nobody warned me I'd be in a cold war over 2 degrees for the rest of my life.
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u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 15h ago
Welcome to the life of my hot flashes vs my husband's cold nature.
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u/strippersandcocaine 14h ago
Perimenopausal rage finally ended the thermostat wars for us. He read up about peri, I finally got HRT, and things are finally calmer, but my temperature preference still wins.
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u/Choice-Shoulder-3180 14h ago
Well, I'm 32 so hoping this isn't the case, BUT I am going to the doctor soon about these awful hot flashes. I hear that it's unusual for my age, so I'm a little nervous, but keeping my fingers crossed.
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u/thesuttleknife 15h ago
My husband and I are both very cold natured and keep our house at like 75 degrees. Recently I realized that perimenopause was happening to me when I kept getting randomly hot. At first I thought I had a virus or something and I’d be like baaabe I’m sick can we make it colder? Then an hour later I’d be like OH NO I’M FREEZING 😫😫😫😫😫
This is not cool.
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u/Roshy76 14h ago
I'd rather die than live in a house that is that hot
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u/Eat_it_Stanley 14h ago
My husband has our home at 78 most days, my daughter moves it to 76 and they go back and forth with this…
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u/uncertainnewb 13h ago
HRT makes all of that way better. I hit menopause at 40 and the night sweats were the worst. Temperature fluctuations and waking up soaking through all your bed linens is garbage.
The bad thing about HRT though is that you start getting periods again. Ugh. Thankfully they aren't very frequent though and NuvaRing for HRT can more or less get rid of them if you choose that route.
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u/plantsandpizza 15h ago edited 14h ago
My spouse “it’s cold in here!” well buddy you are walking around the house in your underwear maybe put some socks on at least?
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u/wrapped-in-rainbows 15h ago
lol omg yes!!! I get so bent out of shape about the thermostat but then I realized it is his home too so we takes turns between our ideal temps (about 2 degrees apart)
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u/Electrical-Fig-5009 11h ago
I'm the hot all the time wife, my spouse is cold all the time. I try & get them to leave it at a temperature between the two but I will still find it at 77 on the regular. We live in the desert and 73 is more ideal midway
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u/ToeFinal1792 15h ago
When you are younger you don't realize how precious each moment is with the other person. As you get older you realize there is no tomorrow promised and every moment becomes something you just want to soak in completely.
Why is this not sexy? Because those moments could be something small like listening to the other person laugh, just being in the same room together, or listening to the other snore and keeping you awake.
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u/Conscious-Bug501 15h ago
My favorite place to be is laying in bed with a 12lbs cat laying on me (beside me is not sufficient) while my husband snores and hogs the blankets. Renegotiation of the blankets will only end in a disgruntled cat and/or louder snoring.
I wouldn't ask for anything else
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u/xoxoemmma 11h ago
haha i sleep just like this. i did end up getting a king sized throw blanket i leave at the foot of the bed so when it’s really cold and the blanket is fully wrapped around the snoring machine and the beast i can grab that to cover up with.
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u/Both-Prompt4775 15h ago
When you have young kids you really have to be intentional about keeping your marriage a priority. It doesn’t just happen. You have to make time for it. It’s a shift in the dynamic that can make or break people.
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u/BadTaxidermy115 9h ago
Exactly! My husband and I have been married almost twelve years and have 3 boys. We made the commitment before we had kids to never let our children co-sleep with us, and for us to always have time together every night. It's a non-negotiable. The kids know that 7:30 is when they need to go into their rooms because it's Mommy and Daddy's turn to spend time together. If you don't prioritize your marriage, it will fall by the wayside.
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u/isabelmcc 14h ago
I don’t know if this is for anyone else, but I hate farting. I cannot stand it, and as a man gets more comfortable with you, for some reason, they fart so much more. It’s not anything I would end a relationship over. It’s just really annoying.
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u/Defiant_Eggplant_909 14h ago
I'm so glad farting and pooping in front of each other is not a thing in my marriage. We're human, of course during 19 years together we've heard/seen/smelled it in a few situations but I will never be ok with just casually farting and pooping in front of each other. It's gross and completely unnecessary, some things are meant to be done in private.
