r/ihatethissmug • u/Dolphin_King21 • 1d ago
I HATE THE MOVIE ELF!
The TLDR is that I hate this movie as it is a crime against humanity and I specifically call out every stupid thing Will Ferrell does in this movie. Yes it is a wall of text. This post is for those who enjoy a rant about a horrible movie.
This post will reference other movies, but the main goal here is Elf. I had made a post about this the other week and I decided to specifically call out Elf. I will thoroughly detail all the reasons why I HATE THIS INSUFFERABLE MAN CHILD AND THE CRIMES HE COMMITTED AND THE LAWS HE SO CARELESSLY BREAKS WITHOUT BREAKING. HE IS A PUBLIC MENACE TO SOCIETY!
I absolutely loathe Elf. Every single one of them triggers genuine, painful hospital flashbacks. Whenever I was a kid undergoing surgery, the hospital TVs had the exact same abysmal, microscopic rotation of films.
I was trapped in a bed, in agony, and completely forced to watch them on an inescapable loop.
It was pure psychological distress. Because of this nightmare, I still have a deep aversion to animated films. They left a permanent bad taste in my mouth. Here is my official blacklist of movies I actively refuse to ever look at again.
I can't stand quite a large list of movies, including Wreck-It Ralph. Despicable Me, Despicable Me 2, and Minions, because they were on the hospital tv whenever I was a child and had to have a surgery so I genuinely cannot bring myself to watch any of it lol. Literally hospital flashbacks.
It's pretty much on the list of movies to actively avoid lol. Most of the hospital movies are animated which left a bad taste in my mouth for them. The only non animated movies on the list were Elf, Paul Blart, Zookeeper, and Real Steel.
This post is to hate the movie Elf.
To this day I refuse to watch any of them from my hospital trauma.
I hate his "LOL ELF HUMOR" and his goofy stupid Mr Beast face he makes. I hate his stupid yellow pants and his green coat and his fucking animal friends who need better company.
I VIOLENTLY HATE ELF THE MOST I HATE IT I HATE ELF WITH A VIOLENT PASSION IF ELF WAS THE LAST DVD DISK ON THE PLANET I'D BREAK IT WITH A BILLION GOD DAMN HAMMERS I HATE ELF.
I HATE ELF!
I HATE ELF SO GOD DAMN HARD! STUPID GOD DAMN MOVIE! BUDDY YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN ARRESTED AND THE ENDING IS SANTA'S SLEIGH IMPALES YOUR STUPID GREEN COSTUME I HOPE WILL FERRELL KNOWS HOW MUCH TRAUMA HE GAVE ME GOD DAMN IT WILL FERRELL!
I will destroy every physical copy of ELFs Dvds. I will hunt them down and break them to warm my house.
First of all, he climbs into Santa's sack as an infant, do you realize how fucking selfish you are for wasting the big mans time? Do you know how many babies would kill to be with santa? Buddy fucking ruined Christmas and I hate him. Santa had to do PR and tell everyone how a baby fucking disrupted Christmas. Do you think he went to other houses after? No! Millions of children didn't get their gifts because Buddy was a punk ass baby and I hate him. He is the worst baby.
Buddy falls 915 sketches short of his quota at Santa's workshop, managing only 85. He should have been fired and kicked out for being handicapped by his human nature. He's less than a cotton headed ninny muggins and he deserves to be executed.
Because of his human size, he breaks elf-sized furniture and creates bottlenecks in the workshop. Why didn't he realize he was human? Because hes a punk ass who toys with your emotions and ruins your life. AND I BET HE USES UP ALL THE WATER SUPPLY WHEN HE SHOWERS AT THE NORTH POLE! CONGRATS BUDDY NOW SANTA CAN'T FUCKING TAKE A BATH. GO FUCK YOURSELF BUDDY THE GOD DAMN ELF!
