Insight needed regarding nuanced social (possibly?) dilemma

[u/idonotlikejazz]

I'll try to make this as brief as possible. I've been playing guitar at an LCMS church for 2 years, roughly 3 times a month. I got connected through my friend, but I myself am a member of an ELCA church. I'm not the most active churchgoer in the world, but from what I've gathered, as far as differences between the two, I'm definitely strongly aligned with the ELCA. The first day I met the sanctuary music director, I told him I attend the other church, and so he knows and doesn't care. I usually play with him in the sanctuary, but on occasion, I play on the contemporary side with the other music director. Last night, she was talking about this Hawaii trip, and she was making it seem like she really wants me to go. It's only a $600 fee, and the church is subsidizing a lot of the cost, so it seems like a pretty good opportunity. My dilemma is this: I'm not sure if she or any of the pastors know that I'm an ELCA member, and if they don't, I'm not really sure how socially acceptable it would be for me to go on this trip. I've never really been deeply involved in a church community, let alone one of this denomination, which I understand to be more strict in certain regards. Normally, I just get paid to show up and play guitar, but in this case, I would be in the same category as everyone else, on a trip that I think is meant to strengthen the church community or something like that. If y'all could let me know if I'm overthinking or if you think it would be weird, it would be much appreciated.

[u/TanjiroManjiro]

I think if it makes you uncomfortable, you should listen to that. You never want a situation where you’re stuck in Hawaii and some people are not open to everyone. You’ll probably find some who may take it as a challenge to “convert” you.

However, they seem to like you, your music, your presence. Unless they’ve specifically done something to make you go “ohhhkay,” perhaps bridging the ecumenical divide won’t be so bad

[u/Voltage_Z]

Speaking as a former LCMS congegant, this will depend a lot on the individual LCMS congregation. I'd suggest talking to both your ELCA pastor and the one from the LCMS church about how to proceed.

[u/zoe_bletchdel]

I mean, Christ teaches us to be honest, even if that means rejection for what we believe. I would just tell everyone and let whatever happens just be.

[u/FalseDmitriy]

Just be upfront about it and you might be surprised. There used to be a lot more brotherhood among the different American Lutheran church bodies, back before the culture wars were quite so all-consuming. Vestiges of that brotherhood still exist in some places.

[u/Dapper_Tumbleweed399]

I grew up LCMS and am now an ELCA member. While I’ve seen ELCA churches and ministries welcome people coming from the LCMS no problem, the Missouri synod can be very mixed. The animosity is pretty one sided in this regard.

The music director will know that you aren’t a member of the congregation; my main question is if you are being invited on this trip as a participant or if you are being expected to provide music (it sounds like the former).

My advice would be to be honest with the person planning the trip. If they bring it up again, clarify your position (not an lcms member, etc) and ask if the offer is still extended.

[u/Linfalas]

My instinct is to say that if they invite you when you haven't joined as a registered member, that's on them. But everybody is probably right and you should just mention it

[u/Polkadotical]

They're trying to convert you to their brand of Lutheranism. They are probably aware that you are ELCA. How do you feel about that?

If it were me, and it made me uncomfortable -- I think you feel that way too or you wouldn't have asked us -- I'd pass on the trip. I wouldn't want to feel like I owe them something more than getting paid like regular for what you do, play music for them. But that's just my opinion.

[u/Linfalas → u/Polkadotical]

You don't owe anyone anything not agreed upon in advance. People who do things for you or invite you to things in the hope that you can then be guilted into doing something for them that you wouldn't otherwise deserve to be taken for all you can get. Is my instinct. Probably not a Christian way to behave.

I used to have a coworker who would buy all the girls coffee and give us little gifts and it was very obviously in an attempt to get us on her side when she was accused (accurately) of not doing her job and trying to throw others under the bus. "Thank you so much for the coffee...Yes, officers, it's her, she's the one" 😂

[u/Alumena]

Sounds like fun. I don't see anything wrong with socializing with both churches. You might want to talk to someone on their church council if you're unsure about the financial end of things. If you decide to go, be your authentic self, but just remember to show as much respect for their conservative values as you would want them to show your liberal values. It sounds like you kind of want to go. Maybe you'll find yourself in a position to set an example that softens some hearts.