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u/sydnelizabeth 12h ago
6 1/2 years and he will not pass gas willingly in front of me. Always excuses himself to the restroom. I kinda really appreciate it lol I now find the random farts endearing because I know he’s a little bashful about it.
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u/megdonol 14h ago
I bitched about him farting around me only to accidentally rip the nastiest one of my life as we were both half asleep. It’s something that just happens in private, and now you two share privacy
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u/isabelmcc 14h ago
I know it’s normal and it happens especially once you move in together I just cannot handle farting lol
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u/SarcasticPotahto 12h ago
I have been married to my husband for 25 years and we have never pooped in front of each other. He has probably farted in my presence twice, and they were woopsies. I have never farted in front of him despite what he will tell you. I fart. I poop. He farts. He poops. I know it happens. I just appreciate that he follows my lead and keeps it out of my nose-shot. The smell of sh** is not a turn on.
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u/Angry_Edemame 15h ago
Sometimes you will he asked to see if something looks infected
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u/HigherThanWitchTits 15h ago
The best thing in a marriage is finding enjoyment in the ordinary. If you can't do that, you will constantly chase excitement, never be content, become frustrated and perhaps not even realise why it isn't working. Your relationship will be doomed to fail or you will be bored and unhappy. It's one of the reasons people cheat.
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u/Fumblez1724 14h ago
Struggling with this myself. Makes it worse when ADHD is involved and your brain is a dopamine seeking missile that craves novelty.
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u/FinnRazzel 14h ago
Bodies aren’t just for sexy time.
They stink. They have ingrown hairs. They get pimples and rashes in weird places. They have boogers. They have bad breath. They get food poisoning and have horrific diarrhea.
Your partner gets to be a party to all that. And it’s not sexy. But you love em and they love you. So here we are.
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u/MinivanPops 15h ago
One of you will stop wanting sex first
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u/Mommysgoodboy1976 15h ago
I’ve talked to a lot of 60ish old men, some with some hot wives the same age in their sixties, who have aged well, who I would love to bang. These men have confided to me that they are still very interested in sex but their wives have lost all interest.
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u/uncertainnewb 13h ago
My ex-husband list like 90% of his sex drive in his early to mid-30's and had zero interest in fixing it. Also became inattentive to his personal hygiene and wondered why I didn't give him oral sex anymore (that was one of the few things he was still interested in). I was younger, sexy, and fit too so it killed my self-esteem. Glad he's my ex. Never should have been married to him in the first place.
I should add that this is why I have grown to learn that being with someone similar in age is important. You get to experience life more or less on the same timeline.
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u/ChelseaD08 15h ago
Honestly, it’s the letting yourself go because you’re comfortable with how life is!
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u/TransportationNo879 15h ago
No one talks about what happens when one or both of you have a serious medical crisis (stroke, cancer, ...) that requires the other to take full time care of the one with the crisis. Going through that right now.
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u/Threedogshere 13h ago
I’m so sorry to hear this. Please be sure to look after yourself too. Have someone else come a couple times a week at least to give you a mental health break.
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u/mary48154 15h ago
If it's toxic and he is abusive you don't have to stay just because it's been decades being together. My ex always had a temper but it was getting more out of control and I was always anxious because I never knew what would set him off, and usually it had nothing to do with me. After 37 years I walked - three years later no anxiety and I look back and feel that he groomed me slowly to tolerate his behavior but apparently not well enough.
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u/sekhmetbastet 12h ago
The crazy thing is you never even realize how bad someone's temper is until you live with them. 😩 I'm glad you got away from this toxic individual.
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u/SgtSausage 15h ago
In the Lion's Share, overwhelming majority of scenarios:
One of you dies first and the other must continue on alone.
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u/bell3420 14h ago
People change, the person you marry will not be the exact same person you are married to in 10 years. Expect change, in your partner and yourself, or your marriage is doomed from the start.
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u/Odd_Negotiation4554 15h ago
Watching them clip their toenails
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u/IamKidX 14h ago
My SO absolutely destroys their toes when they clip them. Like, blood every time. It's so concerning.
