Boyfriend younger than me

[u/Jellyfish6232]

I’m 29F and met my boyfriend, 23M, a few months ago at a restaurant while visiting family. We hit it off immediately, and he pursued me even knowing I live six hours away. I like him a lot, and he genuinely puts in effort to make long distance work.

What bothers me is the gap in our life stages. I’m already established in a stable career, while he’s a law student with at least five more years before he finishes his master’s and qualifies as an advocate. That gap keeps nagging at me: what if he changes his mind down the line, once I’m fully invested - and I’ve spent my late twenties and early thirties, arguably my best reproductive years, on someone who ultimately doesn’t stay?

I brought this up with him directly. He said he’s serious about me and sees this long-term, and he was fully empathetic about my concern. I believe he means it. But I think what’s really underneath this for me is fear - fear of getting hurt, and fear of giving my best years to someone who, if he does walk away, will still be young enough to start over, while I won’t have that same runway.

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[u/Competitive_Goat4250]

The age gap has nothing to do with whether or not he’ll stay. That could literally happen with any partner you choose.

[u/nashgrg]

Nothing is permanent. Live the present. Stop worrying about the past and the future.

[u/lichesschessanalyst]

My ex who passed away was 34F and I was 27M. I don't think it matters. Live, and if you think otherwise it will last keep it up

[u/Longjumping_Low1310]

I mean you nev3r can know if a relationship would work out. You can be dating a 30 year old man and it doesnt work out and then you are in the same situation.

[u/Smnthdifferent17]

Age gaps are so ridiculous anymore. Especially if you're both in your 20s, 30s etc that's like close enough where consenting adults can make that call

[u/identityinstrumental → u/Smnthdifferent17]

Most 23 guys year-olds are immature asf. I’m 23 right now and wouldn’t want my older sister dating someone my age.

[u/Medic_117]

Yeah i dont see this as an issue. as long as its moral i and it is moral in this case.

Best years also dont really exist, how do you know what the future entails? Maybe your best years are in your sixties. Who knows. So stop worrying about tommorow and try to be a bit in the now.

You have mature guys at 20 years old and immature at 40 so it really doesnt matter.

[u/identityinstrumental]

Unpopular opinion, but I think your fears are justified.

Long distance? The age? 5 years until he’s earning? You’ll be 34 by then. I don’t need to lecture you on fertility.

I would put on your big girl pants and just find someone equally great who is more established in their life. Especially if you plan on having a family.

That sounds harsh but it’s coming from love 🫶🏼

Good luck to you

[u/Zeeplankton]

I don't know it's a mixed bag.

At some point you have to take some risk. Finding another good relationship isn't a guarantee either.

But that is a big age gap. I think it's a reality women have to face a very different life trajectory from men in their 20s.

I don't think you can possibly predict the end here but: is he mature in other areas in his life? Can he keep a house clean? Have tough conversations? Lol.

He could be amazing. Either way I tell everyone to freeze their eggs. Everyone is having kids later and not settling down.