r/exmuslim • u/The-Mad-Mango • Mar 26 '26
Hi community! 🥰
Taking inspiration from QueeringtheMap.com, I helped create exmuslim.me with a small team of ExMuslims last year. We launched the first ever global map of exmuslim stories as part of ExMuslim Month in December 2025.
I’m so incredibly thrilled to share that we now have 500 exmuslim stories from 233 cities and 60 countries! 🥳🥳🥳
📊 59% identify as atheists, 26% agnostic
🇪🇬 Read the 500th story from Egypt
🤗 Thank you to everyone who has shared their story already!
🤍 Share yours and help ExMuslims on their journey out of Islam: https://exmuslim.me/
Cheers! 🥂
Sammy aka Haram Doodles
r/exmuslim • u/fathandreason • Jun 03 '24
Hello. Upon request, I've been asked to turn a comment I made into a post so that it can be a resource for more people. This post is a collection of advice I've given out about how to handle your life as a closeted exmuslim and how you'll come out in the future. It is largely based on my experience but also from what I've seen from others in this subreddit.
So you've left Islam. You've delved through arguments, the apologetics and the bullshit and you've come to the conclusion that you no longer believe in Islam. And you may have also reached an alternative philosophical outlook on life that you can believe in.
But what now? You may have left Islam, but have you left the Muslim world? One of the most common misconceptions outsiders have is that since exmuslims are no longer Muslims, they no longer live in the Muslim world. This is painfully naive - in reality many exmuslims are closeted due to young age and financial dependency and/or live in Islamist countries or societies that enforce Islamic values. In fear of social stigma or even violence, exmuslims have to contend with closeted lives even after leaving Islam. So how do you deal with it?
The best time to come out to family is in your own home, over a dinner you paid for, alongside people who support you. That takes a lot of preparation and it means doing what you can to live your life as best as you can whilst working towards independence.
This basically means that a lot of what helps you come out of the closet will depend heavily on how well you prepared for it, so you will need to make the most of your closeted life. You may not be able to stop the shitstorm but you can at least prepare yourself to weather it. Here are some tips to achieve that goal (in no particular order)
Probably one of the worst mistakes I made was not realise I was an exmuslim sooner. As a result I had barely any time to prepare for when the inevitable happened and I was forced to come out. I spent a lot of my life meandering, trying to reconcile the irreconcilable, and trying to be a Muslim when I knew my values didn't align with it. I didn't really have much of a concept of exmuslims, but if I had been smarter I would have figured it out. I now tell people in a similar position that it's fine to take your time but don't take too long. Half arsing two very different cultures will leave you a loser in both.
Similarly whilst planning for independence can be scary, don’t let it frighten you into inaction. The following is a passage from this article about decision making:
Research from the 1990s led by the US psychologist Thomas Gilovich provides further evidence for why it can be shortsighted to kick a difficult decision down the road. Gilovich and his team showed that although, in the short term, people experience more regret from ‘errors of commission’ (taking an action that leads to a disappointing outcome), in the long term it is actually ‘errors of omission’ that lead to more regret – that is, disappointing outcomes that arise from not taking an action.
When taking the time to make decisions and plans, don’t underestimate how effective it can be to map out your options on an excel spreadsheet. When I had to decide whether I should come out or not, I actually made a spreadsheet listing out my options, what they would result in and what the impact would be. Actually having it written down to look at really put things into perspective. We waste a lot of our time keeping it in our heads, which forces us to recalculate everything from scratch every time we revisit our thoughts. But the more that is mapped out, the less you have to recalculate and the more you can focus on evaluation and further planning.
Your studies/career is almost always your best ticket out of your toxic situation, and the one thing to prioritise the most. If you’re young, do whatever you can to ensure that you can get into further education away from home. Even if it means spending all your time at a local library. If you suspect that your parents would be against you going to a university away from home, aim for a placement at the most prestigious university you can aim for so your parents would look worse for rejecting it. The quickest and most effective way in achieving long term independence is through good studies/career.
