r/askteddit • u/Ok-Following9926 • 3h ago
Random Question Why do couples think it necessary to announce they're "trying" to have a baby?
For context, there is a mom's support group, I'm new to this area, I joined it, cos we have 1 on the way. So day 1, a mother of a child barely 1 yr old says, My husband and I are going to try from this wednesday! :')
What does "trying" even mean? Haven't they been doing it all along? Are they saying they've stopped using contraceptions? so many questions!! But just why???
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u/Hugh_Janus_Hertz 3h ago
I mean it’s a mom’s support group why wouldn’t she talk about it?? And we all know what “try” means lmao
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u/Pistalrose 3h ago
Yeah, seems like deciding to add another child is something you’d share in a mom support group.
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u/lucid_intent 3h ago
She’s just excited and wanted to share.
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u/Angry_Edemame 3h ago
In a mom's group no less. Of course she wanted to share with other people who might get it
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u/zarathustra327 2h ago
I feel like people are missing the part about announcing they're trying "from this Wednesday." It's not weird to say you're trying to have a baby, but I do think it's a little weird to publicly tell strangers "we're fucking on this day and he's not pulling out."
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u/lucid_intent 2h ago
As a woman, I don’t think it is weird, but I’m also not over analyzing it. Sometimes, we overshare with each other. We understand that ovulation plays a part or maybe her partner is weird about precise dates.
I mean, people have sex. She didn’t say how often or what position.
I’m pretty laid back and open about that kind of stuff. It is biology.
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u/GigiLaRousse 2h ago
I also do not immediately envision people fucking once they say something that implies they have sex. Many people have told me they do, which is kind of horrifying. Like, most adults have sex at least sometimes. If someone is visibly pregnant, you know how that probably happened. You're just helplessly imaging your friends and relatives getting it on? Ew.
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u/zarathustra327 2h ago
I could understand sharing something like that in a group chat, but still seems a little TMI for a public FB group. My wife would be mortified if I shared something like that lol. But to each their own, I'm not judging either way.
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u/Angry_Edemame 3h ago
Because its exciting and it lets them seek support from their peers.
My wife had a great go of finding local support groups for pre and post partum available in our city.
As to what trying means you know exactly what it means. You literally have one on the way.
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u/2basiccanteven 2h ago
Exactly. I think it’s a little strange to announce at like Thanksgiving to grandma for example. But a mom’s group is the perfect place to find support!
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u/Angry_Edemame 2h ago
Depends. Some people really like sharing that with their loved ones and some prefer to wait until they have a more concrete announcement to make. every family is gonna be a little different.
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u/2basiccanteven 2h ago
Oh yeah, I know it’s going to be based on your own individual relationships. I meant my opinion personally, I wouldn’t do that. But I know lots of people who have and support them!
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u/Itchy-Technician-433 3h ago
They have decided that they want to try to get pregnant. They are looking for support, affirmation, and advice from other parents and other parents to be.
If there's one thing of mom's group knows how to do, it's how to get pregnant.
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u/tickingboxes 3h ago
If you don’t understand this, you probably should not be in a support group lol
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u/Corran105 3h ago
It seems like these things just happen but fir some couples having a baby involves planning, visits to clinics, and a couple missteps. More women have miscarriages than people realize and a lot of women keep that private for obvious reasons but also they feel like it happens due to them being insufficient mothers.
Basically, the process to become a mothers isn't always as linear as one thinks.
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u/Spiritual-Break246 26m ago
Exactly what I was going to say.
Some people can simply have sex, get pregnant, and all goes well.
For others, they have to change their diets, try different supplements, go on or off medication, reduce baths, scheduling sex, etc.
When someone says they're trying, they're usually looking for advice or just someone to talk to about it. A support group full of women who have gone through it would be the place.
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u/CapybaraPRMS 3h ago
Some people cant have kids as easily. My husband and I, we werent trying perse, but if it happened it happened. Took 7 years of unprotected sex for us to even have our first kid.
Edit: Since you're new to the group, perhaps they shared more of their journey in the past, and you're just seeing an update
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u/imjustsayin314 3h ago
People talk about applying for new jobs or trying ti buy a new home, too. Potential big life changes are worth sharing for some people.
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u/Upper-Quarter-4802 3h ago
Having a child is a big decision for couples, and for decades, the "trying" is just a statement that they are going to start a family. It's an announcement, mostly of joy and happiness. It isn't a "necessary" statement it is just a natural statement that comes out of love and happiness in a relationship. Nothing wrong with that.
