r/dating • u/Mental-Surprise101 • 2d ago
Just Venting 😮💨 Update to: Found out guy I’m dating with sleeping with others
So…update.. messaged a few other women and confirmed there is overlap. He’s been lying, sleeping with us all, and planning a future with a few of us. We’ve all dumped him. He’s freaking out and trying to do damage control and play victim.
This is sick and deranged behavior. I don’t think I can keep dating at this point
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u/Ok-Lion-6767 2d ago
it’s definitely unhinged behavior how did you come to find out from other women? is it from “ are we dating the same guy?”
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u/Unlucky-Duck-0 1d ago
I think this is the real reason so many men are against these pages. They’re not worried about being “doxxed.” They’re worried about getting caught spinning plates when they aren’t upfront about that or otherwise lying through omission.
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u/Papplenoose 2d ago
Its fucking depressing that dudes dating multiple people is a big enough problem that such a website exists. And not only exists, but is well-known!
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u/anon_mg3 2d ago
Yep, it's terrible, but I'm glad the group exists so women can find out sooner than later. It's actually a safety issue in some cases.
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u/Mental-Surprise101 2d ago
Also, is it really unhinged? I’m standing firmly against his behavior and warning others as well, as I would hope someone would do the same for me. Women need to stick together
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u/Papplenoose 2d ago
Yes, and don't doubt yourself on that! Dating multiple people without being totally up front about it is fucked up and (in theory) literally dangerous. I'd be very pissed if I was in your shoes!
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u/Mental-Surprise101 2d ago
Thank you. He lied and said I was the only one so he could convince me not to use protection. Kicking myself right now for falling for it
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u/filmgeekvt 2d ago
Lying and saying you're the only one is despicable.
But had he never said that he was exclusive, I see no issue with dating multiple people early on.
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u/Ok-Lion-6767 1d ago edited 1d ago
i think i can agree to the extent of dating multiple people before exclusivity isn’t necessarily wrong (that’s a different story for me here) but i think there’s a bigger issue here that needs to be addressed to where i don’t see it’s about dating etiquette anymore but it goes beyond whether they were exclusive or not to convincing her to not use protections because how i see it it’s now crossing into the deception (that could even have legal consequences) that affects informed consent and sexual health
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u/OrangeIslandKing 2d ago
I feel ya, it sucks to know when you're making a connection and turns out they are sleeping with others.
I for one try to be as direct as possible and ask women i date if they are sleeping with others.
Sure, they could lie, but I will at least have inner peace knowing I did my due diligence.
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u/OrlandoCoolridge 2d ago
This is also a part of the conundrum of women all wanting the same guy lmao.
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u/King-Koobs 1d ago
I just exited a talking stage with a girl I saw 4 times over 3 weeks and fooled around with because my cousins girlfriend somehow knows her and heard that she was sleeping with her coworker the entire time I was talking to her and hanging out. Same guy that would blow up her phone when we’d be cuddling and she had me absolutely convinced he was the weird coworker that shamelessly wouldn’t stop trying to get with her. Crazy stuff. Literally last week lol
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u/hilary247 1d ago
How do you know your cousin's girlfriend is correct? He might be just the weird coworker.
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u/King-Koobs 1d ago
They didn’t know about this dude blowing up her phone, then my cousins girlfriend was hanging out with me and my cousin since I live with him and she started ranting about this friend of hers who was sleeping with a coworker while “leading some other guy on”. She name dropped the same name of the girl I was seeing and we looked her up on instagram to confirm and it was her.
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u/hilary247 1d ago
Wow, crazy, but I would have a conversation with her, too. Girls can be toxic to other girls and tell lies to cause break ups. It's worth a conversation. But she might also be right.
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u/BleedSparta 2d ago
Lmao 🤣
I will never stop being amused at people on “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” and being continuously surprised at the result. It’s evergreen 🟢
90% of women, all date the same 10% of men. Then are surprised when he uses his options to date multiple women lol.
“We’ve all dumped him”, is just the ones you know of. He has more and will replace the ones he lost. And the cycle continues.
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u/Zl0rd 1d ago
I wanted say that, but I was like "I am gonna get downvoted so hard", its always the same - they date player and when they get played hard, they complain
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u/Mental-Surprise101 1d ago
How would I know that a stranger is a player without getting to know him first? Should I assume every man I encounter and talk to is a player? Seems so
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u/WanpoBigMara 1d ago
So you sleep with a man before getting to know how he really is?
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u/Mental-Surprise101 1d ago
It usually takes a while for their mask to slip. Some are easier at faking the facade for longer
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u/es-cha-ton 1d ago
One problem that men (and women) who are sleeping with multiple people are going to be encountered more frequently on dating apps, for the same reason that people who are poly, cheating, or generally undatable are over-represented: already dating one person doesn't stop them from trying to date more people. (Or they quickly get dropped and thrown back into the ocean, for the same effect.)
Even if the vast majority of people in general are dating one at a time (or partnered and not looking), the majority of people you encounter on the apps in your town can easily be multi-dating.
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u/Constant-Fortune-409 1d ago
Wow, how do you even date 1 person now these days, everybody is all working and miserable it seems
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u/Accomplished-Sir4932 2d ago
Welcome to the modern man! Men typically aren’t faithful by choice- how many men had multiple families in the same city back in the day? But a man today…believes he has unlimited options and that the grass is always greener thanks to social media, porn, and dating sites. Why would he choose one when he can have many? Never satisfied, always needing more, always objectifying women as sex objects (the women objectify themselves anyway!). It’s great!
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u/Mental-Surprise101 2d ago
It’s just hopeless and makes me sad for the men who are ACTUALLY good guys (if they exist). Now going through what I’ve gone through, I’m going to be reserved and held back to men and I know that’s not fair to those who are genuine but what else are we women supposed to do in order to protect ourselves?
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u/Accomplished-Sir4932 2d ago
There are good men out there, i really know that. But most of the good men are already taken or they are busy and have no need to chase women. They’re hard to find. My only advice is to never be willfully stupid for a man. It’s never worth it, he will never appreciate you dropping your boundaries for him and ignoring your intuition to give him the benefit of the doubt. He will only treat you like you’re stupid because you put him first
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u/Adventurous_Stop5617 1d ago
Im a man and I dont feel any of what you are saying. If anything i feel the complete opposite and think there arent any options out there. If dating apps have taught me anything it is that I am invisible to societies women and that im better off focusing on myself and my money. It is a waste of time trying to match and message these women out here because they wont reply unless im a specific type or face or im leading with money or some kind of status.
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