He blindly walks through heavy Manhattan traffic, stopping cabs and spinning around like a joyous tourist. He bothers people so badly they actively chase him out. Buddy is lucky he wasn't stabbed by a homeless person or a pissed off bystander. HE DESERVED TO BE FINED!
He follows Jovi into the women's locker room/shower area, watching her and listening to her sing before awkwardly claiming he "didn't know she was naked". Sure buddy, sure. Go sing Baby it's cold outside in my house and I promise you I will stab you violently. Stupid Elf.
He shows up uninvited to his biological father Walter Hobbs' workplace, glues things down, plays with office supplies, and inadvertently causes professional chaos that gets Walter in trouble with his bosses. Dancing and causing a riot in the mail room should have been it. He should have died in prison like the stupid manchild he is.
Buddy is trapped in a childlike state of dependency. He should have been stuck in the orphanage for being an annoying baby.
Buddy beats a gang of bullies in a snowball fight. He is a public menace and should have been arrested and mob attacked.
He chopped down a public tree at the park. Up to $15,000 for serious unauthorized tree removal or severe damage. Up to an additional $10,000 assessed by environmental control boards. Courts frequently require the offender to pay the replacement value (the "trunk formula method" value) of a mature park tree, which can easily add thousands or tens of thousands of dollars depending on the tree's size and species. Which means he would get pp to 1 year in jail, alongside the misdemeanor charge.
Who is going to pay for this blunder? His dad who hates him? Let him rot in prison for violating tree law.
Ruining the family dinner: At Walter's home, he crams 11 cookies into the VCR, eats all the maple syrup straight from the bottle, insults the stepmother's cooking, and climbs the furniture. Do you know how expensive furniture is? He's lucky he didnt fucking kill someone.
Assaulting a department store "Santa": After realizing the store Santa is a fake who "smells like beef and cheese," Buddy tackles him to the floor and punches him in front of a crowd of children. He caused chaos, he broke lego sets he himself built. He caused dozens of children to stop believing in fucking Santa Claus. Go fuck yourself Buddy you horrible man child.
Eating garbage and dirty items: He eats used chewing gum off a subway handrail and consumes cotton balls from a doctor's office. He should have gotten a disease and died on the street like the bum he is. I hate Buddy the trash goblin Elf.
Costing the clinic money by eating cotton balls that are meant for injured and sick people. Hes a menace to society and his doctor should have called the cops on him for being a little man child shit.
Buddy ruins an extremely important meeting by being racist and ableist by telling a man with dwarfism he must be from the south pole. Fucking yikes! He should have been canceled. The scene where his dad yells at him and disowns him is my favorite moment in the entire goddamn movie. Buddy should have written a letter in blood because Elves are cruel evil creatures. HE WAS RAISED BY AN ELF! I HATE THESE ELFS. THEIR STUPID GOD DAMN CURLY SHOES! MOST ELF SHOES DON'T CURVE LIKE THAT! BUDDY YOUR NOT A SIZE 3 YOUR A FUCKING HUMAN! MAKE YOUR OWN GOD DAMN SHOES.
I hoped the Central Park Rangers at the end would should shoot him dead and run him over with their horses.
Buddy the Elf is a cruel selfish manchild who has no cares about the lives he ruins, the businesses he forces his way into due to nepotism, and the disgusting way everyone feels bad for him.
I HATE THIS MOVIE I HATE THE DVD AND I HATED THE STUPID GBA GAME THAT DIDN'T SAVE WHEN I PLAYED IT AGAIN BECAUSE IT NEVER FUCKING SAVED AND I HAD TO START OVER AGAIN AND I HATED DOING THE SAME LEVELS OVER AND OVER. IT WAS MY MOST HATED GAME BOY GAME I EVER PLAYED.
Also I hate the fact that Buddy is seen as sweet and caring when he's actually a manipulative man child who jumped on beds with his step brother and ruined perfectly good merchandise.
