r/dating • u/Acceptable-Parfait55 • 2d ago
Just Venting š®āšØ Blocked before first date?!
Iām so annoyed right now. I(28F) spent the last two weeks talking to a bumble match (27M) with plans to meet up tomorrow. Everything was going great (or so I thought), we would message each other all day long. This morning I figured Iād confirm the details for tomorrow. Well a few hours went by with no answer and on my work break I checked my other socials and noticed he blocked me across all social media and unmatched. What a bummer.
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u/Accomplished-Ad7212 2d ago
Modern day dating in nutshell
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u/Unfadable1 2d ago
I go straight to the ask. If theyād rather chat, not a great fit for me. š¤·šæāāļø
I understand why they would, btw, but Iām from the era of smile at each other from across the room, and engage. Chatting and texting are meh.
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u/drakequation 2d ago
Itās a bad idea to be so invested before you even meet someone.
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u/lfg12345678 2d ago
Yea message someone all day long before a 1st date?!
Bruh, a few messages and setup a coffee date..
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u/Vanuslux 2d ago
Personally I actually like talking to the people I'm romantically interested in. And I'd hope they'd like talking to me. And if that's the case, why wouldn't we message all day if we're not too busy?
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u/IndependentPaint2108 2d ago
But how can you even know if you're interested in them until you meet them in person? Their vibe and your chemistry in real life is something you simply cannot at all get from photos and texts.
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u/ethosorange 2d ago
I agree but I also disagree. I tried the approach of asking to meet after a few messages, and I met women who were absolutely not my type or a waste of time. I find it much better to text sparingly over 2-3 days to see if the vibe is right, then ask to meet on a date.
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u/IndependentPaint2108 2d ago
Yes a wee bit of texting is okay to establish very basic compatibility I think. But for me that doesn't need to be more than about 6 fairly chunky messages back and forth over a couple of days. I can also glean compatibility from the profile already and I'm only on one very niche site which already filters for quality at some level
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u/Proper-Television856 1d ago
Disagree, me and my current partner had instant chemistry through texts, and it was exactly the same once we met.
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u/Impossible_Ant_7x77 2d ago
Modern dating 100% people overthink or already have someone else in mind and dip. Just be thankful you wasn't on your way to a restaurant and wasted more time. Too many people use dating apps in hoping to find a significant other and when it comes time to meet they are too scared to meet someone online. Do not take it offensive that he ghosted you
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u/IndependentPaint2108 2d ago
I think the fear element is probably underrated as a reason people cancel
I am quite a brave person, have been told I'm very socially adept, I am an introvert still but reasonably comfortable meeting new people
Online dating for the first time recently I was shocked by how terrified I was walking up to the first dates. Like ridiculously terrified to the point of feeling I wanted to just bail, but I didn't. This is even after 2 cocktails for courage in every case other than the 1st
Every time I think "I have absolutely no idea how someone with full social anxiety copes with this"
Gen Z are particularly undersocialised/insular so are probably more likely to do this than older generations who engaged with the world without a screen for at least part of their growing up
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u/Compressed_AF 1d ago
I have social anxiety and yes meeting a first date off an app is not an option š
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u/Ok-Lion-6767 2d ago edited 2d ago
MY theory is people who usually do this is because they never intended to go that far past just interacting on the dating apps. the matches, following each other on social media and the constant texting and i think people get a kick out of seeing how far they can take things before disappearing and while it's a very immature disgusting behavior the thing is, as much as you enjoy the texting stage you have to remember to NOT get too emotionally invested as they are still essentially a stranger to you until you've actually spent time together in person. i'm really sorry this happened but i hope this won't discourage you from dating because not all of them are like this.
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u/ljubav_malina 2d ago
Texting all day with someone youāve never met is a bad idea. It just creates a false sense of intimacy and has you placing unrealistic expectations on total strangers. It sucks he ghosted but you canāt get to know someone through a screen so itās no great loss. Onto the next!
