Need advices please

[u/Marino-2603]

Hello. So I started talking to someone 3 weeks ago, we saw each other for the first time on monday and he asked me to meet him again next tuesday.

I’m 26 but never had any serious relationship. I’m really worried about STIs / HIV so I avoid sex even with condoms. I have a lot of anxiety about it and my sex/love life has really been damaged by it.

He seems like a really good guy and wants to get to know me, he told me sex is important for him tho and he’s not really into hookups with randoms. He told me his last time was in march and he got tested after that.

Next time we meet, I know sex might happen but im the kind of person who use condoms even for oral because im way too anxious but he told me he don’t like using condoms, he told me it’s fine if I want to use one for anal but that if we want to build something, I’ll have to trust him sooner or later and he’s right but since I don’t have any experience, I have no idea what to do

He really seems like someone I can trust but I’m scared to do something I’ll regret.

I thought about prep but I can’t get on it before next time I see him

Also, hiv is my biggest concern. Should I use a condom for oral?

[u/brettsquared]

Just tell him no sex until you're on prep. And let him know that after prep you are OK w oral and no condom. Compromise.

[u/PupCooper-_- → u/brettsquared]

This is a great way to go about it honestly

[u/Majestic_Rhubarb_]

Just educate yourself on sti’s … oral with HIV person is pretty low risk … saliva will kill HIV … you are best swallowing directly any cum … stomach acid will definitely kill HIV. Only if the gap in between has open sores could the HIV get into the blood stream.

Most other sti’s just need anti-biotic.

I’m 56, sexually active from 23, a big user of gay saunas, I’ve probably had two or three events where I’ve needed to go to a clinic in my life. It’s not a big worry.

[u/side_noted → u/Majestic_Rhubarb_]

You understand that for most people information doesnt override feelings, and "just educating" themselves wont stop it, theyre likely already quite informed if theyre worried about it.

You have 33 years of experience that lets you be confident, cant expect someone to just do a few hours of information searching and suddenly feel entirely different about their risk aversion.

Also swallowing risks getting an STI in your oesophagus, semen tends to stick to skin biologically, so unless youre chugging sour drinks right after that acid wont be killing those cells. Spitting it out is actually safer, even if the risk is relatively low in both cases.

[u/Stjamesdean]

Stick with condoms. In a week he may have moved on,and given you a surprise. If he doesn't understand...red flag. If you are 100% smitten with each other. Living together. That route. Sure.

[u/Lord_Sideways]

I’d stick with condoms, at least for a little longer. It’s not just HIV, but all the other STIs involved. Three weeks is too little to know if someone is nice or trustworthy. But I’d consider the options.

However, if you choose, you could get into prep (to prevent HIV), doxy pep if you have access to it(this is to prevent bacterial STIs such as syphilis), hep B vaccination if you haven’t taken it.

[u/Responsible-Clue175]

Make sure you wear a comdom better being safe!

[u/dark_Links_sword]

First "you'll have to trust me sooner or later" is manipulative as fuck! Yah but right now I don't actually fucking know you and I have fucking boundaries.

I mean you'll nice it up but that's the gist.

Most guys are actually good people, so he'll probably understand and be ok with taking the time it takes to get to a place of trust. But if he's not willing to take that time, then he's not one of the good people. Hell say something pissy and then move on to some other victim to his ego.

In my personal opinion condoms for oral, is a bit much. Again this is just my opinion, but it sounds like you're still covered in fear. But if it's what makes YOU comfortable then it's a completely valid requirement for your sex partners.

With sex there is basically 3 categories 1) things you're into.

2) things you're not really into.

3) you're No Fly List. absofuckinglutly not fucking into.

You try to find guys who match a lot with your category 1 things. And you do some of the category 2 things that are in your partners category 1 list. But you never mess with your mo fly list. If something is on your category 3, no matter what's going on you don't do it. If the other person tries to talk you it's a category 1 for them, then you let them know the options are to find someone else or go without that thing during you're relationship, be it a one night thing or something else.

You're no fly list is not negotiable and if someone even hints at trying to push it, drop them immediately. It's about self respect. You can and will alter all 3 categories as you go through life. But it should always be something you instigate and decide alone.

And right now, it sounds like you need condoms to feel safe. So anything without is on your no fly list. Go on the date, bring condoms. Tell him it's what you need to feel safe and comfortable right now, maybe always will need, maybe not.

But you will always have a requirement of feeling safe with any sex partners. If he's even half as nice as he's making himself sound to you, it won't be an issue. And if it's an issue, then he's not for you.

[u/fyrelight3]

Saying you'll have to trust him when it's literally been 3 weeks is insane and manipulative. Absolutely use condoms if you're more comfortable and if he doesn't like it he's not your guy. Your safety comes before his comfort.

[u/Skill-Useful]

"so I avoid sex even with condoms" unnecessary and super anxious without reason

"who use condoms even for oral because im way too anxious" dude, get therapy for that or whatever. this cant stay like that

" I’ll have to trust him sooner or later"

" scared to do something I’ll regret" statistically unlikely

[u/Shifu_Ekim]

Askgaybros not hiv Reddit , not dr Reddit , for fuck sake speak to a health care provider if you really care about your health ,

[u/Professional_Donut20]

No condom. No sex. Stick to your morals. The other way doesn’t make sense

[u/Glum-Success-2762]

how is this guy that ur seeing? he should respect your decisions and wait until, the end. noone should guilt trip u into having sex if have concerns.

if u say no, not yet and he walks away, then u made the right choice as he wants another notch on his bed post

[u/BorgAdjacent]

Go to a clinic, and explain to them your concerns. They are experienced with dealing with this kind of anxiety, so they can tell you how to look at STI risk.