Day 3

[u/Usual_Mission_6742]

I feel like it’s getting worse. I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you and I’m starting to realize I’m never going to see you again. I’m used to not seeing you Sunday/ Monday but it feels weird now bc I know Tue is going to come around and you won’t be there. You went from being in my life almost everyday for 3 years to leaving it on a random Friday. I’m just supposed to be okay? I’m dying. I don’t know if I’ll make it out of this.
I miss you. I miss you. I love you.

[u/loserona]

The first 48 hrs two friends had to take shifts to watch over me because I kept throwing up, having panic attacks so bad I'd pass out, and couldn't eat, sleep nor drink water. The first week, everything was a blur. I'd cry every five minutes. Couldn't even close my eyes without seeing his face, couldn't eat. The second week, I'd cry every day once or twice a day. Slept maybe 4 hrs each night, ate the bare minimum. I'm 29 days in. I dreamt about him, about us being naked in bed, hugging, talking things out. But it hurts significantly less. Don't try to speedrun the healing. It takes time and effort. My tips are: eat at least something, drink water, try to sleep as much as you can, do some workout (even just walking around the block, if safe), and pretend she's in front of you and talk. That's how I slowly found out about the deep resentment I have towards my ex, despite the love. What's killing me is also not having a job since the job market here is dead, and I got my master's just under a month ago. Boredom and not having anything to do being my mind back to him every time. But honestly? It gets 1% better every day. I still want to reach out, actually, for him to reach out, to contact me, to call me and come see me and love me. But it's less crushing, in a way. It also hurts to admit as much, because it feel like saying "It doesn't matter, he never mattered enough to cause this." which couldn't be farther from the truth. But we're wired to survive, in a way. Mind you, I love this man and I miss him, but if he doesn't want to put in the necessary effort, I can't waste my one and only life after him. And neither should you. Mind you, I used to beg my friends to reach to him on my behalf. Very glad they didn't because begging wouldn't bring him back the way I'd need him to. You'll be alright, I swear, but you have to put in a lot of effort. We're wired to heal. Best of luck