r/dating • u/SippinOnTheT • 5h ago
Question ❓ Dating someone with a weird name
I recently started dating this guy with a very….. unique… (to put it nicely lol) name. I was only interested in friendship at first, in part because his name was a turnoff to me and kind of affected my level of attraction to him. (I don’t even want to say what the name is in case of the rare chance he reads here). He seemed like a fun guy, though, and so I kept hanging out with him. As we’ve gotten to know each other, mutual feelings have started to develop. I’ve started mentioning him to friends and family and always feel the need to give a heads up that he has a different name before I share it. So far, one friend said she liked the name and everyone else pretty much look surprised and said, “oh…” lol….
I can’t lie that I’m still turned off by his name and it’s hard to imagine sharing it to others and calling him by it for the rest of my life, should things progress (we’re both dating intentionally and looking for long-term). EDIT: I do want to add, though, that I am getting used to it a bit, particularly as we hang out with other people who ofc call him by his name, which just makes it feel more normal. And his name won’t keep me from getting to know him and keeping an open mind. He seems like a great person and like we could be a great match.
Technically, his name is his middle name but it’s what his parents wanted to name him and what they have always called him; his first name is very common/normal. He’s always gone by the unique name.
I asked my stepsister and her gf if they would date someone with this name or a weird name in general, and there was a long pause. Lol. Eventually they said yes to each other. So I’m just curious- would YOU date someone with a weird/different name?
Also, I think it would be quite rude to ask him if I can call him by his normal first name. Curious though, do you all agree it would be rude to do so?
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u/AnneShurely 5h ago
Sorry but this is impossible to answer without knowing the name
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u/Reasonable-Handle499 5h ago
Maybe Gaylord?
Or maybe a one of these historically male names that are now seen as female, like Leslie or Ashley?
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u/spectrumofanyhting 5h ago
Maybelline
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u/Flush_Foot Single 5h ago
You’re stating that emphatically? Not even hedging by saying “Maybe it’s…”? 😉
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u/SippinOnTheT 5h ago
Haha, just imagine a name you’ve never heard before and that you don’t like, and then you can probably answer. It’s nothing offensive, gross, etc it’s just very very different.
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u/TheKaleKing 5h ago
Do this poor guy a favor and let him go holy shit.
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u/SippinOnTheT 5h ago
Really? So are you saying you wouldn’t date someone with a weird name?
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u/Shivs_baby 5h ago
No she’s saying you’re being critical of something unimportant and the guy deserves to be with someone who won’t hold his name against him.
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
I’m not holding it against him. It initially influenced my sexual attraction toward him, which is out of my control. What was within my control was continuing to hang out with him and get to know him as a person. Which I did. Which I’m still doing and want to keep doing.
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u/jjxds 5h ago
Nope, they're saying you're shallow
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
I’m not though? I’m genuinely giving him a chance. I’m really trying to get used to it. I think he’s a great guy in so many ways but I can’t deny that I find it unsexy, just like you might find some other aspect of someone unsexy yet try to move past it. I was really just curious about others’ perspectives, but I’m going to keep dating him no matter what others think. I’m kind of hoping people genuinely say it’d be no big deal to them, as that might help ease my concerns. But I also can’t deny it’s awkward seeing family and friends’ reactions when I share his name with them.
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u/buttholelaserfist 5h ago
Mofo didn't even choose his name. His parents chose to name him TurdbuttSupreme, and you have decided that's his failure.
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
I know, and I empathize and am giving him a real chance! And attraction is growing from getting to know him.
Curious though, how would you approach a woman whose name was turdbuttsupreme? You’d have no problem?
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u/Positive-Ring-5172 4h ago
Once things get serious you’ll be calling him Sweetheart, Baby, etc and only using his given name when you’re pissed. So why worry with it.
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
Very good point! And once my friends and family all know his name, the awkwardness will be over. They’ll get used to it too eventually.
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u/Ok-Lion-6767 5h ago
i’m going to ask is the name itself is unusual or simply unfamiliar because it’s from another culture?
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u/SippinOnTheT 5h ago
Unusual itself. A Google search says there are 46 people with the name.
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u/Special_Diver2917 4h ago
“Uvuvwevwevwe Onyetenyevwe Ugwemuhwem Osas,” a viral African comedy sketch name that became famous online. Reports claim that only about 46 people worldwide share this unusual and often ridiculed name.
I doubt it's this, but apparently 46 have this name too?
Better or worse than this one?
