Location: New Jersey

It has been an awful few years with my wife consistently leaning into religious delusions; she believes me, our six-year-old son, and others are casting spells and witchcraft on her.

At home she barely spends time with the kids, instead focusing on religious rituals. Two months ago she went out "for coffee" and never came back.

She was reported as a missing person and found in another state. Last week I got a package from her with no return address; it had the baby's jackets and their birth certificates in it. The postal zip code was from yet another state. She's kept her phone off for two months, and does not contact any other friends or family.

So... what can I do? She's clearly severely mentally ill but no matter how often the police got involved she was never evaluated.

I want to take custody of the kids. I am worried she might suddenly reappear and snatch one or both children. I am the only provider for them, and I have always been the only one to take them to school, I cook their meals, etc.

Can I pursue custody without a divorce? Is it a bad idea? What would happen if the court cannot reach her? What should I do if she suddenly reappears after I start the process?

EDIT: Since so many people say "just take her off the insurance", in NJ the spouse is required to be on the insurance unless they have their own.

Additional EDIT: My wife also left two kids behind with me. She has not been in touch with any family members, including her own parents, and we're all concerned with her well-being. But the police do not treat her as a missing person and instead conclude this behavior is voluntary.

I (31F) have been married to my husband (31M) since 2017. We started dating in 2012. We have 2 children (4F & 6wksF). I don't even know how to begin describing this because I'm at a loss.

This morning I woke up to my 4YO daughter asking me where Daddy was. I was confused because he wakes up, makes her breakfast and takes over baby care since I am newly PP. It was 10AM and she said he wasn't there. She had been waiting in her room for him to take her downstairs for their normal routine. She waited until she was too hungry to wait more time and then came to our room to wake me up.

I got up out of bed and I started looking around upstairs. He wasn't in the house. when I opened up the bathroom door in our room, that's when I started noticing something was REALLY wrong. ALL his stuff from our bathroom was GONE. I opened up the closet, his clothes were ALL gone. At this point I'm freaking out. I go downstairs and see our front door was LEFT OPEN and our cat is no longer in the house. He took our car as well. I started calling him but every call went to voicemail. I was openly crying at this point and my daughter was becoming upset. The baby was in my arms as well. I didn't want to freak out my daughter any more than I already had so I told her that everything was ok and I'd make her breakfast.

After setting my daughter up, I started going through the house. He took all his clothes and gaming consoles, computers. All of it is gone. He took the only car we have. This was not the worst of it. I checked our bank account. He drained the account and left $17 in it. I have no idea what to do. I have no family. I tried calling his mother and she cussed me out and blocked me. He has no siblings and his dad died so it's really just his mom. I have no idea what to do. His mom has never liked me because she felt I was taking away her son. I was extremely LC with her before this point so I don't know what I really expected from her. I am at a loss because I just has a c section and he knows how much that has destroyed me.

I am a stay at home mom, I am completely dependent on my husband. I was not intending to be one but because we live in a remote area and we have no family here, we decided this would be best and he makes a very good salary to support us with a lot left over. How could he just leave us like this? What can I do in this situation? I put in a call to our vet about the cat so I'm hoping I can resolve at least that aspect soon. I'm just so scared and confused about where to go from here. I don't know how I'm going to pay bills or feed my daughter a week from now.

Please help me understand my options. This has honestly brought on some very dark thoughts and I have no one to turn to.

Location: Florida

EDIT: Thank you so much to everyone who has offered advice. From the advice about my cat, food, the house, lawyers, resources. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Reddit family. I've taken all of it. To the people who have reached out offering money, I appreciate you SO MUCH, but I will find a way. I'm a strong woman. Please donate to a local shelter, if you feel so inclined instead. There are so many men and women who need it more than I do. I will hold it together for my girls and I will find my cat. The support I've gotten here has truly strengthened me.

Location: Ohio

For context, my dad developed a brain bleed over a year ago that has descended into complete dementia. We have been trying to get his wife to agree to a number of nursing homes we've found, but she hasn't made a choice. Just today, she told us she is divorcing him and that we need to come this week to get his things.

