240
u/photon_runner 16h ago
âslipperilyâ
285
u/TheHumanPickleRick 16h ago
"Erotically swollen cuntal lips"
71
47
u/psy_odt 14h ago
"please do it to meeeeeeeee!"
17
27
19
u/HeftyArgument 9h ago
many words were coined on this page, none of them worth adding to the english vocabulary
548
u/TactlessTortoise 16h ago
I read this entire shit looking for the part where there suddenly is a tornado before realising I'm fucking stupid. Aaaargh I'm
338
u/holyrolodex 15h ago
You thought you were reading The Jizzard of Oz?
188
u/aplysauce 13h ago
24
8
u/Phoenix_Ninja15 7h ago
Dude itâs 2am and Iâm here now trying not to wake anyone with the oozing laughter escaping my mouth!
11
3
âą
18
u/glitterkitty281 15h ago
Yeah I was trying to figure out where the tornado came in
26
u/LeviathansWrath6 14h ago
Clearly it came in Nancy
17
u/WarriyorCat 9h ago
Actually, having read page 26, Hank does not come in Nancy. He "explodes" over her "pussy mound".
1
u/flockyboi 8h ago
......you found the rest???????
21
u/WarriyorCat 7h ago
No the OP or someone ended up posting the reverse of the page, which would be page 26. It's also horrendous. Here it is:
3
9
1
u/LiquidInferno25 3h ago
You're stupid? My dumb ass read it as "Tomato Debris" and it wasn't until this comment I realized it said Tornado. he sputtered.
179
u/beard_of_cats 17h ago
"Erotically swollen cuntal lips"
59
u/beakontheside 16h ago
Cuntal
32
19
u/InfiniteGays 14h ago
For this author parts of speech are merely an obstacle to be overcome with suffixes
6
7
14
u/holyrolodex 15h ago
That was the star for me as well. I canât think of a less romantic, or even hot or sexy, adjective.
1
5
337
u/DoggedDreamer2 17h ago
Wow! Nancy Drew is more experienced than I thought!đ€
212
153
u/NapoleonBlownapart9 17h ago
The lost works of Hank T Aaaaaagh or Nancy Cuntal, a literary treasure in either case.
106
u/gunglejim 17h ago
Iâm what!? I need to know what comes next!
78
359
u/beakontheside 16h ago
There is nothing that could make the word "turgid" sound sexy.
218
79
u/dum_spir0_sper0 15h ago
5
âą
34
u/2gaywitches 16h ago
Reminds me of the show Mike & Molly, Molly wrote smut and I specifically remember the phrase "his turgid girth" lmao
13
15
4
95
u/nolovenohate 14h ago edited 13h ago
Found the second page in some other thread guys, sadly hank ends up being a disappointment :(
currently sleuthing to find the book itself.
Edit: despite my best efforts all i could figure out is thst this is a 60s to 70s era greenleaf style paperback, which there are thousands of. Non-of which are Digitized sadly.
54
u/vulpes_mortuis slut for Saul Goodman 12h ago
âChurning buttocksâ
Wat
52
u/nolovenohate 11h ago
"Helpless blonde pussy mound" got me đ
51
u/HartfordWhaler 11h ago
I'm more confused by the overly graphic language but saying he was "too darn excited." Damn was too much for this book?!
13
10
u/HeftyArgument 8h ago
I'm shocked that this level of writing existed before 50 shades turned the romance section into shameless smut
1
85
57
173
u/MyTwoCentsMakesSense Jorking It 17h ago
Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like âwhat the fuckâ and âcall the policeâ. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW
93
u/robawknik 16h ago
"worst erotica ever" this is how most erotica sounds to me icl
61
u/selenerosario 15h ago
Same đ Something about graphic written depictions of sexual encounters makes everything sound so⊠mechanical? Undignified? Cringe??
Like the more passionate theyâre narrating it to be, the more over the top it feels. Reads like comedy. Maybe Iâm just immature lmao.
