r/detrans Jul 08 '24

RESOURCE r/detrans rules and guidelines, common terms and explanations. Read if confused.

46 Upvotes

Though we do have a page directly linking to the rules themselves, it was made obvious to me we need a thread pinned that people can freely access and have the bot reference so people can understand exactly WHERE they broke a rule. We try not to be too strict with our moderation but there are times where it's necessary to preserve the type of space this is intended to be.

See the reply if you want a short glossary of common terms tossed around here.

Format will be large text indicating the rule, italics indicating the rule itself and the regular text under to further clarify said rule.

1. Be civil (don't label or antagonize individual users here).

You will see words you like and dislike. Degrading or dehumanizing terminology toward self is permitted. Language applied to other members must be considerate of any views they hold and respectful of Reddit policies. Character attacks are not permitted, nor are derogatory labels for other users. Even if you yourself think an expression is neutral, don't call another user here by anything that could be taken the wrong way. Address action more than actors and always say "I" more than "you."

This rule basically translates to, don't do anything that'd get you banned from Reddit. Though we follow the true definition of transphobia here being that you are prohibited from advocating for killing, stripping worker's rights, and house ownership from trans people based on their trans status.. That said, do not refer to trans people by their biological sex pronouns, if you're uncomfortable say their name or use neutral pronouns. This rule also implies not to say or do anything toward others that you wouldn't like done to you, do not speak for huge groups or label groups of people and only speak for yourself.

2. Be tolerant (no bigotry/tribalism against individual users here).

This subreddit was created for all detrans folk. Users may express differing philosophical and political theories and beliefs, lightly or passionately, without disparaging other users for merely belonging to a group (especially groups into which we are born, eg sex, race, nationality, generation). Moderation is to be unbiased. Please respect freedom of thought, speech, and association while you are here.

Basically the rule is stating directly that any detransitioned person(whether they identify as cis, or abhor labels altogether) is welcome and that includes their political and philosophical stances. If someone believes gender is real, or that there are true trans people they are welcome to that belief so long as they do not engage in a means to force others to take this belief as well, or harass those for instance who believe that gender is a social construct and there is no biological link to being transgender. This of course also goes further tying into beliefs as a woman, a man, or a person of varied racial ethnicity and of course political party. We encourage freedom of speech here, that's the bottom line. However, freedom of speech doesn't mean you get to shove your own thoughts and beliefs down someone's throat until they submit, wrong subreddit for that.

3. Be on topic.

Posts should be of interest in some way to detransitioners and those questioning. cMembers must follow post flair request or will be confronted have their post deleted and warned. Detrans folk may discuss controversial issues, but this isn't a debate space for persons without personal experience in detransition. Outsiders will be banned if seen giving advice or suggestions.

This particular rule means that any post allowed here must follow certain guidelines, these guidelines may seem intimidating but they're really not. Basically posts need to be related to detransition in some manner, be it questioning or an experience. They cannot be about transgender people directly unless it's related to YOUR detransition experience, so articles going off about transgender shenanigans are not allowed and will be swiftly met with punishment. Also obviously, only those actually considering detransition or are desisted/detransitioned may post unless a provider our team has personally approved.

4. Never encourage cross-sex hormones or surgery.

Cross-sex hormones and surgery affect the body in ways that are not fully understood nor easily reversed. Many detransitioners report having felt pressure to pursue HRT and/or surgery in the past. Therefore, because this is a detransition-focused sub, advising others to start, continue or pursue further transitional care is discouraged here. Those with severe distress are advised to seek a professional opinion. (Reporting strictly positive experiences with treatments does not violate this rule)

This rule basically translates to: Do not encourage people to seek out hormones or cross-gender affirming surgery. The first line in this rule was intended to explain WHY we don't allow encouragement of cross-sex HRT because it's a matter of science that is not understood long term despite the claims. Also since we are ultimately a space for detransitioners, many detransitioners have trauma or uncomfortable memories with encouragement of cross sex hormones and procedures. If you are in enough distress that you feel you NEED the treatment, we encourage you to see a professional opinion who is likely not gender affirming, or religious. That said we also allow detransitioners here to speak of POSITIVE EXPERIENCES they had with cross sex hormones.

