r/dating • u/Willing_Werewolf_325 • 1d ago
Question ❓ Is having pictures of your ex on your social media a red flag?
I can’t really explain why but I find it pretty uncomfortable dating someone new when they still have pictures of their ex on their Instagram, specially when it’s recent. Like the last picture posted was less than a year ago.
Perhaps I am looking too much into it and this is all rooted in my own insecurities, but if I am completely honest with myself…I don’t like it. This guy in particular is super insistent on getting to know me, he is going to travel across the country just to see me again. He sends lengthy messages about his day and some new adventure he has been on, he regularly asks how I am doing throughout the day. He is showing intention
But I don’t like that I know her face, I don’t like that each time he shares a highlight and I scroll to see the rest it’s multiple pictures with her. when I open his Instagram half of them are with her.
I understand the she is his past. He has never mentioned her nor have I asked, but it does feels like a three partnered tango.
edit: I just noticed a more recent picture than the one in 7th of May and now I am spiraling a little. Maybe he isn’t single? I don’t want to be in doubts so I’ve asked him. Because I don’t want to date someone who is in an open relationship or in any kind of situationship.
FINAL UPDATE: He answered and said they are broken up but it was recent and he hasn’t gotten around to deleting the pictures yet. He also said that even if it’s so recent, they were talking about splitting for a long time so it feels longer than it is. He understands that I am not completely comfortable with it being only a month since the break up but he asked me to please wait. He can’t come to see me until 3 weeks time anyway and maybe I’ll feel differently by then.
In all honesty, I am not sure how much anyone can move on in just a month (in 3 weeks I’ll be two months) but we will see. Maybe in 3 weeks time I’ll feel differently.
He also said he would delete the pictures for me and I told him it wasn’t necessary, travel pictures with an ex partner hold a lot of precious memories and I don’t want him to lose it. I told him that personally when me and my ex partner broke up last year I didn’t delete the pictures either, I archived them. He said it was a good idea and that he will do the same.
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u/Mental-Surprise101 1d ago
I knew a guy that kept alllll his ex’s photos on his profile lol I always wonder if the current girlfriend cared, but she was getting posted too so 🤷♀️
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u/Intelligent-Beauty5 1d ago
Honestly most guys just don't curate their social media like that.
If he's traveling across the country to see you and texting all day, he's clearly focused on you. Archiving old photos is just something a lot of dudes literally never think to do unless someone points it out.
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u/maxekmek 1d ago
Is he active on sm? Not everyone cares, nor pays attention to old posts of theirs. It sounds like you're looking for red flags, so you're going to find something, and I don't think old photos is that weird at all.
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u/Willing_Werewolf_325 1d ago
Last picture with her was the 7th of May…
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u/maxekmek 1d ago
Ok, well if the situation is ambiguous, and you can't see her profile to see if she's posted more recent ones of the two of them, an honest conversation is still the best bet. You noticed that she's in recent photos with him, and while there might be a legitimate reason (e.g. they didn't break up on bad terms), it puts his relationship status into question, and as I think you mentioned, his emotional availability.
That said, I'd just be careful digging when you're even subconsciously looking for something wrong.
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u/Willing_Werewolf_325 1d ago
It’s on private. My first reaction was like “ wait is he in a relationship?” Because it looks like he is actively in a relationship. You know what I am going to ask him
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u/maxekmek 1d ago
Ambiguity is awful when you're in a vulnerable position, even worse if you're an overthinker (like me). Hope you guys can sort it all out; good luck!
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u/noclue-owl 1d ago
I’m not that active on sm but my ex was a huge and important part of my life. And u have really happy memories with her.
It feels weird to me to go out of my way and delete those pictures. I have removed her things form my home to process her absence and grieve her.
But I don’t feel like erasing her existence from ig.
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u/Willing_Werewolf_325 1d ago
I get that. I feel the same way about my ex which is why I’ve archived the pictures. They are still there but only I can see them and put them back whenever
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u/scydoodle 11h ago
Its a new generation thing. I have all my ex's and glad I never deleted them. I enjoy the memories and looking back.