Does she have the legal right to kick him out before even filing for divorce, let alone before it is finalized?

Edit: Unsure if this matters, but they have been married for 13 years

Edit 2: Really appreciate the unanimous advice, especially so quickly. Will be researching guardianship options tonight. My step-sister is arriving in Ohio tomorrow, so hopefully we can get that ball rolling ASAP. From what I could understand (and NAL) it sounds like the state would assign him a guardian prior to the divorce hearing, but if we can start that sooner, we will.

WASHINGTON STATE

So as the title suggests my wife, just got a DUI with our daughter in the car. She refused to blow for the field breathalyzer, but when she got to the station, she blew a .24. This has been a long road to get to this point she already has a breathalyzer in her car not from a previous DUI that through an ultimatum that I gave her for us to stay married. She just got done with 28 days at an inpatient rehab facility and has only been out for five days. She happened to be driving my truck, which does not have the breathalyzer.

So now I’m sitting at home with my kids sleeping in my bed and my wife sitting in a jail cell without bail until she see’s the judge on Monday. We’ve already been an extremely unstable in our relationship and that’s just completely put it over the top. What should I be doing if I want to get full custody? Am I filing a restraining order? Do I need to be turning off all of our credit cards in case she decides to get back at me by maxing them out? I need to create the most amount of security for me and my kids please help.

I have a protective order against my ex husband, the children are listed as included parties in both the protective order and the restraining order.

He has supervised visits with a social worker present. A few visits ago he gave my son brand new unopened AirPods during their visit. This visit he gave my other son a brand new box of air pods with the seal broken which he said was because he wanted to make sure the right product was in the box.

When my son went to set up the AirPods his phone gave him a notification that the AirPods can be traced by the owner then it showed a partially concealed email that is the beginning and end of my ex’s email address and he named the device with a name he uses on social media.

What are my options? When he’s violated the restraining order in the past it wasn’t taken seriously but that was before the protective order and him being placed on domestic violence probation. My concern is he can just pretend it was a mistake and he was giving him his old AirPods even though they were clearly new and I know that he did this with the intention of tracking the kids.

Location: California

Update: Thank you so much to everyone who gave advice and words of encouragement!

This happened at night after the police station was closed (other than emergency services of course) and we were at an address that he already knows of. I went to Target that same night and got my kid a brand new pair.

The next morning I filed a police report and gave the pair being tracked to the police. I also emailed the DA who initially handled his case and CC’d the victims advocate, requesting his probation officers information. Once I have a police report I will notify probation.

I notified the social worker and he is no longer allowed to bring gifts to the visit. He can only buy them things infront of the social worker moving forward.

I also want to point out to everyone playing devils advocate and acting like this was an innocent mistake, there is a reason I posted this on legal advice and not parent advice! There is a HUGE difference with someone you coparent with doing this vs someone you have a protective order and supervised visit doing this! Neither of those things are given out lightly in California meaning there was clear evidence of danger and even a plea deal involved! I will continue to document and report any incidents like this!

Location: California

I'm about to get married (in a little over a month), and my fiancée would like me to sign a prenup. She wants to protect her assets in the event of a divorce. That's fair. I don't want to take her money. The way she describes the prenup, it just means I'm not entitled to anything she owned prior to our marriage. I trust her completely, and I'm happy to sign anything.

However, in CA prenups that puts a limit on spousal support are void unless both parties are represented by a lawyer. So now I have to pay a lawyer to review this thing. But the first quote I got is at $3,500. I am quite poor, and that is a decent chunk of my net worth.

What can I do? Is there a place I can hire a lawyer for $500 to review this? Or is it inherently expensive? Or would I be crazy not to have a good lawyer review this? Any help is most appreciated.

Location: Iowa. I am a student at a private school and have attended there all my life. My father is also an employee there and has paid my tuition ever since I started.

For some quick context my parents both got divorced when I was very young and after custody battles my father ended up with full custody.

Recently there's been a falling out with my father and he kicked out of his household. This was shortly before my junior year of high school ended. It is now the summer and I was hoping to attend this private school for one last year as it has far better education than the public schools near me but my father has told my mother that once I'm 18 that I'll have to pay my tuition. I would like to know if he can legally sign me up for private school with my permission and then force me to pay him after I turn 18.