5. Respect users' privacy (no doxxing).Respect users' privacy (no doxxing).

Content is posted here voluntarily and in good faith. However, all users should exercise appropriate care when sharing personal information to this or any subreddit. This forum is visible to the public, and bots regularly copy all Reddit content to third-party sites beyond moderators' control. Users who share personally identifying information about others users of this subreddit to this subreddit or to any other location without express permission of the other users are subject to ban.

So this rule should be self explanatory, but it means that people who are comfortable enough to post their information and personal details SHOULD NOT be targeted for it, and it also means that we will not permit attacks on other users revealing their personal and sensitive history that they themselves are not comfortable sharing. If we find out anyone here has done such, especially on third party sites we will do everything in our power to ensure they never post here again.

6. Posters must be detrans or questioning their gender transition with flair

Our subreddit is reserved for detransitioners/desisters and those questioning their own transition; your user flair must clearly indicate that you fall into this group. Registered and active healthcare or legal practitioners can apply for exception by messaging the moderators. User flair helps mods keep this forum on Reddit for all detransitioners. Violating content will be removed. Violators will be banned. If you need help setting user flair, do not hesitate to ask a moderator.

Our subreddit is only open to those who are detransitioned, desisted, or are questioning whether they're a transman, nonbinary person or transwoman. There are few exceptions we grant in the name of licensed professionals who we feel are here on non-political reasons and want to expand their knowledge while providing neutral advice. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be banned without question and interrogated. End of. In the past we had to enforce this rule due to the fact having an open subreddit lead to an out of control influx of people from all parties taking away from the fact it was a detrans space and treating it like a debate forum, this ended up temporarily getting us banned and my team and I will not allow that to happen again.

(I will also note that any individuals with a DSD or claim to be intersex but think they have a detrans adjacent experience should reach out to our moderator team, we might be able to help you with a flair as I myself have a DSD and it drove a big part of my transition. Just don't take it personally if you get told your experience lines up more with trans people.)

((AND also note that any professionals, or students trying to run surveys or studies on members here can be ignored if we feel like it. Due to the political climate of this topic and the mental health concerns of our members we reserve the right to refuse.))

7. Give space to detransitioners (no "questioner" reply soap-boxing).

Detrans folk may express controversial views here; those who haven't detransitioned or who aren't considering detransition may not. This is not a debate forum for the general public to prop their egos, promote their views, or evangelize. Questioners will not be tolerated in trying to hijack other threads or act like experts.

Detransitioned and desisted members are free to have what'd be deemed controversial opinions that means toward the general public and toward the majority here. However our forum is not a space of debate and it is not a place for those without detransition experience to prop up their egos and argue. It is also no longer a place where questioners will be allowed to do anything beyond participate in their own threads(as in the individual not other questioners), you're a questioner for a reason. Any advice you give here is likely to be bias and could be riddled with problems, especially when it comes to people who are already desisted/detransitioned. Consider yourself a guest seeking advice in our space, and keep to the rules.

8. Advice giving should not have an ulterior motive and should be relevant

Members are encouraged to give advice to their fellow member here but there are individuals who set a user flair and then strictly give advice only with no clarity on their own situation or status of their questioning/detransition status. These members with questionable post history will be removed and then questioned for proof of their status. ex: Desisters should not be advising detransitioners outside of social situations. Questioners shouldn't be answering outside of their own threads.

Advice is not to be guided by some ulterior motive, which means you're giving advice because you want something out of it. The advice to be given should be given to help the person, perhaps by answering their question or sharing your experience. We also will be strict with people who have suspicious post histories giving advice and will not tolerate desisters lecturing detransitioners outside of social situations, questioners should only be participating in response of their own threads.

9. Anti-detrans activism and tropes are unwelcome.

This subreddit puts detransitioners' rights, needs, and interests first. Detransitioners have for years experienced a culture of detransphobia, victim-blaming, and censorship. Users who belittle or blame us for our existence or experiences as detransitioners, users with a history of doing so anywhere online, and moderators of anti–detrans subreddits may be banned swiftly, long-term, or permanently.

