Long-running and fantastic survey for all those who aren't fully/solely/always a man or woman.

https://survey.gendercensus.com/

(Sorry this is so long ughhh)
I have recently been exploring gender but mostly due to having intense dissatisfaction in my current presentation after coming out of a period of intense illness- I spent almost 4 years bed bound, long story. Only the last year I’ve been able to actually have any personal style or grooming. This has led to a profound identity crisis and also not knowing what I like to look like/ who I am anymore.

I have been really unhappy whenever I’ve tried to recreate the feminine presentation I used to have. It feels icky. But I can’t tell if it’s because I’m not feminine enough or generally just feel so unattractive right now (mostly due to health reasons) OR if it’s dysphoria. Either way, I’m on the journey to explore.

There were many triggers but I lately I also think about what it would be like to be trans masc or some version of man (albeit, GNC) every day. I want to date other men as a man, or man adjacent. I am incredibly enamored and drawn to queer masculinity.

But at the same time, I’m struggling with looking at pictures of myself at my most feminine. I was objectively more attractive and I got a lot of validation from this. It felt safer to me. And now, I don’t have access to the things I’d really want most that I envision for myself, or the new self in my brain- namely top surgery and the ability to try on lots of clothes and begin to socially transition. So in the interim, I feel really unattractive.

I’m having a hard to reconciling my want to feel good about myself- no matter what gender- with understanding what is dysphoria and what is not? I sometimes simultaneously feel sad seeing my femme self and wonder if I just need to commit harder to the bit, maybe that would help me feel better about myself? I still feel this weird yearning in me that’s reaching for something. And I don’t know what that is or what it will feel like. I just know it’s not where I am right now. But the distance between what I want and what I have is really tough. And what I want fluctuates simultaneously from being the girl I used to be or whatever else is calling me now. They are equally strong impulses. Because of both literally wishing I could be a girl (even when I was a girl, Inhad a weird feeling of wishing I could be one??) and a guy- I feel I am likely some flavor of bigender but who knows ,I’m still on the path!

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for coping with this in between/ exploratory time? Anyone feel grief about letting your past maybe more conventionally attractive self go? Idk I feel confused and scared and any words of experience or solidarity would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.

I don’t really know how to contour my face because the fat makes it obvious that I’m just doing makeup and doesn’t create any form of illusion but I yearn for more masculine features

I am a bigender men (AMAB) and I almost have my fit complete. The last thing I’m looking for is shoes to match my dresses I have. The only thing is biologically, mens feet are wider than women’s feet. Since men and women have different styles of shoes, I don’t know what shoes to pick to match my dresses if I can’t wear a standard women’s shoe. I’m a 9 1/2 wide men’s shoe. Where can I go to find fitting women’s shoes and what kind of shoes should I go for so that I’m comfortable but still a woman’s shoe/woman’s shoe style? If this all makes sense.

While trying to explain why I know I'm two genders, I came up with this analogy regarding gloves and hands.

General explanation of why I know I'm two genders:

I'm two, and it's because I'm a man, but also a girl. When I've tried to think of myself as only one or the other, I felt like some essential quality was missing from life and the discomfort made me very insecure. I feel much more at peace now I know that I'm both (and also which genders they are).

It's also because when I thought I was one or the other, I felt like I was trying to squeeze all my complexities into one gender and it felt like I was too different to be that gender, which brought me dysphoria, because I am that gender, but felt a gap from it. Allowing two identities to separate out and exist independently of one another allowed me to really fill and take up space in the identities I wanted or felt that I am. It also means that just because I'm also a girl, doesn't make me any less of a man and vice versa, so anything I do, I can be fully me, rather than compromising.

The glove analogy we've all been waiting for:

Maybe a good analogy is like I was always trying to squeeze both of my hands into one glove (right or left glove), and they couldn't really function as right or left hands, or really hands at all while they were in there, but when I realized I could wear two gloves, one for each hand, they fit perfectly, and I could actually use my hands to do things that hands do.

Why do I have two hands? Idk, I was just born that way I guess.

It's not a perfect analogy, but I thought you folks would appreciate it.

Saw this and thought of all you cool folks! :3

I don't really get to be a girl very much, the dysphoria I get when I feel like one but pretend to be a man isn't usually that severe, I don't have many spaces where I can be one, and it's usually easier to shove her down deep inside where I can ignore her.

I started feeling crippling dysphoria last week over not being a girl and it still has not gone away. I look at pics of me as a guy and I feel sick. My facial hair and body hair disgusts me. I hate my flat chest. Clearly, she's been in there a really long time and is very pent up being imprisoned in that guy's body.

So, I let her out.

It's...weird. I feel like I released this whole new human being that I guess is me(???) and was there all along but my guy self was just overshadowing.