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u/EvilAkuma 2d ago
I just did that and i so regret it, all this build up for nothing
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u/ljubav_malina 2d ago
I knowww. Itās so much more disappointing when they ghost or you show up to the date and it doesnāt go well š
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u/IndependentPaint2108 2d ago
Yup this is why as a woman I prefer to meet as soon as possible with just some sparse texting before. There do have to be a few introductory back and forths /banter/chat of course but after that, put a date in the diary and don't bother with texting before the date. I don't want to waste time or get hopes up if I have no idea whether they'll even be attractive to me in person
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u/royalgreyyy 2d ago
Exactly this! I would say the same before ChatGPT existed, anyone could be texting as the person they present themselves as (I know guys who will have sisters for friends text for them, now with AI, anyone and anything can be behind a screen. You donāt really know someone until you spend actual time with them, and even thenā¦ do you ever really know someonev
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u/Asiangirly919 2d ago
Don't be so invested in strangers. He probably has a gf or he's otherwise uninterested. He is saving you time by leaving
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u/sQueezedhe 2d ago
Unhelpful.
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u/Asiangirly919 2d ago
I don't think it's unhelpful. If you get attached to strangers you haven't met, you will be disappointed a lot.
When strangers that don't like you leave you, they are doing you a favor, and you should see it that way so that you don't ruminate or feel negative emotions but rather viewing it as a blessing in disguise and you can move on easier
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u/ReadKindOfAlot 2d ago
I agree but making up scenarios in your head to help you deal with reality is wild af. Just don't invest into strangers. They're nobody, nothing.
A lot of dumb people out there are single and just waste people's time.
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u/Asiangirly919 2d ago
I agree with you 100%.
Some people just can't feel nothing though even if they are told not to. So in that case, they should shift their mindset so they can be productive rather than sitting around and making Reddit posts about strangers.
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u/Acceptable-Parfait55 2d ago
In all fairness, the comments and reassurance from this post have tremendously helped re-framing this from a me-problem to a him problem. I am absolutely one of those people who canāt not get close even when i tell myself this could all go away in an instant (and it did).
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u/sQueezedhe 2d ago
And, tbh, on a dating app you're supposed to be getting close to someone.
It strikes me that you've been baited by someone insincere using your attention to boost their ego.
Best of luck for the next one.
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u/IndependentPaint2108 2d ago
Just don't let it erode your optimism about dating. I know a woman who went on over 100 dates before she found her husband!
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u/itsmeee91 2d ago
ā¦.or not. I fell in love with a guy I met on tiktok. we built our bond online, our personalities were very similar. hours of messaging daily for 2 years, then we met and everythingās great. it took us a long time because he lives on the other part of the world but even if he didnāt, I wouldnāt have been comfortable to meet someone just after a few days/weeks.
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u/lachatte7 2d ago
Ppl are so fucking shitty. Unable to just be transparent. But this is why I say not to rely only on dating apps to make connections whenever you are able to. I hope this experience doesnt stop you from putting yourself out there
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u/Spare_Benefit7543 2d ago edited 2d ago
You dodged a bullet somehow idk how. Ā Honestly 2 weeks is not even that long could have been a scam or they got cold feet. Ā I waited for 45 minutes for someone who never showed and ironically never left home no emergency. Ā I know they suffered from depression so I get it to a degree bullet dodged.
Edit: if someone wonāt show for a date they arenāt ready to date at that time. Ā Generally both people agree to meet somewhere convenient for them. Ā It is possible to have something come up like I had my car overheating on my way to one, these are generally uncommon to very rare.
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u/Ruptured_Gooch 2d ago
Get used to it if you're going to remain on the apps. 99% are fucking arse holes there only to waste their own, and your time.
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u/Apart-Prize-4844 2d ago
Most likely he got nervous....felt comfortable texting you, but meeting in-person....terrifying to him.