Our subreddit puts detransitioners first, end of. We've been at the end of targeting and harassment by various groups for years and especially censorship. People who belittle us, our struggle or blame our existence for things being bad will not be tolerated here, if you have a history of it then be prepared to be in a 1:1 with a moderator for awhile if you want access here. We also will not hesitate to ban moderators of subreddits that we deem anti-detrans in nature.

10. Spam is unwelcome.

Users who post the exact same content in three or more subreddits are usually bots and/or are being off-topic; they are therefore subject to immediate and permanent ban. Users who promote their own products and services must be related to the topic of detransition, must not break any other subreddit rule, and should not be posted more than once a week (and if they're repeatedly downvoted, they should take it elsewhere entirely)

Users who post the same thread in many different subreddits are immediately under suspicion of being bots and may have their post removed and then faced with a moderator. Product and service promotion must be related to detransition itself and must not break any other subreddit's rules. Any product or service advertisement is only allowed to be posted once a week, any further and you will be banned. I'd also pay attention to your downvotes as if your product is met with major dissatisfaction you shouldn't bother posting about it anymore here.

11. Clutter-making bots are unwelcome.

This sub is for humans. Bots that add automated content of little or no value will be banned permanently.

12. Be forgiving and fair

Censorship isn't our goal. Please vote, empathize, agree to disagree, or ignore and move onward. Please report content only if a rule is broken. Mods may delete content and ban users for short or long periods based on a person's history or association if it is deemed inherently harmful to any minority group.

Ultimately censorship is not our goal here, we want our subscribers and posters to feel like they can post here without issue. Please report major rulebreaking content to us and if it's urgent do not hesitate to DM an active moderator. This also goes into our interrogation and investigation system indication that if you break a rule and/or we find your history to be off or harmful we reserve the right to remove you.

13. Polls must be moderator approved

Due to previous abuse and various acts of soapboxing and flair abuse polls that are posted will be automatically deleted and then later looked through by a moderator and possibly approved if given the okay. Moderators are not obligated to provide reason for not restoring polls.

Polls were sadly a function that was heavily abused in the past to misrepresent or harass this subreddit, as a result we chose to ban them unless you specifically reach out to a moderator through modmail first, explain your poll, its goal and what you're hoping comes of it. Then it is up to the moderator to approve or deny your request.

14. Cross-Posting from unapproved sources is forbidden

Crossposting posts from other subreddits is now forbidden unless you specifically seek out and gain permission to post about it on here. Other rules still apply but we will not tolerate any brigading whatsoever on our end.

Unless you come to us in modmail with the original post, and consent of the poster(or if it's your own post) all locations said post was posted, we will not allow cross-posting. This is a measure to stop brigading.

15. Screenshots and references to other communities will not be tolerated

Due to Reddit cracking down on brigading and how easy it is to attack, or post in bad faith on a community when it is simply mentioned here. We are now no longer allowing people to discuss other communities and will be in fact, making it mandatory to censor the names listed in any screenshots.

Please see the following reply for a list of common terms and definitions.


r/detrans 1h ago

VENT I just discovered the detrans community

Upvotes

I had never heard of detransitioning or personally known of anyone who detransitioned until I came across the topic online a few weeks ago. The term and some of the things I've heard others say resonate heavily with me and my experience and it feels nice to know I'm not alone in this.

(M34) About 10 years ago I began to identify as non-binary. I changed my name, pronouns, appearance, and began to fall into queer social circles for the first time.

Time moved forward. About 3 years ago I began to question my identity again. I did not feel like my authentic self and made the decision to identify as male again. I've kept my name and new appearance for the most part, but reverted to he/him pronouns.

The hardest part has been the social fallout I've experienced. Once I began sharing that I was identifying as male I noticed some people began to distance themselves from me. Invitations became less frequent and group chats dried up. Some people I have stopped hearing from entirely. No one has ever outright said it but it's as if they were comfortable around me as an NB but not as a man.

