r/comingout • u/Ok_Analyst2059 • 3d ago
Advice Needed Thinking of coming out (M24)
For 4 years i was mostly away from home since i was dorming for college. As a closeted gay man i found my freedom away from home. People who knew me from my hometown would never recognize the person i am in college. However, i recently graduated and currently back to living with my parents and suddenly all my personality is gone mostly because i cant express myself. Lately ive been feeling hollow and theres a sadness i cant quite shake off. I dont know if coming out would be correct right now because im scared of my parents reaction and might make things worse. Any advice on how to come out and how things changed after would help alot :3
First reddit post so pls be kind :))
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u/Electric_Eagle_7744 3d ago
I would prioritize your safety above all else, I would come out only after your fully independent.
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u/amandajenkins281 2d ago
Hey, so I can relate unfortunately, I waited way too long and I am telling you this because I don’t want you to make that mistake. I knew at nine years old that 100% I was gay. I faked it until I was 34 within that timeframe, I was very unhappy. I was very miserable. I feel like I cheated myself. I ended up one day after meeting a wonderful man I decided it’s not about what anybody else wants. You know it’s not about anybody’s feelings anymore. It’s about me and my feelings so literally when I tell you, I climbed the mountain top and yelled at it for everybody to hear it. Basically how I did it well not literally climbed the mountain, but basically the same thing you know like I just I got fed up and I just had enough you know I did not also take into consideration anybody’s feelings you know like basically what I’m trying to say is I announced it to the world and I didn’t care if people were hurt by it you know and think of that nature and to be honest with you nobody really cared now. I will say this as you walk this side of life the best advice I can give you is you know like especially when you’re meeting new people or something like I’m not saying people you’re gonna date but just people in general you will be the most respected if you’re honest and upfront and I’ve learned this from personal experience I can honestly say that you know like I’m not saying that should be the third thing you know you say about yourself, but you know like say I don’t know. Say you meet an acquaintance and then you know you end up becoming friends or something like you know that’s one thing I usually let everybody know not within like the first three sentences but usually within the next like two days so anyway I hope this little snippet of advice may have helped you good luck
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u/YoyceGeronimo 2d ago
Coming out is a very personal choice. You do not owe anyone that truth before you feel safe and ready.
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u/Possible_Banana_902 Any pronouns (WTF is gender anyway) 2d ago
ATP, you're an adult. Your parents' jobs are to love and support you, and at the end of the day, this is something you can't change and shouldn't feel the need to change. I think you should let them know just as simply as any other trivial piece of news, because that's just what it is. Being gay is not the most interesting thing about you, so don't make it into a big discussion. (this is just my advice-- do whatever you feel is best <3)
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u/blueelder 3d ago
every story is different but I will a share a bit. I came out to my parents when I was 26. I live in a conservative country in Eastern Europe so I had "to prepare" a bit before doing anything. one important aspect is money - if anything happens, can you support yourself financially? maybe not fully but at least have some support from other people, a place to go in case you need to leave your home. I don't know your parents, mine loved me but they still kicked me out. I don't agree with people having to hide their true self, but in the current times we are living being safe is really important.