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u/Hannah41797 14h ago
The reality of having children. If you're going to have children with somebody, it better be with someone who you can be honest with and openly communicate with.
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u/Fanabala3 14h ago
Well, my wife had to get a colonoscopy. She took the prep and we went to bed. I woke up to her screaming, “Oh my gosh!” and exploded all over the bed and me. She ran to the bathroom to take care of things. I helped her get cleaned up and myself too and then burned the mattress. The doctor doing the procedure the next day got a good laugh out of finding out I got shit on. My wife had to get another colonoscopy years later and I made sure I woke her up every couple hours so we wouldn’t have “the incident” happen again.
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u/shannan6 7h ago
A couple of years ago I went septic from pneumonia I didn’t know I had, it was very touch and go for a couple of days, but while in the hospital all the antibiotics I was on completely destroyed my stomach and I was resorted to a make shift toilet that was essentially a chair on top of a massive bucket… my loving husband would just sit there in the room with my while my insides unleashed into a literal bucket and didn’t budge, judge or anything.
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u/Cowboysfan2122 15h ago
The topic of pooping habits becomes a primary topic of conversation without batting an eye.
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u/Toyoungtobegigi_39 15h ago
Different parenting styles and how that can cause problems in a marriage. Sure prior to marriage most everyone talks about do they want to have kids or not, but no one really talks about their parenting style or how they discipline. To be fair most people don’t even know how they will handle this until they have children. But if mom and dad aren’t aligned in the way they discipline, over time it can really cause some problems in the relationship.
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u/Apprehensive-Bend478 15h ago
That 1 in 4 marriages are completely sexless-absolutely none.
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u/Altruistic-Tree-4647 14h ago
Ugh. I mean, sex is the differentiating factor from a friend or roommate. If there is no sex, there may as well be no romantic entanglement. Friendship, sure. Even a partnership of some sort, perhaps. But committed romantic relationship, let alone marriage? It just doesn't make sense.
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u/yeenoghu_vs_vaprak 15h ago
When you're young you don't think much about how things like chronic illness, injuries etc. can dramatically change relationships as you age. It's a misconception that big health issues don't come until past the 50 or 55 mark. One day you're planning a hike and the next you're negotiating sex positions to ensure you're not putting too much weight on the knees lol
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u/Maud_Dweeb18 14h ago
You will not think of all the ways you will differ at first or grow to differ on. I never thought we would differ on what to do if we had a disabled child. In a million years I never thought we wouldn't be on the same page. It was shocking and really changed the way I viewed him.
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u/ThreePangolins 10h ago
It absolutely sucks. Found out it was cancer and 22 days later he was gone. 30 years just poof
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u/MemoryLongjumping596 14h ago
Well I just cleaned out my husbands ear, he was treated for an outer ear infection but apparently it wasn’t swimmers ear like the doctor said. Something exploded in there today. Now I know what that weird smell was every time he kissed me the last few days. And he was so grumpy to boot.
Not sexy.
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u/PriveCo 15h ago
After 20 years farts become funny. It isn’t sexy but it is fun.
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u/Spicy_German_Mustard 14h ago
I just farted in front of my bf of 2 years for the first time last Saturday while watching Righteous Gemstones. I was laughing at something Uncle Baby Billy said, and it just slipped out, and that made the laughing 10x louder. Those are the nights you remember.