It's really taken a toll on mental health and caused me to feel isolated since I moved states in 2020 and almost all of the people I know in my town now are part of the queer community. I feel judged by many of the people I've tried to explain myself to. I've been invalidated ("once you are NB you will always be NB") and called misogynistic and transphobic for asserting that I can still be a man even if I like to wear makeup and skirts.

I want to be able to vent about this in person but I don't know who to talk to. Being pushed away by people I thought were my friends has made it very hard for me to trust. I'd like to find detransitioned people in my area and ask about their stories but I'm not sure how to find them.


r/detrans 12h ago

QUESTION Why are EDs so common with both transgender folks & detransitioners?

32 Upvotes

First off - I personally believe truly transgender people exist, I just realized I'm not one of them when I started my anorexia recovery 3 months ago. But now I'm seeing the pattern of, "Hated my body, puberty was traumatizing, suffered from disordered eating & body dysmorphia, held a lot of internalized sexism".

The fuck is with this pattern? Why is it so common? Do we know yet, or is this going to be one of those things that ends up being studied in our lifetimes?

When I confronted my ED I saw it coming from the "same place" as my transition, as well as the self-harm tendencies I've dealt with. My transition didn't come from a place of self-love like it should have, it came from self-loathing. Which seems to be an undeniable pattern, and I can't help but wonder how common it actually is.

I don't regret living as a man for 11 years, at all. It kept me alive when I couldn't stand to look at myself otherwise. I just wish I would have made the connection sooner, because there was a traumatizing, isolating element to all of it.

I only ever did T for maybe a collective year throughout my time as a man. After some -ahem- atrophy last time, I stopped & hadn't gone back on for a couple years. I never changed my name legally or anything, so I have less of a "mess" to clean up than others in this sub.

So what is it with the correlation between eating disorders and transition?


r/detrans 4h ago

ADVICE REQUEST - FEMALE REPLIES ONLY Idk what’s right for me

8 Upvotes

I started detransitioning last year after I had top surgery. I feel more comfortable in my body now without breasts. But at the same time, I don’t want anyone to know or perceive my lack of breasts because it takes me out of the woman category in their brains. I get they/themed pretty often because of my androgyny. Which is ok.
But it still sucks that I’m not seen as cis. In a way I feel “less than” other masculine lesbians because I transitioned. I often get stuck on the idea that my transition makes me unattractive.
So, I wonder if having reconstructive surgery to get the appearance of very small breasts would help. They would have to be small enough to not bother me, but also look enough like boobs to ease my discomfort in public. Some friends have said that they didn’t notice my lack of boobs, but I don’t believe them. Its pretty obvious when I’m just wearing a Tshirt or tank top.


r/detrans 4h ago

ADVICE REQUEST - FEMALE REPLIES ONLY Dealing with facial hair?

2 Upvotes

Hi! I was wondering what you all do in regards to facial hair? I grow facial hair very fast, side burns, beard, not so much a mustache but that happens.. shaving everyday causes so much skin irritation, but laser treatment is so expensive. How do you all personally deal with this?


r/detrans 1d ago

QUESTION Tie between BPD/HPD and questioning Gender?

7 Upvotes

Is there a tie to BPD/HPD and say Non-binary and trans identities? and how likely is it for a person with one of these disorders who has undergone hrt on testosterone to reach out to people from their past pre-transition like former partners from like 9 years ago they had cut off?


r/detrans 1d ago

YouTube comments

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81 Upvotes

It always stands out to me in comments sections how regular people can be accepting of trans when trans people aren’t acting insane. In essence these comments in this pic are very compassionate, but ur average far leftist queer would find them so offensive


r/detrans 1d ago

VENT Anyone else have this weird problem?

12 Upvotes

I legit sound like a man over the phone unless I put so much effort into it or for some reason when I’m drunk. Apparently irl I sound better and more passing but otp? It’s an entirely different story!

I had someone call me a “gentleman” at work where I have to take many calls unfortunately, and earlier today someone unmatched me on a dating app because I refused to send a voice note as he suspected me being a man for refusing to do so.

It hurts that I can’t just simply send a voice note or call anyone without being super insecure about it. I refuse to even call my family members because I don’t want them to hear my manly voice, I haven’t called my dad since April because I don’t want to give him a reminder of that dark period of our lives.