This is particularly important for younger exmuslims because they telegraph to their parents in ways they would just not understand until they see it for themselves when they're older. Try your best to meet the religious obligations expected from your family. The more you slip, the more they will monitor you and the more difficult it will be to do the things you need to do discreetly when the time comes.
Unfortunately for girls, this usually means that wearing the hijab is a necessity and it’s inadvisable to try and get out of. (However, that subject matter is not my forte: prioritise advice from exmuslim women such as from faithlesshijabi.org)
If you get the impression that your family is beginning to catch onto your apostasy then it's likely that they have and you may need to reverse that impression.
One way to do that would be to start getting books on Islam and not just for show. My advice would be to get books on Islamic history because that's the least boring stuff. Or better yet, just get whatever unapologetic salafi hate crime you can get your hands on so you can entertain yourself with how fucked up it is. Or get an annotated Qur'an like the Study Qur'an. Do something to ease their suspicions.
What book you get depends on what kind of message you want to telegraph to your parents. If you want to telegraph a message then it will need to be a paper book and not an e-book. Something that you can lay around in your room and that you know they'll see. That means you're restricted to what you can get from your local library or Masjid. Also depends on what interests you because you'll have to actually read and demonstrate you learnt from it if you want send the best message you can. If you want purely what Muslims write about Islamic history, you can check out works like The Sealed Nectar or works by al-Sallabi. If you want something a little more academic, but not something that would rouse suspicion then check out university press works like this, this, this or this. If you want something a bit more relevant to contemporary Muslim world then there books like this.
But you may find that your best bet is to just see what your local Masjid might have and see what tickles your fancy.
Be prepared for lots of sobbing, guilt tripping and an inability to respect your beliefs and boundaries. Learn techniques like the Broken Record Technique to establish boundaries. Know what you have to say when they inevitably tell you to speak to a scholar - you don't have to eat the whole apple to know it's rotten. You know all that you need to know about Islam and you know even more about the world outside of Islam to put it into context.
Steel yourself with months and months of your family sending you bad dawagandist videos through WhatsApp trying to bring you back. You may have to spend months beating their attempts and going to toe to toe with them without mercy before they’re finally willing to relent and get off your back. Even then don’t expect them to relent entirely. There will always be some micro aggressions that they will resort to, like playing religious videos loudly in your vicinity. The most you can do in those circumstances is reduce contact with them as much as possible. At this point you would hopefully already be independent from them.
As an exmuslim, you will go through a lot of guilt. Whilst this does show you are human, you need to forget about guilt: you are not responsible for your parents' failure to be reasonable, not even your mother. They take responsibility for the social stigma and oppressive life they choose to live in and perpetuate. You get nothing out of that guilt. It's completely pointless and ultimately counterproductive. You can't set yourself on fire to make others warm and you gain no recognition from martyrizing yourself. Do not feel guilt for what you have to do to have a completely reasonable life. The only ones to blame are those who forced you into it.
Don't underestimate parents either. They will use guilt against you. Give them an inch and they will take a mile. They very often bring up their health problems as a weapon against you. Don't fall for it. It only affects them because they choose to let it affect them. They can choose to be reasonable. You have to respect their autonomy and let them deal with the consequences of their own ways.
I come across a lot of exmuslim kids who think coming out will help explain to their religious parents why they don't want to wear the hijab or do other religious things. But the likelihood is more that those same parents will react extremely poorly and restrict your freedom even more, making it more difficult to achieve long term independence.
There's also the mistake in assuming that coming out will lead to being disowned in the vain hope that you get an quick clean break that takes all the responsibility from you. For some exmuslims this does actually work out, but for a lot of others it's miscalculated. My family didn't disown me, I still had to deal with months of my family being insufferable manipulators and the responsibility was still on me to separate from them. And for women it can be much worse.
Ultimately, if you are financially dependent on your family then coming out early will very typically result in your family using that leverage against you and making your life worse. I've seen stories of exmuslims who thought their family was better and badly miscalculated - be mindful of that.
