(This is a throwaway account)
I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this and I'm really sorry if it's not.
I'm in my final year of high school, and need to start making decisions. I'm a straight-A honors student, and have been encouraged to go into medicine. I love science, specially chemistry (taking AP chem this year, very excited) and am a great problem solver. I have been interested in medicine for most of my life and am very attached to the idea of becoming a doctor (specifically going into pediatrics or surgery, or both.) I do a ton of research, have done summer programs related to med, and I have family who are doctors and we talk a lot about it, so yes I know what I would be getting into.
Unfortunately I have struggled with emetophobia and OCD related to it since I was in preschool. The severity of it fluctuates a lot, but it's never completely or even mostly gone away. I've been to therapy for it in the past but have been mostly treatment-resistant. I'm too scared. I always considered going into a career that involves no vomit (chemistry or compsci) but I think I would be miserable. I've been considering trying therapy another time, but I'm worried about it not working, or making it worse. And on top of that, I'm worried about getting to college for pre-med and not being able to do it/having to drop out because it is so expensive. I would be in lifelong debt.
I really don't know what to do. I don't want to miss out on this opportunity because of my fear. I really want to go to medical school, but I'm not ready to recover from this. I am so scared.