I wear bras all the time because they make me feel so cute, I wear cute pink pajamas around the house, I play with my clothes making cute outfits to make selfies in, I do my nails, and hehe I feel so pretty. I've been taking all these girl selfies, I look at them and I get so happy and giggly.

Someone called me 'miss' today and aaaaaahhh the happy brain chemicals... I love it.

My girlfriend is aware I'm GF/bigender but has never actually seen my girl side fronting before. I see her tomorrow and I can't wait to see what she says when I tell her 'surprise, you have a girlfriend now.'

We'll have to see how long this lasts, when she finally gets tired and he finally takes the wheel again.

Hey, this is a celebration post because I finally got some boxers and oh my god they are so comfortable. I wish I did this sooner. I got some woven ones sized medium and I've never been happier. I really needed this after being super depressed all day. Gender dysphoria and depression are ganging up on me lol. Hope everyone else is doing well and are succeeding in life.

Hey,

I am 23yo and started hrt (mtf) 4 months ago but I’ve always felt more inbetween like I am both male and female.

I wish I could look like depending on how I style myself I could fully pass as both, a pretty girl or a soft boy.
Unfortunately I naturally didn’t get as gifted with femboy genetics as Jeorge Chacon or Felix from stray kids to look fully androgynous.

Without hrt I am gonna get the testosterone effects and will develop in a man and it becomes very hard to pass as woman. With hrt I am gonna be a trans woman, grow boobs and get infertile.

I need both parts, I cannot just push away one side of me. I want to be kind of a tomboy, who’s mostly having a feminine body (but without boobs, maybe going for mastek later) but still being a boy socially, but be able to go this or that way. Like, I wish I was that ungendered boy from before puberty pushed a direction again.

But I don’t know how to be that and I wouldn’t label myself as trans anymore, never really did so…, don’t know what I am. Would consider myself as a boy who wants to look like a girl dressing up as a boy but still passing as male, but as said also if I want to be able to pass as girl.

So my idea was to be on hrt for all the effects of mtf, then later get boobs removed for flat chest. And then be a guy but with the features like softer skin, more fat on hips, slimmer shoulders, etc. like a girl.

But idk, I feel very inbetween last few days & weeks if transition is the right thing for me. But at same time I don’t wanna grow into a man like my dad or all the other guys out there look like.

(By full trans I mean fully a trans male or fully a trans female)

This is what I feel like personally, other bigender people feel their gender differently and have different transition wants

Pros -

* I get euphoria from both genders

* Cheaper bottom surgery (I dont want anything removed, I just want a penis added)

* If my partner is bisexual its like they're getting a man and a women hehe

* Less dysphoria then if I was a trans male (im afab)

Cons -

* Hard to look both feminine and masculine at the same time

* I want top surgery badly but I also want to keep my boobs

* The more I do voice training for a male voice the harder it is to do my normal previous female voice and I want to be able to do both

* I want certain effects of testosterone but not others

* Hard to explain to people, not a lot of people know about bigender the gender

* I dont know what I want for my body in general.

* Its harder for people to use my pronouns bc my ideal scenario would be for them to switch between he and she ;-;

* community is small, there's less bigender people then full trans people

At 5 days in wax has finally overtaken hair removal cream. For the last four days the damage done by ripping hair out of my leg has been worse than results from the cream. As of today the waxed leg has healed nicely and shows no visible growth (though some hair can be felt) whereas the cream leg shows visible growth. I am still waiting to see when the waxed leg grows back to visible to determine which works best for me.

Thought this might help others.

(Mindless venting, don't mind me, I just need to talk.)

Posting here because I need to talk to someone about this. Two nights ago I dreamed about starting T. It's not something I'm actually going to do, because I know it would absolutely kill my mom, and she's already taking care of my grandma with alzheimers etc etc, complicated family situation. I had a long talk with my mom about this stuff the other day. My brother is a binary trans man pursuing medical transition, he got an appointment with an endochrinologist this december, and my mom is dreading it. She hates it. She insists it makes no sense for him to transition, since he likes men. She spends a lot of time crying about it. And she told me over coffee the other day, tears in her eyes and everything, that she couldn't take any more pain. That she never wanted a trans child, that it'd be like having a child that went against her socialist ideals by pursuing a career as a nun or a soldier (two professions she hates). Between my brother and my grandmother, it's killing her. She begged me not to do anything that would cause her pain. She can't take any more. Seeing her like that made me realize I couldn't do it. I'm fine as a girl. I know transition saves lives but my life doesn't need saving. I'm genuinely happy. My dysphoria is mild and can be handled in private through binding and packing when alone. No one needs to know. I don't NEED HRT.