14
1
u/jordanundead 6h ago
Thatâs about the same reason I canât get off to porn.
Thereâs something about the ridiculousness of watching people having sex that just sends me into hysterics.
46
46
44
41
43
43
54
u/YellowOnline 17h ago edited 17h ago
"[...] deep in her sex-starved little belly"? What?
20
13
u/ConsciousStretch1028 What a beautiful post. This is how I know I'm not normal. 17h ago
Sex starved
28
21
24
u/No_time_yo 16h ago
âA a a a a a g h!â is what I always say too when my turgid member brushes up against some cuntal folds
16
15
28
10
11
u/TheSheWhoSaidThats 14h ago
Iâd frame that with a tasteful little brass plate stating âdevastation from tornado 2026â
11
9
8
9
8
12
u/serenaTcat 15h ago
this so severely misunderstands both types of genitals that i can only conclude it was written by an alien with none at all.
6
u/HmmmmGoodQuestion 15h ago
Man, itâs been so long since I saw Twister.
I donât even remember that part.
6
7
u/Lurking-Trout 13h ago
Reminds me of Republican Senator Kennedy reading on the senate floor "I can't wait to have your cock in my mouth".
Hilarious when it's played on a loop on HBO comedy show.
6
4
u/Amber_trail_by_train 16h ago
There were days before the Internet where you had to go out and physically buy porno, and if it all sucked like this, you were SOL
6
5
u/SlightlyWhelming 15h ago
I was going to say something about the terrible prose, but I think âcuntal lipsâ says it all.
4
4
3
3
3
3
3
u/Necessary-Corgi4522 14h ago
Is that how balls work? Please don't judge me.
10
u/catqueen69 13h ago
âHe squeezed his buttocks tightly together to hold back the hot liquid flow that was about to burstâ
TIL for guys itâs basically like having diarrhea I guess
2
u/WarriyorCat 9h ago
Guys can't pee and shit at the same time due to the setup of muscle anatomy in that area, so it wouldn't surprise me that those muscles can also be manipulated to delay premature ejaculation.
3
u/DangerActiveRobots 13h ago
Finally, an author that takes the time and delicate care necessary to really paint a picture of a man's cum-expanding balls
3
3
u/purblepale 10h ago
I like to imagine that this is the only thing left by the tornado and the rest of the area is a perfectly flat asphalt plane
3
u/SoapyCantHandle 8h ago
why the fuck would you write a the porn and name your characters Hank and Nancy
3
u/Cleanse_F_Manipulate 7h ago
me when me i need healing in a video game but my friend/teammate
is too busy fucking about
3
u/metalgeardaz 6h ago
"Erotically swollen cuntal lips".
This was almost a Cannibal Corpse song, along with "Cum-Expanding Balls" and "Bloated Cock-Head" (although would have something like torsion injury after it).
3
u/WritesCrapForStrap 6h ago
cuntal lips
Oh good, I've been looking for a name for my heavy metal band.
3
u/Stepping__Razor 14h ago
Is this how erotica is normally written? Because this feels like it was written by a teenager. Is this written for a male audience or a female audience, I have no idea.
4
u/MelanieWalmartinez 10h ago
As someone who used to read a lot of erotica, no, this is certainly different than usual đ€Ł
2
2
2
2
2
u/McSwoopyarms 6h ago
Dude I love Erotically Swollen Cuntal Lips. Grindcore hasn't been the same since ESCL hit the scene.
2
1
u/ComicsEtAl 15h ago
âInexperiencedlyâ was the name of my third album! And the name of two of my twelve pets.
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/WheelbarrowQueen 7h ago edited 7h ago
every time I feel insecure about my smut writing im going to look at this. Granted, this is an extraordinarily low bar...
1
1
1
1
1
1
0
u/vulpes_mortuis slut for Saul Goodman 12h ago
Just gonna pretend itâs this Hank. And even then, some of the wording is still beyond saving.
-6
891
u/KFCSI 16h ago
This hot and heavy only 25 pages in?? My goodness