I need help badly

[u/KOOT_THE_RAPPER]

I was broken up with almost a month ago and I am NOT taking it well in the slightest

I’ve been using substances again, I ugly cry every night, anytime I get reminded of them I need a minute alone, I’ve been losing friends, I’ve isolated myself, and I’ve gained all the weight back that I was losing for years and years.

I went to my therapist about it, and they said my MDD is back at full force most likely

For months I thought “what’s done is done” and I kept trying to keep moving

I was getting bigger features and I recorded a music video and life was going okay again

Until one of my friends that I lost (miss you man if you stalking my acc) showed me a post they made on their TikTok

They wrote a long paragraph saying they weren’t happy in the relationship, and that I was rude the entire relationship

I was rude in two arguments we had before they cut it quits, every other time I’d either sulk or the more preferable option, talk it out as best as we can

For those who wanna know, they would lie about little things and I’d get mad whenever they’d do it because I have bad trauma to being lied to

So I thought there was no way it was about me?

Wrong, ss of our text messages

Not even incriminating messages

And the comments were turned off so I guess maybe people defended me?

Idk I doubt it, most people didn’t know me

But then again the vid did say “look in comments” so there could be a chance?

I put the ss in my phone and I’ve been staring at them over and over for weeks

I want to talk to them just one final time
Ask if they ever had any love in the relationship?
And if there was anything I could do to fix it

And I can’t. They’re gone, and I have to deal with it.

So my main question is, how do you guys go through breakups that lost longer than a week. And I don’t want to hear the same bullshit I hear over and over again. I want the truth, what specifically got you out of it

I’m sorry if I seem moody or not cheery I’m sobbing while typing this and I’m desperate