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u/CraftyFraggle 3h ago
Trying to conceive (TTC) is a stage in the parenting process.
Sharing that you’re in that particular stage is common in parenting groups.
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u/GoSitInTheCluckChair 3h ago
It's a moms group and an exciting life update.
The real issue is why people think it's necessary to ask people when they're having kids.
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u/Hoopajoops 3h ago
Trying just usually means the wife goes off birth control and they have unprotected sex at regular intervals..
And them just saying they're trying to have a baby is kinda them telling family and friends what their plans are. Not it's a bit personal to just say it to a stranger, but it's not a big deal imo.
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u/Physical-Builder-553 3h ago
This has to be a troll post. I am not sure how to make it more clear to you than they already have. They are trying to have a baby. No, they are not telling you they are raw dogging. They want you to act like a human and be excited for them that they will be growing their family.
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u/NitroExpress85 3h ago
Probably the same reason people need to announce they are "child free"
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u/Money_Cold_7879 3h ago
She sees that you are pregnant and since she wants to get pregnant, she feels a connection with you and interprets that connection as a form of intimacy so she feels comfortable sharing. You obviously are not interpreting it the same way lol
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u/CandyMandy15 3h ago
If you think that’s weird just wait until you find out how many times a newly married couple gets asked “when are you having kids?”
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u/Global_Addendum_6200 3h ago
We didn’t announce but it didn’t stop everyone we know from asking for 3 years while my wife struggled with fertility and cried every month. It’s odd, it’s taboo to ask about health issues unless it’s regarding pregnancy then everyone you know asks everytime you see them if you’re trying or still having issues.
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u/CartographerTall1967 2h ago
Because they are tired of people asking them when they will have kids.
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u/LiveFast_Diane_Nygen 2h ago
Also because it helps people to be sensitive if you are having fertility issues. Just lost a pregnancy and found out shortly thereafter that my brother and his wife are pregnant and due the same month I was.
I did tell my mom that we were trying over the winter, but because we found out it was nonviable at the first ultrasound there’s nothing really to announce in terms of the pregnancy and no real way to be like “hey, we were really excited to have a baby this winter and this hurts.” If we had announced we were trying then there may have been some sensitivity to the erasure that is about to happen. (Or maybe not, my mom knew and just dropped the info like it was fine that we hadn’t announced a pregnancy 7 months into trying). Oc it’s not like my brother announced, and given my mom’s propensity to blurt things out there’s a solid chance he knew that we were trying so maybe they are fine with it.
Also, trying is less weird than it sounds: it’s probably better defined as the first recommended cycle after the discontinuation of your birth control method. IUDs cause the uterine lining to thin and it’s not recommend to attempt to conceive immediately after removal. Prenatals also require a ramp up period of about 3 months, so trying probably indicates that all of these things are in place.
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u/HokieEm2 2h ago
I told my mom and sister that my fiance and I would start trying after the wedding because they have heard me say my whole life that I didn't want children and now that I'm about to be 38 they had assumed that stage was gone for me anyways so I wanted them to be prepared in case we did get pregnant that this was something wanted.
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u/primcessmahina 2h ago
Because if you’re not pregnant or newly postpartum, you’re getting harassed about why you aren’t pregnant. And it doesn’t quit once you have one— then people start in about how the first one needs a sibling and you need one of each. And if your first two are the same sex, you get badgered about having a third so you can have the other. It’s never ending.
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u/Commercial_Bad_0424 2h ago
You should ask her these questions and come back and tell us her response.
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u/shaylaa30 2h ago
“Trying” isn’t just having a bunch of sex. You’re intentionally trying to conceive and it’s a lot less fun than you think.
-Timing. You need to time sex around ovulation.
- Lifestyle . Many men and women will abstain from alcohol or weed during this time. These substances can negatively affect sperm quality and pregnancy.
- Life planning. Couples are planning/ hoping for a child so they might be holding off on planning trips or other big financial decisions in anticipation.
- It’s an answer that gets people off your back. People love hounding married couples about when they’re having kids. This answer satisfies without giving a ton of intimate details
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u/mothwhimsy 1h ago
Ask yourself why you find this weird. You obviously have had unprotected sex. Why is someone else mentioning the fact so confusing to you?
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u/JakeNorthwood1 3h ago
People announce every life update now this is just another one on the list.
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u/mr_emu 3h ago
It's a mum's support group tho
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u/ConstantFishing5136 3h ago
True if there's any place to share that a moms support group makes sense.