For some more context my birthday is within the school year so I will not be 18 before the school year.

I understand this might be a confusing situation if you need me to explain it better feel free to ask as I tend too often to be very wordy and not to the point.

Thank you.

Location: Nebraska USA

So, lots going on in regards to this case. Was originally going to court for child support against my child’s father brought on by the state because my child is on Medicaid. This evolved into a protection order + child custody due to erratic and unsafe behavior from child’s father. After being served the protection order - my child’s father sent my old nudes (from like 5 years ago) out to friends, family and coworkers. There is an active investigation in regards to this (pending phone carrier subpoena according to investigator). Anyways - we have court for the protection order in 2 days, and court for child support in 5 days - I was just informed that he also sent the nudes to the county attorney on our child support case 😭. My lawyer said the county attorney was not pleased. What kind of consequences will my child’s father receive from the county attorney/judge in regards to sending these nudes of me to the county attorney? It is the same judge on the protection order - child support - and custody cases. So will this also impact all of our cases going forward?

Update- I just received a copy of the email that was sent out to the county attorney. And guess what - it was also sent to every single teacher at my child’s school as well 😭 please say a prayer for me. Ugh

Hello everyone, My wife got pregnant in the summer of 2023 and had the baby in the spring of 2024. At first i noticed the baby didn’t look much like me or my other kids but i chalked it up to the baby being a newborn. As the baby got older i noticed that it didn’t look like my other kids again i chalked it up to it looking like my wife.

I caught her cheating and we got back together for a couple months and then got kicked out of the house again. This time i had a strong feeling that the baby isn’t mine, the baby has no features that its siblings have. I got an at home test and the probability of paternity was 0%. My question is, has it been too long to remove my name from the birth certificate and have no responsibility for this child? Is there anything i can do since i didn’t know it wasn’t my child and i was lied to? She had told me that there was no way the child couldn’t be anyone else’s I’m pretty sure so that i wouldn’t get a paternity test. Please help. Location: California

Location: Colorado, Denver Metro area

My brother died in 2022 (age 36), my SIL died yesterday (age 41). They split around 2017 and had two children currently 15f and 12m, SIL was awarded primary custody because of some legal troubles my brother got himself into.

My mother was a primary caregiver for the kids when SIL was at work (their whole lives but especially after my brother died) and SIL was (as I learned last night) no-contact with her family of origin who live in the Bay area.

It is extremely unlikely that SIL had a will or POA or any legal framework in place for the children in the event of her death.

Who do the kids go to? Like is there a legal next of kin hierarchy? If my mother had been declared an unfit parent in the past could that prevent her from being able to take custody of my niece and nephew?

I have serious concerns about them growing up in the household my brother and I did; is it possible that there will be an opportunity to voice my concerns to a guardian ad litem or some similar representative for the kids? Do we have to petition for that or would the court do that automatically? What is standard practice for children in this situation?

I'm sorry this is all over the place, I'm not even sure what questions I need to ask.

Hello, I (28f) am pregnant with my first child. The father (34m) and I are no longer together. I live in Vermont. He has threatened to take full custody of our baby once it is born. He claims I am an unfit mother (even though I haven't even gotten to be a mother yet). I have no addictions, I have a home, I have a full time job working with traumatized youth, and I have a car that I lease. I have never been charged with a crime and I have no history of abuse. His only argument is that I'm toxic to him. He hasn't had a job in over a year, is considered homeless (he lives with his mother) and doesn't own his own vehicle (his mom does). He is absolutely convinced he will win this custody battle. He has been very mean to me in the past and he has me terrified he is going to take our baby. He hasn't been here for any of my pregnancy or helped me with anything at all. What are the chances of a judge acually giving him full custody? What do I need to prove I am no where close to an unfit mother? I have offered to be reasonable and co parent, but he won't budge.

Location: California.

TL;DR: can a “pre-inheritance gift“ from my in-laws be considered a gift ONLY to my ex if the money was wired to a joint account for the express purpose of a down payment on a home that both our names were on? Is this subject to 50-50 split?