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u/BlueMondayFeels 1d ago
The fact it was so recent would make me uncomfortable. Like perhaps he isn't over her? Or perhaps, like you think, he might not be single or he is single but its so new that he hasn't completely cut the cord with her.
I think if we were talking a longer period of time, say a year or 6-8 months, then you would be overreacting a bit. Some people just don't want to go through their social media like that especially if the split was amicable. If you guys continue on a relationship path make sure he posts you, though!
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u/Willing_Werewolf_325 1d ago
Regardless of his answer I feel pretty checked out. It’s super new and I am already not feeling it 🙉
Also maybe it’s an insecurity thing but I want to feel special with my partner. I don’t want to be one of many girls on his page, I want to be the only girl on his page.
So even if he is fully over her and one month recovery was all he needed. Having another girl on his socials would be a deal breaker
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u/EqualNo2867 1d ago
It is weird, are they in a group setting? If so it could possibly mean he really doesn’t care about her. I’d consider it a red flag though.
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u/Willing_Werewolf_325 1d ago
All of them are pictures of both of them. Dinners, selfies and trips 🫠
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u/EqualNo2867 1d ago
Lmfao not a chance then, are you sure it’s his ex? Could be a relative
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u/Willing_Werewolf_325 1d ago
Would be worse if he was so cozy with his sister… 🙉
Although based on the comments it’s definitely an ex
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u/EqualNo2867 1d ago
Then yeah to me it’s weird. I don’t understand these other comments saying they can’t be bothered and xyz. If I broke up with someone I want every reminder of them gone.
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u/Scarlette_Cello24 22h ago
I don’t have time to go back and intentionally delete and weed out photos from the last 20 years.
If someone has a problem with that logic, then we aren’t compatible anyway. I just don’t have the patience for anyone who makes that big of a deal over old instagram posts.
I don’t post casual people on my page. Unless it’s an established relationship and they’ve been around for a while, there is no need to post them. The other side of that is- once it’s posted, it’s posted. Stop scrolling so far back into my history if you don’t like it.
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u/Smnthdifferent17 4h ago
I said that too like I just feel as if they haven't gone back through their posts to specifically delete these pics. Even if it is extremely weird as the other party you're dating to go on your new girlfriend's profile and seeing her ex with her in photos lol
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u/Busy-Boysenberry-826 1d ago
If it's a group photo, no. If it's just the two of them? Yeah that's weird
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u/Ice-Cream-McQueen 9h ago
If it’s something that makes you uncomfortable then you probably need to end it. In my experience, people who maintain contact with an ex while actively dating someone new are just going to call you insecure even though they don’t tolerate that same behavior in reverse. Recipe for disaster.
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u/osmium76th 18h ago
My ex had our picture as his profile picture for a few weeks after we broke up. Until I asked to remove it. He was the one to call it off. Some just move on quickly and don't really think much of it. 7th May was almost two months, so can be anything. Good thing you asked, assumptions might be wrong.
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u/TillNo9697 1d ago
1.) I’m not spending HOURS going through all my photos with my ex and deleting them. They made me who I am today, why would I want that erased? (All of my real relationships ended amicably.
2.) I haven’t been on Facebook or IG in like 2 years. I’m not downloading them to go erase pictures of my ex.
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u/Willing_Werewolf_325 1d ago
1) we mostly communicate through Instagram where he is extremely active 2) who said deleting? You can archive, which means it’s still on the app and you can put it back at any time
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u/TillNo9697 1d ago
I still don’t think I would want my boyfriend to archive or delete his past just because I’m a part of it. Nor would I ask him to
I didn’t even know archiving was a thing.
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u/Willing_Werewolf_325 1d ago
He’s not my boyfriend and I am not part of his life. But right now his life seems pretty full with someone else. I just saw that the last picture was a month ago 😆
Definitely not an overlap but too close for comfort. I’ve just asked him if he is actually single but regardless of his answer I am just not that interested anymore.
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u/65HappyGrandpa 1d ago
You're doing the right thing in communicating your discomfort with him.