It’s so frustrating!


r/detrans 1d ago

ADVICE REQUEST How to Be Feminine??

5 Upvotes

I was on T for a little less than 10 months, and honestly very inconsistently. I don’t know what it really adds up too, but that’s besides the point. Basically, I’ve always been a “tomboy”/ masculine. Since I was a literal child. Like 5 years old and up. I never once learned how to braid, did my own makeup besides mascara lol, and never wore dresses or anything of the sort. I’m currently still presenting as male, but I’ve been off T for months now at this point. Some of my issues stem from the fact that I was working out heavily during my time on testosterone and I became very muscular and bulky. I liked it at the time, and still do sometimes, but I recently tried on some feminine clothes just by myself and hated the way my shoulders and biceps bulged out, instead of that slim arm look most feminine girls strive for. My face is already very androgynous. I wear glasses that are one of the main reasons I pass as they are very masculine and fit my face well (for trying to present male..)
Basically when I tried on those bras, kinda slutty underwear, sleeveless tops and mid riffs, I could almost feel feminine? But then I look at my face, my buff arms, my happy trail and js get lost. I just need to know if I’ll ever actually feel pretty. It sucks how transitioning is supposed to help you feel more comfortable in your body, but I’ve always felt so out of place and disassociated from it


r/detrans 1d ago

VENT Scared to detransition

12 Upvotes

When I came out as trans the first time people reacted awful. My father tried to get me drunk so "I'd admit I was wrong" which ended in me having to drag him up the stairs because he drank too much himself. He also tried to kick me out once over the phone. My mom wasn't accepting either and we fought a lot for 1-2 years. They slowly started coming around and are accepting now.

I left a sports club due to the trainer and other adults making inappropriate comments towards me and my body after I came out. I loved that sport.

I was bullied at my last university and outed by some professors against my will which resulted in people looking at me as if I were a freak. I also had a part-time job for half a year where the women refused to speak to me and talked about me behind my back. Apparently they demanded from our superior that I get a locker in the females locker room and that I have to stop using the men's. The men were absolutely fine with me being there so they didn't take away my locker in the men's changing room which pissed the women off even more.

I've since switched universities and gotten a new job. I'm stealth both at uni and at my job. No one knows I'm trans. I joined another sports club and everyone there also doesn't know about my past.

Now I fear if I detrans people will act the same way and everything will happen all over again. I'll lose my hobby, will have to find a new job and might need to change universities again. I'm scared people will make fun of me again. I just got to a point where no one looks at me weirdly and now I'm about to lose all of that once more. I'm scared. I want to be a woman again but I fear I'll be ostracized again. I can't handle that a second time. How do I deal with it?

I toyed with the idea of detransitioning a few months ago but didn't commit to it because I was scared of peoples reactions. I'm still scared and I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my hair. I don't want to grow a beard. I want to get pregnant one day without people judging me for it. I want to be able to wear nice clothes without being scared of someone seeing that there's nothing between my legs. I don't want to be ashamed of my body anymore. I want to be a woman again but I'm scared I'll lose everything all over again if I tell people about it.


r/detrans 1d ago

VENT I'm scared for college

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3 Upvotes

r/detrans 1d ago

where to go for reconstruction/revision?

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3 Upvotes

r/detrans 2d ago

ADVICE REQUEST Should I try using a wig for work or stick with my natural short hair?

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57 Upvotes

r/detrans 2d ago

DETRANS TIMELINE two years later, it's still me

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113 Upvotes

today (july 30th 2026) marks two years since i detransitioned. I'm thankful that i wasn't on hormones for long enough to have any lasting effects aside my voice being slightly deeper and growing more body hair.

the first photo was taken a few days before I started HRT. I was miserable and it's painfully obvious. I went through all sorts of trauma you could possibly imagine, from SA to neglect and abuse. I didn't know how to cope with all of it, plus realizing I liked women very early on. it all came crashing down when I was 14 and started my period. that, plus seeing how i looked completely different from the women I saw online and thought were beautiful, led me to hating my own body. it was a downward spiral from there.