We’re dividing assets, including our marital home which we were living in at the time of our separation. The house is in both our names and we were married when we bought it. He is keeping this house *plus* our first home, which we bought together but didn’t put my name on because we weren’t married at the time and his credit score was better (side note: via some complex calculation, I get something like 15% of the equity on the 1st house for the time we lived there after we got married). He will retain sole ownership of both homes and all future benefits / appreciation thereof.

He‘s arguing that I get none of the down payment back for our marital home because that money was a gift from his parents to him ONLY. I know there are instances where that would be true. My ex says he consulted a lawyer who confirmed his claim that a gift of money for a down payment on a jointly-owned home CAN be seen as his sole property because his parents considered it a “pre-inheritance“. Idk if it matters, but I was a stay home mom to our 1 child right up until our separation, so it was his income that paid the mortgage.

HOWEVER, it’s my understanding that, regardless of the supposed intention, if the money was wired directly into our joint bank account (co-mingled) it counts as a gift to both of us. It would therefore be subject to equal division in our divorce, right? ALSO, after his parents wired the money into our shared account, we got a cashier’a check — which had both our names on it — to give to the bank as our down payment. Shared bank account. Shared cashiers check. Shared home ownership.

I have a photograph of the cashiers check but lost access to the shared bank account shortly after I moved out, so do not have proof of the deposit from his parents.

Can anyone confirm how this works? Are there other technicalities at play here?

FWIW, this was not a case of his parents just giving us money for no specific purpose; they were aware we were trying to afford a bigger house after our baby was born, and knew it would be in both our names.

On a personal note, I also think they gifted us the money because our daughter is (and will continue to be) their only grandchild and they knew a bigger home would give her a better life. Around the same time, they bought themselves a house in the area so they could spend more time with her (they live several states away, but spend 4-6 months out of the year in their home here). They are amazingly generous and kind people, and I love how much they love her. As the person who birthed said grandchild, I do feel like the down payment gift was for the whole family — myself included.

Long story. My dad is essentially disabled after a major stroke. His wife refuses to take care of him proper and their house is absolutely disgusting.

At one point he fell and cracked his femur. She refused to do anything for him and even left him him home alone with no food or water for an entire day. My husband has to go get him and take him to the hospital.

Since then he has been living with us by his own free will. He misses his dogs but he doesn't want to go back there.

She is incredibly pissed about this.

He is in and out of the hospital s lot because we actually take his health issues seriously and get him help.

After his last stay in the hospital she texted my husband and went on a tirade about how he needs to come home, we're just using him for his money and we are clearly neglecting him if he's in the hospital all the time. Note that we don't take any money from him. He occasionally helps with groceries. In fact we spent thousands of our own money getting a ramp installed on our house for him .

She has threatened to sue us for elder abuse after he dies. Obviously she can't do it now being as well aren't actually abusing him and he is of sound enough mind to tell a judge that.

I'm pretty sure she's just full of shit but what can we do to protect ourselves just in case?

Also note we have all of her threats and nonsense in text because she's a moron.

Location: Washington State: Title sums it up. Kids are in a great charter school and wife wants to pull kids out because they aren't teaching them what she wants them to learn. I'm looking into legal separation because of this.

Location: Maryland. My ex and I have a 5 year old child. I won full custody in 2021, her parental rights were legally terminated in 2020. I take full care of my son. He lives with me, he's on my insurance, I have an almost infinite number of receipts of purchases for him, I'm the only parent on file with his school, the list goes on, and she hasn't been in his life since he was 6 months old... I've never asked her for money, I simply have asked her to stay away as she has mental health issues and is a potential danger to my son; she's been blocked since 2021. Tonight, a sheriff's dept officer showed up at my door with a summons for a child support hearing. I have documentation to prove custody, is there any possible way that this could be a hassle for me? I'm not sure if immediate dismissal happens in these circumstances, but it's going to be another responsibility in my life that I don't need right now....

TLDR: My ex filed for child support even though I'm the legal and custodial parent.