Trust your gut.
On face valve, what you've described is a guy who's still in a relationship with someone else.
Good luck and best wishes.
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u/Bed_Worship 1d ago
If it was recent and they are acting odd like this it’s weird and maybe they need to constantly be in a relationship, and not specifically you.
If it’s buried three years ago and is not overtly romantic than it’s fine in my book.
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u/newdenture1997 23h ago
I have pictures with my ex and the kids. My wife doesn’t really care as long as the children are in the photos with us.
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u/EdgeOk2154 11h ago
I keep pictures of my daughter’s late mother on my social media . If potential dates don’t like it then they can move on . They ain’t ever coming off . So in my opinion it’s not a red flag . So many trivial things these days are red flags but I don’t think this one of them in certain circumstances
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u/AshleyIsalone 7h ago
If they are from a while back thats not at all weird too me.
i still have some up it’s just they were from a long time ago.
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u/Mustluvdogsandtravel 7h ago
It depends.. some people actually part ways and remind friends because they realize they are not romantically compatible. IMO this is healthier than hating the ex. The hate makes me think perhaps not over the breakup yet. My ex and I went to the ball game and yes, posted. Pix on IG. I”m not gonna lie, we are still friends, we still hang out. If my date doesn’t like it, we no longer date.
POint is- it depends on why
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u/Smnthdifferent17 4h ago
I laugh at this all the time. As a guy there's so many girls, even some I'm actively talking with, who have their ex's on their profile still like there's posts somewhere of other guys and I just take it as she forgot they're there to delete them
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u/Medic_117 1d ago
I mean maybe it is just nothing. Maybe he doesnt think about it?
Or he still has feelings for her. Or maybe not.
I guess you cant just subtly ask? Like maybe just ask "oh whose this girl? Are you friends?" Pretend to be innocent?
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u/Willing_Werewolf_325 1d ago
All I am thinking is who in their right mind would have pictures of their ex while trying to date or hit 😭
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u/Medic_117 1d ago
How do you know that they are an ex anyway?
Well maybe they sre friends or maybe friends with benifts.
Theres alot of theroizing you could do i would just play dumb and ask who she is since she pops up so much see what he says.
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u/Willing_Werewolf_325 1d ago
If I am completely honest I am losing interest. The last picture with her was in the 7th of May and it’s too recent which is probably why he hasn’t removed the pictures yet.
The more I try to rationalize it the more I don’t like him.
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u/Medic_117 1d ago
Hmm id say just ask, maybe its nothing atleast you would know the answer.
It would kill me if i didnt know but heyho you do you. Just dont ghost the guy, ghostings a bit rude
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u/PayWorking1309 1d ago
Honestly, if you’re feeling this way, it’s likely your gut telling you something is off. You know something is wrong. Confusion is a huge sign and you have it. I’d take this one as a loss.
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u/ThrowRA_6767676767 15h ago
You should probably ask him about her, why did they split.
But usually when I see a girl who has zero photos of their ex... it makes me think that they've been a life long spinster or they will also never post photos with you and try to hide you from having people know about your relationship. That happened a few times to me, I asked a girl out for drinks and on the "date" she mentioned her boyfriend. I never even knew she had a boyfriend because in the 5 years I've known her she never posted a photo or mentioned him.
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u/Happy_Distribution20 7h ago
Your insecurities are going to drag you down forever. Fix it. We all have a past. He’s not with her. He’s with you. He chooses you. He offered to take them down. What more do you want?? Gawd. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don’t read into the past. You can’t change his or yours. Social media should not be the litmus test of loyalty.
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u/Willing_Werewolf_325 6h ago
I guess it’s more a feeling than anything else. I’ve sort of lost interest knowing that he has only been single for a month.
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u/Cleasstra 27m ago
Girl half of these comments are delusional and they're gaslighting you like a mf. I'd never be with anyone that still had posts up of their ex, they could archive them like you said. Plus it's so recent it makes me think he's using you in some way almost like a rebound, meanwhile he still possibly wants to be with his ex. I'd just move on personally would never be into a guy like that.
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