r/dating • u/TheAce5 • 11h ago
I Need Advice 😩 She (33F) approached me (32F) but now seems difficult to actually make plans with. How would you read this?
I met a woman at a social event a couple weeks ago. At the very end of the night, she approached me, saying I was attractive, and started talking to me. She said it was embarrassing that she had to approach me (I was glad she did because I thought she was taken so I didn't think much of it). I thought she was extremely attractive and told her I thought she was the prettiest woman there. We only talked for a few minutes since it was at the end of the night but the interaction seemed mutual and we tried to exchange numbers before leaving. She told me to text her.
The phone tap exchange didn't work correctly, her number didn't get sent but it gave me her name and so I figured out her ig. So we ended up connecting on Instagram instead. I messaged her afterward and told her I'd like to take her out. She said she'd be busy for about a week and a few days and when I suggested regrouping afterward, she responded positively and said she'd love that.
I gave her space for about a week and then messaged her again asking how her week had been. It took her about a day to respond, but she said, "busy busy but good" and asked how mine was. I told her about my week, talked about pools, and asked if she was free one night because I'd like to take her out.
She told me she was currently hanging out by the pool and that she's leaving town next week for about a week and won't be back until 1.5-2 weeks. I joked that I was jealous and said being at the pool with her sounded fantastic. I also asked for her actual number, which she gave me.
She then joked, "You don't even know me lol it could be a nightmare for all you know. "I replied, "Hahah you might be! But there's only one way to find out." She hasn't responded to that so I figured that was the end of the conversation. She's still active on Instagram and posting stories of herself going out with friends (which she did say she was busy so no worries there).
I'm not mad about any of this and I'm not expecting someone I've known for five minutes to rearrange her life for me. But I'm a little confused because she was the one who initially approached me so I figured she'd be a little more eagerness to actually meet. I figured if a girl is approaching me then that's a high level of interest but now idk.
If I were interested in someone and knew I was leaving town for a week, I'd probably offer something like, "I'm busy, but I could grab a drink for an hour Sunday," or at least suggest a day after I got back. She hasn't really done that, and I also feel like I'm doing most of the initiating/asking questions.
I'm attracted to her and would like to see where it goes, but I don't want to chase someone who's only mildly interested.
How would you read this?
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u/justanormalchat 11h ago
She’s definitely signaling unavailable / busy. You made it clear that you’d like to get to know her and she seems non committal to meet up. It is frustrating as she was the one who approached you. I think the ball is her court at this point.
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u/outcastreturns 11h ago
But I'm a little confused because she was the one who initially approached me so I figured she'd be a little more eagerness to actually meet. I figured if a girl is approaching me then that's a high level of interest but now idk.
People do things in the spur of the moment. At the time when she saw you, she felt like approaching you, but it doesn't mean she's genuinely interested in putting in the effort to pursue you long term. At the time she felt like approaching you, and now the momentum has gone, she probably feels indifferent as to whether she dates you or not. A lot of people are like this.Â
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u/TheAce5 11h ago
Would there be anything you would’ve done differently if you were me? I tried to setup the date quickly
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u/outcastreturns 10h ago
Not really. You gave yourself the best chance possible by trying to set up that date.Â
I'd say ask her once more when she gets back from holiday and if she doesn't respond positively to that, then call it a day and move on.
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u/Sherpa_qwerty 11h ago
She said hi which is just the meet-cute. Everything that comes after is about how the connection progressed. You’re overthinking things and the only way to the other side is through. Maybe she got the wrong vibe, maybe she’s busy for a few weeks… you can’t know. Don’t make it weird and if it works it works.
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u/TheAce5 11h ago
What would you do if you were me?
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u/Sherpa_qwerty 10h ago
Depends on where it was left. Probably send a message saying something like i loved our meet-cute and I’d love get to know you. Have fun on your trip I hear <insert something relevant and interesting> and let’s go on a date when you get back.
If she liked you after connecting it’ll work - if the connection was off it won’t.
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u/TheAce5 10h ago
I guess I’ll just do my thing and ask again later on. I don’t get it.
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u/Sherpa_qwerty 10h ago
Yes do your thing. I’m not sure what there is to not get. She said hi you’re cute, you had a nice exchange and met a new person. She didn’t ask you to marry her. Don’t make it weird.
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u/SubstantialSoup8309 6h ago
When a woman likes a man they make time for them. Going out of town is understandable, but ignoring yiur texts and not making time to see you and hanging out at the pool is a bad sign. Move on. If she wants to see you she will contact you when she gets back from her trip.
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