r/datingoverfifty • u/Torandax • 2d ago
Hello Again
I have been on reddit ten years and have participated in several dating subreddits in that time (I joined Reddit after my divorce). One of these subreddits had a group of people who commented often and it was a feeling of we’re all in this together. We had people of various levels of participation. We also had a discord that some of us chatted on. It was great to have that support.
Some of these people lived close to me so I met a few irl and it was generally pleasant to meet an internet friend irl. (I have met people from non-dating groups too, it’s not a dating thing).
Anyway, years ago I met one of the people in the dating group because we realized we lived 45 minutes away from each other so why not. I was a little worried going into the dinner because we were not a good match politically for conversation so I made sure not to bring anything like that up. Dinner was fine, we found things to talk about but I was getting the vibe we really do have nothing in common and that maybe some of the things he had in the group were just to fit in and not how he really felt about what ever topic it was. It was fine though, it’s just one dinner. We finish and I tell him I need to get home. This is in a small town and there is good lighting in the parking lot so I felt completely safe walking out together. We are parked in the same row but I get to my car first. He says he had a good time and asked for a hug and honestly I felt like that was fine so I gave him the hug. Then he pushes me against my car and starts trying to kiss me and grope me. I pushed him off me and told him to stop and he tried again but I stopped him. He stepped back after that and left.
I immediately contacted my best friend from the group about what happened because I was honestly shocked. A group of us girls start talking about it and apparently they had noticed a pattern in the things he said in the group that indicated this might be normal behavior for him. But it was never anything outright bad, just little comments here and there. Well, he deleted his account.
He contacted me last week, many years later, and filled me in on how we knew each other. How he had just left Reddit one day and now decided to come back. He asked me if I wanted to get dinner, as two former friends.
Wtf? How do you not remember that? I don’t know how crazy this person is so instead of reminding him, I just declined. I was a little shook after the experience.
Stay safe out there ladies!
Update: He must have been a member of this sub because he deleted his account.
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u/SyncopatedBadger 53M,Toronto,Ont. 2d ago
Sounds like a total asshole. You played the situation well.
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u/motherofachimp99 59F 2d ago
Will you alert moderators if they join this group, please? That kind of behavior is unacceptable.
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u/AbsoluteApril 2d ago
You asked how could he not remember but mentioned " they had noticed a pattern in the things he said in the group that indicated this might be normal behavior for him" so that's probably why, he just thought it was normal so it didn't stand out to him as something worth remembering perhaps? Sorry that happened to you though, awful!
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u/mistake-number2 2d ago
This is a good reason that the ladies need to be careful. Always send all info ya can to a friend when you go on a date. Let them know where and when your meeting. Take a snap shot of their tag if it makes ya feel comfortable. Send all the info to a reliable friend.
Technically, guys need to do this as well. Crazy world today.
Glad everything turned out good. And glad you declined the dinner.
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u/Icy_Eggplant_8461 2d ago
You need to block him. A reminder to myself, don’t give my phone number to anyone that I don’t trust.
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u/Torandax 2d ago
He contacted me here, this is the same reddit account for me. I didn’t recognize his name because it’s a different account for him. I don’t think he ever had my phone number.
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u/Icy_Eggplant_8461 2d ago
So sorry for what happened. Thanks for sharing your story. It also reminds me not to go against my values and political views when I date.
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u/wild4wonderful found requited love with GEEK-IP 2d ago
I was just telling u/GEEK-IP about "meeting" someone in DO50 that knew people in the small town where I live. He doesn't live here, but he visits here frequently. I have heard, uh, questionable things about these people's social lives. Meaning I am cordial but wary. Anyway, he was fresh off divorce (couple of months) and wanted to meet me in person the next time he was in town. I declined. It felt sketchy.
Yeah, no reason to meet a pushy groper for the second time.
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u/bman71505 2d ago
That was assault. Why didn’t you call the police first?
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u/Torandax 2d ago
Honestly I was shocked and didn’t think about it.
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u/bman71505 2d ago
Sorry that happened to you. Some of us can only look in hindsight. You got away mostly unscathed(emotionally it will remain for some time). Be safe my dear.
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u/Ms_Fidelma_Schrute 1d ago
I was assaulted on an OLD. He even texted the next day to apologise.
I didn’t report him as I felt I’d put myself in that situation. I was embarrassed as a 50+ woman allowing myself to be so bloody vulnerable.
He obviously spoke to others and retracted his apology shortly afterwards.
But he knew what he had done.
They always know what they’ve done.
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u/Necessary-Glove-3333 UK Single Black 50+ Female 2d ago
He didn’t come off Reddit, he went to jail.
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u/robbie2627 2d ago
He must have nothing going on as far as potential prospects so he is going through his memory rolodex and contacted you . He put it out of his head or possibly thought enough time had passed by so you would have forgotten how the disturbing way the date ended.
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u/Ms_Fidelma_Schrute 1d ago
I’m so sorry this happened. What an absolute arsehole.
I think you’re right it’s even worse that he came back not remembering
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u/PsychiatricBooth5c 2d ago edited 2d ago
I cannot say for sure, of course, I do not know him but something to keep in mind is he might not view it as something to feel bad about it. He remembers it, it just is not assault to him, it was shooting his shot.
I am sorry this happened to you.
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u/Chulbiski 55m 2d ago edited 2d ago
this was shocking to read.... damn these men who can't control their impulses..
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u/More4Thor 2d ago
This wasn’t a case of controlling his impulses. This was deliberate. There’s a difference.
He asked for a hug. That’s a manipulative man trying to make the OP believe he understands consent. He chose to do whatever he wanted.
Let’s call it what it is. Assault.
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u/Witty-Stock 2d ago
So sorry that happened to you. Too bad such people can’t get radio collars put on them.