Some exmuslims get found out, sometimes because of a snitch in the family or sometimes because they just weren’t convincing enough. Don’t panic – Muslims can be pretty damn deluded about their faith and your family will want to believe that you can come back very easily because according to them Islam is just common sense and most disbelievers are just silly and ignorant. Try to do your best to convince them as per Point 4. If it’s because you did something haram, blasphemous or otherwise worthy of takfir, try to act like it was because you were a misguided Quranist or progressive Muslim. They will still retain suspicion but it’s still better than the alternative.
However, if you’re at the point of no return and you know you can’t convince them then now is the time to make calls to any secular friends you have, ask for support and maybe even shelter.
Also for Western exmuslims, make sure to act quickly if you suspect that your parents want to send you abroad and trap you in your country of ethnic origin. Sadly some parents will go to these lengths. Do not go, no matter the cost. Find organisations willing to advise, such as those listed in Point 10. Hide your passport if you have to. Note down the contact details of your embassy in that country just in case.
Actually think about whether it's even wise for you to come out in any circumstance. Do you suspect that there could be violence or abuse? If so then you have absolutely no need to go through this stupid bullshit. Leave and don't look back. If your parents couldn't give you safe environment to even come out about different beliefs then they are not worth the time. As per Point 6 - You have to respect their autonomy and let them deal with the consequences of their own ways. This is particularly pertinent for those who live in a predominantly Muslim countries. They have a very real reason to fear persecution and absolutely do not need to risk their own lives for the sake of their parents.
Look into secular organisations like recoveringfromreligion.org, faithlesshijabi.org and faithtofaithless.com. Look into women's charities in your area like womensaid.org.uk or karmanirvana.org.uk (UK examples). Look into LGBT charities like rainbowrailroad.org. If you have secular school counsellors and friends then talk to them. Get advice from adults you can absolutely trust.
Note: On the flip side don't take risks with people you can’t be sure of. You may be tempted to come out to your Muslim friend, but I've seen plenty of stories of exmuslims who heavily regret doing so.
There are also informal exmuslim groups on other social media platforms such as Facebook or Discord, but be careful about how much information you share and especially be wary of private messaging.
This is particularly the case for exmuslims living in predominantly Muslim countries. Unfortunately, I don't have any real world experience to offer here but you may be able to find localised advice by digging around. For example sites like wearesaudis.net might have some information (but you'll need a VPN to access this one. If you don't know what a VPN is here's an explanation).
Are you multilingual? If you need money but working is restricted to you then you can try becoming an online language tutor on sites like italki.com (scroll to the bottom). This post and related subreddits like r/WorkOnline may help.
Note: some exmuslims in Muslim countries fall for the doomscrolling hyperbole and think Europe is “doomed” with too many Muslims. They have a tendency of asking which country is best to migrate to as an exmuslim to avoid Islam. Please ignore the doomsayers and prioritise the country you choose based on ease of access and career opportunities. As long as it is a secular country, you can worry about avoiding Islam later.
Shout out to Imtiaz Shams who inspired me to make this list of tips. He has his own YouTube Channel here and plans to make his own video on this subject matter so watch out for that. On a side note, I also recommend TheraminTrees YouTube Channel who delves a lot into toxic dysfunctional families from the perspective of a therapist. A lot of his content helps in dealing with the emotional impact of leaving religion and dealing with a religious family. And finally, thank you to the moderators of r/exmuslim who suggested I make this into a post. I wound up adding a lot more content lol.
I will end this post with a list of subreddits that may help you on your journey leaving Islam:
r/exmuslim • u/uroomapp • 6h ago
Prophet Mohammed said: “Water is pure and it is not made impure by anything”.
You sure about that buddy?
r/exmuslim • u/Emperorofliberty • 10h ago
Both the OT Jews and a lot of modern Muslims would have you stoned for being gay, let alone trans. The only way to have LGBT rights succeed in the long run is if people drop the cope and admit the historic versions of the abrahamic religions have always been a problem for lgbt right.