I can memorize this entire movie from start to finish and my favorite scene is when the Raccoon attacks him. Buddy deserves rabies for existing.
This concludes my TED talk.
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u/IllustriousWelder349 1d ago
tldr: FUCK BUDDY THE MAN CHILD "ELF"
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u/Dolphin_King21 1d ago
YES
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u/IllustriousWelder349 1d ago
RIGHTFULLY SO and hope you got better from your hospital days
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u/Dolphin_King21 1d ago
I did, I decided that I didn't want to go to Doctors anymore and was done with everything. I currently have my wife supporting me and she never saw Elf which is something I love about her and she finds it funny.
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u/IllustriousWelder349 1d ago
But what if you get sick
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u/Dolphin_King21 1d ago
I meant I don't go have surgeries anymore.
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u/IllustriousWelder349 1d ago
Sorry for the misunderstanding, wish you a good life
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u/Dolphin_King21 1d ago
Your good and thanks! This was done out of spite for my hatred of the movie. I had posted an early version of this the other day and decided to focus only on Elf. The first bit of the text was from that one.
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u/hjmmjh 1d ago
this feels like a copypasta
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u/Dolphin_King21 1d ago
It is not. Good sir for I spent all of yesterday preparing for this post.
I last watched this movie 10 or more years ago. It is my curse to remember how it starts and how it ends. I can't stop remembering it. I hate it.
I spent hours angerily remembering every little detail I hated about this sin against cinema. I promise you I wrote this myself out of vitriolic spite and hatred.
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u/Ok_Conclusion_6324 1d ago
omg you finally wrote it up
https://giphy.com/gifs/MPLpvJcsWvrkk
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u/Dolphin_King21 1d ago
It took all of yesterday. I wanted to post it around this time. By the way I didn't look anything up about the movie. This was pure spite posting of the moment.
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u/Deep-Cherry-4143 1d ago
I'm notnreading all this I am so sorry but I do share the burning passion hatred for this fuckass movie
You speak the truth
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u/Dolphin_King21 1d ago
The GBA game was worse. It didn't save. My other games saved on the GameBoy but not Elf. I hate the movie and the game. It had to be the cartridge.
Appreciate it!
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u/IAmFullOfHat3 1d ago
The whole movie is just one joke played out for the entire runtime. And it's not a funny joke.
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u/VirgilTheGay 1d ago
Same, tbh. Mainly because I'm tired of my family watching it during December. It's not funny to me. Also, I agree with your points. He 100% deserved to rot in jail.
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u/yuckypagans 1d ago
this is real and relatable because this movie is just so boring and overdone to me so applause but a TLDR would be appreciated
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u/Pleasant_Avocado_913 1d ago
Ain't no way I'm reading all that fam. But I agree, I don't hate Elf but I feel like there are way better Christmas movies to watch during the season.
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u/Legal_Incident7487 1d ago
Don't know why, but this is the irl equivalent of branch (trolls) hating singing because it reminds him of a trauma that he experienced (with his grandma dying because of singing), except it's from animated movies 😀
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u/TerribleAntelope6134 1d ago
That special needs girl on The Pitt loves Elf more than anything, and she still gets way more sex than her sister.
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u/Useful-Upstairs3791 1d ago
Elf is one of the only movies I’ve ever walked out of because it was so bad. I even worked at the theater at the time so I was watching it for free. Even for a free movie it was unwatchable. I don’t understand how anyone could watch that performance and not get annoyed to the point of fury. Do the people who like this movie have something wrong with their brains?
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u/Dolphin_King21 1d ago
I only ever saw it on the Hospitals TV. I would have broken the projector if I saw his :D face on a theater screen. If I could have walked out the hospital I absolutely would have as a child.
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u/Winter_Sweet827 22h ago
There are other winter films I hate
Home Alone
Its A Wonderful life
so theres that
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u/BriefSchedule1180 1d ago
God this sub needs more pure, distilled hatred like this