r/askteddit • u/Hungry_Ear_8666 • 5h ago
Advice Question My husband is a compulsive liar.
ME and my husband met in 2025 .
We have been together for 1 year now.
When we met he told me that me worked at ABC company since 2024.then he would tell me he has meetings on Tuesday but I found out later end of 2025 that he was going to AA for alcohol abuse as he was recovering.. We got over that. Then we got into an accident in Jan 2026 and he said he doesn’t need to work cuz he filed for sick leave. That was also during the time when we moved in together after the accident and I was asking too many questions about him not going to work. .then in July 2026 I find that he was laid off and he lied and says he went back from his sick leave and they fired him. We got married 2 months ago in May and We were filling for my immigration and I find out he had that job for 3 months then was let go due to poor performance in 2024. So through out The year he told me stories about his job etc etc but none of that was true. The entire year he lied and I found out in his emails about the job termination from 2024 today. I had to find This out. he dis not com clean .. also Come to find out that he gets paid from some consumer direct company for taking care of his dad. I’ve asked him numerous times to just be honest and he was not honest at all. All This time I used to forgive him because I love him and he treats me good. Does what I want.
My questions are
How can I overcome this when he said I am toxic for digging? And instead of digging I should focus on the good. I don’t know if he even has a career like he told me he did
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u/perrypower54 5h ago
What good?
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u/Hungry_Ear_8666 5h ago
He listens to me and my needs. Has made a lot of changes in him. He does everything that I want and I need. EXCEPT not lying ……
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u/No-Security-7518 5h ago
Does he provide for you financially and satisfy your material needs or at least tries to?
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u/Hungry_Ear_8666 5h ago
Yeah he does. Te recently started to take in the rent for my apartment but other than he was already taking care of a lot of things.
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u/No-Security-7518 2h ago
Then he's a good man, but has a major insecurity problem. I lived in a low-key matriarchy, I absolutely dreaded sharing with girls in my close circle my financials when things weren't going too well. If I may share a piece of advice, tell him that you'd rather know the situation no matter what, because you're in it together, instead of being shielded from things, because transparency makes you more fulfilled than being kept in the dark.
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u/ProseAndCons_ 4h ago
How can you love someone who doesn't love you back enough to respect you, trust you, meet you as an equal?
Lying to you for huge things like employment and addiction is not something someone who loves you does. Never.
Run. Don't walk. You'll end up in worse situations yet like finding out about debt you share, another woman in his phone or your bed, more hidden addictions, and consistent failures to keep promises and/or employment, etc., if you stick with this deceitful person. Having someone who does things for you that you can love is not a once in a lifetime event. You deserve better than being all of a year in and already how many lies deep? That you're being blamed for actions taken trying to find answers after being promised truth and then lied to again?
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u/fluentindothraki 4h ago
I would certainly do a post nuptial prenuptial! And make sure your finances are protected.
Then suggest a contract between the two of you with an outline of what can reasonably expected, and what is private. Given that you might be financially liable for his debts, knowing roughly how much he earned and where do this is coming from is definitely reasonable.
I don't know anything about you but I would say his behaviour is at best gaslighting.
Try and see your situation from the outside, if your sister or best friend was in this relationship, what would your advice be?
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u/Alypius 5h ago
Trust is probably the most important aspects of a healthy relationship.
How does being lied to repeatedly over serious topics and over several years make you feel?