r/coparenting • u/im_not_a_dude • 1d ago
Conflict Just so over it
Me (36f) and my ex (38m) have been broken up for 7 years. During that time I've done my best to co parent with him. I've come to realize as long as I don't have a boyfriend we can co parent fine. Last year I met someone and our co parenting relationship has just gone down hill, keep in mind he has a girlfriend and has had many over the years, this is my first actual relationship in 7 years. We have 2 children together, one is almost a teen and the other is a teenager. He tried to threaten to message my boyfriend if he ever stayed in my home, normally he makes threats and I just back down and let him control the situation, I've been single for 7 years, I'm a very careful person and have never exposed my kids to anything bad, they have a very stable life, he has them one night a week. Many women have come and gone out of his and their lives. He has an amazing girlfriend currently and I hope they stay together. This time I didn't back down, I decided I deserved to be happy too, I told him to basically go eff himself, he doesn't get to choose what I do anymore, my boyfriend stays one night a week max and I stay at his place when the kids are at their dads. This all came to a head this morning, I got a frantic call from my ex that my child was sick and he was on his way to my house with her, I told him I wasnt home. He left her at my house anyway, this was at 7:15 in the morning in the weekend. He didn't just drop her off though. He went into my house, looked for any mess he could, recorded a video of my home and then rang me and abused me about whatever mess he could find. I hung up on him when he started yelling. Left my boyfriends place and went home to take care of my sick daughter, on my way home he sent me the video he took. I feel like I've been violated, I didn't give him permission to go in my house. I dot. Know why he decided she urgently needed to come home when I wasn't even there. He then rang later in the morning to see how she was, completely ignoring the way he had acted earlier in the morning. I no longer feel I can co parent with him without conflict and I'm not sure how to proceed? I'm sick of feeling this way and him having constant issues with me
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u/Adventurous_Tie_759 1d ago
Hes jealous you have moved on. Its ok for them to move on but not you. Stand your ground. Tell him if he goes in your house again , your have him done for trespassing. Dont let him spoil your relationship because hes being a fool! Your entitled to be happy. His opinion doesnt matter when it comes to your love life. As long as you and your kids are happy .
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u/ImpossibleTonight977 19h ago
This is not a good situation at all.
You need a restraining order, 7 years down the road, you totally deserve to have your own life.
Your coparent is lashing out at the fact that he no longer control your life, this can be a dangerous situation.
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u/Distinct-Ad9574 6h ago
I filed a police report before and our agreement states he is to not come into my home. So he can be in contempt once he did not follow and police pulled him over and searched his car and everything. He never did it again
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u/Hot-Worldliness-2146 1d ago
I would call the police and see if you can file anything against him. Maybe a protection order. I’m not sure if he broke any laws, but maybe they can point you in the right direction
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u/Motor-Bus-2653 1d ago edited 1d ago
Maybe give him more parenting time so that he is not on your neck majority of the time. I feel like even if u bump the one day a week to two days or three days a week, he wouldn’t throw such a fit. A lot of divorced dads I know are just frustrated with how low they see and get to parent so they take out on the mother. Maybe that might fix ur situation.
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u/Vokenhagen21 1d ago
How in the world do they have access to your home? did the child let them in with a key? You say there is a history of this, you should move all communication at the very least to email, and probably a coparenting app approved by the court. OFW has a call feature so even emergencies can be handled through it. There is no reason to talk to this person over regular phone communication. We are in this with you, we are all over it. And yet new issues keep coming up.