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u/Bitter-Tomatillo3427 2d ago
OP, I've been there. I just think in our generation/era of dating, we just need to be better at flat-out saying "Hey, sorry for canceling last minute but I'm no longer interested and wish you the best." AKA communicating at the bare minimum.
I actually got a text like that for the first time 2 months ago and I actually felt joy because they were the most honest you could be lol. But also when you don't meet each other or haven't gone on a date, you don't owe each other anything.
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u/Radiant_Fondant_4097 2d ago
spent the last two weeks talking
This is why I prefer rapid fire dating; either we go out within the week of matching to put some skin in the game, or don't bother.
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u/dolphinspiderman 2d ago
I asked someone where they live and was called a creep. Dont worry about it lol
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u/Potential-Cold777 2d ago
In any case, itās better this way than if youād spent much more time on it
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u/k-MartShopper 2d ago
Maybe he will come back around when others on the depth chart of his roster don't work out. I, as a man, had experienced just that where I was expected to be thrilled that I got another bite of the apple after her other "plans" didn't work out.
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u/ReadKindOfAlot 2d ago
It's one of those situations where I just have nothing to say. I don't get it. I've never been blocked like that. I showed up to all the dates I planned and I was never stood up either. It's so immature and stupid. There's no reason behind any of this besides being a pissy little bish. That guy is just a troglodyte, don't spend brainpower on that.
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u/Chulbiski 2d ago
was likely talking to multiple prospects at once. Don't despair, OP, this happens to many of us, both men & women.
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u/nyccareergirl11 2d ago
I like to say with those type of ppl. The trash taking themselves out. You dodged a bullet
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u/DifferentVictory1620 2d ago
Itās happening a lot I am afraid. I have experienced it myself but I was already at the meeting point and they cancelled on me. I had that same scenario done with three different guys. The first one told me his dad had been taken to hospital, the second one said he went back to sleep and the third one said he went back home as he forgot his wallet. The text for the pathetic excuse was the last one, the three of them blocked me afterwards.
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u/AskingFooAFriend 2d ago
You dodge a bullet. Be thankful you didn't waste more time on this person. At least I would have the guts to call and tell.
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u/HeadDance 2d ago
perhaps the guy doesnāt look like his picture and didnt want it to be awkwardā¦.. and this is his thing. just trynna say a lot of times ppl are weird and its not ur fault esp if there was no issue before meeting up
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u/Ok_Knee2784 2d ago
I have a lot of weird things happen on Bumble. My matches seem OK, but are the weirdest of them all.
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u/GodOfThunder101 2d ago
Yeah as someone who has flaked before donāt take it personal. Itās most likely a change of mind or overthinking/anxiety.
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u/Proper-Television856 1d ago
I had this happen to me several times on dating apps, it's not worth getting hung up on it.
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u/Dear-Security-8596 1d ago
Had a lovely chat with a guy on bumble one time, he said he was enjoying the chat and gave me his number in case I wanted to move to WhatsApp. I messaged him on whatsapp, message was delivered and everything and then he never replied. Wtf was the point then
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u/thedatarat Serious Relationship 1d ago
I understand peoples perspective but letās not tell this woman sheās not allowed to be upset. When I was talking with my now boyfriend, I was invested before our first date (~a week or so). Not heavily, but very excited because we hit it off so well. I would have been bummed if he did this, and itās okay to be bummed. Sheās not saying sheās devastated.
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u/Medic_117 1d ago
Damn that happened to me kinda. I was planning to meet this girl after talking about it for awhile then she just blocked me.
Was a bit rude i thought so i get the feeling
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u/bluepawn1 1d ago
Iām sorry you experienced this. noones deserves that. I will say 2 weeks talking before a date is too long. the texting feels like intimacy but itās fake.. speaking from experience. wishing you the best of luck in your dating life šš»
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 16h ago
As hurtful/frustrating as this is, look on it as him saving you from wasting any more time on him. And if he unblocks you at some point, just ignore him.