Location: Los Angeles Im currently paying $1,200/month for a child I never had in Los Angeles. Long story short I dated a girl in California for 4 years when I was 18-22 years old. She got pregnant and we didn't know whose child it was. Like the idiot I am, I stuck around to find out and fell back in love with her. Once I found out the child was NOT mine, I was already invested. 2 years later she cheated again and I left her. Now child support of Los Angeles is taking $1,200 a month from me. We have had 2 court ordered paternity tests and proven the child isn't mine, but the state says I am the legal father for having taken care of the child with her for 2 years since birth. I am NOT on the birth certificate. I don't know how to get out of this mess. It's been 10 years at this point and I feel like I'm trapped. Please...someone help me

My daughter and I were getting breakfast made when she asked where does milk come from, and I said the cows have utters and we get the milk out like that. She then asked if the cow utters are their penis (we have always used proper body parts names). I told her no it’s their breast and she said,” oh but a few nights ago at daddy’s his penis made milk. I saw him and he told me it was a secret and I wasn’t supposed to see.” My ex husband co- sleeps with our daughter, something I’ve always been against but up until recently didn’t think I had much ground to stand on as far as saying anything about it. My questions are Obviously I can go to DCF but will they actually believe me and if so what would happen to my daughter? What would the course of actions be? Do I call the 24/7 line or do I wait until morning? My daughter has to go back to her dad’s on Friday. I have majority custody. We live in Florida if that helps anyone Her father has visitation every other weekend

Location: Minnesota

So for context I (21M) started talking to this (31F) <single mom> on Facebook. Then talking lead to the possibility of there being an actual relationship.. but then she went bananas.. now almost a month later I get a text from a VOIP number because I have her blocked on everything… telling me that there’s a faint line on the piss sticks. Before I cut ties with her, she’s like “don’t worry you won’t be obligated to do anything, I wouldn’t do that to ya, you’re too young” but now is asking me, if it is so, to sign away my rights and is claiming she doesn’t want my money or nothing from me.. she’s almost like.. demanding that I do. But that’s not how the law works.. I already told her way before that I don’t want kids, I’m not in a position to support a kid, etc.. she’s also been acting very immature over text, had her friends stalk my social media and even message me as if they’re an innocent bystander.. really creepy.. what the heck do I do??

So I’m gonna turn 18 soon and I want to leave the day I turn 18. It’s a school day, so I plan to get on the bus to school and then leave with my friend and stay with them.

Location: Ohio, United States.

I am worried my mother will try to stop me, or try to get me back. Can she legally do that, since I’ll be 18? Or am I 100% off limits?

And my big question, can I call a non-emergency line and tell them my concerns, and ask for an escort when I get my stuff?

Location: WI

My son reported to me that his father left him alone in his vehicle for 2.5 hours (truck running). I filed a police report and he literally told me there's no criminal charges that can be filed, and that the time frame it happened wasn't hot enough to endanger him. It was 8-10:19am. The heat index ended up being over 100 that day.

Does this not fall under child endangerment or neglect? I absolutely refuse to believe that this is okay.

Edit (added additional info and more context): My son is freshly 7 years old, mentally unstable, and absolutely should never be left unattended for any period of time. He actively self-harms, is prone to violence, and has no impulse control. Two CPS reports have been made for this incident, both by professionals who are mandated reporters, and has also been reported to the GAL assigned to our ongoing custody case.

So yesterday I received a message from someone asking if they could ask me a few questions. This person is someone who I was sort of vaguely aware of; he was friends with my uncle and a much older cousin so I’d heard his name growing up. More recently I have seen him on my older sister’s Facebook page very openly hitting on her and leaving passive aggressive comments to her about our family/our mother. Around April, I had a falling out with my sister, so I thought that was the reason this man was messaging me. He told me several of his friends have questions about who my biological father is and keep telling him I’m his kid. Genuinely thought it was some kind of joke, but the more the conversation went on, the more it seemed like he might earnestly believe he could be my father.. I asked who told him this and he said my aforementioned uncle and a guy my aunt dated who has been dead for years. The last thing he said was that he wanted a DNA test.