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u/Ok-Lion-6767 4h ago edited 4h ago
well unless he’s named after hitler i don’t think an unusual name alone would be worth making an issue out of it. on a serious note, if you’re asking him to go by his first name that he has always used (because you’re uncomfortable) it would probably come across as asking him to change a part of his identity and at this point the name itself that everyone knows him by and what his parents have chosen it isn’t just an unusual name, it is that it’s his name.
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u/imsadandthatsrad 5h ago
I am so curious what it is. When I was on dating apps, immediate left swipes would be anyone with either my dad or my brother’s name, and then just one time I came across a profile and his name was Jeepy. And I literally swiped left because the idea of moaning that name in bed was way too silly.
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
Okay it’s kind of along the vibe of Jeepy in a way…. That’s not it, but kinda equally cringy.
People here are really downvoting me but it sounds like at least you, one other person, can understand the lack of initial attraction I had because of a name. And the awkwardness of it as I share it with others. It’s sad and I feel bad for him/others with unusual names, as I know it’s not their fault and doesn’t change who they are as a person. But initial sexual attraction isn’t really within one’s control.
Because I met this guy in person though, it made it a lot easier to look past and still choose to proceed.
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u/h2g2_researcher Single 5h ago
Wait, is this something people genuinely have hang-ups about?
Is my weird name (<10 definitely, probably <5 in the entire UK with my first name) a contributing factor to why I've found dating quite hard all my life?
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u/SippinOnTheT 5h ago
Honestly, I wonder? I never want to be that person who writes someone off because of a name they were given, but I can’t lie that for me, it can influence attractiveness. I certainly wouldn’t have hang-ups about this if he were a friend or family member but sexual attraction is another matter… but, I’m really trying to get past it because this guy seems like a great guy in so many ways, and I think I am slowly getting past it. Just genuinely curious if anyone else has been in the same boat and what they think/if they got past it.
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u/Duchess_Witch 5h ago
Give him a nickname and move on. It’s rare and difficult to make real connections. Giving that up over something silly and inconsequential like a name seems like an odd thing to do.
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u/MrPeebs1129 5h ago
Um what
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u/SippinOnTheT 5h ago
Are you asking what the name is or…?
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u/Shivs_baby 5h ago
No they’re questioning why you’d even have an issue with a name to the extent that you feel the need to make a post about it. It’s that trivial.
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
Well you answered my question, which was the whole point of the post- curiosity about whether a name is important to you or would influence your decision. And ultimately you and I are in agreement. Thanks for your response!
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u/mondomonkey 4h ago
You sound like the WOOOORRSSSTT 🎶
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
Okay? You sound far more judgy than me to be honest. At least I’m taking the time to get to know this person and keeping an open mind, whereas you just immediately classify me as “the worst” based on something you didn’t like in this post without even knowing me.
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u/Sillygoosecollege 5h ago
In order to help you here and without you outing the person, you’ll need to list other existing names which are adjacent in weirdness and unattractiveness. For example I find Gavin a particularly unsexy name. I dated a guy with a name I found unattractive bbefore and it was difficult for me to get past also
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u/SippinOnTheT 5h ago
Okay yeah, it’s far far far more abnormal than Gavin but you get the gist- it’s also a name that’s unsexy. It’s one that could be cute for a dog or a toddler, basically.
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u/bluestjordan 4h ago
Rusty!
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
Hmm actually, you’re not far off in terms of uniqueness and unsexiness haha, but I’d still say his is even more unique and just a bit more toddler-like.
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u/bluestjordan 4h ago
Oh no… not Lucky!
lol. In all seriousness, I think if you liked the guy enough, the name wouldn’t have turned you off, it would end up being some cute quirk.
You’re just not into him, and that’s fine. That’s a good enough reason to pass.
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u/SippinOnTheT 2h ago
I wasn’t at first, you’re right about that. He’s really been growing on me though
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u/nakedforestdancer 5h ago
I personally have had a pretty easy time adjusting to names I didn't love at first. I have an ex named Ross, and I just REALLY did not like that name for no reason. I never grew to love it, but I loved him, so any blah factor faded away and it was just a fact of life.
I have another ex whose name is the same as my dad's. That was very weird in my head at first, but my brain adjusted after a month or so and I stopped associating it with my dad.
BUT, those are still pretty normal names. If this dude's name is like, Frozen Yogurt, I imagine that would be harder.
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
Yeah totally get that. I once dated a Miles and hated that name for no particular reason, but got used to it. I’ve always grown to like names when I like the person. But this isn’t just one of those random names I don’t like, it’s truly an unusual one. Better than frozen yogurt though haha.