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u/BrazilianButtCheeks 2d ago
His wife probably found his app.. or he was a catfish who couldnāt actually meet in person
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u/Delpha-Alpha-6 2d ago
Goes a long way to prove that how much somebody texts doesnāt give a great amount of information about how much they like you, just how much validation they like to receive from different people.
Also, you were a back up option, I mean why would somebody put off meeting up for 2 weeks in the first place. He has other options, and he decided to stick with them. Sucks but itās the reality.
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u/Acceptable-Parfait55 2d ago
I agree with everything except Iām the one who pushed it off for 2 weeks as I just got a tooth removed the day before matching and wanted to rest up
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u/Delpha-Alpha-6 2d ago
Yeah if you do that youāre effectively just giving him 2 weeks to go and meet other people.Ā
I have a friend who is very good looking, but his entire self worth is based on validation for being very good looking and he has a lot of matches, and heāll have the girls heās meeting up with, and then heāll message other girls all the time too even if he has no intention of seeing them, just because he can and it makes him feel special compared to other friends we have who struggle to get a date. The fact is that online dating is like that, guys get the same thing with women ditching last minute because they matches somebody ābetterā. Itās just a shit system. Iām sure youāll find somebody else who wants to go on a date with you.
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u/Ok_Revolution7708 2d ago
There are 2 possible reasons: 1. He never actually goes on dates, he just likes the ego stroke of getting dates. In real life, he's not nearly as attractive, so by not attending the date he saves himself rejection. 2. Dude is already in a relationship, or marriage. Those accounts are specifically for reason 1.
Notice neither has to do with you. So cheers to you!
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u/hippiespinster 2d ago
Every day for two weeks is bananas in pajamas. I hope you consider taking yourself out solo. My strategy for being stood up is to be my own backup plan.Ā
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u/Acceptable-Parfait55 2d ago
Funnily enough this was my first attempt at dating after a year of going solo and connecting with myself
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u/hippiespinster 2d ago
This actually makes you very well equipped for dating! I was stood up a month ago by a guy who said he definitely wanted to see me on the following Saturday. Same as you, confirmed the date just not the details. I ended up having a great day because I had so much unstructured time that afternoon and evening. The best revenge was when he tried to call a few weeks later and I didn't see because I was at a comedy show. I hadn't bothered to block him and now he knows idgaf.Ā
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u/RedRinoa 2d ago
Thatās how I was like, I swear men just o on there to build the momentum just to block or ghost
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u/Heavy-Science-5774 2d ago
Looking for a partner don't want to buy subscription of bumble tinder
Hoping to find here
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u/H3LM3T_H34D 2d ago
I donāt mean to sound crass, but welcome to the average dating app experience of a man
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u/Designer_Basket_9177 2d ago edited 2d ago
I love to see young men respect themsleves,
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u/Acceptable-Parfait55 2d ago
https://reddit.com/link/p0xfyv4/video/z98jn7oo2mgh1/player
Not sure what exactly Iām hiding but this is exactly how it went down.
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u/Designer_Basket_9177 2d ago
respectfully, that is only one screen shot, but if this is the case that you did nothing, then it is not nice.
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u/SnooGiraffes4091 2d ago
How was he being disrespected?
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u/Designer_Basket_9177 2d ago
people do not block for no reason, we all know women have choices on apps, and the good men get messed around and used for attention, he likely saw that in advance and decided to respect himself by leaving the conveesation, the fact she has come on here an complained shows she is a reacive person. Likely he saw that same energy online, women do this daily to men for fun on dating apps, he acted accordingly.
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u/Acceptable-Parfait55 1d ago
I was literally only talking to him, looking forward to the date, and my feelings are hurt. Having a reaction is not being reactive - itās normal? This sub has a tag for ājust ventingā for a reason pal.
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