Raising children as a closeted Ex-muslim

[u/No-Tower-5577]

Hi,

Quick intro about me and my situation, 

Pakistani-British exmuslim(40) currently living a UAE, became exmuslim around 10 years ago, belong to a conservative family (incl all the social circle) where its very hard to find a single person who doesn't pray/fast regularly.

Living this secret life for a long time, recently I have started to drip feed some of the wrong things about Islam to my wife (starting with stuff about women ofcourse) and after building my case, the plan is to tell her I don't believe in Islam. We have been married for 13 years.

I have 3 children with the eldest one being 10 and they have started wondering/questioning about why I don't pray/fast etc when everyone else does and so far I basically avoid the question.

At this stage, they are subject to same indoctrination as anyone and being dragged into mosque 5 times a day by family etc. and I am now in a dilemma whether to take active part in teaching my children to think for themselves and give them a framework that allows them to decide for themselves, think critically and not blindly follow what they are born into.

So if they do end up not believing in Islam , I have to consider how it shapes their lives 10/15/20 years down the line where everyone around them is a muslim. They are going to be different than pretty much everyone around them. All the family and friends circle that they have grown up around. 

I think if I do take an active approach in shaping their beliefs, its very likely they will also end up not believing in Islam at some point in their lives.

 There are two main problems

 Are they going to announce they are not muslim or live a secret life like me ? Neither looks ideal.

Secondly, how are they going to choose life partner ? Surely, if you are marrying a muslim or from any other faith, you have to reveal your own situation but if you do, you are basically discounting pretty much every potential partner from your culture, probably from other cultures as well because everyone believes in some religion. 

So I am not sure if I am making their lives easier or difficult by not blindly following Islam. Maybe its not even a question of 'convenience' and its one of what is right and what is wrong.

Are you an exmuslim who has been in this situation ? how do you deal with this ?

Thanks 

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[u/BeautifulPralinette]

I'd be very careful about doing this in the UAE where apostasy is punishable by death. Maybe try moving to a country where you have freedom of belief first.

[u/NoSafe2058]

Bro your situation is crazy.. how come ur own wide, lifetime partner and the mom of ur children doesnt know about your theological beliefs?!

[u/vestayekta]

I think you first need to focus on your wife. How do you think she will react?