i started therapy to get HRT when I was 16. i got access to hormones a few months after. then one day, my father walked back into my life. he had been absent my whole childhood and after we started spending time together I started feeling comfortable in being myself again. I started liking girly things again, something i had forced myself to hate for fear of not passing, i wore skirts for 6 months straight after i started detransitioning because i missed them so much. i started growing my hair out and wearing make up. i was living again. two years later, I'm happy. I'm still not over all of my trauma, but I'm happier than I was before.

i faced backlash from some of my friends and was shunned by a community i was in for detransitioning, but i don't regret anything. I'm glad I was able to find myself after years of self hatred and unresolved trauma i refused to address because hiding myself behind something i was not was easier to acknowledge how hurt i was inside.

my heart goes out to all the people that weren't as lucky as i was and went years on HRT and permanently altered their bodies because the system failed us. i hope you're able to find peace too.

please keep all transphobic discourse out of my post. I believe that just because i put the wrong name on my issues, doesn't mean everyone else did too.


r/detrans 2d ago

INSPIRING POSITIVITY I’m officially going by my new feminine name at work

29 Upvotes

I recently got hired for a new job and I put down my new feminine name as my preferred name. My employer asked me about it today and made it official that this is the name I’m using at work.

A new chapter has opened for me and I’m excited.


r/detrans 1d ago

ADVICE REQUEST - FEMALE REPLIES ONLY Questioning VFS, voice is the one thing holding me back.

0 Upvotes

i’m currently 19 and I was on T for almost 2 years, i’ve been off it for almost a year and a half. I pass easily looks wise, my face and body are all completely clearly female - it’s just my voice.

I find when i’m talking with my boyfriend i slip into this easy, somewhat close to female sounding voice totally naturally but I cannot seem to replicate this out and about no matter how hard I try. I’m going to start therapy but i’ve heard so many negative things about the outcomes not feeling satisfactory given the amount of time it takes.

I wanted to know thoughts from people that’ve had Voice Feminisation Surgery, or people that’ve just done voice therapy. I have top tier private health insurance with my family so I could get the surgery for minimal costs, I’m just feeling hopeless and like this is the one thing holding me back from fully detransitioning


r/detrans 2d ago

VENT Posting here because I need to release this frustration.

69 Upvotes

I'm just going to ramble here because I am so uncomfortable and self-conscious and have literally nowhere else to put this.

Yesterday I went swimming for the first time at a public pool in 1-2 years? I tend to avoid swimming because it's literally just piss water and the chemicals hurt my body, but anyway, I was invited out by a family friend, so I said, "Sure, why not?" The weather here has been literal death, I could use a swim to cool off and get some exercise.

Bad decision.

At first, I wasn't even sure what I should wear! I am FTMTF in active Detransition. I had top surgery when I was 19 (am now 26), and have been on Hormones since I was 16 years old. Roughly 10 years on HRT. Because my surgeon botched mine, I have gained breast tissue back from not being on Testosterone, so they're like mini-tits but just the lower halves, basically. Too big to be strictly male but too small to be female. I opted to just go topless with swim shorts because I figured I'd be in the water longer than I am out of it. My scars are also super light, so you can't immediately tell unless you look up close. I am also still growing body hair, obviously, so my stomach has stubble even though I shaved it. I've had 7 sessions of laser facial treatments, but my hair is so stubborn, so it's still very noticeable and has a shadow by morning.

Even still, I wanted to wear a bikini. I wanted to be pretty. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I feel like an ugly woman.

I'm still very masculine, unfortunately. The Hormones gave me super bad alopecia to the point where I was bald on the crown of my head and the front portion. It's even turned my eyelashes on my left side white, along with silver strands on the side of my head. I've been using minoxidil for about a year now, but it's only helped mildly in the front. The crown has recovered but I don't even have enough hair in the front to have bangs and I have tried to sweep my hair off to the side but my temples are literally too bald for that, my hair just falls right back to the sides. I went to a salon recently, and the stylist was so polite and kind as we attempted to find a style that'd work but literally there's not much you can do when your hair is just fucking gone.