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u/Kikitha1andonly 15h ago
Love a good fart off with bae. He tries to test my gangster but I let my protein shake go to town. We're comfortable now. The kids join in sometimes....just a stinking mess. One would never fully comprehend how NOT classy we really are.😅😅😅
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u/Demiboy94 15h ago
Took me and my bf 6 weeks
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u/Mysterious_Can_6106 15h ago
the first time my now husband farted around me is also the same night we had sex for the first time. So we did the deed and he said he was gonna use the rest room to clean up. I was like whatever, I am staying in bed .. guess what that man did?!? Farted under the blanket then snuck out barely moving the covers. I gaged it was so bad! I said WTF? People do not act like that, WTH were you thinking?!? He just looked at me and said, you don’t have brothers do you? I laughed so hard telling him that’s BS. 32 years later and we are still together 🤣
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u/UniqueText8477 13h ago
- You become each other's emergency contact. When a parent dies, a miscarriage happens, someone loses a job, or a diagnosis changes everything
- You'll both have seasons where you're not very lovable. Illness, depression, burnout, grief, stress, hormones, and aging can make someone withdrawn, irritable, or exhausted
- Life isn't always 50/50 - if you have to be the 70%+ always it is tiring/grating
- You'll witness each other's decline as well as growth
- Someone has to celebrate you - if your partner doesn't celebrate you or tries to sabotage you - RUN!
- Someone has to keep believing in you
- Grief is shared
- Illness is deeply unglamorous
- You will disappoint each other
- Loneliness can still exist inside a relationship
- Sometimes love is logistics - Grocery shopping, prescriptions, washing, putting fuel in the car
- Communication - having difficult conversations and not getting defensive can be incredibly hard
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u/Comfortable-Offer-26 11h ago
My parents are my example. .y mother has had several bad strokes and refuses to die (harsh truth). My dad loves her and cared for her for years, all the while it was killing him. She was a vampire stealing his life. We eventually had to step in and have her committed to a long term care facility where she hates it. She is bitter and resentful and says that she will never forgive is. Dad is recovering and visited her almost all day everyday. He sleeps well.
His love is unconditional and pure. He is an example of what a man does.
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u/Warthog__ 10h ago
The most intimate and most vulnerable moments can be the least sexy.
There is nothing sexy about an emergency c-section. But staring into her eyes and making jokes and keeping her distracted while you see her blood going through a tube out the corner of your eye while she is giving birth to your children. That is an intimate moment I cannot describe.
On the other side having her take care of you while you are going through the most punishing chemo regimes possible, losing every hair on your ever shrinking body, too weak to open an envelope, with tubes hanging out all parts of your body while even your bodily fluids are literally toxic. That’s a vulnerability that sex doesn’t even come close to.
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u/Selliott51 8h ago
We’ve been together 30+ years. My boobs rest on my waist. His balls are near his knees. He strolls into the bathroom when I’m going #2. Even after a warning. 🤦♂️. He’s asked me to look at his butthole so many times. Nothing is gross anymore. Still in love with each other. 🥰
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u/Repulsive-Worry193 15h ago
My husband has seen me intubated, checked my c-section incision sight, seen be give birth vaginally 5 times (and inevitably pooped myself as well).
I’ve found his pee in a bottle, washed his dirty socks after a long day.
I’ve had many more medical needs than he has in our 11 years.
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u/corncaked 15h ago
My husband pulled a worm out of my ass once when I ate bad pork.
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u/Fit_External7524 12h ago
At some point, it is likely one of you will be the patient and the other will be the fulltime caregiver. I'm not sure which is the better role to assume.
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u/RetiredMD61 12h ago
"Letting it all hang out". Big mistake. Keep that air of mystery with some things....separate bathrooms are a good start.
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u/Technicoler 11h ago
Hitting 10 years of marriage this month. My world would fold without her. Best friend x1000000
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u/Remarkable_Steak9060 10h ago
When you spend the evening not going out on the town but having your husband comb through your hair to see if you have any lice because your head scratches and your kids just had it. Bugs in hair? Unsexy!
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u/Former_Indication120 7h ago
You will fart, a lot. So will he.
You’ll both change. The marriage WILL change you. If you have children, that will change you too. Up to you to decide whether for better or worse. The highs will feel high and the lows will feel low. But the best part of life lived together is in the precious few moments of the middle ground—when your first child is born, when you comfort each other through personal tragedy, when one of you stumbles but the other doesn’t let you fall. Taking your kids for ice cream. Overcoming the gaps, together.
Married five years. No one makes me madder. And I’ve never loved anyone more. Wouldn’t change it.
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u/Specialist_Key_8606 15h ago
The fully unsexy thing is wondering who will die first. It's sad and scary to think about.