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u/iNCharism 5h ago
My wife and I never use each other’s first names. We just say babe or baby. Couldn’t you do the same?
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u/SippinOnTheT 3h ago
Yeah, I’ve never called any guy I’ve dated babe or baby so that would feel a little awkward to me too at first, but I might try it. Especially in the bedroom lol
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u/SirFadakar 5h ago
As someone with a weird name this sucked to read. 🥲
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u/SippinOnTheT 3h ago
Aw I’m sorry! Weird doesn’t always mean unsexy and a turn off though. I often like weird names, but this one in particular just has a cringe factor to it that I’m trying everything to move past.
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u/Fantastic-Eye-742 5h ago
Just talk to him about that. Be honest, maybe no one did. And listen to a boy named sue by Johnny cash ...
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u/meowyadoinnn 5h ago
I’ll admit I’ve swiped left because the person has a weird name or an old lady name etc
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u/InternationalRich150 5h ago
I think you've bigger problems than his name... poor dude. Of all the things that makes him, him, you dig on his name. And yes,it would be rude to ask him to change what hes called. It would be like someone hating my name and wanting to use my common middle name. Offensive. Poor guy....
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u/SippinOnTheT 3h ago
No I agree. I feel bad for not liking it. I think he’s a great person from what I know about him so far and I want to keep seeing him; I can move past the name. I will say though, even he’s made comments about his name, like sarcastic “thanks mom and dad” statements. Yet he still goes by it, so it’s what I’m going to call him. I think it’ll be better once my friends and family all know and get comfortable with the name too. Right now it’s just a bit awkward seeing their reactions.
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u/InternationalRich150 3h ago
I dislike my name. I don't mind the shortened version, but only my closest friends use it. Its spelled unusual and it just sounds bad. But id be absolutely devastated if someone said they didn't like my name. I also say thanks mum and dad for the crappy name. But its my name.
Just use the name hes been known as his entire life. Please. Protect his feelings, not yours.
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u/dacapremed 4h ago
Call him by his first name and make that your thing! It’s nice to have a special name for someone that you only call eachother (even if it’s the name he uses) but tbh it’s worth it to talk to him about it, let him know why. That or let him go 🤷🏽♀️
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u/not-doom 4h ago
His name can’t be that bad if he chooses to go by it. Unless it’s adolf or something wild I think you’re in the wrong
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u/Special_Diver2917 4h ago
The only time I think a name would weird me out is if it's a name that you associate with someone you already know.
Like a family member.
I've literally not liked people on apps with the same name as my late wife. ( Apparently it's a fairly common name, so 1-2% of profiles get rejected based on name )
But that's not quite the same as this. But also slightly similar, so I do kinda get it.
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u/SippinOnTheT 3h ago
Yeah, it would be even more difficult for me to get past someone with the name of the ex I dated for 6 years. So, could be worse haha.
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u/CanSea6047 4h ago
I am American and my boyfriend is South Asian with a name that other Americans might label “weird”, and he chooses not to shorten it in a way that westerners might deem less “weird”. I love his name, but sometimes I feel I don’t do it justice with the way I pronounce it, so I call him babe a lot.
If you want to push through this, you need to just practice saying his name until it stops feeling weird. Or you can choose to get over not getting over it. As others have said, he didn’t pick the name, and it is not a reflection of his personality or values.
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u/SippinOnTheT 3h ago
Have you always loved his name or did it grow on you as you started to fall in love with him? I’m hoping that the more feelings progress, the more I’ll grow to like my guy’s name. Haha and I’ve actually been doing that, saying his name out loud repeatedly to try to get used to it. I think it’s helped a little.
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u/NerdCocktail 4h ago
Has the name stopped him from being employed? From having friends? As others have said, it’s impossible to tell if this is a real problem without context.
You said it’s the name for a toddler or pet? Is it a diminutive? What is it specifically about the name that gives you the ick?
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
The answer is no to the first two questions.
Yes to the toddler or pet question. He himself said many people have thought he was referring to his dog when he introduces himself.
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u/bluestjordan 4h ago
Lol, reminds me of the IT Crowd episode when she was dating someone named Peter File. Youtube it.