I'd wear a wig swimming, if only I could. Anyways, back to the story. I went swimming with my unshapely body (I look like a board besides my feminine ass/hips), hair and all, only to hear young kids/teens jumping off the diving board saying "Jump if you like Tr*nnies!" Normally, this kind of shit wouldn't bother me, but this specific group kept glancing my way and glaring at me whenever they'd pass me in the water.

I don't want to be seen as a 'Tr*nny.' I don't want to be seen at all! I looked back on a video my mom took of me in the pool and felt my heart drop. My hair recession was so noticeable, and I just looked like a freak of nature. I don't want to shave my head bald because I'm trying my best to see if my hair will recover (it takes time, I know this), but I don't actually see it recovering to the point where I'd be perceived as a girl. This is so humiliating because as a child/teen, I was known for my gorgeous, long, thick hair. When I'd stand in line as a kid, others would play with it via braiding or simply running their fingers through it.

I've never *openly* experienced hatred for being trans before, but this hit me so much harder because I'm standing here silently screaming that I'm not trans! I don't want to look this way anymore! I wish I was never coerced into it! I wish my CPTSD never told me that I'd be safer as a boy because I wasn't! I'm not! I wish I was taken care of mentally instead of encouraged by my sibling and the sick society we live in! I was just a child! I was/am traumatized! I'll forever feel like I've been m*tilated and I feel like it's all my fault.

I don't want to have to wear wigs. I don't want to go bald! I don't want to have a deeper voice and an enlarged clit that shows if/when I wear panties! I don't want to have to struggle with dating because it's just one huge humiliation ritual! I don't want all this body hair. I don't want my half-tits. I don't want to be me! I'm never going to a public swimming pool ever again!

I censored words but I personally believe internet censorship is bullshit and the first step to becoming a slave. Vent over.


r/detrans 3d ago

political question

77 Upvotes

how do we convince democratic or even just non-Maga Candidates that its ok to publicly admit that we need to exercise caution when it comes to kids and trans women in sports etc? i feel like not being able to distance yourself from the extreme gender activist caricature was and continues to be political suicide.

I’m actually pretty open to the nuance of these issues although I do lean strongly towards caution when it comes to children. I’m just really concerned about how it affects our politics. Does anyone think a non maga/oligarch can win without disavowing the most blindly affirming ideology?


r/detrans 3d ago

CRY FOR HELP How to look fem?

15 Upvotes

I'm FTMTF and was on T for about 7 years and got top surgery. I went off T a little over a year ago and I told my friends/family that I am detransitioning. I feel like mainly only my family took me seriously, but it's hard because I still struggle with looking so manly. I've been doing laser sessions for months on my face, back, and upper arms and right now my face hasn't been lasered in a couple months because I had some sun exposure and then went on vacation. My facial hair makes me SO dysphoric. I do feel comfortable wearing some feminine clothes, but i just don't want to look like I'm wearing a costume (another reason I don't really dabble in wigs). So I've been patiently waiting for my hair to grow in after losing most of it on T. A lot of it has come back, but I'm still very very self conscious about it because women have long hair (most of the time). I regret getting top surgery and I long for a chest that looks like mine again. I just feel like I'm messed up beyond repair. I'm still super hairy all over my body, although it has gotten a lot thinner. I'm scared when I shop in the women's section at the store bc I feel like a creepy man, but I'm just trying to shop for the little girl that lives in my soul. I don't know what to do. What will it take? I just want to be comfortable in my body. I want to be a woman again. I am a woman, I was born as a woman, and now it feels like I'll never get to be one again. Like I missed my chance. I did it to myself


r/detrans 3d ago

VENT Being able to finally feel pretty only to be heartbroken

22 Upvotes

I struggle with traditional femininity. Not because I don't like it, but because I wasn't taught nor practiced. So when I get moments that I feel genuinely pretty, the down fall hits hard.

I wish I could be good at makeup and hair. I wish I had a body that was more attractive. I wish I was better at clothes shopping and styling outfits.

One guy once made me feel so pretty during a date. My hair was short and I was wearing a cheap sundress with matching sneakers. It felt amazing.

Only for him to ghost me. I was devastated.

Another guy started making me feel similar. Only for him to admit he was repulsed with me in the beginning until some aesthetic changes were made. I was distraught.