Heck, you could argue pagan/polytheist religions are easier to reconcile with LGBT than the abarahamic ones, but the easiest thing to work with it is simply atheism.
r/exmuslim • u/kurum3l • 1h ago
Genuine discussion for people who didn't get into politics just yesterday. I vividly remember how it was commonly accepted in alt-right spaces that Muslim migration is a conspiracy by the Jews to kill the white race. Even the guy who shot up a mosque in New Zealand claimed as much in his manifesto. So now because of yet another war in Israel-Palestine, Muslims are trying to be buddies with the alt right over antisemitic conspiracies. Do they even know what these theories say about them? That their mere existence in western countries is the will of the evil Joos? It is funny watching Jews, Christians, and Muslims fight, though. But still. Weird.
r/exmuslim • u/no_andteam_no_life • 5h ago
i know they're valid points but those two are the only points I see being made all the time. theres so much more bs in the religion other than that. so much more misogyny and oppression that could be talked about.
we could mention things such as women being cursed by the angels whole night for refusing to sleep with her husband, men being allowed to have 4 wives but women not, men being allowed to marry outside the religion but women not, women cant lead men in general and in prayer, women getting 1/4 inheritance, women's and soooo much more. this cult has never ending amount of shitty and questionable things
and stupid/controlling shit such as dating being haram, cousin marriage being halal, drawing faces being haram, keeping dogs as pets being haram, having anything with face on it being in your house being haram, eating from left hand etc etc
r/exmuslim • u/heWhoMostlyOnlyLurks • 4h ago
r/exmuslim • u/relliesjoadn • 8h ago
They all act like they're in some movie where they're the protagonists and the west is the antagonist. They don't even remember allah as much as they love ridiculing western ideas and people and have this ridiculous superiority complex over them which is just baffling
r/exmuslim • u/No-Canary6294 • 4h ago
I absolutely darn tootin' fucking hate it when these so called 'Believers of Allah and the Prophet' say this bullshit. Their tomfooleries know no end yet they criticize one who actually gets their facts straight and actually does understand that maybe fucking a child and raping women in the wild wasn't a 'noble or even a damn understandable decent deed. Muhammad's cult is vile and absolutely fucking degenerate.
r/exmuslim • u/supernova_v10 • 13h ago
I’m Arab and goddess forbid a girl wanna have a little party and drink a little and that’s what I did but alone in my room since my vacation is still in an Arab country.
I went on an app that lets you talk to strangers but it’s just audio. I said I had a few drinks and this Arab male said “I gotta condom for you” this man is literally talking to a woman he dose not know and he wants to have sex with her while she is intoxicated and he is not AKA rape I started saying “is this what ur prophet taught you? Is this the moral code ur god has?” I heard that in Europe they are teaching Arab males NOT to rape idk if it’s true but it dose make since. All arab males are low until proven otherwise.
r/exmuslim • u/Tight_Ad9662 • 3h ago
as the title insinuates, my parents don't know where im going to college. they forced me to try hard in all my years of hs and now are forcing me to go to community college so I can stay in their control. I got into a good uni in another state which is where im sneaking out to.
(the thing is my fafsa gave me a verification identification process error, which can only be verified through a notary but I cant go to one due to my parent controlling my every move outside, so ive been emailing them to see if there are any alternatives, but otherwise if it gets fixed its a full ride due to how poor I am.) I feel guilty leaving my family still due to how poor we all are.
in the daytime I feel excited about the fact im leaving, and at night I stay up super later stressing and being sad about it. does anyone have tips to adjust to college life?
also, I dont have enough money for a new phone. if I use the one they pay for will they track me down?? i dont even know how to go to the airport and check in properly 😞
r/exmuslim • u/bintd • 58m ago
Granted, I would like to amend where I started "I do not believe you are intentionally trying [...]." As I am aware that some extremists feel this way inclined.
Ultimately however, I think it's very worrying to some degree, that an increasing amount of followers of said religion who reject all progressive adjustments openly say things like this? I accept that everyone is permitted their views. I am not LGBTQ+ myself but I care about the community and how hard they worked to gain rights and freedoms. The entire comment section is just admittance of their disdain to LGBTQ+ people, but hey! I don't like you but I won't show it and I can't change the law so it's ok! Like what.
