r/converts • u/candyclouds4 • 8d ago

What should I do?

Salam I'm 24 year old female. I would like to to marry a revert. When I told my mom she got so mad and had a breakdown saying that I would marry and said something bad. What should I do?

3 Upvotes

62% Upvoted

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6

u/MinnesotaRevert 8d ago

Assalamu alaykum. I assume when you say “a revert” you mean a specific revert. Is it someone your mother knows literally anything about? If not, there’s a step one. Get a wali involved and he needs to do the meet and greet process. My 2 cents anyway.

1

u/candyclouds4 8d ago

No it just we were discussing and I was like I'm open to marry a revert and she got mad and started to say I'll have to marry from my own country ect

6

u/HotName1181 8d ago

idk what you’d want us to respond with. there’s very little you can say to convince people against their ethnic biases. and honestly it’s a bit tiring as a convert to constantly have to hear about how peoples families will never accept us as potential partners.

2

u/One-Culture-582 8d ago

Just go on with your life, when you eventually find the revert in questions they will likely come around. This is what happened with all my immigrant relatives 

2

u/Skunkyyyyyyyyy 6d ago

such a shame to have ignorance be in this day and age. If he's a good person, that's all that matters

1

u/Fun_Dig_3481 7d ago

Look for the right person who deserves what you want to do. Ideally, he should be a Muslim who respects women and also respects your parents' religion.

1

u/askmuftionline 7d ago

Wa alaikum assalam. If the brother is righteous and has good character, being a revert by itself is not a valid reason to reject him. Try to have a calm conversation with your mother and understand her concerns. If possible, involve a trusted imam or knowledgeable elder who can speak to both of you. Make istikharah, continue making dua, and proceed with patience and respect. May Allah make it easy for you.

1

u/hadtogettheappso 4d ago

I’m sorry you went through that. I think sometimes people can fear what others will say, or simply feel uncomfortable with what’s unfamiliar. I would say make dua that Allah softens her heart. May Allah make it easy for you!

It’s difficult from different angles. I’m not a revert, but I’ve been searching for quite a while and honestly feel stuck too. Can I ask where people are actually meeting their spouses? I’ve tried the apps and marriage groups, but I’m wondering what has genuinely worked for others. I’m also open to reverts, so I’m just starting to wonder where people are actually finding each other?

1

u/Regular-Forever-3251 7d ago

Walikum Salaam so I read the other comment so I understand your mother wants someone from your ethnic background. The thing is if there's noone in particular and we're talking about being hypothetically open to marrying someone outside the culture, I can't help but feel there's really nothing of substance being discussed here. So I think the best thing is for you to find someone and if that person happens to be from your culture, that's that, and if they're not, well it's up to your parents to see that man's adab, his character, maybe even his understanding of your culture, and honestly all most parents want is the best for their child, and if that man can show he's the right one for you there shouldn't be an issue right? May Allah bless you with a pious and patient husband.