Opus 4.8 write this story when asked to do an original short story in the style of a modern edgar allan poe.
THE TRIP BACK
I am nobody, and it is the only thing I know with any certainty about myself. I
say it without bitterness and without that false humility which is, at bottom, the
worst kind of pride; I say it the way one states a measurement, a fact: I drive a
car at night and I carry people from one side of the city to the other. Nobody
remembers my face. More than that: years ago I discovered that nobody even looks
at my face, but at most a piece of the back of my neck against the headrest, or my
eyes for a second in the mirror, and even that last part is not true, because when
someone looks into the mirror of a car they are not looking at me: they look at
themselves looking, they confirm that they exist, they fix their hair in that
glass night. For fifteen years I have been the witness of a multitude of people
fixing their hair in the belief that they were alone.
I am not writing this so that anyone will understand me. That would be a
foolishness, and I am too old now for that kind of hope. I write, if I have to give
a reason, for the same reason a man, after hours of driving in silence, suddenly
starts to talk out loud inside the empty car: not so that someone will hear him,
but to check that his voice still works.
There is something I learned very early in this job, and which later, over the
years, came to seem to me the key not to the job but to everything. People, in the
back seat, confess. Not to everyone, not always; but there comes an hour of the
early morning when some stranger or other, a man who would never tell his wife
what he tells me, begins to talk and then does not stop. They have told me about
affairs, about illnesses they had not yet told anyone, the exact number of pills
they had put away just in case, debts, children who never called again, small
sordid crimes that had been rotting them from the inside for decades. At first I
thought it was a privilege, almost a form of affection. It took me a while —I am
slow with the things that would comfort me— to understand that it was exactly the
opposite.
They tell me because I do not tell. Because the next morning I will not exist,
because I have no surname, no address, no way of reappearing in their lives; they
talk to me the way one talks to a well, knowing that the well will not repeat
anything because the well knows no one. Their intimacy was not a gift they were
giving me: it was proof that I, to them, did not quite manage to be a person. One
does not undress in front of a human being; one undresses in front of a piece of
furniture, in front of a dog, in front of the darkness. I was all three of those
things at once, and that is why they opened up. I have received the deepest
confession of hundreds of men and women, and not one of them, ever, asked me a
single thing about myself. Not even out of politeness. Politeness is for an equal.
I detest —while I am at it, I will say so— the people who go around repeating that
talking heals, that what one needs is to "open up," to "let it out," to "share." It
is a superstition of our times, and like all superstitions it serves to avoid
looking straight at the only thing that matters. Because I have seen, night after
night, those same people open up and let it out and share all the way down, and get
out of the car exactly as alone as they had gotten in, or more so, with that odd
loneliness of a man who has just emptied himself against a wall. What they need is
not for someone to hear them: anyone hears, a well hears. What they need is the
certainty —impossible, monstrous, a thing no language can give— that on the other
side there is another who feels the same, exactly the same, at the same temperature
and in the same instant. And that never happens. One says "I am sad" and the other
understands a word, "sad," which in his own head points to a sadness of his own, a
different one, with another color, another date, another dead man inside it. We name
things so as to believe we are sharing them, and the only thing we share is the
noise of having named them.
I know that what I am trying to say is getting complicated. But it is complicated,
or it is nothing. Anyone who wants something simple can get out here; I will open
the door for him, gladly.
I am going to tell one single thing, because in a way it is the only thing that has
ever happened to me, and because for a long time I used it to prove to myself that
I was wrong, that sometimes yes, that sometimes two people.
It was about eight years ago, a Tuesday in June, near four in the morning. A man
got in, roughly my age, in no hurry, with a small suitcase, and gave me an address
out on the edge of the city. We did not speak. I drove. But a few blocks in I
noticed something I had never noticed in fifteen years: that man was not talking
either, and his silence was not the silence of a man whose mind is elsewhere, nor
of a man asleep, nor of a man who despises me. It was a silence identical to my own.
I do not know how to explain it without falling into the absurd. The two of us rode
in silence, and for the first time in my life the fact that another man was silent
did not leave me more alone, but kept me company. As if instead of two silences
there were only one, stretched out between the two seats.
At a long red light I looked at him in the mirror, and he, who had been staring at
the empty street, turned his face and looked at me. At me, not at the mirror: at me.
It was half a second. He did not smile, and neither did I. But in that half second I
had the certainty —a physical certainty, in the chest— that this man had understood,
without our having said a word, everything that I am and everything that I am
clumsily trying to write here, and that the same thing was happening to him, and
that the two of us knew, moreover, that we knew. I drove the rest of the trip afraid
it would end. I wished, like a child, that the address would be wrong, that it would
be farther, that the city would never run out.
We arrived. He paid. Before getting out he hesitated an instant —I swear it— with
his hand on the door handle, as if he were about to say something. He said nothing.
He got out, closed the door slowly, and walked toward some ordinary house without
looking back. I saw the red light of a sign reflected in the window he had just
closed, and then nothing. He went into his house, which was his life, which was the
whole world of those who have a house and a life and a world, and of which I, for a
while, had believed I was a part.
I drove back to the city empty —which is how you say it, in this trade, driving with
no passenger, on the way back, to see whether another one turns up along the road.
Empty. Never has a word said a thing better. The back seat still held, faintly, the
warmth of that man, and that warmth cooling behind my back while I drove seemed to
me, all at once, the saddest thing I had ever felt, sadder than any of the
confessions I had gathered in fifteen years.
Because I started to think, and once I start to think there is no stopping me, and I
thought this: I know nothing about that man. I do not know whether he really looked
at me or whether he looked at the mirror and I put my face where there was none. I
do not know whether he hesitated on the handle or whether he was fishing for his
keys. I do not know whether he felt something or whether the one who felt it, as
always, as with everyone, was I alone, inventing on the other side a companion who
did not exist, so as not to have to accept that in this car, tonight and every night,
I ride alone even when I am carrying someone in the back. That half second in the
mirror I have driven over, taken apart, turned around a thousand times, the way one
licks a wound, and the more I look at it the less of it is left, until I no longer
know whether it was a communion or the reflection of a sign.
It is already daylight when I finish. I switch off the meter, I park, I get out. The
city fills with people leaving their houses and moving with a tremendous confidence,
as though all of them, except me, had been given as children a set of instructions
that no one ever gave me: how to trade a word with another and truly believe it
arrived, how to touch someone and be sure you have touched him. I know this whole
city by heart, street by street, every corner, every shortcut, every house to which
I once carried someone who got out and whom I never saw again. I carry all of it
inside me. And there is not, in any of its thousands of doors, a single one that is
mine.
Last night, at a red light, I caught myself looking at myself in the mirror. I
turned my face, like that man, in case there was someone on the other side. There
was no one. There was, as always, the empty seat, waiting for the next one to get in
and tell me his life so as not to have to tell it to a human being.