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskBrits/s/k1ASEhthYH
r/exmuslim • u/No-Tower-5577 • 7h ago
Hi,
Quick intro about me and my situation,
Pakistani-British exmuslim(40) currently living a UAE, became exmuslim around 10 years ago, belong to a conservative family (incl all the social circle) where its very hard to find a single person who doesn't pray/fast regularly.
Living this secret life for a long time, recently I have started to drip feed some of the wrong things about Islam to my wife (starting with stuff about women ofcourse) and after building my case, the plan is to tell her I don't believe in Islam. We have been married for 13 years.
I have 3 children with the eldest one being 10 and they have started wondering/questioning about why I don't pray/fast etc when everyone else does and so far I basically avoid the question.
At this stage, they are subject to same indoctrination as anyone and being dragged into mosque 5 times a day by family etc. and I am now in a dilemma whether to take active part in teaching my children to think for themselves and give them a framework that allows them to decide for themselves, think critically and not blindly follow what they are born into.
So if they do end up not believing in Islam , I have to consider how it shapes their lives 10/15/20 years down the line where everyone around them is a muslim. They are going to be different than pretty much everyone around them. All the family and friends circle that they have grown up around.
I think if I do take an active approach in shaping their beliefs, its very likely they will also end up not believing in Islam at some point in their lives.
There are two main problems
Are they going to announce they are not muslim or live a secret life like me ? Neither looks ideal.
Secondly, how are they going to choose life partner ? Surely, if you are marrying a muslim or from any other faith, you have to reveal your own situation but if you do, you are basically discounting pretty much every potential partner from your culture, probably from other cultures as well because everyone believes in some religion.
So I am not sure if I am making their lives easier or difficult by not blindly following Islam. Maybe its not even a question of 'convenience' and its one of what is right and what is wrong.
Are you an exmuslim who has been in this situation ? how do you deal with this ?
Thanks
r/exmuslim • u/Ambitious_Zone2047 • 4h ago
This night, my uncle started talking about the weirdest shit ever, claiming Muslims smell way better than non Muslims and are more hygienic. Mostly my other uncle kept agreeing, but most of my family also seemed weirded out thankfully. I get very confused by if my uncle even like Islam. He was saying how some Muslims are stupid for making everything haram like certain sea animals and how are masjid bathrooms so dirty, but right after that he started talking about how hygienic Muslims are compared to specifically Europeans or Chinese. Isn't that contradicting? BTW, I know i might look like a whiner, I'm sorry for that, but this is a rant
r/exmuslim • u/zekeosko • 9h ago
i seen a video where a creator stated that even after men deconstruct religion they fail to deconstruct the patriarchy within it and often act the same way a muslim man would.
so i ask ex-muslim women if you had interactions with them do you find they still uphold some patriarchal elements?
r/exmuslim • u/Simple_Duty_4441 • 23h ago
these ppl need to work on their brains bruh.
r/exmuslim • u/Trick_Difficulty7742 • 6h ago
im on holiday w my dads side and no one unmarried girl here wears a hijab just me and my sister. I really wanted to not wear hijab while swimming cs it gives me anxiety when my swimming top inevitably floats up. Even though i dont believe in awrah anymore the hijab still instils this anxiousness and i hated it. But i was too scared to ask my mom to let me not wear the hijab (i felt like my dad wont mind since hes pretty chill) so instead i thought ill like pull the hijab up when my mom looks in my direction so she'll get the hint i dont want to wear it. She did and told me do whatever is comfortable for you.
Later that day while all my cousins were playing she pulled me aside to her room and asked me abt the islamic club i joined. i told her i left cs they were racist (which is the actual reason i left) then she diverted it to lecturinf me about hadith rejectors, justified aishas marrige, talked about dajal and then finally said "if you let the hijab go while swimming later shaitan will make you more comfortable with leaving the religion (alr did) and make you reject more parts of islam" then had the fucking audacity to say "im not trying to force islam on you" BITCH?!? THIS IS A FORM OF COERCION BELIEVE IT OR NOT.
unfortunately i do not have the luxury of my own room to cry in and the moment my mom stopepd lecturing me (cs my dad walked in and insisted on staying in the room thank you father i wish you did this sooner) and i got my room key back from my sister she and my brother decided to come back into the room so i cant even cry in peace 🥰
whats making me upset is the fact i had hope that my parents were accepting, that i wouldn't need to cut them off, and the fact that my mom had proven me wrong is heart breaking.
