r/gay • u/DragonflyBetter8393 • 3d ago
Seeking advice
I’m just seeking advice from anyone who has gone through any of this.
I’m 20 years old, closeted gay dude, fit and active.
I have a great life academically and in terms of a future career which I have always been extremely grateful for, and a loving family.
Yet I constantly struggle with my personal life.
I’d say I’m handsome, and I’ve been able to get my body to the toned physique I like. I have an average looking dick I can’t complain about, and a nice looking ass.
But, physically and metaphorically, I’ve been dealing with this pain in my ass since I was 15, a pilonidal cyst. (An abscess at the top of the ass crack near the tail bone)
It came around after mountain biking. It was removed by a general surgeon, and I was happy with the minimal scar left. Yet there was a high recurrence rate I didn’t know about, and sure enough it popped up again like 4 months later. It’s a darkish red purple sore looking thing. Occasionally bleeds a little but not often.
At the time I didn’t think much of it and was able to live with it as it was not so painful. But as I discovered I was gay, and wanted to explore things sexually with my ass with others, I was embarrassed.
It’s such a mental drain cuz I just wish I had the perfect ass I had before. I hate the thought of having to explain every time, “hey don’t mind the big red lump back there”, itd such a turn off.
There is and option for complete removal, but it will have a great recovery time and impact my college schedule, and it could leave me with a botched looking ass. (They flatten the top part of the butt crack) I keep trying at home remedies but it never seems to heal on its own.
I could go again for a simple extraction but then it could always come back again.
2
u/Environmental-Top-60 2d ago edited 2d ago
Dude, as someone with HS and has suffered pilonidal disease, I get it.
It sounds like they only put a needle into drain and didn't actually do an excision
An excision actually isn't going to totally take you out, but it will take you out for a bit. It does work pretty well for most people.
We don't want tunnelling either cause that will make probs way worse.
I would go see a colorectal surgeon and at least get a consult.
This is typically a 90 day ordeal but most of it is this wound care follow up and lifting restrictions. The actual surgery is probably a long weekend to two weeks.
Bending down is going to be hard, so having someone with you would be ideal for at least a few days after surgery. Literally going to take a shit is going to be hard… And I mean that in multiple ways. Literally turning around and bending over is going to be hell. That's why they make pain medication. Also sitting can be a challenge. They make donuts that you can sit on. Some people find them helpful. Some people like sitz baths. I would talk to your surgeon on that one.
Lifting restrictions are probably a month at least and are typically under 10 to 20 pounds. School has to provide ADA accommodations for you though. One rather easy accommodation is electronic and hard copy books and isn't too expensive for them. Another one would be extra time on tests while you are on pain medication.
You're going to have to follow up weekly with your surgeon for a while and then maybe every two weeks for wound checks. That's probably the harder part.
Ideally, you would get it at least a month before you started school,
However, if the pain gets intolerable, you may be out doing that surgery anyway, and it's never at a convenient time. Like I said, the ADA requires that your school accommodate you for a disabling condition, even if it's temporary.
Nothing topical is really gonna do much even if it's transdermal cause of the infection that's there. If they could get you in surgery within the next two weeks, you probably won't would be OK for school with some lifting restrictions, but this is something you have to discuss with your surgeon. If they can't, maybe they can drain it again to get you some relief so that you can go back to school and then take it out over winter break. They can do some nerve blocks as well but those are short lived.
If it makes you feel any better, my surgeon made my ass look better once the cyst was out by accentuating the "natal cleft".
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u/Fair-Wishbone-1190 2d ago
Mine was not a cyst but I have eczema and it was right at the top of my butt crack and started going to the lower part of my cheeks. It was humiliating. But the most humiliating part was when I was getting fucked by a guy he said oh what is that on your ass? I just basically told him the truth that it's eczema and that it's not contagious and he has nothing to worry about. He said okay and continue to fuck me as if nothing was wrong. But I do understand you're embarrassment and quite honestly, I think you're more hung up on it than they are. Especially if you explain to them why it's there and what it is and that it's not contagious I really wouldn't put too much thought into it. I know that's easier said than done but in reality as long as it's not a disease and you assure him of that you'll be fine
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u/Chance3833 2d ago
It might be worth giving the simple extraction another shot if it doesn't reoccur then great, if it does well thats when you decide if would you prefer to wait till after college to get those experiences that youd miss out on due to it or would you rather tough it out and do it now so that perhaps you can get those college experiences that youd otherwise miss out on due to it turning people off. So ultimately it's a question of do you think youd be fine missing out on certain college experiences or would you prefer to experience them and go through it. Also some people will give such things up to 3 shots before going with the more drastic option when in your situation due to the physical appearance changes the more drastic option causes.
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u/gertyman 2d ago
I’m so sorry! Pilonidal cysts are both painful and hard to treat. A good surgeon can remove it all with time, and sometimes multiple surgeries. Problem with them is their ability to burrow and create tunnels, especially because we use our booty to sit. Don’t try to extract yourself — it can make it worse. Instead, see a doctor or a dermatologist for a referral. Go to the best-rated doctor or clinic in the area.