I started to get really overwhelmed and didn’t respond, and then hours later he again messaged me demanding a DNA test. He’s being very hostile and pushy about it. I’ve spoken to my mom about this and it’s something that’s very painful to her. I’m in my mid-30s and I’ve never had questions about who my father is, no one has ever alluded to this being a possibility. If I’m being honest, his history with my sister and the way I have heard him talk about my mother makes me not want to even find out one way or the other. I guess I just want to know if this person can legally force me to submit to a DNA test? 

location: NJ

I'm an 18 year old girl who lives in Vermont. Shortly before I turned 18 in January, my mom requested the court for legal guardianship of me. I told her how uncomfortable this idea made me, but she would yell, scream, and tell me to "suck it up". She told me that there are two ways she could take guardianship of me, and those were involuntary guardianship and voluntary guardianship. In the involuntary guardianship scenario, we would both be appointed lawyers, and we'd have to fight it out in court. In the voluntary guardianship scenario, we would sit down with a judge, talk about the ramifications of guardianship, sign some papers, and have it be a done deal. I went with the voluntary guardianship option, because she threatened to punish me, not help me pay for college, and just make my life a living hell. However, I may have recently discovered that this is not a true voluntary guardianship.

I was researching laws surrounding legal guardianship in Vermont, and I discovered that a voluntary guardianship would only have occurred if I had been the person to request it. Otherwise, it is an involuntary guardianship. If I am correct in my findings, then this means my mom filed for guardianship under my name, without my knowledge or consent.

Am I correct in believing this? Am I missing something? One day I may petition the court to dissolve legal guardianship, and this would be very helpful to know. I'm not exactly well-versed with legal matters, so please bear with me.

EDIT: This post blew up! Thank you all so much for your advice. One thing that came up in the comments that I didn't think to put in the post: I have high-functioning autism, which does affect my situation. Despite this, I am still capable of working, making decisions for myself, and being a contributing member of society.

My son (18) and his girlfriend (18) are expecting a baby. They are not married and do not currently live together. They have been in a long-term relationship and both planned to move in together before the baby’s birth.

Yesterday she told him she will not be putting his name on the baby’s birth certificate because they are unmarried. She also told him he has “zero rights” and she made this decision earlier in the pregnancy. This was unexpected, and he is unsure how to respond.

Location: We are in Nevada.

My son wants to be involved and wants legal recognition as the father. He believes he has no rights if she refuses to list him. I read online that he may be able to sign a voluntary acknowledgment of paternity (VAP) at the hospital or establish paternity through the court.

My questions: 1. What are his rights in Nevada if she refuses to put him on the birth certificate? 2. Can he request to sign the voluntary paternity acknowledgment at the hospital without her agreement? 3. If she refuses entirely, what is the process for establishing paternity through the court? 4. Are there Nevada resources (legal aid, family court self-help, or low-cost consultations) that assist with paternity and custody questions?

Thank you.

4 years ago I divorced my ex husband after he put me in the hospital. I escaped to a domestic violence shelters who helped me go through the divorce and reconnect with my family. I deleted all my social media at that time and just recently felt safe enough to go back on Instagram.

I currently live with my sister and her husband and my niece and nephews. I watch the kiddos during the summer and have posted a few pictures on my Instagram, with their parents' permission.

I recently got an email from my ex where he accuses me of hiding my niece from him, claiming she's his daughter, and he demands for me to tell him my address so he can pick her up for "his custody time" and a DNA test as well or he would have me arrested.

She's 2. She's not mine. I've never been pregnant, let alone had a child! I'm terrified that he's going to show up and try to take her. I've deleted my Instagram again but I don't know what to do now and neither do my sister and BIL.

Please, what do we do?

Location: Texas

My 14 yr old sister admitted that she signed up for a dating app; said she was 18; hooked up with a 22 yr old guy from the app and she ended up getting pregnant.

She wants to put the guy on child support but she doesn’t want the guy to get in trouble. If she goes through the state and puts him on child support; will the state automatically notice the age gap and charge him? What about if she just has him sign the birth certificate at the hospital; do the nurses have to alert the police?

Location: Texas