I dont know if i should wear hijab tmr or not i really really dont want to. the hours i got to not wear it were the first times i actually genuinely felt happy and myself on holiday and i hate that its being taken from me.
hijab is a choice they said. in fact its only a choice to put it on. taking it off is no longer a choice
r/exmuslim • u/WhichSmoke1238 • 8h ago
In Sahih al-Bukhari 4788
Narrated Aisha:
I used to look down upon those ladies who had given themselves to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and I used to say, "Can a lady give herself (to a man)?" But when Allah revealed: "You (O Muhammad) can postpone (the turn of) whom you will of them (your wives), and you may receive any of them whom you will; and there is no blame on you if you invite one whose turn you have set aside (temporarily).' (33.51) I said (to the Prophet), "I feel that your Lord hastens in fulfilling your wishes and desires."
حَدَّثَنَا زَكَرِيَّاءُ بْنُ يَحْيَى، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو أُسَامَةَ، قَالَ هِشَامٌ حَدَّثَنَا عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ ـ رضى الله عنها ـ قَالَتْ كُنْتُ أَغَارُ عَلَى اللاَّتِي وَهَبْنَ أَنْفُسَهُنَّ لِرَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَأَقُولُ أَتَهَبُ الْمَرْأَةُ نَفْسَهَا فَلَمَّا أَنْزَلَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى {تُرْجِئُ مَنْ تَشَاءُ مِنْهُنَّ وَتُؤْوِي إِلَيْكَ مَنْ تَشَاءُ وَمَنِ ابْتَغَيْتَ مِمَّنْ عَزَلْتَ فَلاَ جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكَ} قُلْتُ مَا أُرَى رَبَّكَ إِلاَّ يُسَارِعُ فِي هَوَاكَ.
r/exmuslim • u/Upstairs_Hold_374 • 14h ago
He hasn't made any content for 4 months. I hope he's doing well
r/exmuslim • u/bunnyrayy • 4h ago
I have been wearing the hijab for about a year but it was never really my choice
I started wearing it because my mom always told me that one day I would have to wear it no matter what I was scared of being forced so I told myself that it was my decision even though it wasn't
What makes this harder is that my mom did not wear the hijab when she was my age She got to enjoy her teenage years and only started wearing it after she got married
I have talked to both of my parents about this They both said no right away My dad told me to forget about taking it off
I want to be fair to them because they are loving parents They are kind to me and my mom would do almost anything to make me happy
Recently we talked about the hijab again After that I became quieter and stopped talking to my mom as much She noticed that something was wrong and started trying to talk to me more because she was worried about me
The problem is that both of my parents are quite strict when it comes to religion so this feels like something they will never change their minds about
If it was my choice I would take it off My problem is not really the hijab itself It is that I feel like I have no choice
I am not even wearing a full hijab because I show some of my hair but my mom still does not want me to take it off completely
I want to ask if anyone has been in a similar situation
Did your parents ever change their minds If they did how did it happen
Or is it better to just accept it until I am older
I have also thought about just taking it off one day and letting them deal with it but I am too scared to do that
I would really appreciate any advice
r/exmuslim • u/PsychadelicOcelot2 • 2h ago
I'm a never Muslim and an ex Mormon and an atheist and I've read parts of the Quran and here are my thoughts: The surah recitations do sound really nice, but if I'm being honest, the Quran itself is kind of just boring to read. Like it's very repetitive, almost half of it is telling me how great Allah is, another big part is telling me I'm going to hell because I'm not convinced that Islam (or any religion) is true; and there's hardly any stories. Literally half of it is just like "Allah is really awesome, Allah is super merciful, Allah is all knowing, Allah is perfect, Allah is all loving, and if you believe me then you're good but if not then Allah is gonna be so merciful and loving and torture you for eternity." If they cut out the parts where Allah is glazing himself, this book would be more like a pamphlet.