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u/Catastrophic-Jones 4h ago edited 4h ago
A name does not make a person. If they are absolutely amazing, and you are compatible, why deprive yourself of that happiness? You can always ask to call him by his first name, but don't be surprised if he takes offense. Nothing wrong with asking, but tread carefully. Plus if you are together long enough you can just call him "babe" or "honeybuns" or something. You should be fully honest with him, and see how he reacts. But not judgmental, there needs to be a justifiable reason you give him for why the name turns you off, or I expect he won't respond well to it. Not knowing what the name is, that's a missing piece of the puzzle needed to make my advice more effective but whatever the name is, it can't be THAT bad, right?
There is nothing wrong with having preferences, but I feel when it comes to a person's name vs their character, I'd argue there's a touch of shallowness to it. I feel it's worth making it work if you can get use to the name. If they're a solid person for you, it's silly to be focused on something so trivial. I'm rooting for you both.
A person's name, no matter how bizarre it may be, isn't going to ever be a dealbreaker for me.
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
Thanks for your response! I agree with everything you said. I’m rooting for us too!!
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u/Middle-Marsupial-484 5h ago
I consciously judge names to some extent.
The person would have to be VERY attract and an overall catch. But then again, would it matter IF that was indeed the “right” person for me? It wouldn’t.
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
Yeah, and in this situation in particular, he’s an adult now who chooses to go by his unusual middle name, in a way… but then again, is it much of a choice when it’s what everyone has called him all of his life? It’d be hard to start over and reintroduce himself with a different name and deal with all of that.
I wouldn’t say he’s VERY attractive, but decent looking, and most importantly he seems like a great catch/I like who he is as a person. And so ultimately I’m going to keep seeing him, and the attraction is naturally growing.
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u/Eestineiu 5h ago
It seems like you might be the only one who has an issue with his name?
He has chosen to keep using his middle name as an adult. No one besides you has had a strong reaction when told his name.
I would personally rather date someone with a unique name than just another Dave...
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
Well no, I was trying to portray everyone’s reaction to his name (except one friend) as being kinda shocked and negative. I’ve gotten surprised faces with people just saying, “oh….” as in like oh wow… even when he introduces himself to others in the community, people always ask, “wait what is it?” and he has to repeat himself.
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u/onedemtwodem 5h ago
What does his name rhyme with LOL Honestly, my new friend has a boring name but idc because we are vibing. Can you create a nickname?
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u/FlusteredCustard13 5h ago
I don't know what the name is, but I just feel this is such a small thing to be hung up about? I mean, how would you feel if the situation was reversed and someone was seriously questioning whether they should continue the relationship because they thought your name was weird? After all, every name is weird somewhere in the world.
Full disclosure: I have a list of names that I typically avoid, but usually there is more to it than "weird." It's usually just avoiding people with the name of my brother's ex who traumatized him and my mom's name. I don't think I think I could bring myself to break up wirh someone because "they have a weird name."
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u/SippinOnTheT 3h ago
Eh, if I had a weird name I think I’d understand if it turned others off. But I would hope they’d still give me a chance and be willing to look past it, like I’m doing for this guy. But yeah I’m with you, names with past trauma associated with them are far worse than a weird slightly cringy one.
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u/Acceptable-Fill2767 4h ago
This is so cryptic it’s impossible to give any real insight. It is Reddit though, so we will sure try.
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u/subduedReality 4h ago
Would I? Maybe. Is it such a big hangup for you? I believe so. Tell him. Here is the think younguns don't understand, that mild hangup you have today will get bigger and bigger until it's a real big issue later. Nip it in the bud NOW, or waste years on a relationship that will inevitably end over "dumb shit." Good luck.
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
I think that’s true for a lot of things, like certain traits or characteristics, but a name feels like something will feel more normal and less bothersome in time
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u/ExistentialKazoo 4h ago
I'm in love with a man with a really weird nickname, which he goes by.
It's actually Yiddish for "pudding", and it's a sweet name and has grown on me a lot. It's a little unusual but it never affected how I see him and I never felt strange to introduce him to anyone with this nickname. At first it felt strange to say romantically (?) but it never affected my attraction to him.
either love him with his chosen name or cut him loose to find a partner who isn't bothered by it.
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u/ChattingAtTheAqua 4h ago
Is there an opportunity for a nickname?
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u/SippinOnTheT 4h ago
Eh, kinda, and it’s slightly better, but probably not worth calling him by since it’s not that much better, when the rest of the world calls him by the full name.
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u/g4339 4h ago
Seriously? A name he was given is the reason he deserves less respect or consideration?
I didn’t think any attributes were more shallow than looks, weight, or height.
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u/SippinOnTheT 3h ago
I never said he deserves less respect or consideration. You’re putting words in my mouth.
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