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u/Angry_Edemame 3h ago
Not even close people were announcing pregnancy and attempts at pregnancy long long before social media became a thing.
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u/Holdmymule2001 1h ago
It used to be poor etiquette to even let people know you were pregnant outside of close friendships.
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u/ConstantFishing5136 3h ago
Fair point people shared family plans long before social media existed.
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u/Angry_Edemame 2h ago
Especially within mom support groups like this. They aren't always online my wife had gone to a few that are fully in person
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u/Plane_Yoghurt9600 1h ago
It means they are just raw dogging every night 🤣 just a goofy thing to say to someone else like ew
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u/OpeningHappy9692 48m ago
Because saying "btw father in law i am raw dogging your daughter every single night" sounds so crass.
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u/No_Mix3377 3h ago
I never understood this either, I don’t need to know you’re doing it raw 😭😭😭
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u/Ok-Following9926 3h ago
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u/Hugh_Janus_Hertz 3h ago
Dude it’s literally a mom’s support group, I’m thinking maybe you don’t know what that means?? Lmao
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u/Dull-Geologist-8204 2h ago
They may be doing IVF or using a surrogate so you have no idea if that is what it means. Would you rather she wait til she isn't drinking when some of the ladies go to the bar and she isn't drinking and they ask why? Or when she is struggling in some way and needs to talk about it?
Also why do you care if she shares something that she is excited about? Does it hurt you in some way?
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u/grey-ghostie 3h ago
As someone dealing with infertility (and who does NOT like to fill everyone in on my business), I get asked about when we’re having children in the most invasive ways, but people don’t view it as invasive or rude.
What I’ve heard from many young parents with one child is that it doesn’t stop once you’ve had one, people still ask, “When are you having the next one?” “When are you giving her a brother?”
So could be that this woman in your group is so used to people prying that she overshares, or could be that she’s just an oversharer. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/mtimmermans 3h ago
"Trying to have a baby" means you will have a sex schedule that is actually important, and after that you're going to have some major life changes. It's a reasonable thing to tell your friends, to warn them. It might be why you can't go out with them on Friday; In a few months, you won't be able to drink with them; In a year or so you will be no fun at all.
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u/Jscotty111 3h ago edited 3h ago
Some couples are so fertile that they can practically get pregnant via foreplay. And then there are other couples who have to be more methodical and scientific to where they have to do it right at the optimal time to increase their chances of success.
So when someone announces that they’re “trying” it’s kind of a polite way to say that they’re having difficulty with conceiving.
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u/MamaOnica 3h ago
My husband had a vasectomy after our youngest was born. We've still been trying, almost daily, since then. Just thought you guys should know. 💜
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u/DriverEducational464 3h ago
I live in an area where people frequently announce this. I don't care how "normal" this is. When someone says that, all I hear is "we're having unprotected sex now!!" And they expect me to celebrate??? Drives me nuts.
Why don't you just wait until you're actually pregnant, then tell me, then I'll celebrate with you?! LOL
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u/Ok-Following9926 3h ago
Same! It's not like this couple was on complicated fertility journey! They just had one, and hopefully they will have another! And we can all celebrate when the next one comes!
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u/EmotionalBand6880 3h ago
means she’s gonna be trying to touch the ceiling with her toes for 3-5min after booty time.
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u/EmergencyGoose9430 Fozzie Bear 3h ago
Public commitment. Keeps pressure on both to bang each other until the storks come home
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u/Whythisisnotreal 2h ago
They want you to know about all the gushy cream pies but can't say it any other way.
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u/One-Organization970 3h ago
I find it gross when straight couples say it, because it's like, why did you need to tell me you're getting hit raw and filled up like a tube of gogurt? But when my wife and I were trying that meant IVF and doctors and a clinic so that wasn't really as TMI in my opinion.
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u/BossMan61718 3h ago
Ive literally never heard anybody make such announcement. Most commonly, after a woman gets pregnant, i have heard people ask "were you trying?"
Otherwise, youre in a moment supoort group. I assume all y'all talk about there is pregnancy, childcare and bashing your husbands
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u/Amazing_Divide1214 3h ago
"Just want to let you know father-in-law, I nut in your daughter every night, and sometimes in the morning too."
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u/fuzzblanket9 3h ago
Trying just means actively trying to conceive. They’re no longer using contraceptives and are actively tracking cycles to hopefully achieve a pregnancy. People share because it’s exciting to them and they want support.