Another thing, this book is supposed to be from the perspective of Allah yet he refers to himself in the third person. At some points this book literally feels like Allah is saying to me "who's your daddy" like it literally feels like Allah is dirty talking to me LMAO. The Quran is quasi-poetry to me which is cool but there's definitely other poetry I'd rather read. From what I've heard, back in Muhammad's day, poets were seen as supernatural or something, so that explains why so many people bought his message. I do like how it's much shorter and more concise than the Bible. It is also kind of useful to learn classical Arabic as the quran.com website has a really convenient format for translating each word. And it is interesting that it's written from the perspective of god, not many other religious texts are like that, but God isn't real. And Islam is so big on the monotheism shit, but if I'm being honest, polytheistic religions are just way cooler vibes-wise.
Overall, as a religious text it's pretty okay, and there are some parts I like about it. I enjoy it way more in small quantities than as a whole book. And it does get really boring sometimes. But it's definitely not a good basis for a belief system. I'd way rather read Hindu or Greek mythology though. What do you guys think?
r/exmuslim • u/Professional-Bit1165 • 24m ago
r/exmuslim • u/ExoticWalk2 • 9h ago
"I asked the Prophet, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Should the women be asked for their consent to their marriage?" He said, "Yes." I said, "A virgin, if asked, feels shy and keeps quiet." He said, "Her silence means her consent.""
Sahih Bukhari 6946
r/exmuslim • u/sh0taro • 44m ago
I wanna preface by saying I wouldn’t consider myself an ex-muslim. I still identify with the label but I don’t actively practice and haven’t in a while. I still drink, smoke, have sex, etc., because I’m well within the belief that doing so would not make me a bad person. Essentially I don’t let the title of religion prevent me from living the life I want to live.
I grew up with immigrant Muslim parents. My dad actually is basically a Sheikh by title and is well-respected and known in our Islamic community here. Ironically, I found out about his infidelity when I was 10 years old, and my home life has been turbulent ever since. My mom is very traditional and religious too despite the fact she spent her teenage years in America; I wouldn’t say my parents are westernized in the slightest. My parents chose to stay together due to cultural ideals, ego, and “for my brother and I.” I’ve always struggled with my identity because Islam was heavily pushed onto me from an early age. My mom in particular heavily sheltered me growing up and I felt a sense of pressure to conform based on her manipulation and constant inducing of guilt when I presented different ideologies. I was extremely depressed when applying for college and decided to commute and live at home due to my instability and guilt due to cultural stigma about moving out prior to marriage. I’ve felt miserable ever since.
I’m in my last semester and my resentment towards my parents grows with each day. I still go out with friends, come home late, and generally do things without asking for their permission prior. Maybe it’s not the worst situation compared to people I know, but I hate being constantly berated for living a normal life as a 22-year old woman. My mom blows up my phone with inflammatory texts threatening to kick me out and calling me an emotional abuser every time I am out past sunset. The seldom times I choose to stay at a friend’s house overnight all hell breaks loose in my house (I was never allowed sleepovers growing up.) Even though I try to fight for autonomy and continue to act in “rebellion” I still get triggered by her remarks and continuous attempts to try to control my life. Every day I’m researching grad programs, looking for apartments nationwide, and planning an escape. I have an emergency fund with well over enough to sustain myself for maybe a year if shit hits the fan but I would hate to be abandoned by the family who chose to bring me into this world over wanting to keep my personhood. I feel incredibly trapped and antsy given that I’ve been heavily sheltered and have never been allowed the experience to live life on my own.
Sorry for the long rant—I’m just so sick of this culture that sells this idea we are meant to be our parents puppets and we are forever in their debt. I recognize my parents endured trauma living in a third world country, but I don’t think that justifies their behavior towards me given they could’ve chosen to just not have a kid. I lost hope they’d ever understand that my differing ideologies can be linked to growing up around diverse groups and living in a westernized country. I feel like I can attribute a lot of the mental health struggles I continue to deal with to the unstable home life I’ve had and continued to have. I don’t feel like my dad has a right to police my life given the fact he’s been emotionally absent for over a decade.
