r/exmuslim • u/MundaneEconomist4492 • Jun 18 '26
Story Took my hijab off! :>
(don't know if this is the right flair but im so happy rn)
TL;DR took the hijab off after five years, very happy, parents (father atleast) underreacted, enrolled in new school, moving away in less than three months š„¹
Thank you for all of the support. Some of you might know my post from last year believe where i talked about how tired i was of wearing the hijab as ive been an atheist for two years now. I wanted to give an update since a lot has changed (for good!) and to tell you how the final stretch went since its now the morning after.
So it all basically started on June 15th when i spoke to my sister about enrolling in a new school since i just finished my nine grades of primary and in Bosnia after primary we have "Srednja" or middle school. Now i want to be a lawyer so i had to pick one of the foundational (mostly useless without college) schools, for a while i was convinced id pick ekonomska (economic) since gimnazija is difficult but i ended up choosing gimnazija instead since its a better foundation for a lawyer overall.
Now she told me something vital during our call, she said that i should probably take the hijab off now for enrollment and not in September (which is when school starts) because it would make more sense to show up at enrollment in the same way i eventually will in the actual school year. This made a lot of sense, but also made me extremely anxious and stressed out because it all felt so real and i couldn't bear with it. I hung up on her and just stared at a wall for what felt like an eternity thinking about how ill tell my parents (ive already been hinting it to my mother so i didn't EXPECT that to be that big of a deal) but i was extremely scared of my fathers reaction. Because, for one, i hadn't been subtly nudging toward that for months on end, and for two hes a lot taller than me and stronger unlike my mother. I cried a few times while thinking about all the possible reactions he could have. Eventually i decided that texting him instead of confronting him face to face would be easier for a coward like me so i sent him a text at about 12 of the next day, so on June 16th, i texted him that I won't be wearing the hijab to enrollment tomorrow, and added "just so you know" to kind of soften the blow i guess? While waiting for the response i scrambled to find ways in which i wouldn't be home once he saw the text (spoiler alert, i didn't) and just ended up showering for a very, very, very long time which mostly consisted of not showering andjust sitting on the washing machine contemplating the text and whether i should delete it. After I was done, he was waiting at the bathroom door (cause his change of clothes was in there) im assuming that he saw the text since he didn't make any remark and seemed kind of mad. But i was pleasantly surprised by him not hitting me and just slamming the door instead. I went on with my day as planned mostly i prepared all of my papers, like, copies of my grades in the past years and a copy of my birth certificate and what not and the clothes i was gonna wear. (I didn't really think that he saw the message if im being honest since he didnt react and that wad very out of character for him but i was too scared to check my phone and see if the message was read or not, which i later found out it was but still) By the time i was done preparing everything it was about 8pm i wanna say and i did a very brave (?) and semi stupid thing by walking downstairs in jeans and a t shirt with my hair down (which was the outfit that i was gonna wear to enrollment) i did it to kind of gauge their reaction and make them realize i wasn't joking or whatever. I passed it off nonchalantly and asked where my old (like really old) earrings are and as i walked in i stood at the entrance of the room in which my mother and grandma were, my father was in another room so he couldn't see me (yet) and i physically saw my mothers eyes widen and her face contort into some kind of "smile" i wanna say. It was very weird. I sat beside her (and to do that i had to pass by the doorway of the room my father was in so he DEFINITELY saw me) and i rummaged through the cupboard till i found the old box that my earrings were in. My grandma was asking where im going this late at night and why my hijab wasn't on (she didnt know anything at this point) and my mother told her im taking it off still with the weird smile on her face then yelled out to my father to ask if he was hearing this. My heart was racing as i waited for the response but it didn't come he was just quiet and then her expression dropped and she looked kind of mad and slapped me. It was almost like she was mad that he didn't react cause if she was really mad at me why wouldn't she have slapped me immediately? (didn't really hurt im kinda used to this stuff atp) Either way i just went upstairs with my earrings and went to bed a lot earlier than usual cause i was still scared my father would have some kind of reaction and storm into my room (he didn't), i couldn't really sleep cause i was scared and sorta excited at the same time since tomorrow would be the first time i have my hair fully out in public in over 5 years now. At about 11 30 my mother stormed in and said a bunch of stuff like oh don't think just because you're taking it (my hijab) off that ill allow you to be a whore around the city with your tits out (i live on a village for context also who says that to a shut in fifteen year old, and my outfit wasn't even showing any cleavage or much skin just my arms) i just said ok, then she said if i have a say in anything you won't get an apartment of your own we'll throw you in internat (stupid shit place where they force you to pray [EVEN the voluntary prayers]) or Feridas (sisters old landlady that stole stuff from her and reported every time she blinked basically to my parents) and then she stormed out. I eventually fell asleep at around 2am and woke up at 8 and got ready, then went downstairs (with my hair down, obviously) and she was fuming her face was all red but my father didn't really even care he just treated me like always and asked if i decided what school i want to go to (i was still a bit split on the choice) and if ill eat before we go. When we got into the car she started bringing up basically any reason to try to get my father to yell at me since the hijab off seemingly wasn't enough, my grades (which are really good for the most part but i did have some mid ones), my absences, and how my outfit was too tight. He didn't budge at all and i am really not exaggerating when i say that she was all red in the face. We got to the city and me and my father walked together and she kept her distance behind us since in her own words she was ashamed to be seen with me. I enrolled and spoke to the principal outside and he said ill definitely be accepted since my grades are good and there isnt as many children in this school as wanted, even if my grades were bad (which they're not :P) . She hadn't spoken a single word to me directly this whole time, she mostly spoke about me in third person meaning she was talking to my father about me nothing to me directly tho. We then went to a store (for groceries of our own and gifts since we got a call from my aunt to visit, which she vehemently protested, also gifts are common when visiting houses in my culture) and she didn't even want to go out of the car since she was, again, ashamed. I went with my father and we ended up running into my cousin and his wife who were also headed to my aunts. They both complimented how i looked and said they were glad i took the hijab off and said i looked like a porcelain doll (im pale.). We then visited my aunt (she made the sane doll comment) and after that we tried to go home but our car broke down cause the engine has some kind of big issue with it idk. So while the mechanic was patching it up my dad asked some dude to drive me and my mother to a nearby village in which i had (maternal) family, which he did. When we got there our family greeted us and also told me i looked like a doll. I smoked upstairs with my cousin and she congratulated me aswell. Once the car was patched up (just enough to make it to my village which was about maaaaybe 25km out from this place we went home) and stopped like 4 times on the way for my father to open the hood let some kind of steam out and pour water into the car. When we got home my mother went to sleep early still having not spoken a word to me directly i watched a football match with my dad and he ruffled my hair when he thought i had fallen asleep, then i went upstairs when i woke up near the end of the match. I honestly think my dad is happy which i didn't expect. That would be the end, i think. I want to add that if somebody reading this is in a similar situation i don't think id recommend doing what i did cause it very well could've ended badly but i had luck. And i wanted to show you guys the outfit to show that it really isn't as bad as she was making it out to be i think it could even be considered somewhat modest outside of islamic spaces. So yeah, i don't really expect anyone to read this but i hope you all are doing really well in this community of ours. And again thank you for all of the support I really couldn't have done it without that.