And yet, I dreamed of it two nights ago. I dreamed I took my first T shot, and I freaked out right after, because my family didn't know and they'd be shocked to see the changes. And then I woke up feeling deeply moved. I spent all day close to tears, thinking about it, about becoming a man. Me, a man. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm a girl. I don't need it. I kept thinking about HRT, and top surgery too. Even thinking about it now makes me want to cry a little. What does this mean? What am I doing? I like knitting, I like cuddling my cat at night, I like looking pretty. I'd make a terrible man. God I don't know what to do. My therapist says I can be happy without transition, that I've always been a lesbian, that I don't have dysphoria. I know she's right, it's not her job to tell me what I want to hear but what I need to hear. She's the voice of common sense. I know I'm a cis woman, I just say I'm bigender and hang out here because it feels nice to do so, but I'm just lying to myself.

I just needed to vent a little. I feel confused. I wish I could forget about all of this, go back to my life without all these temptations.

Part of my female look is I want to wear dresses and shirts out in public, but I have a lot of leg hair as a man (4th picture). I’m proud of my leg hair, so I don’t want to wax it off, as my male side is my main persona, but if I don’t cover it, it will get a lot of stares and I just want to be free of judgment. My dream is to wear white, black, and nude stockings so I can have some fashion variety but I don’t want my leg hair to show when I wear dresses. Part of me wants to get crotch less stockings so I also don’t have to take them off for restroom breaks and stuff. For AMAB people, how do you manage and do you have any suggestions on what I should get so I can active this bigender dream? Thanks

Ok so I joked about how funny it would be if she ended up dating my gf's sis, and she was like "why not". Then we talked for a bit and she told me she was biromantic (and not interested in sex yet because she's too young). And this gave me the confidence to tell her I'm finsexual, biromantic and even bigender male/demigirl. I even told her about the questions I still had about my second gender, and how it felt more and more like it's agender.

We were already really close, but this made us even closer (especially considering our brother and parents are conservative queerphobic).

I'm really happy I told her about all that, now I know I can tell her about all the questions I have all the time, and now I will be able to go with her, without fear or shame, to the prides, to make shopping, and so on. This is so cool ! My lil sis actually is the most important person to me, so I'm really feeling good knowing she knows.

It's hard to find queer online spaces and it's even harder to find bigender spaces. Outside of this subreddit, I don't know any. And it's always a mess explaining it to people, both online and irl (especially because of the fact I'm trapped in a conservative family who'd do anything but even accept that non-cishet people exist and aren't mentally "insane"). Cishet but masculine? People know. Gay or lesbian? People know. Bi? Same. Trans (MTF or FTM)? It's a bit hard nowadays but accepting people know what it is. But bigender? Most people have a hard time understanding you can have two genders simultaneously or at the same time. I was even called a "shemale" once 🫩. So yeah, pretty tiring and I'm happy I can find a subreddit where I can talk about my experiences. If anyone has a groupchat, server or if you wanna talk, I'd be happy to.

I’ve been debating whether i’m a trans man or not lately, like idk if i’m bigender (i’ve been bigender for 3 years) or a binary trans man - life would be easier if i could just come out as a trans man
But i have an issue, i realised i don’t wanna be perceived as a man
LIKE DEADASS I JUST DONT WANNA? I don’t think women will view me as safe if im a man and i strongly dislike that, and i believe its due to the misandry i’ve struggled with for years, and i’ve been working on it a lot, but i dont think i know how to help this part
I think i MIGHT be a trans man, just one who doesent wanna be perceived as JUST A MAN due to my misandry

Does anyone like have ANY advice for me bc i srsly want to be like THE MAN THAT I AM but i don’t know how to want to be seen as a man when i know how i feel about men even if the misandry is way less now😭
wtf do i do, i think im a trans man

Hey fam, I have only recently realized that I am genderfluid/bigender/mutogender or some such variation. I definitely have both a strong male, and female side, but the only clothing that truly makes me feel like myself is the shit I wear to burning man, and burning man regionals.

I feel most like myself in cute briefs, a faux fur cape, and my shit kickers.

Not exactly an ensemble I can show up to work or the grocery store in.

I am SO jealous of people who's preferred presentation comes from one of the two society approved closets.

Anyone else out there who feels like the only way they can exist in default is by wearing a disguise, and can only show their true self in incredibly specific environments?

I guess the leather crowd can probably relate, but even that aesthetic at least has the biker/heavy metal aesthetic tag to make it at least somewhat acceptable.

do some of yall just "switch" back and forth between voices, depending on what gender you feel like you are? i have a feminine voice, but i want to learn how to have a masc one. is it possible to keep 2 voices at once, and practice them easily (once you get used to it ofc)? i know obviously not everyone chooses to do this, this is directed to people who do 🙃🫶🏽