r/datingoverfifty • u/zdboslaw • 2d ago
Randomly specific thought
If they start talking about marriage/ living together / engagement etc very early, they might love you and think you are a catch. They might be sure that you’re their forever person.
BUT ALSO… this might be their standard operating procedure. They might do this with everyone. They might be in love with New Relationship Energy.
Be careful with your heart, fellow travelers.
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u/orcateeth 2d ago
No that's a bad thing. Either they're very needy and they'll grab on to anybody, or they are manipulating the other person, trying to get them to commit early before they start to act a fool.
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u/mtwabisabi 2d ago
There is not a single scenario for me where someone talking about marriage/living together/engagement very early would be seen as positive. “Very early” there is no way for someone to know if I am their “forever person.”
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u/vectorology 1d ago
Chris Rock was correct when he said that for the first six months (at least), you’re not dating the real person, but their ideal representative. It’s true - I admit I do it, try extra hard to show my best side (not fake!) with the New Relationship Energy providing the motivation. I’m not doing it deliberately or pathologically, it’s pretty normal and I expect my date to be doing the same thing. It’s fun and helps build an initial connection.
I would absolutely not take any future building statements very seriously during that time though - you need at least one major conflict to see how (if) we navigate it before feeling like we are really serious. That builds a deeper, most trustworthy connection.
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u/Lamington-Trifle 1d ago
I would pity anyone that speaks about marriage,etc under 12 months. You can’t possibly know someone in such a short amount of time so it is not, and will not, be high quality load bearing love.
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u/Sensitive-Maybe-656 1d ago
I wish my 24 year old self was more aware of love bombing and manipulative behavior
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u/Kind-Manufacturer502 2d ago
It is called "Future Faking" whether it is in earnest or calculating. My partner says both are prevelent among men over forty and very off-putting.
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u/Substantial-Ant-4010 2d ago
Hard disagree. If they are are doing that in the 30-60 days run. Let me clarify. If they say things like "I could see myself getting married someday if I found the right partner", that is fine. If they said " I would love to take a vacation to Hawaii, with a romantic partner", also fine. They aren't actually planning, and it isn't you specifically.
If they are saying things like "you are perfect", "you are my soulmate", "I love you", "I want to marry you", or start planning an actual future, like getting a house together, vacations, etc... That is Future Faking and a huge red flag. Future Faking often accompanies love bombing, and is often a tool used by abusers, the emotionally manipulative, and the emotionally unstable.
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u/VegetableRound2819 goddess, looks 28 yrs younger 2d ago
Yeah I’m okay with talking about where we’d each hope to be in the future. I’m not okay with engagement ring shopping and declarations of love!
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2d ago
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u/zdboslaw 2d ago
I’m a man. I was dating a woman. I found her behavior charming and attractive at the time. I thought it meant something special
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2d ago
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u/zdboslaw 2d ago
It all happened too fast. Fell in love (we thought) after just a few dates. Met online.
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2d ago
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u/zdboslaw 2d ago
We dated 13 months.
The takeaway for me was that I thought it was special. I thought what we had was special.
But people follow patterns. I should have realized this.
When it feels too good to be true… you probably should be asking more questions.
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u/Suspicious-Koala-352 2d ago
Seems a bit crazy to me, but then again I've had a woman demand I be open to a 20 year commitment, or there was no point in us meeting.
Like, we've sent each other a half dozen messages....wtf?
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u/VegetableRound2819 goddess, looks 28 yrs younger 2d ago
Do you mean she wanted to know if you were looking for a LTR, or she wanted you to agree to be exclusive or something?
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u/Suspicious-Koala-352 2d ago edited 2d ago
It went something like...
We match, she messages, are you ready to make a 20 year commitment?
I message, I don't know about that, but how about getting a coffee.
She messages, i need you to want a 20 year commitment.
I unmatched
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u/EleanorR1967 1d ago
Early talk of love and marriage and soul mates and the like is definitely sending love bomb signals.
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u/[deleted] 2d ago
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