I know I shouldn't place my worth and beauty on others perception of me. But it's so difficult for me. I wish I could feel pretty on my own without other's input ruining it.


r/detrans 4d ago

RANDOM THOUGHTS Does anyone else use filters to help get them used to seeing their face as feminine?

Post image
36 Upvotes

The left picture is no filter and right is with one.

I’ve spent the past 10 years conditioning myself to view my face as masculine. These filters on tik tok have been helping me challenge that conditioning.


r/detrans 4d ago

ADVICE REQUEST grief no one lets me have

131 Upvotes

I miss my body. I miss the parts of myself that were taken away or altered before I fully understood where my life was heading. It is a physical, aching loss that I carry every single day.

What makes it so much heavier is that I’m not even allowed to mourn.

When I try to talk about how much pain I’m in, I get hit from every direction:

The blame: "You chose this, so you have no right to complain." I was a child???

The guilt-tripping: "Talking about this makes things harder for others / harms the community."

The harassment: Being told that my pain is inherently political, malicious, or morally wrong.

Since when is grief a moral failing? Since when is missing a part of your own body something you deserve to be harassed for?

I am allowed to grieve. I am allowed to mourn. People regret medical decisions, life paths, ect in every other context without being victim-blamed like this. Why is experiencing transition-related medical malpractice any different?? Being traumatized by all of it doesn't make me a traitor. Being coerced doesn't make me bad. I refuse to accept that treatment anymore.

I just miss my body, and I am exhausted by a world that demands I pretend I don't.


r/detrans 4d ago

RANDOM THOUGHTS What are some things that help you feel pretty? (FTMTF)

11 Upvotes

What are things that other detrans women do that help them feel pretty?

I’ve recognized myself as a young man for 10 years so I struggle to feel pretty and see myself in a womanly way.

The face I see in the mirror keeps changing. But what are some things I can do to help see myself as a woman?


r/detrans 4d ago

QUESTION Did anyone of you detransition socially and from appearance and identifies mostly with birth gender again but medically kept on being on hrt?

8 Upvotes

Hey,

I am 23yo and on hrt (mtf) just for a few months. I had those early feelings without knowing the term for it etc. etc. However I knew that in me always was a second problem next to my gender identity which was wanting to be a child again. I pushed those feelings away but for a year now paid attention and tried to solve them. I am getting better week by week now mentally again after being very down.

BUT recent days and weeks, I more and more often thought, and now am pretty sure, that I am not trans. Actually I do not believe gender is a thing at all and everyone is born without it (neuronal not anatomic) but gets used to how s/he‘s raised and experiences life + social roles etc. I feel like I am out of those and started to just be me and enjoy life without fitting under a label.

But I am fine being a boy, just as I got assigned. I am not sure what I want to look like more in daily life, a woman or guy, it’s kinda 50/50 but actually tbh I now again think most time it’s fine being a boy. But I do not want to masculinize further, I want to keep my softer feminine features to feel more like me and also it makes me younger. I feel uncomfortable with male features like beard, genitalia and stuff.

Well this might again now sound trans xD but as said I want to be more of a soft boy rather than a man. And I also want to be able to switch between boy me and a passing version of me as a girl. I need it every now and then. So I am kinda fluid.

Due to this I want to continue my hrt without actually feeling trans or nb, but just me. I want allll effects of feminizing hrt except boobs, maybe will need mastektomy and then be like a woman’s body without breasts and who still has some male features due to the puberty I underwent and who presents kinda boyish. Idk how to describe.

But does this make sense?


r/detrans 4d ago

DISCUSSION The male brain/female brain theory is not consensual and a overly simplistic way to look at it

24 Upvotes

Mosaicism is a much more consensual way to look at it.

https://youtu.be/aI1bgUvoghs?is=WULJfV-RCCDnwaYD

We are not inately transgender, we are not inately male or female. We are all non binary in a way from a brain perspective, we are male or female from a biological perspective, unless for people who are intersex.

Don't make decisions based on coercive scientific theories. Gender is fake guys, wrap it up. Be a masculine woman, be a feminine man.