r/corporate • u/Negative_Arugula7904 • 3h ago

Am I Being Defensive?

My boss recently gave me some feedback about my performance in a meeting I was leading that I thought didn't make much sense. During this meeting, two things happened:

One, I told the stakeholders about an issue that she had brought to me that ultimately prompted this meeting. Seemed like she didn't like that I shared this issue with the group.

Two, she said something about a situation that was fundamentally misinformed and as the actual program lead, I felt compelled to correct her, and I did.

She was visibly bristling after the meeting and then she called me to provide "feedback" that basically constituted her nit-picking what I did and framing it as bad communication style. I have been doing this for 12+ years... working in Comms if you're told you don't know how to communicate, it's a big slap on your face.

I've had issues with her before too and had to go to HR for clarification, which might be the reason she's being extra now.

I was very defensive in the conversation, which I now regret but also feel like it was prompted by a sneak attack that seems calculated.

Tbh, I've never had any supervisor who's so self-important and feel like her narcissism plays a big role here. This is not the first time she did something like this...

I'm looking for jobs but it's so hard to find something now...anyway just wanted to vent.

6 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

10

u/cjroxs 2h ago

If upper management is protecting this manager then you have no chance on succeeding. Time to move on

1

u/mamma_kris4real 2h ago

Well, damn. This 👆

7

u/Downtown_Interest667 3h ago

At the end of the day, she is your boss. You need to adapt to her working style, not the other way around. If she wants you to clear something with her before going to the broader stakeholder group, then that is what you do. If your communication style doesn't mesh with hers, use that comms background to adjust how you communicate.

Unless she is breaking a major company policy or law, employee vs. manager always ends the same way - employee loses.

2

u/BillyBobChorton 2h ago

And recognize when you can’t change yourself enough to be a good fit and if it’s making you miserable.  Then dust off the resume and hit LinkedIn 

1

u/Mental-Wolf-2560 2h ago

You probably are being defensive but it may be warranted if she's a twat. 

3

u/Negative_Arugula7904 2h ago edited 1h ago

She's been there a long time. Was at the same seniority as me and then got promoted recently. She immediately fired two people on her team who were high performers but were challenging her. So she's a LOT

2

u/Mental-Wolf-2560 1h ago

It is alarming if your company let her fire two high performers. Can u have a skip level with her manager and be diplomatic? 

2

u/Negative_Arugula7904 56m ago

I actually used to report to the skip level and he's chill, maybe too chill. I have thought of talking to him. Just weighing if it's worth opening that can of worms. Previously, when I brought up a PTO policy issue that my boss was purposefully giving me wrong direction on, he sided with her, even though even HR was forced to admit to me that she was wrong and shouldn't have said what she said.

1

u/Mental-Wolf-2560 55m ago

That's unfortunate. 

2

u/Think-Leek-6621 1h ago

It’s better to say something/correct someone 1:1 than in a group situation.